[7d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by FenixW, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [14d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    33d no P, 0d no O
    Girl18s vist is over and I have had a ton of orgasms, never has a woman made me so hungry as she does. But I have also used a ton of viagra/cialis to be able to have erections. At some moments I was in flatline because I could feel the disconnection, but next day I was enjoying again.

    I am on 33 days without any porn which is for me fantastic results, not many times that I have been able to come this far without using. Unfortunately other problems have arised like extreme fatigue, some days I just can not seem to have energy to complete the day. I think its because of all the orgasms. I also have not been sleeping enough, done no workout, eating bad food, drinking a lot of alcohol.

    I need to turn the ship around, and I am sure I can do it. Girl18 came into my world and created chaos, because she is a chaos type of person. I lost focus and went into wrong direction in many areas, but very good thing is she helped me go in the right direction when it comes to P. 33 days without, that is fucking great!

    From next week I will get back on track in all other areas as well. I think I have my feelings for girl18 under control now and should be able to stay cool. Next week will be a big challenge for me, I will go all in on turning the ship around. So what do I need to do?
    1. Keep avoiding P.
    2. No masturbation for 8 days.
    Go up directly when the alarm goes off. This is my biggest problems where I end up surfing nonsense pages on internet for sometimes hours before I come up from bed. Its connected to that I feel such fatigue. Usually after I eat breakfast my energy comes back somewhat, but if I only stay in bed it spirals in wrong direction.
    3. No alcohol at all.
    4. No sugar or junk food.
    5. No caffeine.
    6. Go back to the gym.
    7. Use foam roller in evening to get rid of some of muscle tension that keeps coming back.
    8. Go to bed early and read book to relax.
    9. Do 10min of meditation in evening.

    I will feel like shit for one week.. after one and a half it will start to improve.. after two weeks I will be up in speed again...

    Stay strong!
  2. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [14d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    Thanks for your warning! Actually I remember when you commented in Eltonios (if I remember his name correct) thread when he was exposed to a crazy woman using fake pregnancy as blackmail. I have also been in a similar situation before and yes its fucking horrible...

    Thanks again for your warning. Unfortunately I will not be able to stop sleeping with her... but I will keep it in mind...
  3. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [33d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    35d no P, 2d no O
    Yesterday and tonight my libido was going crazy, could almost not sleep. Woke up with MW which surprised me, was long time since I experienced that. Think it is still chaser from all the Os and I will if avoiding O enter flatline in a couple of days. Struggled today with some desire to look at P and also to MO, but managed to stay away.

    First complete day that I have done in months; went up directly when the alarm went off, breakfast then work, was working with efficiency and took one hour for self development. Went to gym after, then home for dinner. Meditation and now ready to go to bed so I get enough sleep for tomorrow. Avoided sugar and unhealthy food also. If I can continue like this I will be back on track in no time.
  4. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [35d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    0d no P, 0d no O
    Lost control and relapsed. Couple of things who led me of my path and made the struggle with P more difficult. Had 3 Os.

    Anyway had a fantastic streak of 35 days and experienced some natural libido returning in the end, so just have to keep up the good work. Will be interesting to see if I enter flatline after this relapse or what will happen.
  5. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    3d no P, 3d no O
    I feel like shit, but it is by purpose. Yesterday I did drink alcohol with father. I know it would knock me out but as he have finished his cancer treatment we wanted to celebrate. Have strong cravings for P, but I will resist. There is no time to waste, I will turn 34yo soon, I am supposed to be a full grown man lol.. Will now cut out any alcohol for two weeks, that together with good routines will bring me back.
  6. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [3d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    5d no P, 5d no O
    Woke up multiple times during the night with raging boner, I think its a good sign. Went back to the gym today, was weak but it feels good now afterwards.

    Made a complete day today when it comes to my other goals. I am still feeling depressed from the alcohol in weekend, three more days and I know from experience it will lift and release me from its grip.

    I am starting to be unsure about girl18. She came into my life in October last year and created emotional chaos and roller coaster for me. She is like a porn star in bed and always so creative. But the other side of her is a totally broke 29yo woman, and to be honest I am not sure how she is going to come out of that situation in good way without some additional education. And education will take time. I guess that is how life ends up if a person always prioritize the fun stuff in life... sometimes we just have to accept that life is not always fun and keep going. Anyway who told us we should always be happy in life?

