80 days no porn!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by lookingforlove, Dec 7, 2012.

  1. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Mendoza,
    "....turned me into a furious wanker."
    I laughed out loud at that! ;D ;D ;D

    OK so here I am at day 22 and survived the last week with no PMO!
    There was one day where the heat and exhaustion of work just made me horny as all hell...possibly also hunger.....and i felt at wits end. That has passed. PHEW! :eek:
    I contemplated the situation..... and made a determination to be professional and upstanding in my interactions with her. She has boys ....a husband.....

    Interesting finish:
    Here is what happened...we , my helper and I, finished the project and she invited us inside for shaved ice...it was 102 degrees outside!!! Real sweet customer.
    She is super nice and starts talking about how we are different from other people she had worked with. She goes on to say how scary it is for a woman alone with strangers/guys working around the house .....and how it is crucial she can trust us. She relates how other guys were a bit weird...one even showing her pics of his girlfriend in a bikini....and that guy....was fired immediately by his boss!

    I pat myself on the back for not being "that guy". 8)

    I appreciate the reply about mindfulness and to be aware of what i feel and what i want. Thanks!
     
  2. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    BTW - an absolutely huge inspiration for me recently is this guy, MIKKOIS on youtube. He has gone 7 months and his views specifically on not counting and how it defeats the purpose are golden. IMHO.
    I am curious what others think about his videos.
    He is only 22. Absolutely amazing.
     
  3. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Sorry I just picked up your journal since the past 2 weeks.

    I could quote all of Mendoza's last post. He told it as I wish I could have.

    There is the pursuit of an illusion in the addiction and to get back to reality implies turning things around on themselves and accepting to bear the seemingly unbearable. 'That sex' idea can be blindingly strong but it's really a short-sighted goal that leaves us wanting more forever.

    You are doing very good and are very wise to project yourself in the 'after' where you ditched some of your deeper values for a short-sighted goal. From your text, there is a part of me that doesn't trust that woman either. She likes to seduce and that's a personality issue of hers. This double dealing in relationships is a big problem to me and I solve it by realizing that someone in a relationship can very well sleep around in a respectful way as well and cheating means not sex with others but not considering others. I think you would also be disrespected if that were to happen, even if not immediately obvious.

    You are doing the right thing keeping up a barrier with this woman. Take a breath. All you want is possible. It's just about connecting with your deeper self first.

    You are doing very well. You're acting like a man in my dictionary. 8)
     
  4. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Hey all, I've been doing pretty well over the last 2 months.
    I had been overwhelmed with work and family visiting. ... and the fact that I was working a lot, tired and stressed.... yet did not relapse much is very encouraging to me.

    It has been just about 2 months and five days since I posted. I had a streak of about a month where I did not masturbate or have sex. Then I relapsed about 3 times over a couple weeks but I never did so more than once at a time, for which I am happy.

    A funny insight I would like to share and to also etch into my mind permanently is that the last time I masturbated and came .....I hardly felt any enjoyment from it. This surprising outcome versus the urge should be a good lesson. In other words, really really wanting something or having an urge doesn't always mean great enjoyment with the result.

    Right now I'm going strong at about 9 days.

    I need to get a girlfriend. It has been years and I would like to have sex with someone.

    I have started doing new exercises to broaden and strengthen my back and shoulders. That should help with my self-image.
    I'm also slowly getting back to my normal routine and then planning to go for Fitness, yoga and more dancing.
    I need to hang out with my buddy who has moved to an area where there are lots and lots of single girls!

    And on that note we have already made plans to go watch a movie bring shown in a park this Saturday. I will be keeping my eyes open ....and not on the movie haha.

    But it all comes down to this: my Success with women has to do with whether I approach them or not. I see beautiful women regularly enough that I cannot blame it on not finding cute girls. I can blame it on not being able to look them in the eye and chat them up. However I am able to chat them up and look them in the eye by no p.m.o. So I am newly committed to staying p*** masturbation and orgasm free!
    It's really hard right now I am edging frequently even as I write this and earlier today.
    If I do not masturbate or watch p*** I know how I will feel. I look forward to getting that incredible Wolf Among the Sheep charge..... that polarizing and positive and confident energy that I have experienced before and look forward to having again.
     
  5. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    So I have become a furious wanker! Over the last 4 days I have mo-ed four times. Previously for the last 3 years it's been weeks and rarely a month at a time that I have abstained. I've been thrown off the horse and I can't seem to find the stirrups to get back on.

    Why?

    I have even been peeking and looking at somewhat sexy or enticing material online. I have stayed away from actively searching for p*** but it has popped up on screen and I didn't look away like I usually do. But one thing I have always managed to steer clear of in my recovery has been porn. I quit that three and a half years ago and haven't looked back. That has changed a bit over the last week.

