55 year old feeling the effects of 8 yrs on porn

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Jimfornow, Oct 21, 2017.

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  1. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    My story is certainly not unique which is a big part of what convinced me that I do indeed have a problem. The path to where I am now has been shared by many before in the posts here and on other sites. Became very interested in online porn about eight years ago after divorce. I would say it was filling a need for the first five years but at some point escalated into requiring more intense porn in order to get aroused and achieve orgasm. Eventually femdom and humiliation porn, forced-bi, shemale porn and gay porn was needed to get satisfaction. Eventually even this porn does not have the effect it once did. My erections are not as hard if at all. No more morning wood or spontaneous erections. I have not been in a relationship over that period and believe I would not likely get a sufficient erection to have sex with a woman.

    I have come to the conclusion that the porn is the culprit and I do need to stop. Only 14 days in since this realization and have relasped three times, twice PMO and once MO on two different days most recently yesterday. Posting here to validate to myself that my issue is real. Taking one day at a time.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2017
  2. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    I will hopefully post here to mostly report on my successes and any failures in my quest to return to a normal life without porn. I realize this is more than pushing a reset button but am focused on the goal. I believe it is a necessary step to eventually having a real relationship with a woman. Have not been putting in the time and effort on finding a relationship as PMO has been artificially filling that void. I used the term artificial as one thing PMO does not provide is the physical touch of another person or the physical and psychological interation with another person. I have many friends male and female but that obviously is not the same. In the short time I have been working on this change and the relatively few days that I have been PMO and MO free I did notice a return to a better (but not yet fully hard) erection yesterday. This has encouraged me somewhat that I am on the right path.
     
  3. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Welcome. May I suggest to you that the problem is your brain not below the belt. Also, may I suggest to you that you're brain does not see the porn as artifical. Your rational mind ( your enemy ) does but your brain cannot tell the difference between pixels and real flesh interaction. Yes, divorce on death of a dear one can make all of us want to stay in a fantasy world where we CONTROL and are safe. Again may I suggest that's not real life. Glad you have joined us, welcome aboard.
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2017
  4. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    I am very much aware now that the fantasy is not real. I have experienced real and it was obviously so much better. The stories I have read here and elsewhere are a confirmation of that. I am committed to not wanting porn anymore which will allow the "real" to return. Just coming to that realization has been a step as it has awakened the truth. I feel stronger about this every day. Porn was easy but it was never real. I was loosing one to three hours everyday that would either cut into my productivity or my sleep. In two weeks I can already see a positive difference. Yes I know I will be tempted for the quick easy feel good moment going forward but will try to remain focused.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  5. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Welcome, Jim. You are brave and true to take this on. You can already see that it won't be easy. We will help you if we can. Peace.
     
    Jimfornow likes this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Awesome! Things just get better and better the further we get away from P. Welcome.
     
  7. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    I feel somewhat indifferent that it took signs of ED to get me to come to the realization that porn, especially to the extent I was reliant on it was indeed a real problem for me. The ED symptoms are very recent so for that I should be hopeful that the reversal may come sooner. I have however always prescribed to the saying "For anything worthwhile it is not a race but a journey" My days of porn are done for me, period. Do not want it do not need it and realize damage outweighs any perceived satisfaction. I find it is helping me writing this down as it provides me with positive affirmation as have the many stories of success and failures I have been reading. I have always been a strong willed person and am especially drawing on that strength now. I consider myself to be just beyond step #1.
    STEP 1: Admit you have a problem and truly want to change. If you do not accept this step there is no point in continuing no matter how many people may tell you tht it is a problem or that you need to change. Without ADMIT and WANT. It cannot succeed.

