38-year-old virgin

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Londoner, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    What I meant by that is, where I would normally stare and admire, I wasn't really tempted yesterday. That's probably a good thing as it's a bit creepy.

    If you're asking whether I find girls in public attractive, then yes, but the real problem there is lack of confidence and experience combined with shyness and fear of failure.
     
  2. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Well it didn't last long anyway, as I was back to ogling today.

    Had some urges this afternoon and was actually tempted to break my current 10-day streak. Feeling better now though.
     
  3. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Do you mean triggers?

    Or ways of directing my thoughts?
     
  4. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Relapsed and binged over the weekend. Couldn't get to sleep last night because of the heat and ended up PMOing twice.

    I need to start taking meditation seriously. I'm sure it'll work if I focus on clearing my head when the urges come.
     
  5. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Not sure how I came across this site, but it's really good and useful for my situation.

    http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/01/20-30-40-year-virgin/

    http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/05/the-problem-with-male-virginity/
     
  6. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I've been letting things slide over the last week or so, with several back-to-back resets. I know I've got it in me to do this though.
     
  7. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    You've definitely got it in you to do this. Everybody has.

    It is our human duty to let thing slide occasionally, to fail, fall down, again and again and again. I wouldn't trust anybody that doesn't ever fail. I'd think they must be an alien from another planet. We've all got to earn our stripes in this life.

    There is a lot of advice on these boards, good advice and inspirational stories, but ultimately second hand wisdom doesn't do much good, as you have to discover it for yourself, by knowing yourself. There is that line from Good Will Hunting (maybe a bit cheesy, but its relevant) about being able to give a perfect description of the Sistine Chapel through having read about it in a book, but knowing nothing of what it smells or feels like if you've never actually stood in the room, looked up at the ceiling and experienced it for yourself.

    Btw, it took Michelangelo 4 years to paint the ceiling, and 6 years on and off working on The Last Judgement. Think about what one human being is capable of with commitment and patience!

    Struggle and fail, but don't ever give up on yourself.
     
  8. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Agree with what was said above. You've got this. When you feel ready, tap into your potential and let it take off...

    Remember that NoA is your best ally in such times. The moment a sexual thought come through, acknowledge it but swiftly redirect it away with a simple statement such as: "Nope, I do not want to dwell on such thoughts, because the more I do the more they'll grow on me. The less I think of them, lesser will their impact be in the future."
     
  9. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the inspiring posts, guys. I haven't given NoA enough of a chance, so I will start that again.

    I feel sad about getting older and how little of my youth it seems I've really lived. But I know that 'old' is always relative and I've been thinking about this quote a lot recently:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdQbb3FXSEI
     
  10. ted93704

    ted93704 Keep Your Heads Up!

    one of the best ways to help with depression and all that is to join a gym and hit the weights!
    weightlifting has lifted me out of depression so many times..also wlaking daily
    good job on asking a girl out directly..that was awesome...truly MANTASTIC
    keep doing that over and over again, and eventually one will say yes..hehe
    its a numbers game like in sales..just keep trying..never give up
     
  11. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    agree with that. its been said loads on this thread, get on the exercise mate you will love it!

    the thing with girls is true too. Sometimes its a bit disheartening when you get knocked back a lot and you need to take a bit of time out to "lick your wounds" and regroup/rethink. I guess thats what im doing now
     
  12. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks, both of you. I've been on a health drive in the past with lots of exercise and a good diet, and it does help.

    It's only been my second day of this run and I've felt quite tempted. However, I'm starting to become more self-aware with the NoA and acknowledging my own unwanted thoughts when they arise.
     
  13. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Keep at it, Londoner. You're making tons of progress, though some of the benefits won't begin manifesting for a little while yet. You're doing good :)
     
  14. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks, guys... for some reason, my last update ended up on cjw's journal! ???

    Anyway, here is:

    3 days complete, though it hasn't been easy. While I'm aiming for NoA, I've been letting myself slip back into staring today, which has given me MO urges. No thoughts of P, thankfully.

    I've added another 3 days to the counter.


    As for today's update, it's been fairly uneventful but with the odd negative thought creeping in. Keeping busy helps.
     
  15. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Glad to have made it to 6 days. Another 3 days added to the counter.
     
  16. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Lots of urges today, but made it into my second week.
     
  17. Fry

    Fry Guest

    Nice work mate
     
  18. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Big up! Hoping to join you there tonight :)
     
  19. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Thanks!

    Even stronger urges today and I was ready to give up again, but I realised two things:

    Firstly, days 8 to 10 are especially hard, so I need to keep that in mind and push through it.

    Secondly, emptying my bladder works wonders. If I let it build up in there, it's easy to confuse the feeling of wanting to empty the bladder with wanting to empty something else! ;)

    I just went to see the doctor about my depression - I've not seen him before so he told me to come back on Wednesday to give him time to read up on my file. Hopefully he can recommend me for counselling.
     
  20. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    A relatively easy day today. About to reach 9 days, so added another 3 to the counter.

    Seeing the doctor first thing in the morning.
     

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