    I think I'm starting to feel old and hopeless in finding a young and attractive mate. I think I'm in great shape for my age and everyone tells me so but I just don't have the self-esteem that others assume I do. It has been so long that I have had sex and a real partner .......so I think I am telling myself that I may as well look at some sex or nudity online to make up for the lack of it in my life. Yet we all know then not only is it a shallow substitute for the real deal..... but I believe it will keep me from having the energy and drive to get exactly that sex into my life in real life..
     
  6. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    I've heard it's not good for your prostate if you don't have the occasional wank at least, I don't understand the anti masturbation theme on this board.
     
  7. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Furious wanker indeed! ;D Trying to tie the World Record or somethin'? ;)

    So you're going through a tough spell, as have I btw, to the powerful draw of sexual stimulation whatever its kind, be it P, M, fantasy, erotic literature. Or maybe it's a case blood-boiling Pon Farr!! Ride it out as best you can... in time the storm will settle.

    I think you just provided the answer to your question. Fear of feeling old and less attractive, the opportunities with women slowly declining, women no longer looking at us the way they did when we were younger... these are all things we have to face up against as we approach 40. It's sad but unavoidable, and the only way is to face this is with courage and pride. Pride because although we become less physically attractive over time, we realize we have more to offer psychically, mentally from ourselves. And courage because in spite of being older, many guys are out there with women, often younger than they.

    I suppose the takeaway is that many women are bound to cross your path... some of which will like you for being a bit older, more caring or because they get a kick out of your personality! So persevere in the belief that you'll find that lady... that belief is like a flame... it's light, it's hope. Protect it.
     
  8. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Haller,
    I don't know for sure what effect it has on my prostate. But for me it has been pretty clear that masturbation affects me negatively.
    I have such incredible Drive and energy when I abstain. I also just feel so alive ....like electricity is coursing through my veins.

    I believe in those studies they do not distinguish between masturbation and sex with a partner. In other words they just look at ejaculation frequency. In other words....someone wanking to p*** everyday vs. someone with a healthy sex life I think could be substantially different.
     
  9. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Thanks Mendoza!

    yeah I noticed you have been in a similar relapsing mode as of late. We need to find out why we are doing it. Maybe we lost sight of our goal?

    And thank you for the encouraging words. I am feeling better already. I just finally asked out a girl on a date...a girl that I had been attracted to in salsa class. She gave me some lame excuse so I'm pretty sure that she doesn't want to ....but she did seem very friendly none the less and interested in hanging out in class. She is leaving to go home .....in another country...... in 3 weeks.....
     
  10. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    It's not a lame excuse. She is going back to her country, so it makes sense that she does not want to get involved. Maybe she is not into adventures and flings. Maybe she has a boyfriend back home. Some of us guys have the nasty habit of equating every excuse with rejection. Moving along, how about asking out a local girl - who will stay around for a while - from your dance class? ;)
     
  11. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    This is HUGE...Just tip of the iceberg......... way to fucking GO!!!!!!
     
  12. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    thanks guys for the encouragement on asking girls out! I actually agree , Mendoza, it was not a lame excuse from her. She is moving home. I meant the same thing I just didn't write it down very well. What I meant is she gave some excuse about being busy packing and everything but it's one of those situations where someone gives a lame excuse that you and her know it's not the real excuse but you are fine with it because you understand the underlying fundamental reason for her reticence....which in this case is that she is moving home and isn't going to get involved right beforehand.

    Yes, I agree 100% that I should focus on other girls I have already focused on other girls! :) 8). I made a point to go out this Friday and Sunday also. I met a pretty girl called Veronica on Sunday night. I chatted and got her name but didn't pursue further. I may have asked if she comes regularly on Sundays. My plan now is to go back this coming Sunday. If she's there I will ask her out! Stay tuned.

    And here goes a huge reversal of mine in dating. I swore to everyone that knows me that I will never ever ever do online dating again! It was an exercise in rejection. Old.... fat ....women... with children would contact me daily and all the hot women I would pursue..... would not even respond. 100's. Then I actually went on a couple dates and the women were so much uglier than their profile pictures that I literally did not recognize them when they showed up at the agreed place and time. What a shit show!

    ....So you guessed it .....you know what's coming. yes I just set up my online dating profile. ::) :mad: :mad:

    I want to give two things a try. One is I am told it is all about your picture. Online dating really really really focuses on looks. I think I look a lot better than I ever have now. I am stronger. I look more manly and I am healthier. So that is the first thing.
    The second one is I'm trying for a more serious marriage type thing so I signed up for eharmony.com.

    Any tips comments opinions fire on my way!