    My initial lovestruck is starting to wear off and I am coming back to my usual me. I can feel the resistance building up inside me, that she is loosing her power over my emotional core. If I can not see any improvement to her situation soon she will loose all her possibilities to move me emotionally and that is usually a sign its time to move on. I am looking for a possible woman to marry and start family with, I have not the time and energy to wait for someone to "fix" their life. Fuck.. I spent two years in darkness alone, patching up my own mind and soul.. I have not wish to hold someones hand when that person is going through the same thing. Maybe I am just depressed from the alcohol and I will change my thoughts about this when the hangover wears off.

    About no P I feel great. Fuck I hate P and every day I can stay away from it is a victory by itself.

    Stay strong brothers.
  7. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [5d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    10d no P, 10d no O
    The no P trip moves according to plan, but I failed to stay away from alcohol. Alcohol really makes me mentally weak so I will have to deal with that as well.

    Have had signs of libido lately but now it seems I hit flatline. Girl18 will come in a couple of days so I am saving my O for now.

    I have also stared using internet dating a little bit, chatting with some girls. Girl18 knocked me out completely since I met with her in early january and I just went under ground since then. But now I am slowly crawling out of my bears den, slowly making myself ready for fresh meat.
  8. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [10d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    12d no P, 12d no O
    I had a strange night, kept waking up with E and was very horny. Have started to feel sick, I can feel I really need a release soon, its like I am walking around with constant blue balls. Anxiety, nausea, aggression, difficulties to focus. But not fatigue, rather the different, I want to kill something. But no improvement for EQ, only during night that my dick is alive, cant't understand why..

    About P for now I still have very clear picture I want to remove it entirely from my life, so at this moment I see no risk for relapse.

    Tomorrow girl18 will visit me so finally I can continue to rewire.
  9. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [50d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    50d no P, 3d no O
    50 days completely clean, not even a peak, pretty fucking amazing!!

    Period again has been crazy. Traveling, working like crazy, drinking a lot of alcohol (A LOT), no gym, unhealthy food.. Also fucking three new women, girl19, girl20 and girl21. No one of those was good for relationship but girl19 was nice as she was only 21yo. I have spent a lot of time alone last couple of weeks, traveling alone, eating alone, sleeping alone. Its been unhealthy due to the alcohol, bad food, no gym, no sleep. But healthy from another perspective as I have had time to clear my mind, things have started to fall into place and I now know more clear what it is that I want.

    Yesterday I was on a date with another woman but could not close the deal as she had period, her face was not so beautiful but body was amazing. She has been in the gym for last 10y doing squats so she has that perfect squats ass, could not stop thinking about how much I want to put my face in it. That is one thing I have noticed the latest 50 days, I am more sensitive to real women now and its great. Its like I can feel the dopamine levels gets higher by watching, smelling and being close to women in real life. Its cool because it makes life more interesting and I wonder how the no P journey may transform me when my days adds up more.

    Emotionally I am unstable, I can go from feeling like I am king of the world to start crying like a child and being depressed. Sometimes I think I have signs of being bipolar but at the same time I know that I am so far from where I should be, my life is not on the track it was supposed to be. If I can fix that it may also fix my emotions.

    So I need to continue the journey and keep improving myself and my life. I now know exactly what I want: To find a wife and build a family unit, to take responsibility for the well being of my self and my family, to create something of value in this world. The last period I have noticed that I am starting to go from being a boy to becoming a man, just interesting I had to wait until becoming 34 before becoming a man. But I think a lot has to do with how society looks like, the power elite do not want strong men, its a problem for them. Its better to have a big pool of weak boys that do as they are told and do not claim what is rightfully theirs. Our society today have a lack of role models for what a man is when boys grow up. Constantly they are pushed down by feminists and systems like daycare and school, all this systems break them down piece by piece. I am not saying feminism is a bad thing, I love women and its good that they gets treated by respect and with equality. But a lot of men do not understand that it is still OK to be a man and to follow instinct, it easy to be confused about what is OK to do and behave and what is not. Usually all types of medicine that does something good also comes with a side effect and feminism is like that. Positive effect is that life generally gets better for women, negative effect is that a lot of men becomes confused and ends up like weak nice guys (I know because I clearly was one). The more of these side effects I am able to wash away, the better I am doing with women. And its logical: Women like men, and as we all were born with two balls hanging between our legs we know instinctively how to act. Listen to that inner force and follow it, and stop reading negative news, blog posts, face book posts where men shaming is the topic. Those posts might be right but if you are a sensitive person like me you will feel like the post is angled towards you and feel guilty even though it has nothing to do with you and how you behave towards women. Like on yesterday date I was a little drunk and wanted to have some fun so we came into talking about food and different tastes. And while I was explaining what type of food I liked and so forth I just switched and said but nothing can beat putting my tongue deep inside a wet pussy, its so delicious. The girl pushed my face away and almost slapped me and acted like she was chocked how I can talk like that, but at the same time she was laughing like crazy. And guess what? 20 minutes later she admits she is bisexual and loves to lick a womans pussy while the girl is sucking another man. After that our conversation went into more sexual stuff and connection became fast between us. It went into becoming an adventure for her and she already texted me this morning and want more of that stuff, compare that to having a normal conversation about boring stuff. If you are a normal man like me she already know you are normal and nice and good person, you do not need to show that. Instead spice it up to create some emotions in her, it will make her feel alive and she will come back for more.

