38yo, I will overcome this too (PIED)

MO'd late last night again. Barely used fantasy again, and I practically suffer from PE with my own hand, and DE with women. However, doing kegels or not is determining if I come or not - I think I could have incredible orgasm-control if I could only keep erections while having sex...
It is insane the "chaser effect" I am experiencing. Kind of shocked. I had an erection for most of yesterday. Also I am sick and not working out, so there's few other outlets now.

Today I went through my youtube-algoritm and deleted everything dating/couple-related. I used to use it for investing mainly, and passing time (dopamine abusing) watching science shit. Now it's looking more like it used too.
I have a couple of dates lined up through dating apps, just far away from me in bigger cities so not actionable right now. This is giving me hope I will not forever live alone but is not fulfilling my insane cravings this very second. My profile is far from as optimized as I plan to make it so I havent even activated it in my small city... I usually get some likes from atleast not morbidly obese single-moms here and there, maybe I could set up some FWB-thing. Or at the very least get some much needed dating experience.
Really not looking to become a bonus-dad tho....

Yeah I dont know, I'm all over the place right now - need to get back on track.

 

Day 5 fap free and almost 2 months porn free. Feels like longer.. After last post I had some more MO before falling asleep. Quick business it was... Libido was as I wrote totally fucking insane. Incredible what the body can do...

Now I am in a flatline. Mood is ok but that might because I'm video/textchatting with some nice girls and developing feelings for one of them. Dick is totally dead again tho haha. Which at the moment feels like a blessing. I've had sexual thought but it doesnt give me raging neverending boner like last week.

Working out and doing other good stuff. Things are looking up.

 

60 days pornfree, about a week MO-free. Dick is slowly waking up again - had pretty solid morning wood this morning. Thinking about sex with this one girl gives me the tingles/butterflies instead of a boner...

 

62 days porn-free and MO-free 10 days. I feel stable. No annoying horniness, maybe flatline.

Been having some luck with online dating lately. Got a potential date lined up next week, we'll see there is logistics issues but this is a girl incredibly cute and hot, also very much younger. Only issue she's visiting here and we don't have a language we can communicate in without things like Google translate.

Also dates lined up later this autumn with other women.

From having been on 0 dates I am now having what I myself feel nearly abundance of dates atleast. With imo high quality women younger than me. If I convert them into sex or anything more long-lasting remains to be seen.

All this by just quitting porn for 62 days. Incredible.

 

Soon 2 weeks MO free... Feeling kind of flatlinish.

Think I will be able to have some real intimacy soon if I play my cards right.

Will use cialis first time then ween my self off it and see what happens

 

MO's last night. Was not in a flatline, had annoying boner all night and could not sleep. So I did it.

Today I am filled with self doubt. This is hard.

Anyways, I will never watch porn again and jerking off here and there is maybe not the worst thing in the world until you get in a relationship and never have to do it again.

 

71 days and my life is officially changed. Getting in shape, totally changing my mindset but most of all No Porn have made me today been on my first proper date. I wasn't even very nervous, the old me would have been crippled in a mess of anxiety and panic.

She's still even talking to me.

 

Wooo, good on you.

Try to get used to stuff going your way. Sometimes I feel after long periods of living lives of austerity and avoidance, or, like
my granny would put it where she a construction worker from australia, being in dicktown, it can be hard getting used to the idea
that stuff will go right more often than wrong when we get out of our little crappy shell lives.

 

Thanks for the comment dark red. Haha, I'm not used to things going my way. Then again I never even really tried making them do that.

73 days, No updates in particular. Sometimes thinking about very average, regular women, naked unshaven (natural things that disgust men in this porn-era) and making love, I get tingles in belly/crotch. Havent experienced this since I was a early teenager... compared to flipping between all kinds of depraved porn clips and feeling nothing, not even getting 100% hard... makes me think I might be healing up the dmg it did quite nicely.

 

76 days no PMO, maybe 5 days no MO. I'm in a huge flatline I think. No sex drive whatsoever. Penis looks like a damn micropenis compared to the peak of no MO. I dont know what it is but a bigger soft dick gives you confidence. Atleast in my case.

Also diet and workout have not been on point. General energy to do things have declined.