    Finally I want to remind myself here to not obsess over this and allow it to be almost like a program running in the background. In other words, I check in on it occasionally and don't sweat it. What I'm saying is I want to maintain my real life in physical reality going out salsa dancing meeting people at the gym maybe Etc
     
  13. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    I am really really struggling with urges. I have started to view and linger while I stare at sexy images online. Everyday I am just on the brink of jerking off fully and I edge a lot. I have been staying up very late often until 2 a.m. or later which is unusual for me. I think what may have set this off is the anxiety of dating. It's a good and a bad thing, ironically. What it is is that I have been searching lots and lots of profiles since I have set up my online dating profile. Just looking at all the women can be quite titillating for me.
    Writing to these women .....and then waiting for the responses .....seeing them view me.... and not respond etcetera etcetera is very anxiety-provoking for me. On the good front I actually got interest from a cute Russian girl. She seems like a better catch than any previous girl I have gotten a date with! Here is the irony again: I am excited about it .....but it is also producing much anxiety. Will I like her ....will I make good decisions ....will she like me ....etc etc

    So I did go again to the same salsa club at the same time that I met Veronica a week ago. I kept scouring the room to see if she was there. She wasn't. All I saw were unattractive women. Then she showed up. I waited a couple dances then asked her to dance. We did. She seemed very friendly.
    I danced with some other women then. I then walked around and asked her to dance and she was sitting right next to the dance floor which always indicates that they are interested in dancing. She kinda scrunched up her face and a weird smile and shook her head. I felt so dejected. It was like I was almost embarrassed like I must have f*** something up. I can't figure it out I really thought for some reason she was enjoying my company. I may just be reading way too much into this haha
     
  14. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    How 'bout giving us an update? Don't forget to write in your own journal! ;)
     
  15. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Yes thanks,Mendoza.

    So much has been going on in my life that I hardly post here.
    One of these events was dating a cutie from Ukraine.

    THE GIRL FROM THE EAST
    I started online dating again by setting up two profiles on two sites.
    Posted much better pictures this time.

    It immediately started off well. Within a week a girl I was interested in responded. 30, cute, thin, and from Eastern Europe like I am.
    Long story short ....started off promising ....but after five dates it became clear that this girl is really busy and not at all open for a relationship with me .
    She would be late regularly and it became a habit that she prioritized work.

    She works all day and nite...and often on weekends. I believe in work and personal life balance and work much less. in any case there's just no room for me in such a persons life who is so busy.

    I took her to a museum for a third date and after an hour she announced she's meeting with friends and has to take off for dinner. What?!

    When texting and emails is not mutual it bugs the hell out of me. She would respond to my texts very shortly. Then sometimes she just sends very unilateral communication but not really responding to anything I asked or said.
    On the fourth date I took her dancing and she needed three drinks to get close to even considering dancing.
    By the fourth and fifth dates she was smoking more and more ....whereas her profile says she does not smoke.

    The clincher was when I took her on a date to see her favorite band.
    I looked it up on a fluke: "hmmm I wonder if they are coming to town".......she didn't even know they were playing.....got the tickets , it was sold out so it cost me $$, and everything. She shows up over an hour late......was on her phone during the dinner and the concert incessantly. It pissed me off to no end.

    I am sorry it is not OK for you to check your phone and text message and social media if you're on a date with me.
    Oh I have to add this!!! When her band , that she claims is her favorite band, came on the stage....she did not even pause or look up from her phone!!! :eek:
    Then she didn't even know the words to any of the songs. Favorite band

    Tried putting arm around her but she was cold to it.

    So I ended it after that fifth date. We did hang out on a blanket in a park that night ....kind of had a mini picnic and I made out with her a little bit. The funny thing is it was more or less mechanical with some minor excitement. It was kind of a test to see if there was any spark there.
    Which there wasn't.
    I texted her the next day that "I am feeling increasingly alone in this relationship and it's clear to me that I cannot get the time and attention that I need."
    She wrote back some nice words and that's that.

    Anyways dodged a bullet there.

    Onwards. :)
    The funny thing is I think of this dating experience as a good thing also. I will be 43 in a couple days and I got a date with a 30-year-old , who is attractive, and at least in the beginning seemed very very interested.
     
  16. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    All right, I am now on 40 days of no PMO....storing up the sexual energy!
    I feel full of energy and I'm using the energy to go out and meet women.
    I'll go out tonight, Saturday.
    Monday is salsa night. I'll make a point of going early to meet the women in both classes 8) ;D ;D ;D

    Usually I find that I am self-confident and I attract women when I have been storing up my sexual energy.