    About my life I know crystal clear what I need to do and what I want. First step will be to get back in the gym and start to eat healthy again. Remove the alcohol from my life as I am too sensitive to it. I need to fix my style, I still look like an idiot sometimes as I have no idea how to dress, I need to dress more like a grown up man. Keep being out and about and hit on women I like, but now I need to become more selective. I still sometimes goes for the low hanging fruit as its always fun to sleep with a new girl. That need to change, from now on only go for the ones I want. It will probably mean that my sex life will plummet for a couple of months while I am tuning myself up in order to match the higher quality women but there is no other way. When finally I have met someone its time to move from this city to a smaller one, my dream is to live in a house and start up a family. Raising two or three kids would be fantastic, living life like it should be. I will never be able to be with one woman for the rest of my life, but I can not understand why I have seen that as a problem before. Its easy, I just need to become a swinger. A lot of people is the same as me, they also like to fuck around but still want to live in a family unit. I just need to teach my future wife about this lifestyle and I have that parted fixed as well.

    Girl18 will come to me today and stay for two weeks. I will try to think about if she actually is the right person for me. She is for sure as crazy as I am, only problem is she is completely broke and with only dancing background so hard to find money. And I do not feel like I want to be a provider like that. I will give her the summer and depending on how it feels I will go into LTR with her or move on to find another one.

    Stay strong brothers, keep fighting against the addiction! Every day we manage to stay away from P is a day of victory!
  10. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [5d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    5d no P, 5d no O
    During the visit from girl18 we had a lot of sex, basically every day. Usually I use viagra but I managed to have sex with her twice without, so that is progress. Also something started to become different this time, its difficult to explain but I noticed at one moment that I was fully present in the moment with having sex with her. I suddenly enjoyed watching her body and the feelings instead of being inside my brain making up stories. This streak was 72 days and I could clearly see the results. Unfortunately after she left I binged on two occasions and the rush from the porn was stronger than I ever felt, to be honest it was amazing as it gave me such a strong buzz and the dick was rock hard. On day after I still felt OK, but on second day the withdrawals started to come and on third day they peaked, I felt like shit. Fourth day withdrawals started to fade and today I feel somewhat OK.

    I have to accept the fact that I am pornoholic and always will be, I need to have zero use attitude to porn because the addiction comes back immediately when I start using P. Now I will make a new no P streak and I will make it longer than 72 days.

    I am more motivated than ever as I could see the benefits, I am also pumped because I started to feel good with girl18, started to enjoy her company much more. I am curious to see what will happen when I push through 90, 100, 200 days without P.

    Alcohol still fucks me up, even small doses. So it has to go. If I can remove P and alcohol from my life I can really change me, I can become a force of nature. And the only thing standing in my way of that is myself. So now I am excluding alcohol from my life also, only exception is if I am on a date with a new woman I see potential in.
  11. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    6d no P, 6d no O

    Have went into depressive state. I see a lot of my old friends living together with someone and building together for the future and I am just floating around, it makes me depressed. I think most of the bad feelings comes from that I am still recovering from alcohol. As I have decided not to drink anymore it can only get better from this point.

    Urges from P comes and goes but I am so convinced of the benefits staying away from it that I do not see any risk of relapse at the moment. Tomorrow I should receive the testosterone spike due to seven days of no O.
  12. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    7d no P, 7d no O
    I have some strange feeling inside my abdomen, its like a knot of trapped energy. I have had it for years and its clear to me now its a milder version of depression. I think it gets worse by alcohol and as I am only 2d since last time I drinked I will have to wait for five more days and see if it gets better, it usually do.

