Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Londoner, Mar 25, 2016.
Yea good work. Id be intersted to take a look too. Going to txt you about a meet up with James too
I've been lacking motivation to build up a streak lately, but want to make a go of it. My gym attendance went down during the World Cup, so trying to bring that back up too.
Went out to lunch with five colleagues the other day, and they started talking about who was paired up. Turned out I was the only one there who was single, which was a bit sad.
It's amazing how things can change quickly. An old work colleague of mine in his early 40's had depression and tons of issues with women due to strict upbringing. He met a girl on Tinder a little under a year ago. Now they live together and she's pregnant. Keep improving yourself. A few good actions can ultimately create huge consequences. This gives me hope for all of us here.
You've got this Londoner, I really think you do. Hang in there, there's a lot to you for a girl to like - that much is clear from how you write, and what you say.
Currently looking at holidays I could maybe do on my own. Wondering whether to just take an all inclusive package.
Another thing you could consider is a singles trip. Those are organized tours for people who are single yet want to meet others during their vacation. Oftentimes they are well educated people in their thirties. Worth looking into.
I think that sounds like a good idea, Thebeg.
And even if you don't want to do something as brazen as a singles trip, I would really recommend the tour format. I explored South America with a small group (a mixture of couples and people who had come on their own, of all ages) and a guide. The friendships we made were rewarding, and it was a good opportunity to practice social skills too.
See you later s. Let's do this!!
I've been reading about these organised singles trips and they don't have great reviews. Apparently the only bit that's organised is dinner together, but otherwise you just do you own thing anyway.
I'd be more into a tour I think, maybe something like this: http://www.justgoholidays.com/itineraries/8223-italian-riviera-monte-carlo-and-the-south-of-france
Looks awesome dude. I'd go!
Hello mate. A friend of mine went on one of these:
Thanks, that looks really cool! Will need a lot of planning with accommodation though.
Something worrying just happened. I'm trying to arrange a third date with this girl I met through online dating. She initially said the weekend was fine but now says she was only half awake when she agreed to it and now can't meet until Tuesday. Fine. But my immediate thought was to go and watch porn. Opened the browser instinctively and it was only when I remembered I was on a three-day streak that I stopped myself and came here.
Good job on posting. Maybe get out the house for an hour or two?
Good job on stopping in time. Now about your date. You can suggest two days in the week to her (spread apart a couple of days).
I missed any reports on the previous two dates. How did they go, have you two kissed yet and do you have specific plans for the third date?
I tend to post here less when I'm PMOing, mostly out of shame, but yeah I've had a couple of dates with the last match I had on the dating site before my membership expired.
For the first date, I suggested we meet in central London and go for a drink and a walk by the river. She agreed, but when I messaged her on the day, she'd forgotten all about it! She had also become reluctant to meet up in town and wanted us to get to know each other better first - presumably over text? I asked if she'd be more comfortable if I came down to where she lived and she said yes, so we met in a pub near her and chatted. She was quite shy at first, but opened up more as time went on. We didn't kiss or touch at all, but I texted her later to thank her for meeting.
I asked her out for a drink and meal by the river again last week, and this time she agreed. She talks quite enthusiastically about her work, and I'm happy enough to listen. I tried to be more tactile, which I found quite nerve-racking, but chickened out of going for a kiss even though there might have been one or two opportunities. I have discovered the power of silence for myself now though, but I still find it quite awkward and am usually still the first to break it. On the way back to the station, the conversation became a bit stilted and she commented that she'd done most of the talking and asked me why I wasn't saying much. I just said it was fine that she'd spoken so much as they were subjects she was really passionate about.
We didn't get round to eating that night, so for the third date I'm trying to get her to come up to a restaurant near where I live so it'll be easier to get her back to my flat if it comes to that. What do you guys think? I really need some advice on getting things to move to a close!
Thanks for the report, I'll give some TRP-ish feedback based from my perspective. Mostly by questions, that tends to work better for you to figure things out.
Who texted first? Did you and if so, why? Should the male text first after the date? What message does it convey is the guy texts first, thanking for a date?
Why were you happy to listen? Because she was talking about work?
Can you list good subjects to talk about vs bad subjects to talk about on a date? What subjects are best to use to build attraction over?
How did you try the kino? Yes it's scary if you're not progressing in small steps. With a proper kino progression the kiss should feel like a small step. If the kiss feels like too big of a step, you missed out on kino most of the time.
Suppose you went ahead anyway and told her to come closer and you would have gone for the kiss. If she rejected, what do you think would have happened? What would have been the best response of you to handle that?
There's silence and there's active listening. Based on her reaction, do you think there's room for improvement here?
Generally that's a good idea. The male is responsible for logistics. Well basically the male is considered responsible for everything but you get the idea.
