7 years of hell

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by sveltest, Jan 15, 2019.

  1. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 28

    Really close to having a wet dream last night
     
  2. PathToGrace

    PathToGrace New Member

    I'm glad you got to talk to hot girls lol I really want to know how that went. Was it your kind of scene when you were talking to them?
     
  3. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Ya it was. It was me and a buddy who went to this christian shelter kinda place. Everyone sits wherever so i just plunked myself down on the couch and my buddy did the same. This girl asked if she could get me a cup of water which i thought was weird but whatever. Then more and more girls started talking with us.

    Further evidence how important Social proof is. I doubt i would have had such a positive reaction if i was alone. Or if i hadnt known other people there or if this girl hadnt offered to get me a drink etc etc

    Of course...this is a forum about freeing ourselves from porn and many if us (myself) included need to take baby steps to do that and reintegrate ourselves back into society. Getting jobs and careers making strong stable and healthy relationships and developing good habits and coping mechanisms. Cuz life gets a lot harder.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2019
    PathToGrace likes this.
  4. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 29.

    Gf from mtl is bitching. Not impressed.

    Made some $$$ today feels good to not be a bum.

    I seem to alernate from absolutly horrible dreams to awesome erotic dreams. Last night was horrific.

    Keep on keeping on boys.
     
    Intothewild89 likes this.
  5. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Closing in on 30 days brother, good work. You're an inspiration for me. I hope you feeling alright with your other issues, I think this just shows your capable of anything. I've got something in the works that should help me abstain indefinitely. Still keeping up with your journal every day. Keep going!! No sense in looking back now.
     
  6. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 30

    So my gf was supposed to come down this weekend but she started to get demanding and bitchy. Changing her mind and just being a flaky cunt.

    I have precious little time for 40 year old sluts. She is poison. For me and everyone around her.

    Feels shitty but she was a dead end. It would have ended badly anyway.

    Sorry my dear you cant fuck half the male population of montreal in your 20s and 30s then expect to sail off with someone like me into the sunset

    I have to get on with my life somehow
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    I'm happy to hear you're at 30 days man ! Keep up that good work and good luck with other general life issues.
     
  8. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Lol ya my general life issues...

    I could tell you all about it dude. Its not fun when you learn every word from her mouth was pretty much a lie.

    I told her she should kill herself. Partly hoping she would and party to make her hurt the way she hurts me when she throws me and my love away for no reason.

    Super cute girl at the grocery store. She gets all flustered and blushing when i go through. Ill think about her for a while

    Drinking. Unemployment. Abandonment. Rejection. Those are my general life issues. I wont use porn or even fap if im not cranked to the gills on speed and fuck that shit.

    Libido is coming back but i have absolutely no desire to PMO
     
    Intothewild89 likes this.
  9. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 31.
     
  10. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 32.

    Been in bed. Im gonna have to completely cut her out of my life if i want to heal
     
    Merton likes this.
  11. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Feels like im looking at a lot of things in a detached kinda way. Especially thoughts about how i acted with my last gf. After the initial 2 or 3 month "honeymoon" phase wore off she just started lying more and more and her moods got worse. Shit wasnt adding up and i should have trusted my gut. I watched her lie through her teeth to her mom and sister. No doubt she was lying to me as well.

    She will reject me then beg to get me back. Ive had enough. Someone stop the ride i want off. This ride sucks.

    Ya we had some good times and she did spend most of her money on me. But after i screwed up a couple times she never really forgave me and she turned into a monster.

    Fool me once shame on you...fool me 12 times shame on me i guess but there wont be any more fooling or shaming.

    She can make a fool of herself trying to weasel her way back into my life but thatll be her shame not mine.
     
  12. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 34.

    I dont kiss and tell but the last couple days have been good.

    No sex or even real female contact but i feel stable and grounded. Even if all i do is sleep and eat. My balls are huge. Im hard whenever i wake up usually (which is annoying cuz i need to piss)
     
  13. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 35.

    5 weeks.

    I should be sleeping now but my schedule is all messed up from sleeping during the day then coffee and a workout at like 2 in the morning.

    Gotta get this train back on the tracks and get something rolling. With work. With other people. With everything.

    Some anxiety from the coffee and i missed my dose of valium for today.

    Lots to do today. i need to remember to maintain discipline in all things. Not just abstaining from PME.
     
  14. PathToGrace

    PathToGrace New Member

    Sounds like you're getting somewhere dude. You won't use porn unless you're cranked up - I say just throw speed away and sounds like you'll be throwing porn away at the same time. Just remember what you said, YOUR LIBIDO IS COMING BACK! Hold on to it, man!
     
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  15. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    @PathToGrace

    It definately feels like i am. There a confidence i havent felt in a long time. As though i know all my endeavors will succeed as long as i perservere. My appetite has returned with a veangeance. For food and money and women. You need to work and earn your money to be a man first. Then later if you are good enough, a leader and possessing high status among your peers and regarded as a man with high mate value.

    You can be a bum and still get laid. This is known. Its not even hard when youre good looking and have the dominant personality to make them feel safe. But no one wants to be a bum or really be with a bum.

    So make some money. It doesnt even have to be a lot. Dont be pathetic. Dont be despised. Dont watch porn. Dont be a wanker.

    Peace fellas
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2019
  16. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Day 41.

    I havent posted in a few days. My girl came down from mtl and we had an awesome weekend.

    I may have been a little harsh with some of you the last time i posted.

    Sorry (not sorry).
     
    Intothewild89 and TrueSelf like this.
  17. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    No way man, keep being harsh. You are the kick in the ass I need, so keep posting the only way you know how. Congrats on 40+ days! You’re a big inspiration for me and a breath of fresh air.
     
  18. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    Mh, just a guess, but I had a similar gf a while back. Stuff she said and stuff she did were never on the same page. Or in the same book. But the first weeks were super nice. Afterwards came a never ending shit parade of trouble. Getting away from that was like having to get rid of another adddiction. (Sweet talking bullshit, always fucking you up in funny ways, what you want but most definitely don't need, bla bla bla).

    I'd put as much distance between myself and that person if I were you. Sounds like a narcissist to me. Run for the hills, man.
     
    chrism likes this.

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