    During night I get raging boners but during day I am inside this smaller depression where nothing really amuse me. I do not care about boners, sex or women at this moment, just want to start feeling better. And I think I know how to make that happen, so I will keep going.
  13. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    0d no P, 0d no M
    I see it was over one year ago I was here to wrote something. Unfortunately I have not all good news. I am still addicted to porn, so I am still fighting with that. It was a period when I went 125 days without porn and after that I started to see some good news. During Thursday last week I had sex twice with one of the women I am seeing without any use of ED medication. Unfortunately that woman broke up with me today, after we had a serious fight.

    During last summer I was on tinder to look for something simple to have sex with and I answered on 50yo woman and started to chat with her. It led to me going to her with the car as she lives in another city. It was clear that my mind was distorted from sexual desire because this woman was awful. She had did a lot of surgeries to remove fat from stomach, arms, legs, but, all over. She looked like frankensteins monster with scars all over, and on top of that two big silicon breasts. In my stupidity I drank alcohol when I arrived, so I could not leave because could not drive... It was huge disaster. Had to stay all night with that disgusting woman. I tried to fuck her after taking a massive dose of viagra, and I succeeded. But it was a struggle.

    That situation gave me a lot of knowledge about what has been my problem. Because it sent me over night back into depression again. I got to experience that I have actually been in depression for years.. What caused the depression from the beginning I don't know, but I have not been feeling good for years. Probably porn has just been one way to escape my feelings and to try to make my situation more bearable. After a couple of months I started feeling better, especially when I was able to stay away from P for longer periods of time, it was like medicine for me. Also my libido came back suddenly and I had a lot of sex with only using a very small dose of ED medications.

    I could write a lot about the year that has passed, but it will almost be the same old stuff. Except from that I started to see some good results after the longer no P streaks. Libido coming back, energy coming back, social nervousness disappearing. Depression sometimes not so strong. Sometimes I think that I am bipolar, because usually when I am having a good day and depression starting to go away I do not know how to handle it. It almost always ends in either that I stay up very late in night, so I crush my energy levels, or that I am falling back into P, or that I am starting to drink a lot of alcohol. Its like I can not handle the energy... so I find ways to crush it..

    So I am now starting up this blog again, to continue on my journey. I have accepted that I will probably never be completely clean from P, but I need to make as long streaks as possible because it really is like medicine for me. Everything becomes better when I stay away from P. Will write again in one week.

    I see my counter is fu**ed up so I deleted it.
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2017
  14. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    14d no P, 7d no M
    I did relapse one week after my last post, but after that I have managed to stay clean for 14 days. Have noticed that the first week is the worst, where the first night after P starts a burning feeling inside the body, followed by anxiety and flatline in the days that follows. It seems I am recovering faster after a relapse if to compare now with when I started this two years ago. After around this point, 14 days clean, I start to feel much better.

    The day after my previous relapse I managed to have sex without using viagra with R, which is a big success. But last week, on saturday I was out with a new woman, L. And after I took her home I had big troubles with the erection, even though I took 50mg Viagra, 10mg Cialis and 7mg Tadalia. After a time I managed to get enough erected to enter her, but I could not manage to get O. In morning the day after we tried again, but it was impossible. Thing is I was crazy nervous as I really wanted to be physical with her and was nervous not to mess up during the date. She is somewhat quite which makes it tricky to read her and calibrate to the situation... anyway I think that the nervousness was a big reason behind why my erection failed me. The day after I still had so much ED pills floating around in my blood I had to masturbate.

    Good thing is that 7 days later, on Friday. I was out again with R. That day I had experienced a ton of stress as I had to finish something at work. Barely any sleep and hard work from early morning to evening. After that we went to restaurant and I took one drink and a glass of wine. We played pool and came home late. That night I fucked her and my dick was working well (not perfect but good enough), and I managed to have O. This is 8 days after I took the ED pills so it should be out of the system. To me this is great success again and its sign that I am recovering.

    The coming week things should start to become better as it usually turns after 14 days clean. Tomorrow I will meet with R again and it will be interesting to see how my erection quality will be.
  15. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    21d no P, 0d no M
    The day after my last post I met with R and was able to successfully have sex with her without the need of ED pills. Erection quality was really good actually so it was great success. Besides from that has a lot of anxiety disappeared and I feel in general much better. Some libido is coming back also which makes staying away from P much more of a challenge.

    On Friday I met with L so I took 15mg cialis, 50mg viagra and 10mg Tadalia which is a massive dose. It made me rock hard this time and I had sex with L on Friday night and Saturday morning, and then I met with R and had sex with her on Saturday evening and Sunday morning. All that sex (together with ED pills) fired up my libido so I had to masturbate on Sunday evening as well. Unfortunately the ED pills is giving me nasty side effects so I want to cut them out in future.

