Yes, that's right: 40 years of wanking to porn are at an end. I feel a bit weird after 7 days of no PMO - strange dreams, emotions all over the place, strong urges for....something, not necessarily porn, just...release, relief. I'm 49 and started when I was about 10 with my dad's soft core mags. Then a typical trajectory (from what I read from others on this site) of escalation to more and more extreme porn and when the internet arrived things got really serious with 6 hour binges of new images every 20 seconds. I realise I've been 'edging' for many years, enjoying the dopamine rush - orgasm often feels disappointing compared to the idea that the next clip could be the perfect one. I've been married for 20 years and have a 13 year old daughter. The last time I had sex with my wife was when we conceived. I thought I'd just gone off her, but now realise that porn took her place as it was around this time that internet and access to hard core really took off for me. I can't believe she's still with me. We have fights about not having sex and she's really upset about it, but I've blamed it on my anxiety & depression due to physical and emotional abuse in childhood at the hands of my mother and she has bought this. To tell the truth I bought it too, and it wasn't until I found YBOP site that I saw my porn use in a different way. I know that the cause of my sexual problems is way more complicated than just brain chemistry, but what this theory has given me is a method to stop that is very similar to the one I used to quit smoking and marijuana: stop the behaviour and the neural pathways become overgrown and the cravings get less and less until eventually you just get the occasional, context-specific pang of desire that is almost like seeing an old aquaintance. I think this will be enough to put this behind me for ever. I'm hoping that after a couple of weeks I will start to desire my wife again and maybe we can start over. I think that if we don't do this then we'll eventually split up. I'm also really interested to see what happens to my anxiety and depression. For close on 40 years I've been masturbating compulsively every day (apart from meditation retreats and when I've had hot sex with girlfriends in my 20s)- sometimes wanking up to 8 times a day and even now I can manage 6 times during a porn binge (not bad for an old man, huh?) . Throughout this time I've suffered from low self-esteem, panic attacks, depression, which I managed with drink and drugs in my youth and with therapy and meditation from my 30s onwards. Because PMO has been such a part of my life for all this time I think I've been able to deny how serious my addiction has been. It's been the thought of my daughter discovering my activities and hating me that has caused me to start looking for help. I've been in psychoanalytic psychotherapy for the last two years, which has been helpful in terms of looking at childhood issues, but finding the YBOP site has been like finding the key to the jail cell that I've been locked in. Anyway, my goals are to just stop using porn and to start having sex again with my wife. I don't ever want to go back to what I was doing - and because I can now see why I kept doing it, I really think that stopping is possible. Hell - I've done a whole week without PMO and have even been on my own in the house for four of those days, which is my major trigger for a porn binge (almost like quitting smoking & weed and then spending four days surrounded by cartons of my favourite brand of cigarettes and some top quality marijuana). Power and strength to all you guys doing this with me - we can do it!