[7d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by FenixW, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [7d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    10d no PMO, 10d no O
    Have started to feel attraction to women again so some libido must have returned. Was out yesterday and could unfortunately not resist to drink two beers, and its enough for me to feel bad the day after. Anyway I was hitting on girls and it led to a date set up for tonight so I got something out if it.

    Still avoiding P, feels great. Starting the no-P journey is absolutely the best thing I have done in my life. I want to feel real closeness from a real woman, not jerk off to pixels on a screen. I want to touch her, smell her, taste her and fuck her.
     
  2. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [10d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    11d no PMO, 11d no O
    Was on a 7h long date today and got her all the way into the apartment but never got passed she letting me kiss her. Maybe she wants to.meet another day will see.

    Starting to feel better for each day I stay away from P or O. But had to drink alcohol on today date so can be affected by it tomorrow.

    The dick is still dead and have starting to feel dull pain in my right testicle. On the positive side I seem to be able to.connect better with other persons when I stay away from P.
     
  3. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [10d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    12d no PMO, 12d no O
    Woke up multiple times in the morning feeling very horny with a boner that just didn't want to go down. At the same time I feel like my body is craving physical contact with a woman, just smell, touch and feel a woman. For sure it feels my body need a release as this morning it felt like the gun was about to go off at any time, but main thing I need is closeness. I am jittery and stressed, one the positive side I have signs of libido and my energy level is OK.

    I think a MO would make me feel better but as I am on this "bootcamp" for one more week I will keep on going.
     
  4. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [12d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    13d no PMO, 13d no O
    My horniness has reached a new level, but only during nightime. During the night I keep waking up horny with a boner but during the day I feel jittery and my dick is dead. This jittery feeling is causing issues when I try hitting on girls, as it makes it harder to be relaxed and chill. But I am seeing it as a sign of recovery as for too long have I walked around in zombie state caused by relapses.

    During the night I am haunted by thoughts of P and the fetish I have, I have to admit I am enjoying it but next step will be to replace those memory patterns with new ones based on real world experiences. By experiencing the real world and by staying away from P I am sure it will gradually get better.
     
  5. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [12d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    15d no PMO, 15d no O
    Had the woman I met some days ago in bed yesterday, but didn't get passed her panties. This is a new country for me and it seems the dating culture is a bit different to what I am used to, it seems the date a little more before having sex. I really like this woman so I hope next time she will allow it to go all the way. Unfortunately I took a viagra as I thought I had the lay in front of me, add 15d of no O on top of that and you have a good recipe for Ouch! Anyway I stayed away from P and MO so in a way I succeeded.
     
  6. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [15d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    16d no PMO, 0d bo O
    I blew the date yesterday with the woman i am dating. Last days i have not been feeling well, so i messed up. Will see if I get another shot at it, but I doubt it. Was 15d without O which is pretty extreme and woke up in the night and couldn't sleep, so I did MO. Its OK no P was involved, just to be able to go back to sleep. Went to the gym today and now I feel a little better, but starting to become bored of this place and this lifestyle is killing me. Will have to fix it when back home. Still staying away from P and that is really good.
     
  7. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [16d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    18d no PMO, 2d no O
    Tomorrow is my last day in this place and it shall be nice to go home again, it has been fun but I am feeling worned out from the emotional rollercoaster experienced from hitting on women. Yesterday I was on a date with a new woman and she was great but it was just a short coffee date so not sure if I am able to get further with her before its time to go home. Managed to repair my previous date with the first woman so its on again. Will meet her tonight, date no three so I hope it is time for the no pants dance.

    Looking forward going back to gym routine, diet, sleep and meditation when coming home. Continuing this no P journey and continuing to working on improving myself.
     
  8. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [18d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    20d no PMO, 4d no O
    Had the date with the woman two days ago and again I was not able to get passed the panties, her dating principles is killing me. But it really does not matter now as I have gone home to my home country.

    Was on another date with another woman yesterday and she was absolutely fantastic, she was the most beautiful and pleasant woman I have met so far in my life actually. I could not take my eyes of her during the entire date and when she accepted my kiss was a magical moment. Unfortunately she could not stay on the date for so long time as she had to go up early for work the day after. And now I have left her country so..... It is definitely a women like her that can make me go into exclusive relationship.

