8 years of severe HOCD and ED, caused by porn addiction. Complete recovery

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Carpe diem, Jul 12, 2019 at 7:49 AM.

  1. Carpe diem

    Carpe diem Member

    I am sorry it's taken me what must be a couple of years to write this post - I have been so far removed from the world of porn addiction that I barely remembered to come back. I know that during my battle I would occasionally take great heart from success stories and I feel that my journey has been more successful than I could ever have imagined.

    If you want a detailed idea of my previous frame of mind you should take a look through the hundred or so posts that I made a few years back. I'll briefly summarise - it's the usual story of never considering being anything other than completely straight, never had any sexual relationships before stumbling across porn. Watched loads like any horny adolescent but by the age of around 21 found that perhaps it was becoming a problem. I then spent 5 years or so battling a porn addiction which only seemed to take a greater hold over me. During that time I had extreme difficulty wrestling with the idea that I might not be completely straight and this led to extreme OCD like tendencies of analysing every single thought and assessing it in relation to my sexuality. I regularly wished I could just be gay and be sure of it so that I could at least move on with life. Trouble was no matter how confused I got - I knew I wasn't.

    Let me summarise the main components of my success story:

    Age 26 ED meant that I had never actually had sex - I am of reasonable attractiveness and am reasonably socially apt and as such I had found myself in a number of awfully awkward positions where I was able to have sex but unable to become erect. This had happened on perhaps 13-15 occasions. 90% of the time lots of alcohol was involved. I was mainly interested in women although as I progressed through my porn addiction I also tried having sex with men and with trans girls - this either involved being passive or generally unable to perform due to ED.

    Now age 28 - I consider myself completely cured of all of the ill effects. ALL OF THEM. I must stress that 2 years ago this was incomprehensible. Beyond my wildest imagination. If I experienced half the recovery in twice the time I would have been unimaginable happy. 2 years ago I was deep inside my own head - sex and masturbation had lost all enjoyment, all tightly intertwined with extreme insecurities and OCD driven over analysis.

    18 months ago I met a girl online, we met up and soon had sex, it was a rare occasion where I wasn't drunk and I also had some viagra which I had got from a doctor, I had actually tried this a few years prior with some online pills but didn't have any luck and dismissed the idea for the next several sexual encounters. I think there were a number of circumstances which helped, being completely sober and most importantly perhaps, having the time to actually become relaxed in the presence of the girl I was with - I think these things allowed the pills to take effect. It's essentially a placebo effect in play here. Viagra can help older men who struggle to become erect but there was little physiological benefit to me - I just thought there was enough of a chance there would be to allow the placebo effect to come into play. After years of ED one of the most important things is believing that the next time would be different. The pills helped me to do this. The fact I was very attracted to the girl and had the time to relax as opposed to a situation where you are expected to perform immediately also helped. Whatever the reasons, my penis worked. For the next 6 months or so I would go on to take Calias daily before finally (and frighteningly) quitting them. Expecting to see at least a slight drop in performance I was amazed to find that there was not a single tiny difference. The pills were useless now. I highly recommend the use of ED pills on a very short term basis to overcome the psychological obstacles which can cause ED. Do not become dependent on them though!

    I will end of this note - I have had sex with my partner an average or 2-3 times a day for 18 months. Honestly that is a conservative estimate - I would have struggled to believe it before my recovery (does anyone have sex that much) but then I think back to how much I used to masturbate. There has not been a single occasion where I have been unable to have sex due to ED. Not a single one. It took me 26 years to reach this situation.

    If anyone has any questions or needs any tips (I can think of a few but I've been going on for ages) then feel free to give me a shout. I'll check this page a few times but I'm aware I might not always be back. If anyone feels my story is particularly relevant to you then feel free to give me a shout on nateljack@hotmail.com.
    I have been there man.....it feels like there is no end. I had tried to come to terms with a lifetime of being alone. Never able to have sex. But I never gave up on what I knew would make me happy.

    Good luck everyone, you'll get there eventually and believe me....it's worth the wait!
     
    Universal, NewHorizon and doanl like this.
  2. NewHorizon

    NewHorizon Member

    At one point in my life I have also suffered with extreme h-ocd. Now it's mostly gone because I realized on multiple occasions the absurdity of it but I still have a very active mind and sometimes fall back into the thoughts. I'm still a p addict too, though I watch way, way less p (small victory , eh) than in my early twenties. I still relapse every now and then.

    Great story! :)
     

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