38-year-old virgin

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Londoner, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Imfree

    Imfree Active Member

    Londoner, I feel for you. That must be a tough situation.

    I don't have the time to read through all 13 pages, but from what I gather you are able to go for longer No PMO streaks but still haven't had contact with a woman??

    It may be quite difficult to go for a woman who is not a "10" after seeing nothing "less" in porn scenes, but you should go for any woman who is willing the first time (trust me you will enjoy it).

    Have you tried online dating? It's easy. Find a good picture of yourself where you are smiling, write a woman about a shared interest or something (just reference something she wrote in her profile). Write back and forth a few times, suggest texting, text a couple times, meet for coffee, fool around after a couple dates. Easy peasy. You're not likely to find the woman of your dreams this way, but there are lonely women out there and this will get you in the game.

    PS., Props for asking out a girl in real life!
  2. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Hi Imfree, thanks for your reply.

    Yes, I still haven't got any further with women and it's very depressing, but I did at least see the doctor today and he's going to refer me to a psychiatrist which is something.

    I've tried online dating a few times and have met a few girls for coffee that way, but I'm just clueless when it comes to going any further than that. Even just kissing. That bit in bold is just alien to me. :-\
  3. Fry

    Fry Guest

    It's good you keep socialising with girls, going on dates. Keep doing that. If you like one try to take it further. This is called escalating. There's plenty of advice on the net how to do that. Most important is not to force it or beat yourself up uf nothing happens of if it gets akward. If you're having a chat with a lady you like try to touch her, while laughing for instance. See if she likes it. Look her into the eyes. Move her. Tell her to do things. See if she responds. Eventually after you touched and flirted with her you go for a kiss. Even if she refuses you just say "you're so cute I had to try". If she sticks aroudn you try again - until she leaves or kisses you back. So you make sure you're not in the friend zone and she knows about your intentions.
  4. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    he's right. Its the sometimes unfortunate thing about being a man. Unless you are super good looking/famous/rich then 99% of the time you have to make it happen as the man. Thats why it's good to sometimes get in touch with your more masculine and dominant self - which doesn't always come naturally to us "nice guys"
  5. Fry

    Fry Guest

    Yeah man, had this to learn myself. Oh do I remember those akward "frist tries".
  6. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice. I will have read it elsewhere before, but just pushed it out of my mind because it terrifies me, so it's good to be reminded of what I need to do. The friend zone trap is one I've fallen into every single time - typical "nice guy"!

    I'm going to ask some single guy friends if they want to go out dancing one night and see how far I get.

    It's been a tricky day - a mixture of urges and depression meant I didn't get much work done - but I'm feeling more confident about this current streak. It's true what they say, you do learn something after each failure.
  7. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Just passed the two-week point. Feeling optimistic. :)
  8. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I'm pretty much in flatline again, which suits me. Still catching myself gawking though.

    15 days complete, another three added to the target.
  9. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Didn't sleep well last night. Found myself semi-consciously picturing porn scenes in my mind and was on the verge of giving up again. Luckily I got through it.
  10. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got.

    I heard this quote a while ago, but its significance only hit me today. I haven't changed my approach to girls and life over the years, hence nothing improves. Maybe I should take up Musicman's rejection challenge and see how it affects me.

    18 days complete now, another three added to the counter.
  11. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Proud of you Londoner, you're sticking at this really well - I admire your dedication.

    Keep at it, and keep thinking these things through :)
  12. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks, 100DaysMission and well done on reaching your latest goal.

    Flatline is a mixed blessing - no urges to speak of, but I feel a bit 'dead' inside.
  13. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Three weeks complete, and very confident about surpassing my previous best streak now. :)
  14. Redhouse

    Redhouse New Member

    Good luck Londoner. I'll watch your posts and offer some insight here and there, as I was in a similar boat to you and ended up really improving my life situation. I know how it feels and I also know you can rise out of it. It's tough but it seems like you're ready to make it happen.

    One thing I'll mention is that I cured my PMO and I think ogling at girls actually helps. They're not pixels. It's not artificial stimulation. They're real, and a big part of the problem is being trained to only get aroused by what's on a screen. You actually *want* to get aroused by real people. As long as it's not taken too far I'd say it's not only harmless but probably beneficial. For me it really was a key in getting my natural libido back.
  15. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks, guys. And thanks for posting, Redhouse. I'm not quite there in terms of being fully aroused by just looking at or thinking about real women, but I think I'm getting there slowly.

    I've been away this week with no computer access, so passing my previous best was relatively easy. However, I've been having strong urges towards the second half of the week. Hopefully nothing I can't keep under control though.
  16. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Strong thoughts of relapsing today, but really don't want to mess up this streak.
  17. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Keep at it dude.

    This is your longest streak - how exciting! From here on in, everything is new and you're in unchartered territory.

    You know the urges will only get stronger, but see that as a sign of your mind, body (and willy) waking up. Manufacture some enthusiasm if you need, and just let your curiosity propel you forward.

    You've done so great so far, a streak like this had been coming for a while. Just keep at it, one day at a time :)
  18. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks, that's a good point - I need to turn this 'energy' into something constructive.
  19. Amaris

    Amaris Member

    Nice! Almost to your goal.

    I would give yourself plenty of "self-love" after this as a reward.

    Go enjoy your favorite food, buy a professional massage, go sit in a hot tub, favurite movie etc just treat yourself.

    What is to be your direction after the 31 days?
  20. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    My real target is 90 days, but trainmill suggested previously that smaller targets are easier to achieve and don't seem like such a distant, unachievable milestone. So, I just add three more days to the counter each time and it always looks good because the counter is always above 90%. Silly, but psychologically it seems to work. :)

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