81 days into reboot

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by finallyfaund, Mar 30, 2012.

  1. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Hi,

    I have a similar story to many here. Im 25 years old. Discovered M in the bath aged 11 or something and have been doing that most of the time daily since then. Since ive owned a notebook (17) ive been PMOing at various levels. At my best i was just Ming daily with no P but at my worst i was in bed for hours on end PMOing with weed non stop untill i was too sore to continue. I realised i had a problem when i realised that women in real life no longer turned me on. I could barely talk to ugly women, let alone hug them. Luckily i found YBOP. This lead to me understanding why i had ED issues with all the girls ive been with.

    I discovered YBOP at the end of last year and managed a 19 day reboot. Then i relapsed and also relapsed with weed and binged for a couple of months. 41 Days ago i gave up both. Here is a review of each week.

    week1-horrible-trouble sleeping, irritable,zero libido, feverish etc...

    week2-a bit better but absolutly no libido, penis shrivelled and tiny, balls non existent, occasional weak morning wood

    week3-still flatlining with libido, more morning woods, a couple of dreams about real girls i know doing lesbian stuff (i used to watch lesbian porn)

    week4/5-first erection from a real girl that i can remember for years without her touching me!!!!she wasnt even hot lol. libido returned a bit. but still i have the feeling mainly of the girl being hot logically but doesnt really do much to me unless she is wearing stocking like a porn star or something. starting to get huge mood swings. go to bed thinking there is no hope in the world and 24hrs later ready to take on the world.

    week6-for the last week or so i have had a weird dream every night. normally it is not related to sex/porn but it often has parts of it like that. i feel like i cannot concentrate when talking to a lot of people-they just bore me. my mind is always racing with thoughts. mood swings are not as violent atm. social anxiety-feel like everyone is staring at me, hard to look people in eye etc... (i remember this happening at this stage last time i gave up weed though might not be PMO)

    So overall i have definatly made improvements. My aim at the moment is to never P or M ever again in my life. At the moment this is easy because the horror of realising what i did with my life and i still dont feel horny much. But i will give it 120 days before i start worrying why real girls arnt turning me on reguarly.

    Has anyone had weird dreams night after night like i am having at the moment? I normally never remember dreams. But i know this is a classic symptom of weed withdrawal as well so its hard to say what is responsible for what.

    This site is really good and i hope i can help other people and motivate them to stop. But also i think it is good to have periods of time away from it. Cant remember the source but some quote about action always deals with problems quicker than waiting around talking about it.

    Thanks for reading and i will update again soon.

    Faund
     
  2. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Hey, congrats on making it this far.

    As to weird dreams/remembering them better, I have experienced both of these things as I reboot.
     
  3. Rob4Hope

    Rob4Hope Guest

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Found,...it might be no consolutation to you, but it helps me feel better to know I am not the only male who can't find his dick in his pants during this crazy "flatline" phase. I scared the shit of me when that started to happen all the time. Thank goodness for YBOP and the common threats that we are all working through.

    Congrats on attacking to addictions at the same time: PMO and pot. I have addictions that run in my family, and more than once I have wanted to pick up a bottle. Because of the horrible examples I am aware of with alchohol., that is one area where the bottle never gets picked up. Toooooo dangerous. I will end up with another addiction to muddle through.

    Keep going and please keep posting. You are much further along than am I and your example helps me.
     
  4. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Week 7- 49days!!!

    Mood swings are still very much there. I would say a lot more highs than lows this week which is a good sign i think. Normally its hour after hour of depressive crap then a bit of euphoria...This time is definately the opposite. But the last few days i have been very optimistic about the future, and reading ssko8's words about the transmutation has struck a chord. I now feel like all the energy i used to waste with PMO is being stored and can be used for positive stuff, like developing passions and participating in the world living to the full etc....

    Libido still not where i would like, but there are improvements. Miniscule twinges down there when i see a girl with really soft skin or striking hair or something else like that. This was today in the supermarket-yesterday there was nothing. Its up and down like the whole process.

    Still remembering weird dreams every single night, ive dreamed that ive relapsed to a scene i remember watching. Ive dreamed that ive had a wet dream and all the semen became dry and stuck to my skin which made it painful to remove lol.

    My penis is fuller and probably the thing that has recovered most by looks, but it is way ahead of my brain and it needs my brain. I can feel myself recovering though, it really is like layers are being peeled off. I also have more body hair as well around lower abs.