    I have realized I need to pull my self up on other levels also, not only P. I am getting stuck in bed in mornings not going up with lack of energy. And I am drinking way too much alcohol, almost on daily basis. I can see in my face the the last couple of years of unhealthy living has started to show its signs, I am aging. Also the intrigue I have with R, L and A is causing huge stress for me. So I have decided to start to make decisions there, I will now think clearly who I want to continue with and then move in that direction. I can not handle all this lying anymore.

    Anyway time to move forward to next week of being clean.
  16. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Day 0:
    I see it was one year since my last post. Things have been going both up and down since then, but lately I have been crashing down fast. So I need to make another try to pull me up and come back on track.

    During the year that has been I have had some good streaks with no-P where I have started to see some of the benefits like generally feeling more healthy with more confidence and libido. There have been some times when I successfully had sex without the use of ED drugs and I am experiencing night erections so my body has been healing during those streaks.

    Unfortunately I have always been relapsing after a good streak and been set back into same old problems. What is more worrying is that I no longer can control myself in other areas as well, where I almost became alcoholic using alcohol on a daily basis to cope with feeling of depression.

    Depression is a scary thing because it usually results in porn, alcohol or unhealthy food, where all that is making the feelings of depression worse. It becomes a negative spiral that bringing me deeper into the darkness. Some periods I have been able to pull me up and also been able to feel happy again, so I know I can do it again. It's just during the last couple of months, since around summer, things have started to go south again.

    If going back to my last post I was dating with A, R and L at the same time. It was going well for a time and I can say I enjoyed having multiple women at the same time, but I didn’t feel good about cheating the girls as they were all good women. So coming close to new year I decided that I have to put an end to this part of my life and make a choice of who of them I want to continue with. I can also say that having those women at the same time required me to use ED pills on a daily basis and it put a strain on my body, I started to age faster than before.

    So around new year I broke up with all except A, and after new year I decided to propose to her where she accepted and we went to get married, so we are now married. After that was a period of huge stress with the wedding, while I at the same time tried to change position at work so going through interviews etc. Also I was recovering from breaking up with R and L and I still miss them sometimes as they are wonderful women.

    After the marriage we started working on the papers so A can move to live with me (she comes from another country) and we got the news that it can take up to 18 months before there will be a decision. It was hard news for us as we already had been in a long distance relationship for such a long time.

    I also decided to sell my flat and try to buy another one, while trouble piled up at work which required me to push myself to my limit. It pulled me down and I started to use alcohol to ease the situation. During the summer vacation it escalated to me drinking basically four weeks in a row. During this time my weight started to go up also. I have never had troubles to stay in somewhat good shape, but during this period I started gaining weight without clear reason (I still have not been able to come back, so I still hope it was the alcohol and not because I passed age 35)...

    My wife A is a wonderful woman, very kind and accepting. But she is also very soft so she likes when I am in control. She told me that in our relationship I am the the main, the head in the family, and she will follow me. This makes the situation great from one perspective as she does exactly as I tell her to do, but it can also be quite bad if I can not lead in a good direction. Like during the summer when I was drinking almost every day, she was doing it as well. So I am pulling her down with me. Her period got delayed two weeks, where we both was praying she didn’t become pregnant. Specially as we were drinking daily which could have damaged the child.

    I think her period got delayed due to the high alcohol intake as it can effect on hormones. I also started fighting with her on a number of times and caused her crying, for no reason really just I was being drunk and an asshole.

    Since summer I have been wanting to pull myself up but I have not managed fully. I have been lowering the drinking but I am still doing it about two-three times a week. Finishing a bottle of wine I can still go to work the day after, so my norm has been moved.

    Not being able to live with A I decided getting myself two women on the side. So lately I have been meeting with M and S, both I met using Tinder. Dating with them, having sex, making adventure always have involved alcohol.. If I shall be honest sometimes the alcohol has been more interesting then the women.

    But this time I have noticed the situation is different, I have not been able to keep up with the situation in the same way as I did with A, R and L a year ago. My energy just have not been enough to rotate this three women and f**k on a daily basis. Also I have been relapsing in between zapping my energy. Usually I have been in stress due to the fact that the truth might reach A and she will ask me for divorce.. it would be a massive blow and I am not sure I would be able to recover from that.