    Looking forward going back into the daily routines from tomorrow, will work really hard on getting myself back into mental and physical shape.

    Got a call from my father today and he told me they found a tumour in his intestine that they have to remove by surgery, potentially it can be cancer but they will have to take it out to be able to make complete analysis. When they open up they will see how large part of the intestine that needs to be removed. If its cancer then its really bad... I feel sad for him. And it reminds me that there will be a time when my parents leave life on earth and I will be alone here. Its fucking time that I step up and become a man now. Its embarrassing that I am still struggling with the P addiction.

    I have built up 20days without P so I have made it through the hardest part, now I will have to continue. I have allowed myself an O every 8 day so that I can experience the testosterone peak that is about to come on day 7.
     
  9. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [20d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    21d no PMO, 5d no O
    Wasted the entire evening on youtube... didn't PMO and which is good. Tomorrow I will have to be more productive.
     
  10. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [20d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    23d no PMO, 7d no O
    So this is the day I should get the rumoured testosterone spike. Definitely woke up more horny this morning but not sure if it means something. Struggled with urges yesterday but managed to stay away from P. Spent the whole evening on youtube though, watching useless crap. Thats the next thing I will have to deal with it seems, but its ok as long as I stay away from P.

    Will go to the gym today, looking forward to that.
     
  11. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [23d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    4d no PMO, 4d no O
    Relapsed pretty bad a couple of days ago. When I watched P I got really exited, it was like fireworks inside my head. But after I crashed completely and been feeling bad since. Was on a date but my brain wss not working, felt no attraction even though she was a fine lady. Have also suffered from severe anxiety the last couple of days. I really need to beat the fucking addiction.
     
  12. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    0d no PMO, 0d no O
    Another relapse period and I find myself again in a low point. I am not struggling only with PMO but overall motivation to do something other than lying in bed watching meaningless movies on youtube or reading about pointless stuff. The whole weekend I have just stayed at home watching P and useless garbage. I have almost not eaten either so feel exhausted. Was supposed to have a dinner date with the woman I have been seeing a couple of times but I had to cancel, lying that I have a cold. Thing is we are at the dating process where it is time to have sex and the weekends relapses is making me feel zero libido. Its incredible that yesterday I PMOd four times even though I knew she was coming over today, I have lost control..

    Last week was terrible when comes to work, I almost did not get anything done. Anxiety, stress, loss of capability to make decisions.

    I think the reason is that I never landed after the latest trip. I pushed myself so hard during that trip with hitting on women, dating etc. and it stressed me out. When coming home I never gave myself time to center myself. I still think I can fix this but I will have to go back to strict rules. Rules and implementation of habits, following it strictly no matter how I feel about it. So today I cleaned my apartment, it looked like a bum was living there, stuff and dishes everywhere.

    So I will go back to implementation of new habits to measure my progress. These are the habits I will focus on:
    [table][tr]
    [td]Habit[/td][td]Streak[/td][td]Max[/td][td]Success[/td][td]Change[/td][td]Explanation[/td]
    [/tr]
    [tr]
    [td]Follow morning routine[/td][td]0[/td][td]0[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]Go up directly when waking up in the morning, eat and make yourself ready for the day[/td]
    [/tr]
    [tr]
    [td]Perform meditation[/td][td]0[/td][td]0[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]Perform at least 10 min of meditation each day[/td]
    [/tr]
    [tr]
    [td]Eat healthy[/td][td]0[/td][td]0[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]Avoid eating sugar or fast carbs[/td]
    [/tr]
    [tr]
    [td]Sleep enough[/td][td]0[/td][td]0[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]Sleep at least 7 hours per night[/td]
    [/tr]
    [tr]
    [td]Stretch[/td][td]0[/td][td]0[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]Stretch or foam roll to get rid of muscle tension[/td]
    [/tr]
    [tr]
    [td]Avoid alcohol[/td][td]0[/td][td]0[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]Limit intake to one glass of wine at each moment[/td]
    [/tr]
    [tr]
    [td]Live pure for energy and clearity[/td][td]0[/td][td]0[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]N/A%[/td][td]Avoid pornographic material and keep the hands of the dick to create energy[/td]
    [/tr]
    [/table]
     
  13. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    28d no P, 3d no O
    Lately I have been able to avoid P, now at 28days complete days clean. I am impressed by myself. Could be that when my father got sick it kind of woke me up, got me to realize that it is time to step up.