    Social anxiety also has gone down and i feel prouder and more energetic as well. Fresher.

    I will never watch P again. I will only M again if i think i need to for some medical test or if i cant cum with a girl and such test will only take place after 120 days. This thing works.
     
  5. popclassic

    popclassic New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Congrats on your progress. I like your resolve. This thing cannot beat you.
     
  6. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Good report. I'm approaching the end of two weeks. The first week I had crazy dreams ever night and woke up with a stiffie that died once my brain said "why are you hard?". Second week I have no libido and can't feel my dick or balls. No crazy dreams at all.
     
  7. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

     
  8. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Congratulations--thanks for sharing your progress.

    Stay strong.
     
  9. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    We're roughly at the sime amount of days (46). It's nice to compare your progress with somebody else. All I can say is that you need to keep going strong in this. Relapsing now would be retarded. Will keep my eye on your journal!
     
  10. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Never mind my previous post. Crazy dreams still there just not every night. Well, it's more like I recall my dreams better. I believe we dream every night just can't recall most of them.
     
  11. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    53 days

    Some days i go to bed at midnight and have no problem getting up at 8am. Other days i go to midnight and am still in bed at 12 midday. Anyone else get this? Its not just lazing in bed most of it is tiredness i am going back to sleep in the mornings.
     
  12. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    I just noticed that my cheeks are more rosy and less pale than i remember. Though i might be imagining it i guess. Will have to use photos to see over time.
     
  13. Retuobak

    Retuobak New Member

    Re: 41 days into reboot

    Same here, the day before yesterday I slept like 10 hours and last night I slept 10,5 hours. That's way too long. I've been awake for 3 hours now and my eyes are getting tired already!
     
  14. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Re: 61 days into reboot

    61 days!

    Girls are now really becoming intruiging works of art that make me actually feel excited. Most of the shift is not really sexual, things like their skin and their hair. But of course their bodies are looking better and better. Two months ago (even one month ago) they looked like bits of furniture and didnt make me feel anything.

    I got really drunk last night and woke up feeling like shit and edged for maybe 30 seconds. Didnt go near the point of no return but am suprised at how i let myself do that, seeing that is how relapses started for me in the past. Part of me just wanted to prove to myself how different my cock felt. Bigger and more sensitive was the answer. No more touching.

    My goal is no PMO for the rest of my life. However, on day 120 i will consider myself a competant recovering PMOer and start to live my life again. This will include getting girls to play with my cock for me.
     
  15. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    81 days
    i am very apathetic. i am not depressed or sad. i just am not in touch with the world. i have no emotions. since the good signs a couple of weeks ago i have been switching from flatline to benefits to flatline to benefits. Girls will turn me on one day then not the next day.

    90 days is not enough for me. i doubt 120 days is enough. and the reboot will not magically turn my life around. but i hope it will give me the desire to turn it around for myself. i am confident that i will fully recover because i have witnessed so many changes since i started PMO. when im in flatline it no longer annoys much that much it just tells me that this is going to take longer than i hoped. However-i know that the flatline will not last forever because of the up and down last 81 days. it will swing back and forth.

    the longer it takes also gives me confidence that i am more fucked up that i thought and i will have an even better benchmark to start my new life.

    150 days come at me
     
  16. Dude, I think we are very similar. First of all, I'm also apathetic and barely show emotions. It's like I'm embarassed of showing them and kind of feel awkward and weird when I try. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable around people, especially when they are very different than me.
    I just hope I can be more extroverted in the near future and get a girlfriend. I've also put myself a long goal, like you (mine is six months), because I need to rebalance a lot of things in my life.
    Right now I'm on day 12. Good luck to you!
     
  17. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Thanks for the support guys.

    86 days in. I now realise that PMO was my drug to mask my emotions. I am now feeling emotions for the first time in i dont know how long. Actually really feeling jealous/angry etc... to the point it makes me depressed at times. I have started listening to a cd called John Bradshaw-Homecoming which is getting me to revisit my early days and my emotions from the past. He recognises that when people are young if there lives are unhappy then wanking to feel better is common. I know that my childhood made me feel inedequate. The longer i go from PMO the more things i remember that i didnt want to remember. I was not the victim of any serious physical abuse or anything like that but i was subject to a lot of unintentional emotional abuse. I wanked to forget about it. Now i have unconvered that i hope i can deal with these emotions.
     

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