38-year-old virgin

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Londoner, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Still struggling with urges today, even at the gym, but I feel like if I can make it to the end of the weekend then I can make through the week ahead too.

    It's a shame we don't have those counters where we could set targets and see percentage progress anymore. I found them more motivating.
     
  2. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    I see you had a streak of 103 days?! That's amazing. How did you deal with urges during that period?
     
  3. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Often, the urge to MO can be confused with the urge to urinate, so I need to remember that. Exercise usually helps too, though not always.

    I'd say at least 90% of my relapses have been due to really low mood/depression which is much harder to control.
     
  4. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Two weeks clean, but it's been difficult. I've spent a lot of today thinking about PMO. It's a real struggle in my mind to talk myself out of it each time.
     
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  5. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Good job man, get more stuff do occupy you. The less time you spend thinking about PMO, the better your chances at staying clean.
     
  6. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Well done mate, two weeks is an impressive start.
    I know that when you've had such a long streak before, two weeks can seem insignificant.
    But they're not! We can't speed up time, but it's a solid foundation.
    Keep it up:)
     
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  7. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I did relapse shortly after passing that two-week point, but just reached two days again without much fuss.

    I'm wondering whether I should go monk mode for a bit.
     
  8. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    What would you consider monk mode Londoner?
     
  9. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Not sure if i see the point?

    Me and james are going out in the day - hes going to txt you about it :)
     
  10. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I guess no arousal, only working on myself (gym, piano and my job) and not thinking about women for a few weeks. I don't know, it sounded better when I wrote it. :D
     
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  11. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I think in the best case you should try to avoid every form of arousal except from real life women. Working on yourself is something you should always do and learn to enjoy. It's this progression in life that makes things also more enjoyable.

    One thing you should keep on doing is interacting with women. Keep talking to them, the practice is important to keep improving yourself.
     
  12. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    3 days clean, but today's been a real struggle. Lots of women with flesh on display in the hot weather has made me want to MO all day.

    The effects of semen retention are real though, and I want some of them tomorrow as I'll be going out approaching with @cjm and his friend.
     
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  13. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    The summer period presents a challenge indeed. Same when I go to the gym and see all those Instagrambooty walking around.

    However, you need that sexual charge as it greatly helps when you go out and approach. Good job on doing that again, don't forget to enjoy it too :)
     
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  14. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    5 days clean.

    Only managed to approach one girl on the day, and she acted really uninterested (probably deliberately so), but at least she wasn't actually rude, which is what I'm always terrified of. I've also realised that, rather than feeling anxious about saying something stupid and looking foolish, I'm more concerned about running out of conversation and having nothing to say at all (thus being boring).

    Small steps.
     
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  15. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Daytime approaches can be hard, takes some effort to get more momentum.

    About conversation, this is where your own life comes in. Ask yourself the question: what about my life is interesting to talk about? Stuff you do, stuff you've taught people, places you've been, etc. Also, the most fun conversations are mostly banter, which means reacting quickly and not too seriously.
     
  16. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I need to post here more often for accountability. I've been PMOing a lot over the past week and have felt ashamed to write about it.

    There is a group on Meetup based on the teachings of No More Mr. Nice Guy. I think the organiser knows the author and is even running a weekend workshop which the author will be speaking at (though it costs several hundred pounds to attend).

    Anyway, I went to a couple of the group's meetings recently. There's plenty of other recovering Nice Guys out there and the discussion helped me realise that it's basically at the root of my personality to constantly seek external validation. In other words, I don't know how to value myself unless other people tell me I'm worth anything, which brings me back to the old cliché of learning to love myself. Easier said than done as I don't know what my value is yet.
     
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  17. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    its hard to stay away in this hot weather. you know with the external validation thing, i think we all need that in some way shape or form, so dont be too hard on yourself. Life without any sort of comparison to others, or any type of validation from others (work, relationships, social etc) - that sounds like a strange place to be - if fact pretty impossible
     
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  18. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi Londoner, I have just found your journal. Although, I am younger than you, we actually have quite similar backgrounds. Thanks for sharing your experience so honestly. I admire the way you keep on trying and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

    I've heard a lot about No More Mr.Nice Guy on this forum. I can relate to much of the traits described, particularly the need to seek external validation in other peoples opinions. I have managed to improve this tendency a lot over the years, but I still have some way to go. Despite working hard, and doing my best to earn their approval, I recently got a telling off by my boss at work. This hit me very hard and turned me into a fearful and resentful mess for a few days. This case reminds me that you can't control what other people think. I have been telling myself this for a while, the message doesn't seem to have fully hit home yet. I will have to add the book to my reading list.
     
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  19. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    Proud of you for attending that group. Takes some courage and openness to do that. I wanted to find a group based on the NMMNG book but could never locate one. Keep up with that and I’m sure it’ll bring tremendous benefits for you.
     
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  20. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    That's class, mate. You'll get so much from physically being around people who know exactly what it's like to be you. Then if you put in the work the effects will be amazing.

    The way I see things at the moment, it's our damaged egos that need this validation and comfort (from other people, porn, etc.), so we need to let go of it. Look up ego-deflation. It's something I'm experiencing a lot recently, and for me, when my broken and misshapen ego is taken out of the equation, there's plenty of love and motivation already there inside me.
     
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