    Another thing I am feeling deep inside myself is that the time is not enough for us to hold back. For each day going by I am getting to know myself better and better so its more clear what I exactly want in life. There is so much spinning around inside my head but I does not seem to be able to get it out in text today. I just have had a feeling lately that I am near a breakthrough. All the way since when my depression hit me in early 2011 I have been struggling. Now my head is more clear and I can almost see everything in front of me. What is needed now is the final push, the final struggle, the finishing battle.

    Again I have realized that all my life I have let myself been pushed around and I have always followed the herd. I think the anxiety I feel is stopping me from taking action in the way I want, instead I am sitting around waiting for someone to come into my life and leading me in the direction I want. With that mindset I am an easy target for other to push around, why? Because as my boundary and internal needs and wishes is not clear I have no direction in life. So instead I tag along whatever comes around... Its a weak mindset.

    During the period that has been my mood has been going from pure joy, like feeling absolute great, feeling like king of the world. Back to feeling like complete shit. Without any special reason why I should feel like that, sometimes I think that I might show signs of bipolar disease. But otherwise it might be that the times when I feel good is actually me not feeling depression, but instead feeling normal. That I am so used feeling like shit that feeling normal is to me feeling great. Could also be withdrawal from P addiction. I try not to think to much about it as overall I think I am moving in the right direction.

    What more.. I fucked two more girls, girl15 and girl16. Its frustrating as none of them I like enough to want to go into relationship.

    As I am typing this I am feeling positive. Even though I have been drinking some alcohol every day for the last week it haven’t pushed me back into depression like it usually does. Its weird but during the last period it has been feeling like something inside me is about to change. At the same time my vision about what I want in live, what I value and what I should go after is clear. I shall not say crystal clear, but still pretty clear. Like I know what I shall go after.

    I have a couple of days free of work and I will use them to my best. I will use them to set up the plan for next year, what needs to be done to take me the last steps needed for getting the woman and relationship I want. And also what more I need to do except that to make me happy. Because that was the big flaw I had in my previous plan. My previous plan just reached until the moment I got the woman I want and nothing beyond that. It was a flaw because again it would lead to me being pushed around. Everybody needs to have a plan for themselves, otherwise they will be susceptible for external influence and it will lead to them being pushed around by other people.

    At the moment I seem to have the P addiction under control. The urge is there but the wish of having a healthy life is stronger.
     
  14. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    0d no P, 0d no O
    I had been feeling so tired lately so on new year I went out just to get drunk and have a good time. Usually I avoid getting too drunk because for me the reptile brain takes over and it scary as anything can happen in that state, but I pushed it too far. Got completely wasted and went out on the dance floor with my friends, saw some ladies close by that obviously were single and on the prawl. So I ended up making out with one of them even before we said a word to each other, girl17. It was just pure instinct. Then it all went bad..

    This woman was nice and everything and we ended up at her place. She was extremely gentle and good kisser so I was really horny. Problem was even though I took 100mg viagra my boner was not behaving. So when trying to take her from behind I lost my erection... pulled of the condom and fixed the erection back again, put on condom and then tried to come inside of her again. But because I was so drunk I ended up trying to push it into her ass, three times in a row....

    She told me to relax, calm down and lie down on my back.. that was first blow. After a while I went freaking horny and wanted to come inside of her again, but then she pushed me out and said she was not horny anymore.. omg that was too much for the reptile brain to handle, it hurt my pride... I just went up from bed, put on my clothes and went out the door. I acted like a complete idiot. Can just imagine how she felt after that....

