41 yr old divorced and single

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by sigmoid2021, Aug 17, 2021.

  1. sigmoid2021

    sigmoid2021 New Member

    Hello all
    IM a 41 yr old divorced male and currently single. I had ED since the time i got married in 2008 (separated in 2013). The sex was not great and we had issues between so maybe thats why i had problems. But i was also addicted to porn and masturbation felt better than sex. After separation i had no rel. I used to go to massage parlours but would not get an erection there. I was just grabbing the girls and hoping to get an erection but no luck. IN the meantime i was watching porn and masturbating. To add to my woes i also had anxiety and depression. Now cut to June 2021 and i was seeing a woman. We had some foreplay but i could not get it up. Needless to say she stopped seeing me. But the day was June 17 and i decided to embark on the nofap journey. 60 days into it still going strong although have some weak moments when i rub my dick and get strong erections, just don't orgasm. Also saw a urologist who said i dont have physical problems

    My question is for how long do i stop masturbation ? 90 days ? 6 months ? Is it ok if i masturbate once a week without porn and death grip ? because honestly lack of orgasm is making me cranky and increasing my stress
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    If you can get an erection without porn or porn fantasy, I don't see why should avoid masturbation completely. It seems you made a lot of progress over the last 60 days. Just try it and see how it affects you. If it affects you in a negative way, stay away from MO a little longer. "90 days" or "6 months" are just random numbers, it's different for everybody.

    The most important thing is No Porn.
  3. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I want to make something clear to you my friend:

    Masturbation with pornography or without pornography is practically the same thing. Of course pornography increases and promotes masturbation much more, but, even so, and in spite of that, if you continue to masturbate you will still experience low sex drive and weak erections when it comes to initiating sex again with another person later on.

    An orgasm is an orgasm with or without pornography. So my advice is not to masturbate at all and to remain abstinent for many months. The number of months will be set by you according to the urges you are having. But ideally, in my advice it would be a good start to go more than 8 months minimum without having an orgasm.

    Men often quit pornography because they consider that only pornography is the problem, however, they make a big mistake and that is that they continue to have orgasms with masturbation and that is the reason why they miss the time and do not notice significant differences in erections and their sex drive with a person afterwards.

    If you stay away from pornography but continue to masturbate you will practically waste your time. Unless you feel that a masturbation or two a week doesn't affect you at all, which is impossible because it's going to affect you very surely. But if you find that one or two masturbations a week don't affect you that means you don't have a grave PIED. That would be very good news.

    That is my advice.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2021
  4. sigmoid2021

    sigmoid2021 New Member

    Thanks guys for your advice. What i gather is that if i must masturbate, it shouldn't be more than once a week and should also be without porn or porn fantasy. I have quit porn for good, but what i find these days is that if i just unconsciously rub my penis a few times, i achieve erection. Definitely im seeing some improvement, but not sure if its good enough. Another problem is i don't have a gf so cant find it out. If i go on dates i worry i may fail. Im thinking of getting a hand job at a massage parlour next month to mark 3 month nofap journey :D lets see how that goes.
  5. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest


    Performance anxiety. Watch out for that.

    Masturbation and an orgasm with or without porn is practically the same thing. I would prefer not to masturbate at all. An orgasm is an orgasm anyway and your body and mind feel it, which leads to refractory periods that will continue to build up and put you in a situation of feeling "less desire (libido) for sex."

    Very good. Pornography is a tremendous promoter of constant masturbation. Porn on sight makes things worse. Stay away from porn. Very good.

    Perfect. There are going to be days during the restart that you feel like you're not going to make it, but, it's very normal. Today you may feel like you've been in the reboot for 100 days, and next week you may feel like you've been in the reboot for just one day. It's not linear at all. However we all like the idea of counting days here. But there's really no point in counting days because the process is not linear at all.
  6. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I strongly disagree with that statement.

    Porn is a supernormal stimulus with unending sexual novelty. It can lead to extremely morphed sexual tastes, ED in teenagers, desensitization of the reward circuitry. MO does nothing like that. People MOd for centuries, but most of these problems (especially among younger people) have only really emerged in the last 15 years. High-speed internet porn is the new variable, MO ist not.

    Sure, a lot of MO can lead to less motivation and less energy on its own. And the less the better in my opinion (with no MO at all being the perfect outcome).

    I'm neither pro nor anti masturbation. I'm pretty agnostic on this subject. But equating P and MO is dangerous in my opinion and only leads to the trivialization of porn.
  7. sigmoid2021

    sigmoid2021 New Member

    I kindda agree with both of you.
    Sex > MO > PMO
    Sex is always better than MO, but if you aint got nobody, MO is your only option in this hypersexual world where sex is used to sell even toothpaste. Someone said it correctly that Everything in the world today is about sex, except sex.
    MO is simulation mode and PMO is super simulation mode. Porn has a big impact on people. It lets you tailor the fantasy down to your finest likes or dislikes. And if you are hooked on to it then you will lose interest in actual sex. I tend to believe MO should be indulged very sparingly.
    Having said that i must say that its been 61 days of no MO, not sure how long i can hold it. FOr the past 2 weeks the thought of breaking the streak crosses my mind everyday, i just end up rubbing my penis, few strokes, and getting a hard erection but dont ejaculate. Lets see how far I go with this.
  8. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest


    Something to clarify here:

    Of course the consumption of pornography promotes more masturbation. On the contrary, masturbation without pornography is less long and prolonged. However, for someone who is in a state of overstimulation from having been addicted to pornography, masturbation alone is also harmful. In fact, having sex in even once a week is nefarious for regaining sex drive for someone who is with PIED (Mild or moderate) and there is enough anecdotal evidence in these forums to support my theory ( I recommend you read the thread: REWIRING IS A MYTH. This thread you can find it here in this forum). There are hundreds of men here who quit porn years ago but continue to have problems. why? The answer: THEY CONTINUED MASTURBING AND HAVING SEX (They call this rewiring. This is a very common mistake).