    Two weeks ago I situation arise where I met S and went partying on Friday, taking a heave dose ED medication and then having sex with her on friday night and saturday morning. Then I met with M on Monday evening at her hotel (she was just staying the day), drinking a bottle of wine with her then having sex with her two times during the night. Then early in morning, go to work to solve problems (lots of stress). Relapsed to P during the coming days due to Cialis still floating around in the blood then get the news that M will come to me on Thursday (she invited herself).

    So I worked late on Wed then met M on Thursday, complete fatigue so I had to amp myself up with ED medication. Then again as she stayed on Friday we went out to party and after home to have sex. That evening I went overboard with the ED pills. Cialis is a little tricky as it stays in the system a few days, so if taking over a range of multiple days it can become too much of it. Alcohol also is making the blood more thin so a combination with high level of ED pills together with alcohol will cause the heart to work harder.

    The result was I could not go to sleep Friday night and I felt pain in my chest. My heart just kept pumping. I have naturally low blood pressure so my heart really needs to work when I use ED pills. After that occasion I have not felt good, it's like my body still recovering.

    So last week I decided I need to fix this shit and get back on a healthy track again, so I broke up with both S and M and removed Tinder, unfortunately I relapsed to P on Tuesday last week. Then this weekend me and A had a planned trip together. Haven't seen each other in a month we were expected to stay in the hotel room and have hot sex.. well it didn’t work. I took quite much Cialis but my body just didn’t want to become horny, full flatline.

    A first became surprised followed by being sad, she started to think something is wrong with our relationship, that I am not attracted to her anymore. I tried to make my dick come to life but it was impossible! The ED pills was working in the background as I had all the side effects: red face and eyes, high pulse, fatigue, blocked nose, painful erections in the night. But I couldn’t feel horny. Fatigue, tiredness and depression blocked my arousal completely.

    Good news is that the process with getting permission with A finished much faster than we thought, so she is moving to me in about three weeks. So it means that we are going to become a family.. It is also putting pressure on me to get my shit together with the speed of light as there will be no way our relationship will survive if I am still suffering from fatigue, depression and low libido.

    So I am now launching my recovery program. Or not really launching, more like focusing on the same old challenges to try pull me up. When talking about workout it said that the body can either be in catabolic or anabolic state, first one breaking down the body and second one building up the body. Catabolic always comes first, followed by the anabolic that is repairing and building up the body to the next level. So there is nothing wrong with going into catabolic state, but its needed that the body comes out of it to enable recover and improved strength.

    Looking on my life I have been in catabolic state for the last two years. My body has started show signs of aging faster, I have gained weight, lost my strength and stamina. Libido has been dropping, my energy at work going down, depression became stronger. I have not been keeping up with buying any new clothes so basically all I have left is falling into pieces, hell even my bed clothes is falling into pieces. I have no control over my money as I keep spending it on restaurants and drinks. I keep taking more than a healthy dose of ED medicine.

    I need to stop before I get a heart attack or something else nasty..

    I am not trying to blame anything else then myself, I have everything I need to turn this into a good happy life. I have good job, big enough home for having a family, a wife that is amazing and wants to pleasure me and follows my command. We want the same thing, starting up a family with kids. So I should use the time wisely moving forward, pull myself up and reconstruct my life to turn it back on a positive track.

    This is my plan. First two weeks will be a wash-out phase, where I force myself to live without sugar, alcohol, news, porn and ED pills. While coming back to the gym. It will be a huge challenge doing this for 14 days and I will probably feel some withdrawal symptoms.

    But by staying away from those chemicals I will clean up my body a little and come out of the catabolic state.

    After the wash-out phase I hope my mind will be more clear and I can figure out the next step. Most probably it will not be of much difference, just more of the same, continuing on the same path. First when I have been in the anabolic state for some time I can start to cycle catabolic and anabolic states. I want to continue to start learning more things, starting up a business, becoming more sexual with A etc. But now I need to focus on the basics.

    During the last period of time I have been logging how bad I am doing on my good habits. I am trying to implement 14 good habits, that I am sure will bring me a hell lot of achievement if I can make them part of my personality. When they all reach 100% I can say I have succeeded to successfully implement them. Every week I will report back how my progress is. I also have a belief that now when I am going to live with my wife I can also remove porn completely, as I need to focus all my sexual energy towards my wife. She has strong libido and needs her attention, I can not afford losing any energy by indulging in porn or masturbation.