I have an opportunity to meet a young very hot girl this weekend but I am thinking about bailing on it actually, this is in no way an easy meet. Lots of driving, no shared language (we used google translate so far)... and I'm not sure what she wants. If she would be up for casual sex it would be fine but I think she might be the very very traditional innocent type. I might just have ask her straight up.

 

Did you ever do the google translate voyage of romance/whatever?

I have to admit thats the one porn damage I am very unlikely to get rid of. Partially due to practical reasons, and partially as this has been seared into my brain over decades, even before I watched porn.

It didn't give me confidence, but same, and I actually thought that was the default state, having been in it too long. I'd say don't worry about it right now, especially when yer sex drive is awol anyways and just try to take care of the other aspects.

You don't drive your car to the mechanic and expect it to be functional and in one piece during overhaul, either, eh?

 

The voyage did not happen this weekend, I was to busy with other things. It might the week after this one. Then opportunity is over

Morning wood has been good this weekend, however I MO'd again Saturday night. It feel like the decision now is very spontaneous and not planned like when I broke 40 days of MO to my benefit.

 

Quitting porn has been really, really easy. I feel bad for saying this, I know how others struggle. Is it because I blame it so much for so many wasted years? I view it as the root cause of every aspect of my life I have not managed properly. I have not thought about it, I have not longed for it in any way. I only long for in person things. That has gotten much more manageable lately too. It's on a good level... Quitting MO harder, but I'm at 1 week again. I am waiting for the benefits of that. They seem to take longer and longer to manifest.

 

Don't feel bad. Cause none of us would begrudge one of the other ...prisoners escaping.

I feel you on the MO part, its harder for me as well. But the benefits of being able to do that, they be real, so good luck fighting!

 

89 days and tomorrow on the 90'th, I have a date...

 

Thats some timing, man. Have a great date!

 

Let's just say the date went great.

I still have some work to do, I am kind of dependent on cialis if condoms are involved and I have DE with them.

But what a milestone...

 

92 days, after a great weekend I have some time to share thoughts with whoever reads. This could've gone into the success-stories section but I have now learned I am not fully recovered. I may be suffering from slight anxiety regarding something with sex, probably ghosts from my pasts or something I havent figured out yet but it will come to me as I collect my thoughts. After the sex is over I lay and cuddle with this wonderful girl for an whole night with pretty much constant erections, which speak against the lack of dopamine-driven PIED and more towards something else like general anxiety about sex. Anyways, we were able to have good sex too. Mainly because this whole journey has forced me to realize sex is not just penetration, and as a nerd I dwelved into the subject, reading up and learning. Also practicing with pro's as you all know from my past stories.. so nice to not be on the clock for once. Anyways, I just told her to relax, it's no rush - and that it's not a problem with her, that this has happened before with others. For anyone wondering what to tell a girl about this issue - you don't need to go into more detail than that.
After that, I took some cialis and we were able to have good penetrative sex too.

Highlight was just spending time with a very cuddly, young sweet girl who could not get enough of absolute closeness and intimacy after the sex. That is what I have been craving so bad, not sex. I am still waiting to wake up from the dream... the old me would have screwed this up - I had to man up, act/behave like a man and gentleman for this to happen. It was not pure luck or stars aligning, as I gone around hoping for in the past would happen for me to get some intimacy. You have to actively try for these things to happen and porn eliminates the drive to face rejection, awkwardness and being without it and MO makes you seize opportunities. I now have a constant dude on my shoulder telling me you will regret this down the road if you dont try, and he also shuts up the dude on the other shoulder whining that this girl totally out of your league (imo) has no interest in you.

I will hopefully meet this girl once more before she leaves, we'll see if it was first time jitters or slightly to much to drink that was cause of the slight ed-problems, or if its still PIED. Also, all this happened while I've been feeling kind of flatlinish.

A big challenge I still have to figure out is going from constant every day masturbation to very rarely without wreaking havoc on your sex-drive.

 

Congrats brother! The work, realization, and epiphanies along the way makes it worth the experience. The feeling of connection and the alignment is an amazing feeling, and the sex is the cherry on top. And by the end of the day, what we truly want is the intimacy.

 

Heartfelt thank you. It is really heartfelt, I have started to allow myself to feel things again - since there is now more than pain to feel.

Yes, it's like a snowball of things... Now the total transformation has taken about 1 year, not 90 days actually. But the last 90 days is what got the snowball really rolling.