It's good to go for another date, but keep in mind that there's supposed to be a progression physically. Not trying to pressure you, just keep in mind that if nothing happens after two of three dates, it sends a signal that nothing will happen ever. She'll think you're not interested in her sexually.
Personally, when I go on a date I'll go for the kiss on the first date, unless there's no chemistry. In that case there will be no second date. Of all the dates this year, sex has happened on the first date most of the time, else on the second. Women are open to it, as long as you take initiative and lead.
In a way it's an inconvenience that you don't drink alcohol, as you will find learning and progressing through kino is a lot easier when you're not in your head so much. It does mean you have to make the conscious effort to stay in the moment, relax and step over any fears about touching/kissing her.
Thanks for all the feedback!
Yeah, I'm starting to see this might have been a mistake, but I still wanted to convey interest. She isn't great with texting though, I mean I was the one who had to chase her on the day of the first date to see if we were still on. It sounds like I'm more of the girl in this case! I didn't actually "thank" her though, I just said it was nice to meet her - my mistake.
Because she was really passionate about it. It wasn't just work, she talked about one of her hobbies a lot too.
I guess personal and sexual topics? I don't have much experience to draw upon here though. What do you talk about?
It didn't feel like we were sat close enough to be honest, but maybe I'm just not used to it. I tried to stroke her leg, but it was mostly her hands when she was showing me something on her phone. Showing my inexperience here!
This one I think I would have been able to handle in more of an RP way and just continued as if it hadn't happened. Going in for the kiss in the first place is the step I couldn't manage, but starting to see that there's no reason for that.
Yeah, I like to think I was listening actively, but there is room for improvement. Asking the right questions to get her emotions racing a bit. Holding eye contact during silence seemed to work well too though.
Hi Londoner, I really like how you're moving forward despite some occasional setbacks. That's the way to go! Getting experiences with dating, go traveling, exercising, socialising. For sure you'll see the benefits and rewards from that
Basically all subjects can be divided into two groups: boring and exciting. Always try to steer away from boring subjects, even though they invariably will be touched upon. These subjects carry little to no emotional charge and cannot help in creating a fun and flirty atmosphere. These are "safe" subjects and therefor easy to steer into. You want to spend as little time as possible on these subjects.
Examples of bad subjects: Work, living situation, family, education. To make it worse, these subjects often tend to be in a questionnaire format. Question - Answer. There's no interaction, only a flow of information from one person to the other. Well guess what, all the information is USELESS since it's about establishing attraction, which happens nonverbally. Try to avoid these as much as you can, but do think of a way to encapsulate your answer to these questions in a fun an light way. For example, the fact that I'm a dancing teacher allows for all kinds of puns, jokes and stuff like giving her dancing lessons or even a lapdance. It establishes that I'm physical and sexual in a lighthearted way.
Examples of good subjects: Anything that sparks a positive emotion in her. This can be travel, hobbies, passion projects, sex of course, cool and fun anecdotes and stories. Stuff that YOU are passionate about and are able to spark an emotion in her with as well. Furthermore, any stories that contain DHV's (displays of higher interest) work well, as long as it's covertly embedded and not overdone. DHVs essentially communicate that you are an awesome guy. For example, telling some story about how you saved a woman out of a burning apartment is a DHV as long as you don't brag about it. It communicates masculinity, adventurousness, courage and decisiveness. Needless to say you want to avoid communicating too many DLV's (lower value), stuff that isn't perceived as attractive, such as the time you got fired, or when you did something stupid or had to cry (feminine energy).
And of course there's banter. Making fun of her in a positive way. Joking about something, etc. On a recent date the banter was really high and as a result we were both laughing a lot. Laughing is attractive and creates a fun atmosphere that allows for flirtatious contact. Whenever the waiter came around we joked to him how the date was going so badly and we really needed more drinks. The guy was young and was visibly confused about us saying that, which meant it was even funnier to us.
It's good to think of a couple of nice stories, with a follow up question at the end. Stuff about travel for example, ending with a travel-related question for her.
Some games are fun too. One date the woman came up with a game of "which one" where two options are presented and you must pick one. It started of lighthearted (e.g. beach or forest?) but of course after a while stuff got sexual in a fun way.
While chatting with her, occasionally check for yourself if you guys are having a good time and are laughing. What also worked for me is to make a 'statement of interest' to her, which basically means you tell her you find something about her sexy. And literally use the word sexy. Not "nice", "beautiful", "cool" and all the crap. No, sexy. It means you find her sexy and are sexually attracted to her. It can be her eyes, the way she walks, anything. Of course not her clothing since that's not her. Say it in a light way, but mean it and don't get stuck on it and immediately talk about something else. Don't worry, she heard it. Oh and do this just exactly ONCE, repeating looks needy.
Hope all this helps.
Great stuff man
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