80 days no porn!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by lookingforlove, Dec 7, 2012.

  1. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    Sort of understand the feeling, I'm at 51 days and counting, the logic of no pmo would suggest that the longer we stay away from porn the better we should feel, however I feel like I've gone into a kind of dip after feeling really alive and like I was getting on top of things.
    Seems like you're all all about finding 'the one', as I too would like to and I'm sure pretty much everyone out there does, but just question the all or nothing thinking here, like it's either get that perfect girl or stick to solitary masturbation? I'm certainly not suggesting you should compromise in the big picture, but maybe in the short term be a little more open minded. Anyway good luck, let's try to get to 90 days.
     
  2. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Not sure. I think L4L has tried this in the past - correct me if I am wrong L4L - and has not had favorable experience with casual sex. I believe there is nothing wrong with that, but there is a fine balance though. For some of us, it may be positive whilst for others it can be destructive... all depends of the appearance of any conflicts inside.

    Anyway, back to you L4L, if it's in line with you, feel free to explore and be open to everything. But if it is not, then choose what you want to explore. In the end, our opinions don't matter. Just listen to the heart.:)
     
  3. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Thanks guys. Here is where I am at: I just turned 43. I do not have all the time in the world. I have never been married or started a family yet.
    Every day or night that I would spend with a non-serious, non-longterm prospect takes time and energy from me finding the ONE.
    And, I do want to find the one and settle down, maybe kids.
    I am feeling the pressure for the first time in my life and frankly it is natural, i believe.

    And, yes, Mendoza , i have had casual sex and have felt regret, just like a hangover from a great time drinking the night before. It just is not worth it, FOR ME, yet I have done so repeatedly, as sometimes Dr Jekyll wins and not Mr. Hyde....

    Haller, thanks for the words. BTW - it isn't either the ONE or solitary masturbation for me, it is no masturbation (well I try!) until the one. Then awesome sex! :)))))
    Hear hear! 90 days! Let's do it!
     
  4. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Just made it to 90 days of no PMO 2 weeks ago!!! The best in 3 years!

    Then a relapse every weekend since then.

    All in all doing well. Getting back on the horse. Gotta get out and meet the ladies. I am soooo sick of online dating.
     
  5. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    90 days is not a cure. One can relapse after 100, 250, 1000 days.

    In this kind of situation it's good to think of the benefits. You made it that far, that means you can go much further. Back on the horse! :)
     
  6. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the 90, but where you been hidin' lately? I say ditch the online dating thing... and take up occasional volunteering (for certain events) to go out and meet them. I am thinking of attending a few... worst case scenario is you talk to other people. So either way, you still win.
     
  7. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    What kind of volunteering were you thinking about , Mendoza?

    I HAVE been hiding a lot. Kind of lazy and sleeping though this winter. Sorry guys.

    I started a new sport......gymnastics!
    In the town I like to go salsa dancing in....cuz way more hot women there. I used to do a little gymnastics as a child...it's fun and great exercise.
    Mainly dudes...but whatever ....I still like gymnastics.

    I always remind myself that no pmo..... it's about doing things. So I am still doing pull-ups at home, salsa dancing, etc.
    To replace and push the fap away.
     
  8. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Well no more gymnastics, but have been going to yoga......
    And OMG!
    12 women, one guy and myself in the last class :0 :) :)
    I like the odds.

    And yoga pants.


    I had a great day this Wednesday. I took the day off and went to yoga at noon, found a great yoga studio, it was packed with beautiful girls.
    Then I sat in my car as it poured rain and fog in the park and had an amazing nap.
    Then went to the gym to a group class at 5. That nearly killed me! Pedal, burpees, lifts, jumping jacks repeat,,,phew! :D It was great.
    Finally I treated myself to a nice dinner and drove home.
    it was awesome.

    I am feeling great and I know why. I am on day 56, exactly 8 weeks of NO PMO at all!
    My mood is super high. And this is mind blowing: at the risk of sounding nonchalant...... I have had HORRIBLE news regarding a close friend...probably the worst thing that could happen.......but it somehow doesn't affect me too much, not in an excessive way.... that would depress me permanently. It does make me sad, at times. Then I am happy to be healthy and alive.... Very up and down, but it is FEELING. It is life. And I am here for it.
    I swore to myself I would not relapse even in this trying time, I felt like I didn't NEED to, that i would be fine without it, and it has kept my mood super elevated, just buoyant and cheerful.

