34 y/o - VIRGIN - Depressed - PIED!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by SuicidalVirgin, Jun 6, 2018.

  1. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    Moving out of home is one of my priorities too. I’ve been away and I moved back and wish I hadn’t! I know both situations well, and I disagree slightly with gavney that moving out doesn’t make dating easier, as I find I’m a little more relaxed and confident, knowing I’ve at least got more independence, and also a place to ask a girl back should it come to that. Furthhermore, it just creates more opportunities anyway.
     
  2. Do you have any insight regarding how manage the issue of living away from family but house sharing with someone else? (As I don't think I'll be able to afford a place of my own just yet.)
     
  3. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    What issue specifically?

    When I lived away from home I was lucky enough to live with some nice housemates, and a friend of mine at the time found the place. Now I’m older I’m a bit more self-conscious about it, as lots of room ads are with groups of youngsters. At my age I’d love my own flat, but there’s no way, unless I moved back to Germany or something. So I feel a bit trapped at the moment, but those ‘excuses’ can leave us paralysed, losing hope and belief in our ability to make things happen for ourselves. But it’s crucial that we at least try. Better to make a move, anywhere, and see what happens...?

    If you are anything like me you may be trapped in the prison of your family’s emotional world, and the only thing that can save you from that is yourself. But it takes a bit of courage. We fear what we need! If it feels horrible, do it :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2018
  4. The issues is mainly about privacy, or lack, if I were to house share. But I guess it's better than living with parents.
     
  5. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    Ya know, I think lack of privacy is a good thing sometimes, especially if we use privacy to hide away from life. Provided people are respectful it’s ok to have flatmates. I don’t know, it depends on your personality and needs. Don’t you want to change your life and find new way to help you be free of P?
     
    Kichijiro likes this.
  6. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Second that. Living with housemates really got me out of my isolation at the time and significantly reduced my time spend on acting out …
     
    Kichijiro likes this.
  7. I'm no longer PMO or even Mo. The problem is whether I recover from my PIED, which looks quite severe.

    What I meant by privacy, I mean privacy to bring home a girl.

    Anyway, whatever happens, I'll be looking to move out this time next year once I raise the required capital. I know you're not guaranteed tomorrow, but I will still try and approach girls in the mean time and we'll have to just explain to them the reason I'm currently living at home.
     
  8. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    Ah I see, I get you, and that is perfectly cool to be concerned with. Even so, I have found in the past most flatmates are understandable enough to not bother anyone when they bring somebody home. It is a private matter after all that people respect, even though they might be curious to talk to you about it after, depending on how close you are with them.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2018
  9. Today I MOed. I woke up this morning and just felt like doing it, I just couldn't help it. I was intending to go on a run of 1-2 years and even until I get a GF before I ever ejaculate again, but unfortunately I just couldn't. My hardmode, which is the longest, ended on exactly 6 months.

    Unfortunately, the erections were no better than when I started this hardmode 6 months ago. Also, the orgasm felt noticeably weaker. As soon as I finished ejaculating, my mind was back to its normal state. There was not the after-cumming feel-good hormones feeling - just normal.

    I feel I am truly damaged now and will never recover. It will be almost be impossible to get a GF that will put up with my problems.

    I just fucking hate my existence.
     
  10. Also, this is the (lousy) result of the following:

    January 2017 - Quit porn after finding out the truth about it.
    Softmode
    June 2017 - PMOed - made erections worse.
    Sofmode
    August 2017 - PMOed - made erections worse. (This was the last PMO that I did).
    HARDMODE
    November 2017 - MOed, end of Hardmode.
    HARDMODE
    February 2018 - MOed, end of Hardmode.
    Softmode and few hardmodes until October 2018.
    October 2018 - Hardmode.
    This morning - End of 6 months hardmode - longest ever streak.

    And yet, my erections are worse than before I started this journey (mainly thanks to the two PMOs above and few binge MOs!)
     
  11. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I'd advise you not to act on any thoughts about "testing your erection" etc.

    Masturbating isn't an accurate test of erections anyway.

    The best thing you can do is try not to care about it! But at the same time be strict about avoiding P and M, and P-subs and anything else that is a problem for you in this way.
     
  12. It wasn't so much about testing it, I just needed a relieve!

    I try not to care, but I'm getting older now and obviously I'm wary that a lot of people, when they approach 40, might have organic ED anyway!
     
  13. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    Huh, have you checked with doctors for possible other health issues? Also, are you in therapy for your depression? I strongly advise you seek it if you aren't already, not idea how your healthcare system works, though.
     
  14. I've had numerous blood tests... they all come back as normal, pretty much. But now, clearly I have a testosterone problem (which is another thing that is impeding my erection - JUST WHAT I FUCKING NEED!!!), as I no longer experience the 'pump' at the gym.
     
  15. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    When you say you have a testosterone problem, are you saying your levels are low? That can be fixed with steroids, etc.
     
  16. Yes, they are low. However, I have no interest in 'fixing' them with steroids. Thanks though.
     
  17. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2019
  18. Thanks. But I've decided that NoFap is not for me! It simply messed up my hormones to that point now that I feel like a person with female characteristics! (One of those is that I'm now putting weight on my lower body!)

    Obviously I will not be going back to Porn, but I don't believe MOig once a day is bad for you - it's probably necessary. (I don't know why, it just feels that way!)
     
  19. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    SeekingWisdom and Pete McVries like this.
  20. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    Thanks for sharing. Maybe, I'll be able to grow a proper beard one day, if I follow that protocol :D... I will definitely try it out!
     

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