38-year-old virgin

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Londoner, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Hey Londoner, good to hear from you. The board has grown a bit stale lately indeed. It seems that multiple people have had different reasons to become less active, at the same time.

    Too bad man, conquering this fear is the important step. Dancing means kissing pretty much every time. What would have happened if you tried to kiss her? Would she scold you? Unlikely because a kiss is basically a compliment. And if she did anyway, you need to learn to brush it off. She will not hurt you.

    [/quote]She said that she had to leave as she felt a bit overwhelmed (her accident involved an injury to her head and she couldn't handle loud sounds and images).[/quote]
    I think she left because the kiss didn't happen, maybe she felt awkward afterwards. This was probably her reasoning in hindsight, to avoid hurting you.

    So by denying her the kiss, the dynamic between you two probably grew strange. Because both can feel something like a kiss or sex may happen, yet it didn't happen. This confused her, because the man must make the step so she probably wondered what was wrong with her. So she got hesitant to meet you again, but gave it another try at the museum. I'm not sure how the atmosphere was but it seemed like a similar situation, she started to feel awkward and wanted to leave.

    From the big picture I think you made progress. She gave you multiple chances and you set the right mood with the music and dancing. I think you know what to do, it's just that fear.
     
  2. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    The thing is, I already knew she wasn't. Her family were leaving soon after Christmas, which is why I mentioned that period. I suppose I could send her one last message, though.

    Thanks, I feel like I made progress too, especially in getting her back to my flat. Everything else you said rings true as well, particularly about why she went cold.

    Anyway, I don't want to dwell on this missed opportunity. I wasn't even going to mentioned it here until I was asked, so best to just learn from it and move on.
     
    Thebeg likes this.
  3. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    One week clean.

    Dreamt I relapsed last night and felt guilty about it, but that's a regular occurrence when going without. No physical urges during the day, I just wish it wasn't so tied to my mental wellbeing too.
     
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  4. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    9 days complete. Nothing much to report.

    I want to stay clean until I go on holiday - then, in theory, it should be easier to continue as I'll be away and without my computer.
     
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  5. Antonius

    Antonius New Member

    Hey Londoner, about the girl who you invited over to your place - I’ve been in that situation many times before. When I was younger, there were multiple women who were expecting me to make a move, but at that time I was quite unassuming and naive, so I never took the chance. Years later I’ve spoken to several of them and they all said the same thing - “I was really into you. Why didn’t you do anything?”

    This will venture into non-PC territory, and let’s remember - never assume that you’re entitled to any sexual acts and always get clear consent at every step of the way, including an initial sobriety and/or breathalyzer test to confirm that consent is capable of being given, but if a person agrees to go, unaccompanied, to your place, then this person is most likely showing that he/she is at least open to the possibility of some form of intimacy taking place, even if it’s simply the act of two people enjoying their privacy together. Long story short, she agreed to go to your place, so she probably doesn’t think you’re a serial killer and was at least willing to get to know you better.

    As far as the museum goes, I’ve had problems with claustrophobia in the past, which often gave me the uncontrollable urge to leave a situation if I was beginning to feel trapped. Maybe she’s dealing with something like that after her traumatic accident?
     
    Londoner likes this.
  6. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    Hi Londoner,

    I'd echo what Antonius said before. I like both of you have failed to make the move on many many occassions in the past, with girls who I really liked and who quite clearly liked me (though I told myself they didn't at the time).

    First thing is to take a step back and ask "what's the worst that can happen". Imagine getting rejected, would it really be that bad? It doesn't sound like you would have gotten rejected in the situation you mentioned anyway, but really it wouldn't have been bad at all.

    And don't beat yourself up about it. It sounds like you're a little bit insecure and unsure of yourself (as am I). I've envied friends over the years who just made the most of every hint of an opportunity with a woman, as I squandered glaringly obvious ones.
    But one thing I've realized is that some women actually like the more shy, reserved guy, and it's partly why they were attracted in the first place. It's a little bit tragic that this attribute also makes it hard to make the move. You just need to go for it a tiny bit more. You don't need to become a totally different person, just take that jump next time you get an opportunity. And don't be afraid to ask a girl if she'd like to kiss. I've found it breaks the tension (for both people).
     
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  7. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member


    Lol breathalyzer test lmao! Get a signed contract while your at it.
     
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  8. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    In the age of #MeToo it's not such a bad idea!

    Thanks for your comments @Antonius and @gavney. Yeah, I should have gone for it, but actually getting her back to mine was a big achievement for me anyway. If I can do it once, I can do it again and hopefully take it a few more steps forward next time!

    12 days clean now, and less than 10 days until I'm off on holiday on my own!
     
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  9. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Don't let #metoo scare you too much, it's mostly a thing related to the saying "don't shit where you eat", i.e. stuff happening on the work floor or on campus.
     
  10. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Two weeks complete. Have had some sexual thoughts recently, but nothing major. This time last year, I was clean for the whole of January, so hope to repeat that at the very least.
     
    Antonius likes this.
  11. Antonius

    Antonius New Member

    Nice going, Londoner! Staying clean in January is no small task.

    What holiday plans do you have?
     
  12. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I'm off to Australia for a few weeks - nervous but excited!
     
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  13. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Wow that's great Londoner!

    A friend of mine once went for 9 months, it completely changed him for the better.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  14. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Dreamt that I talked myself into relapsing, which is not good. Still, if I just get through the next couple of days I should have plenty of distractions for the next few weeks!
     
  15. sveltest

    sveltest New Member

    No offense...but 1000 replies for not even a kiss?

    Whats your longest streak? Why are people following you if you cant make it past 2 weeks?

    Im not really surprised people are going elsewhere. Every thread here has an upper limit of 3 weeks. Do you people have no willpower at all?

    STOP FAPPING.

    JUST. STOP.

    no one cares if you almost kissed a girl. Shes probably got hard dick in her right now and it aint yours bud

    Fucking grow a pair
     

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