    Cheers to all on their "secret journey"!
     
  9. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    I have also been reaching out and making an effort to fly and be with close family. I talk and Skype with friends and family often too! I talk for hours with a friend who is also single and looking for women....about everything. I feel more satisfied.
    I also invited my awesome nephew out to be with me for a week. It feels so good: the kid is super pumped!
     
  10. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    No PMO for 85 days! Since March 5. Going strong! Gonna be 90 on Saturday.
     
  11. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Hey L4L,

    Nice seeing you succeed! And I'm sorry for your loss, though it's not clear exactly what happened to your close friend, but I understand. These are life's challenges. Sometimes they can be hard in the moment, but over time you become stronger, more confident.. also more wise.

    Anything new on the dating scene, or are you taking a break?

    I wish you a blessed journey of self-growth and unlimited curiosity.:p
     
  12. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Thanks Mendoza! Good to see you here on my thread!

    (BTW _ I can't figure out how to follow other guys any more here. It got weird with the new format.)

    My friend was trying to quit psych meds. He had been on them for 20 years. Last year he felt so well that he quit drastically, hoping he could quit finally. He had tried before to quit.
    He then became suicidal. He was lost in negativity and hopelessness, feeling trapped. His brain could not make him feel happy any longer due to the chemical imbalance and dependency created by the drugs themselves.
    He quit, but with no effective plan, just hope. No proven mechanisms in place to guarantee recovery. and he should have tapered off slowly.
    In order to feel better, he went back on drugs. But he still did miserably. and never recovered....
    Ultimately, he took the train to the beach, and a gun, and blew his brains out.

    Life is no joke. We only have one.
    Thank you for the condolences.

    Nothing new on the dating scene.... a lot of life, understandably has taken over. But I am getting out there. I am 43, and I got this lifestyle I want to live. I have been celibate for years. Time for that to change.
    And women are finally a part of that!
     
  13. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Wanna hear the most amazing thing? Throughout the whole ordeal, I NEVER relapsed. "Fuck it", I said, this is a critical event that can destroy me if I start wanking.....one more reason I gotta stay on the NO PMO! My happiness depends on it!

    And....today, I just made it to 90 days.
    yeahhhh!!!

    The wierdest thing: I feel overall OK, really I do. His suicide is sad, my life is great. A dramatic balance, but nonetheless, I see what it is, my life in a storm of good and bad, but calmly navigating the ocean, with my boat dipping and bobbing, but not floundering or flooding.
     
  14. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    On a long streak again now. 54 days. NO PMO. :))
    Yes!

    Still no porn at all for over 4 years.
    Just the occasional wank.

    My business has tripled. No joke. It is mind blowing to me. My energy has accomplished things I never dreamt of.

    I am wanting to add something new to my life. Again. So i am now in semi-private training sessions twice weekly at a local gym. Really proud of myself for allowing myself to do that. Gonna work on my shoulder pain, core strength and a fitness goal i have had: to do a muscle-up!

    I want to attract a hot, kind, happy, intelligent girl..and I am willing to become the equivalent.


    If i have learned one thing in this no-fap journey is that when i conserve that sex energy.....then I have to also apply it, ie Transmutation.
    I need another activity in my life. I am struggling with this. A lot of fear. Been thinking about how to go about it. Two things come to mind: I always wanted music somehow in my life and I need a good male friend. I almost need this more than a gf. I am tired of the caretaking friendships where they take and i give. I want a guy that i look up to. Someone who is non addicted and energetic and happy and successful. I feel i have developed so much...my standards are very high.
    So i think i will join a singing group. Kill two birds with one stone. Learn to sing and meet people.... men .....or women ???

    Finally, I added another habit: daily Kegels. Great success story from another guy on here mentions them. I think it is a sex secret and boosts control and enjoyment. I downloaded an app on my phone to remind me daily....and it takes a minute.

    Basically:
    1. training sessions at gym
    2. singing
    3. Kegel exercises
     
  15. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    You can't lose by trying. Just dive in. The road may be more beautiful than what you imagine. And who knows where it will end up? I also agree the importance of having strong same-sex friendships... they are like a reference and anchor to rest your ship when the weather is stormy. :) Women connect just as well, even better... (or too much??) but sometimes the male perspective is pretty unique, and we need that as well!
     

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