    This is why I want to avoid drinking too much, I become like a psychopath caveman. After that incident I went into temporary depression, I felt really bad about my behaviour.

    Later in January I traveled to meet another woman I met in oktober on one of my trips, girl18. That time we only went out on one date but this time we shared the bed together. But the trip exhausted me.. so much stuff happened on this trip that came in the way and almost messed up the whole thing. Then I only came home for two weeks then again I left for another country to meet her (she relocated). Why did I go there? Because she was the best sex I have had in my life.. absolutely great body and looks, dress sexy, crazy horny and open attitude to sex.

    Last weekend I had to go to another trip as well.... with work...

    Lately I have been acting like if I have adhd, I am constantly stressed, always looking at my phone. I have to come back on track...

    About porn I have been doing good, I went 30days without for example. One reason I think I accomplished that was because I flatlined completely..

    Anyway that is passed. I can turn this around again.. I have done it before..

    Ok lets go.
     
  15. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    0d no P, 0d no O
    Just had a 4 hour long relapse.... this time it was actually due to libido coming back. Now only six hours until I need to wake up for work. That the libido was back is a good sign, don't know if its the girl I am seeing, because she has so sexy attitude to sex, or my no P streaks is healing me.

    She might decide to come her already a week from now! If I end up with a limp dick when she arrives it will be complete disaster. I still have a chance to turn this around... Tomorrow is a new try.. porn is really the devil, I am so addicted..
     
  16. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    1d no PMO, 1d no O
    Could not sleep well tonight and woke up with heart beating and headache, like hangover. Probably from the relapse yesterday. Could also feel my social anxiety was higher than usual today.

    Girl18 will arrive to me middle next week and will stay over one week, so now its critical I do not relapse or destroy my libido. I must do everything to get my energy levels back in order. At least I managed today.
     
  17. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    2d no PMO, 2d no O
    Had crazy libido all nigh, do not know why..

    3d no PMO, 3d no O
    Libido gone and anxiety instead.. really bad anxiety today and small headache. Felt weak in the gym. I think all this is withdrawal.. But as long as I manage stay away from P all is good.
     
  18. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [0d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    12d no PMO, 7d no O
    Seven days without orgasm and I am flat like a pancake, libido and erections completely gone.

    Last period has been dark, I have been feeling depressed again. At the same time I am having the time of my life with girl 18. She is a real adventure to be around, completely unstable and crazy woman but also so sexy, feminine and creative. I know she is not the right one for me and will not bring me in right direction but I cant stop. She is like a personal porn star and at the moment I have zero interest in pursuing other women, she completely satisfies me. She is like a drug, I know its not healthy but I can not stop.

    On the negative side she is professional dancer and completely broke, no job. If she can find decent job then yeah...

    About staying away from porn I have been doing OK. I went a 30 day long streak without porn and actually experienced MW on a few occasions. Then girl18 sent me a P link that I watched and I relapsed again. From now on I will ignore her P links if any.

    Next week she will visit on wednesday and stay for two weeks, it will be perfect time for rewiring. After that I will let myself go into deep flatline and let myself rest for a long streak.
     
  19. FenixW

    FenixW Member

    Re: [12d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    14d no PMO, 9d no O
    I am inside a good streak with no P now. I have noticed that when I go above 7 days without O I start to feel more anxiety and stress. Its like a small nausea and by giving myself a release it goes away. But I am ignoring it for the moment because girl18 will visit me tomorrow and stay for two weeks, so it will be a lot of rewiring going on, so I am saving myself for that. Besides from this my energy level seems to have plummeted... I feel like I am in need of a couple of days without anything to do, just relax with couple of movies or something. But it will not happen for some time, just need keep going...

    When she leaves I will be on 30d without P, that will be fantastic.
     
  20. Fry

    Fry Guest

    Re: [14d] Unleashing the power of my ancestors.

    There's nothing wrong with rewiring with a real girl, but if she's crazy be careful you don't get into trouble. I was once "addicted" to the sex with a crazy girl. Really good sex but the price was high: After a few months it ended with a fake pregnancy and she almost got me into jail. :eek:

    Gz on your no porn streak :)
     

Share This Page