    The above indicates that even if you quit pornography and continue to masturbate your libido will remain weak. Which may indicate that the problem is most likely not so much from pornography but from excessive masturbation (of course: promoted by too much porn in sight).

    In the old days when there wasn't as much pornography available men masturbated less and lasted less time doing it. In the old days a guy would finish in a matter of minutes after masturbation without porn.

    Today things have changed: Because there is so much pornography (pictures and videos) available on the web, men are lasting longer masturbating ( edge ) and not only that but something else to consider: They can go for hours masturbating between video and video, website and website, pictures and thousands of pictures.

    This indicates that constant masturbation (With Porn in the mayority cases) is what plays a major role in lack of libido (erectile dysfunction induced by lack of libido due to too much stimulation), or as it is more commonly known by now: PIED.

    I have a family member who uses porn. He doesn't use it to masturbate. He has a partner and watches porn in a particular way: He never does PMO. Which indicates that he watches porn but does not masturbate while watching it. And my relative has a partner normally. It is possible that men who use porn without masturbating do not develop PIED unlike those who masturbate too much while watching it (the vast majority).

    Of course the above is not a call for a pro-porn mentality. Nor is it a call for anything else.

    I am one of those who think that the two extremes confuse men: An anti-porn mentality on the one hand does not lead to anything productive or formative in terms of medical (scientific) knowledge. But also on the other side of the situation a pro-porn mentality is destructive.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2021
  9. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest


    That's right, I agree with you.

    On this forum unfortunately you see too much information from men who stopped watching porn a long time ago (two or even 10 years even as is the case with pornfreesmee) and still feel flat despite having quit porn.What has been the mistake of these menESAnswer: They continued to have orgasms (from masturbation or sex).

    There is a post on this forum that I personally find very interesting. It is:


    I also recommend you to read these two recent ones:



    I recommend you to read it not in order to scare you but for you to take into account the valuable information. The idea is that you understand why I am so drastic with the idea of performing HARDMODE as long as possible.

    This evidence reflects that quitting pornography (in case of PIED) but continuing to have orgasms (masturbation or sex) causes men to continue to experience low libido even for a long, long time. One possible hypothesis is that the organism sexually has already lost balance or a certain equilibrium due to constant PMO (constant masturbation due to watching too much pornography?).

    In a man not addicted to porn and without PIED it is not a problem that he masturbates. Such masturbation is not going to affect him. But with men who experience PIED, the masturbation (without porn ) or the sex with a partner does not help because the body has already lost balance (libido).

    Now: Please don't misunderstand me. This does not mean that you have to go (in your particular case) three years without an orgasm necessarily. Of course not because your organism is different from others. Remember that you are the only one who knows your body well and only you can be sure when the time will be right for you to experience again the libido you want to experience. Remember that only you will know for sure if you need three months, or 6 months or a year in HARDMODE. Or maybe less than that. Only you can know.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2021
  10. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I agree with you that for guys with severe PIED Hardmode is the way to go. And I've read a lor of stories over time where guys like that had setbacks from orgasms without porn.

    However, @sigmoid2021 doesn't seem to be one of the hard cases. He wrote that he has strong erections without porn after just a few weeks without porn. That doesn't sound like hardcore PIED to me. People are just different and react differently. That's why I said, try it and see what happens. If he sees some negative consequences after MO, then he shouldn't do it (at least for a while). If he doesn't, why should he value experiences from other people on the internet more than his own experiences?

    I will never agree with a statement like "Masturbation and an orgasm with or without porn is practically the same thing", though.
  11. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    A very modest contribution from me according to knowledge in this:

    Porn Induced Erectyle Dysfunction is simply your brain saying:

    "HEYYY, Too much orgasm for now, I don't want to know about sex anymore"........... This leads to : low libido - Bad erections.

    In men with PIED, the body (brain and mind) have lost the balance of their libido due to the excess and that is the reason why orgasm becomes a problem (regardless of whether it is orgasm with sex as a couple, masturbation, with or without porn or with any other type of utensil such as toys, vaginas in form of toys or things for the masturbation etc ...).
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2021
  12. Pedro Delgado

    Pedro Delgado Member

    That's quite a long time, man, I'm sorry that the marriage wasn't as good as expected, for sure you're better now. How did the ED issues start?
  13. shattered

    shattered Member

    Just curious, are there any medications you've taken in the past that could have caused issues?
  14. shattered

    shattered Member

    It's shame this guy is a deleted user because I pretty much agree with him.

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