    Step 2: Providing myself with positive affirmation. Increase exercise and activities to fill the time you otherwise would have been on line. Spend less time overall on the computer/tablet/phone. Avoid entirely if you cannot resist. When sexual thoughts enter your mind make a conscious choice to change your train of thought. Make a TO DO list of things you need to get done and cross them off as they are complete. Keep an ongoing list so you can see what you are able to accomplish. Take this as time to think about your brain and body. Eat healthy and challenge your brain both will assist in helping the mind and body to shift focus. This is a lifestyle change and one for the better.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  8. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    Woke this morning to a tingling in the groin and a surprising erection. Have not woken up like this in as long as I can remember. Had to remind myself not to touch but to be satisfied that it occurred. Tempted to MO but reminded of my disappointment with three instances in the first 14 days. I take the past 16 days as a whole as a positive. On a typical Saturday morning I would have PMO three times before noon in my old life and either PMO or MO 30 to 40 times over those 16 days. Still no strong desire to return to watching porn at all which I am proud of. Am quick to shift focus when thoughts of sex enter my head during the day. Kind of like telling my brain to change the subject. Have not talked with my doctor about lost erection issue as was pretty sure it was the porn with frequent MO. Had health issues 18 months ago with a minor heart attack. Had stents put in and was on medication for a year. Most of those beta blockers, blood thinners, anti-angina and blood pressure pills all have stated side effects that said they could cause erection problems and that did not happen over the time I was on them. Led me to believe my issue is not physical. The ED only came recently after I have been off all pills, except the blood pressure pills, for a few months. The other medication did make me tired and light headed. Felt better when stopping so I know I had stepped up the PMO since I was feeling better. My libido is still high the desire is still very much there I am often now feeling an erection coming on when thoughts of sex enter my head. It goes away when I shift focus. I was not previously experience that without touching. Other lifestyle changes I made after the heart attack have me feeling better physically than I have in over ten years. I am looking forward to feeling the same way about the positive psychological changes coming my way.
     
    seebs75 likes this.
  9. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Awesome, sounds like you are on the road to success. Something happening down there is a sure sign you are healing!
     
  10. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Be prepared for things to get worse before they get better...my withdrawals didn't hit until week 3 on my first reboot attempt. I actually felt great for the first few weeks and then went into a very bad state. I'm not saying that will happen to you or trying to scare you, just trying to prepare you for a possible reaction to quitting.

    Welcome! You've joined the most supportive group of guys on the planet here.
     
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  11. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Steering away from fantasy will get you very far down the road you want to take. Deflecting sexual thoughts takes discipline at first but it will become habit in time, until eventually your mind stops generating them (not entirely, in times of stress they can reappear).

    One thing I didn't do the first time round was realize the value of reading other guys' journals. Not everyone will speak to you, but there will be some that are super-helpful. Reading Wabi-Sabi's was a game changer for me. Omega Man, jebu, 40New30 and Saville are also well worth the time.
     
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  12. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    Interesting listen. While everyone is different this may have some useful info for some.
     
    40New30 likes this.
  13. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    Twenty six days in and twelve days no porn. Not finding it difficult to stay away from porn which surprised me somewhat but perhaps is a sign that I am genuinely committed to stop. Have MO five times over these 26 days and realize that is too often as my newfound spontaneous erections and feeling and sensations that were coming back to my penis have diminished. Will have to put the MO on the back burner again. Still feel am making progress and definitely have the awareness that P needs to be out of my life completely as there is no real beneficial place for it. I am feeling much better about myself these past 26 days and am more focused and productive.
     
  14. 57yrold

    57yrold Member


    Welcome. We have a lot in common.

    I'm 57. ED and DE bigtime.

    I have not looked at porn for 7 weeks, but only about two weeks since my last O (while fooling around with my wife. I've not MO without her).

    I wasn't seeing the results I wanted, and I also felt bad about MO, so I've now decided to go full hardmode, and I reset my counter to that last date.

    Do you feel that you need to reset your counter when you relapse?

    Good luck to you! Stay strong and NO PMO!
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2017
  15. Jimfornow

    Jimfornow New Member

    I have been PMO fee for thirteen days. Probably should have waited longer to MO after return of erection. My goal was to remove P from my life forever but expect that occasional MO would be part of my life. Am currently single and have been for eight years. Even after MO have not had strong urge to return to P so for that I am happy. My counter is based on PMO
     
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Going hard mode is actually easier, but if you're making progressing with P while still MO'ing...well, that ain't so bad. I was one of the most addicted people to P of all time, so I couldn't mess around with MO. I probably could now, I but choosing not too. I am married though.
     

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