    I have accomplished great things during the five years I have been on this site. I went from being so lonely that I hooked up with transvestites to meeting with three girls at the same time, I have the discipline to get things done. Now I need to focus it all in one direction, getting my life back on the right track!

    Here are the 14 habits I will work on implementing and the level of completeness I have achieved so far.

    HABIT 1: Get out of bed directly when the alarm goes off
    WHY: Because of my depression I very easily can get stuck in bed in mornings, sometimes many hours. Usually it leeds to me coming late for work, then need to work over in the evening. So I go to bed late and then can’t sleep my 7 hours that is needed. Everything spirals in bad direction.
    REQUIREMENT: When the alarm starts I sit up in the bed directly. I am allowed to sit a few minutes if needed to wake up, but now lie down in bed again. I am not allowed to look in the phone, google anything or answer any chat messages before I am sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.
    FREQUENCY: Every day of the week.
    PROGRESS: 66%

    HABIT 2: Daily meditation
    WHY: Meditation has been proven to have huge benefits when comes to manage stress and to keep the brain in good health. Improve level of focus and memory. Overall satisfaction. Higher dopamine levels.
    REQUIREMENT: 10 minutes sitting meditation.
    FREQUENCY: Every day of the week.
    PROGRESS: 26%

    HABIT 3: Eat healthy
    WHY: To keep the body and mind in good health so it lays the groundwork for a long and happy life. Will keep the body fit to look and feel good. Feel strong and be able to accomplish more.
    REQUIREMENT: No sugar, very limited wheate.
    FREQUENCY: Every day of the week.
    PROGRESS: 34% (this is very scary number, it means 4,62 days of the week I am eating sugar, it means high risk for diabetes).

    HABIT 4: Improvement hour (work)
    WHY: Use one hour at work to learn something new. It shall be inline with my working profession and be in help for future career. It will help me to stay sharp and out-compete other persons looking for the same job. It will secure my future income of money.
    REQUIREMENT: Use one hour to learn something new, it shall be inline with my working profession.
    FREQUENCY: Five times a week (working weekdays)
    PROGRESS: 18%

    HABIT 5: Improvement hour (private)
    WHY: Use one hour of my free time to improve myself. It's there to set away one hour to do something that expands my mind in a positive direction. Learning something new. It will make sure I keep expanding as a person, to make sure I am keep improving. So I can out-compete my competition.
    REQUIREMENT: Use one hour of my free time to improve myself.
    FREQUENCY: Five times a week
    PROGRESS: 31%

    HABIT 6: Sleep 7 hours.
    WHY: To make sure I get enough sleep every night to have enough energy to continue my journey the next day. So I have enough energy to take my life to the next level and to tackle the challenges life will throw my way.
    REQUIREMENT: Sleep 7 hours in the night.
    FREQUENCY: Every day of the week.
    PROGRESS: 71% (If this is not 100% it means there is high risk of negative spiral effect, the more tired I am the harder it is to keep the discipline needed to fulfill all other habits).

    HABIT 7: Stretch
    WHY: To remove blocks in the body that can exists still since the days of depression. To proactively prevent new blockages and pain to get stuck in body when going through tough situations.
    REQUIREMENT: During 15 minutes introduce movements needed to unblock muscles where pain is present, or in known problem areas.
    FREQUENCY: Four times a week
    PROGRESS: 8%

    HABIT 8: Clear mind
    WHY: To make sure I fill my mind with positive information and attitudes. This will have a direct effect on my level of happiness.
    REQUIREMENT: Avoid News, Facebook, LinkedIn, Scary movies and Negative Documentaries.
    FREQUENCY: Six days a week.
    PROGRESS: 8% (I am addicted to news at the moment. Usually I am checking many times a day. Constantly reading about wars, crime, feminism, other troubles I believe is a big reason behind my depression)

    HABIT 9: No masturbation
    WHY: As my wife has high libido and my level of libido is not enough to make her fully satisfied I shall focus all my sexual energy towards my wife and not waste it by masturbating.
    REQUIREMENT: Never masturbate
    FREQUENCY: Every day of the week.
    PROGRESS: 73%

    HABIT 10: Avoid alcohol
    WHY: Mostly because the side effects makes me feel depressed. I also have a theory that my sex hormones is negatively affected by alcohol.
    REQUIREMENT: Don’t drink alcohol.
    FREQUENCY: 29 times over a 30 day period (it means I am allowed once a month to drink something)
    PROGRESS: 58% (this means I drink alcohol in average 3 days a week.. way too much!)

