38-year-old virgin

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Londoner, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Not really getting anywhere lately. Feel like I'm drifting.
     
  2. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    ^Hi Londoner. I found this quote online.

    "People who are "drifting through life" are usually waiting for something special to happen or for someone to tell them what to do. If that's what's happening to you or to someone you know, the person in question should start taking charge of and responsibility for his/her own life.

    Think of the things that you enjoy doing, find ways of doing them more and of using them to accomplish things. While you're engaged in this doing, look for other interesting and useful things to do, and take a stab at some of them.

    The difference between drifting and taking advantage of opportunities is one of looking for the opportunities that aways appear while you are engaged in meaningful activities and not waiting for the approval of someone else while you are looking and doing."


    It's not a bad quote, but I would also add the importance of not only doing things that we find enjoyable and interesting, but more importantly, things that are difficult, challenging and unfamiliar, as it is in these pursuits that people tend to start to feel better about themselves, because they are growing by taking on new, sometimes uncomfortable challenges. Unlike busying ourselves with mundane things that we find repetitive, boring and easy, which are mere distractions, the former engages different parts of the brain which increase feelings of well-being, independence and self-esteem. I think 'problem solving' is an essential ingredient to, what we would consider, human happiness. Hundreds of thousands of years ago our ancestors would wake up in the morning and have to figure out how to survive. The entire purpose of living in much harsher conditions is simply to not die before the day is out! There was probably little time to relax, because we had to gather, hunt, prepare, build, fix, sew, mend, eat, etc, and I don't think happiness was something they would dwelled on in the ways we do today, due to their being permanently preoccupied with the mere stuff of survival. Happiness is totally connected with survival, since feeling happy is both something we benefit from and something those around us benefit from. Happiness is not just a nice feeling, it is the very stuff of life, greatly increasing our chances of surviving.

    Therefore, if we feel like we are just drifting, perhaps learning how to better survive leads to greater contentment, rather than simply looking for contentment in order to better survive.
     
    Fry2, Londoner and Thebeg like this.
  3. Gondapa

    Gondapa Member

    I used to be like this. But then one day you start a streak and you then get motivation to continue. It is like a virtuous cycle. I am on day 33 and i feel much more energetic and confident than when i was jacking 2-3 times a day.. i still have massive urges, especially in the morning, at night in bed and whenever i am alone but i am trying hard.
    why don't you install a porn blocker on your device:?
     
    Londoner likes this.
  4. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Brilliant post!
     
  5. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    @TheScriabin, thanks for your reply. Learning how to better survive is a really interesting way of keeping life purpose such that it doesn't get stagnant. Of course, I've thought about filling my time with meaningful activities - just a few weeks ago, this was my main aim (with overcoming P-addiction as a natural consequence) - but it's so easy to get distracted and side-tracked.

    It was only day 2 today, but was already thinking about quitting and resetting the counter again. Luckily, the urge subsided once I'd got home and I went to the gym instead.
     
  6. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Nice man, that's a significant success!! Going to the gym is a perfect healthy alternative to acting out. If you invest in your health it will pay off in multiple areas of your life!
     
  7. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks, guys! I had a fairly unproductive day at work, but no urges so that's good.

    I've just been reading back a few pages to find the above quote. When I'm more awake, I'll think about what and how to prioritise going forward.
     
  8. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Well, there's of course some nuances. You can always take some initiative to meet women, but yes your expectancies should always be set to zero.

    This is kind of hard for men, because we are wired to act by expectancy. It's what made us survive in the 'old times' when hunting. Doing stuff without thinking about the outcome means you're likely to get killed. Meanwhile, women act more without thinking about the outcome. This is something that can still amaze me.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  9. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    5 days complete.

    Watched a bit of TV show last night that had a fair bit of nudity, but didn't feel anything so no real danger of relapsing.

    Going out tomorrow evening but won't have any expectations as I don't want to have any excuse to relapse.
     
  10. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Not sure what you mean? Is it something to do with them being the choosers?
     
  11. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Not so much. Men can also be the chooser. That's a matter of what position you take.

    I was referring to the old hunter/gatherer era. A man had to learn to think ahead and consider different possible outcomes in order to guarantee survival while hunting.

    A woman didn't need this level of forward thinking. Furthermore, in their interactions she could rely on the man to think ahead.

    All this is a completely made up theory by the way, in an effort to explain why women don't think ahead as much as men in their interactions. Women can actually have sex and be surprised that it happened.. While a man tends to plan every step to get there.
     
  12. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    How are you doing Londoner? Let's make a deal: no relapses till my visit next week :)

    BTW, is it an idea to swap some contact info when I'm there?
     
  13. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I relapsed just before reading this. :oops: But yeah, definitely no more this week.

    I'll send you a PM.
     
  14. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    @Thebeg, @cjm gave me your phone number and I've sent you a WhatsApp message.

    No thoughts of PMO for the last couple of days as my mind is more occupied with work worries.
     
  15. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I haven't received your message yet. My phone died on my three days ago and I have a new one since yesterday, maybe that's why. I'm sending you my number again by PM.
     
  16. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Coming up to 7 days clean.

    Had a good time yesterday meeting up with @cjm and @Thebeg who's visiting London. @cjm had to go to work in the evening so @Thebeg and I went to eat and drink in the West End. @Thebeg is very magnetic with women and I learnt a lot from watching him.

    Although I danced with a few girls, I didn't manage to talk to any. Normally I'd relapse after not getting anywhere on a Saturday night, but managed to push through it today.
     
  17. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    You will go far Londoner because you are able to appreciate others for their abilities, and view it as inspiring, rather than threatening and something to be jealous of.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  18. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks - I always used to be jealous, but it's the fact that we have a community like this where people help each other that I can feel inspired. :)
     
  19. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    I can relate. I started to feel better when instead of being jealous of other people I wish them well. Funny how you can be jealous of somebody and look them from a far but at the same time you can come and talk to them and say you admire their X skill and most of the time they like to share their knowledge. Very happy that you understand this. We are in this together. Good luck man.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  20. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    You did great m8. You were getting looks left and right as you were having fun. Just keep on working on it, the steps of improvement can be too small to notice sometimes, but they're definitely there. I like your motivation, you're going to make it.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  21. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    11 days complete. Urges are reasonably controllable at the moment.

    I'm actually looking forward to going out and dancing this weekend. Never thought I'd say that!
     
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  22. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Great to hear that m8, just have fun in the first place and see if any spontaneous light ways to start short interactions pop up in your head :)
     

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