    40 days of no pmo also leads me to stay up late.
    I have become a TV series addict. On weekends especially I will stay up super late ....up till 4 AM even sometimes .....binge watching TV shows.
    I have all this sexual energy stored up and nowhere to go with it. In the evenings there is a restlessness and dissatisfaction that keeps me up late. I've got to figure out a way to deal with this and channel all this sexual energy productively.

    No pmo keeps me working out and running. It gives me the the energy to exert myself. I went to the local pizza place and the 20-year-old waitress looked at me and said "wow you've been working out"!. That feels great.
     
  17. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Online dating is increasingly frustrating. Loads of hot women...I write to many..no replies. No success since the Ukrainian. Been 2 months.

    Meanwhile I get plenty of responses from older , single moms. No thanks.

    I can do waaay better in real life...IF I have the courage to approach the women I am attracted to.....and that courage only happens when I am doing no pmo! When I have the sex energy inside me, I am charged and can get the good women.
    For example,
    I went to a Halloween party 23 days into my streak of no pmo. I had a woman tell me to take her number and asked me to call her point blank. :eek: ;D

    Confidence....magnetism....Here we go!
     
  18. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    There's bountiful energy spewing out of your storytelling.. it's getting contagious! It's the sperm, frustratingly kept indoors by his masterful owner ;), that gives you that edge to rip your body up, stay up late and look forward to new prospects. All this because of the sticky white goo recirculating through the body and staying away from that evil, evil little cyclope, a little drop of precum dribbling out of it perhaps in the hopes for more... but nay, you say, just shut your slit and let me be. Feeling abandoned, the ugly eye quietly retreats, he knows it won't happen today, but who knows, that day, THE day is not too far off, especially with all those goddam beautiful 20-year-olds picking up the magnetic vibes of a guy who doesn't jack it anymore.... the day is nearing, it can't be undone... the lava's building up the pressure, the walls of the volcano are about to split open, quartering and disfiguring the mountain beyond recognition and SOON....... ..... SOON.....there will be a huge exploding ejaculating cock to end the drought of all droughts, to quench the thirst of all of humankind. The world will keep turning (and all that would have been thanks to you). :)

    Wow. WTF did I just write, lol! I say, I like this man you are turning into, or rather, the promise of it is making me dream big. This is good stuff, bud!

    That girl on the date. A bit unfortunate, but c'est la vie. Many people are like her though, too concerned about some obscure thing going on in the heads or the cell phone, or the manicure... the present moment escapes them. They run after things but they keep missing the present. It's very unfortunate for her, but that's not your issue anymore. Forwards, as you said.

    Online, it's a friggin' aquarium. The fish are there but it's a hard catch. It's all artificial the way it's set up. The single mothers are also there because they've run out of options and are feeling a little desperate, feeling time is running out on them. And yet, perhaps there are quite a few smart and attractive single moms that might be worthy of your attention. But I can't judge because I myself feel a little queasy about a kid being in the picture. But maybe we're wrong to think this way. The truth is, someone from my family is a single mother, and she has dated in spite of her having a growing child. So if other men can put their egos aside and just evaluate the quality of the connection - and be able to date single moms without feeling strange about it - then maybe that's a lesson for us too.
     
  19. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Wow! What a poetically inspiring response, Mendoza! So funny!
    It is all that spunk! You know when they say "she/he is spunky"....welllll....there you go!

    I appreciate all the effort.

    BUSY WOMEN
    Oui, c'est la vie and c'est la crazy chicks. :) Live and learn! and it was a good experience.
    So many women are too busy to date!
    (I also went to a speed dating event. I met and liked, and as it turns out, was also mutually liked back by a girl. In that case, emails are exchanged by the organizer. So, I write her. Ask for a date. This was NOV 8th. She doesn't have time until DEC 16th.....I told her to call me in the new year if she is available...I have learned my lesson..... these women are scared to fall in love..... or not into dating enough...or who knows!)

    SINGLE MOMS
    Yeah, i just had a big talking to from my older sister, who is a single mom about considering dating single moms, and that most of the women in my age group will be single moms or married according to her....so I need to consider that. She legitimately wants to help...yet i have an issue with dating a single mom, and it is thsi:
    I have not made any kids yet, so I feel like it is unfair.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2016
  20. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    So....... i don't know what is going on.

    I am at day 53 of no PMO at all...and yet I have felt sad for quite a few weeks now. I don't know why.
    I visited family and even they noticed it.
    Perhaps the lack of self medication is bringing up my loneliness, my aloneness, my desperation to meet HER...... and how long I have been alone....years. The jerking off would have soothed it in the past and put me into depression, but this is more of a true sadness instead.

    If it is, then bring it on! I have had millions of reasons not to find that great girl...so this loneliness can be a great reason to go out there and get her!
     

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