    HABIT 11: Avoid porn
    WHY: To keep a healthy brain and have a natural sexual desire I need to remove porn, as it will flood and destroy my natural dopamine receptors. Having a healthy brain is needed to be able to get natural erection together with my wife.
    REQUIREMENT: Avoid porn, pictures showing nakedness, erotic stories.
    FREQUENCY: Every day.
    PROGRESS: 78% (quite good progress so far, but problem is that a single relapse usually sets me back 7 to 14 days).

    HABIT 12: Daily Task
    WHY: To build momentum and to move my life towards a new more happy level. The tasks needed to be performed will never disappear completely, as there are always a new level that can be reached. It's the inch in front of my eyes that counts in every present moment!
    REQUIREMENT: Execute one task that is needed to maintain and improve my life. The task should be of size to be able to accomplish in maximum 30 minutes.
    FREQUENCY: Every day of the week.
    PROGRESS: 53%

    HABIT 13: Go to the gym
    WHY: To keep a fit and good looking body. To flood the body with good feelings. To stay healthy and live a long happy life. To make sure you stay in front of competition.
    REQUIREMENT: Enjoy a one hour workout.
    FREQUENCY: 1 time every three days.
    PROGRESS: 57%

    HABIT 14: Sexual stimulation
    WHY: To keep rewireing. To make sure my wife feels appreciated. To enjoy life. To make sure the dick stays healthy.
    REQUIREMENT: Have sexual intercourse. Orgasm is not needed.
    FREQUENCY: Three times a week.
    PROGRESS: 53%

    The total average of all progress (adding all progress and dividing with 14): 48,4%
  17. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Has been a really hard week full of anxiety, depression and nervousness. Day 3 and 4 was the worst, I think that is when the physiological withdrawals for porn and alcohol did hit me the strongest. But I kept working well on my recovery all week, going to gym, doing sauna afterwards where mixing hot and cold. Trying to flush out all the bad things and restart my body. The longer the week went the better it became, and I am now at a point where I think in a few days I will start to feel OK again. But now is when the real challenges comes, to continue and not have any relapse. On day 5 some libido came back, it was also when the cravings for P started.

    During the week I have been keeping myself busy, rebuilding my life again. During the lasts years I have been focusing almost fully on my work and on dating women, and devoting my energy fully to that. Now I am redirecting it to recovering and rebuilding myself and my life.

    I have made great results for the habits I am working on implementing. I have also started my diet, which is basically eating 20-25% less than I usually do. This to try to loose 3kg and come back in better shape.

    Starting position for loosing weight and getting back into physical shape:
    Weight: 75kg
    Waist: 87cm

    I am already after seven days around 85cm and 74,5kg so I have started moving downwards. Usually in beginning its water that gets released so the results goes fast, then it becomes slower. But I do not intend to rush myself. I want to go down 3kg and then stay there, to find the balance of energy intake needed to keep that weight.

    Amazing results when comes to my implementation of habits, basically I just need to continue on the same path. But usually between 7-14 days free from porn and alcohol is when I start to feel OK again, and get back some libido. That is when the cravings becomes stronger. So next week will be more challenging. I have set up a price, that if I succeed with next week without porn and alcohol I will buy myself two more button up shirts. That is great because I need to keep updating my wardrobe, its worn out..

    HABIT 1: Get out of bed directly when the alarm goes off
    PROGRESS: 72%, +6% (since last week)

    HABIT 2: Daily meditation
    PROGRESS: 49%, +23%

    HABIT 3: Eat healthy
    PROGRESS: 51%, 17%

    HABIT 4: Improvement hour (work)
    PROGRESS: 32%, +14%

    HABIT 5: Improvement hour (private)
    PROGRESS: 31%, +16%

    HABIT 6: Sleep 7 hours.
    PROGRESS: 80%, +9%

    HABIT 7: Stretch
    PROGRESS: 12%, +4%

    HABIT 8: Clear mind
    PROGRESS: 33%, +25%

    HABIT 9: No masturbation
    PROGRESS: 81%, +8%

    HABIT 10: Avoid alcohol
    PROGRESS: 72%, +14%

    HABIT 11: Avoid porn
    PROGRESS: 85%, +7%

    HABIT 12: Daily Task
    PROGRESS: 59%, +6%

    HABIT 13: Go to the gym
    PROGRESS: 60%, +3%

    HABIT 14: Sexual stimulation
    PROGRESS: 46%, -7% (as my wife has not moved to me yet this will continue to drop for some time)

    The total average of all progress (adding all progress and dividing with 14): 61%, +12.6%

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