34 and making progress

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by mwa, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. mwa

    mwa New Member

    Going strong for 78 days. I've kept a journal under MWA since the first month or so on reuniting.

    I have gone about 60 days no PMO, and for the last few weeks have O'd to sex. New partner.

    1. Solve my ED issues with new partners.
    2. Increase sensitivity.
    3. Feel more confident and less anxious around women.
    4. Get out of the house more.
    5. Like people.

    Benefits so far:
    1. ED has improved, but it hasn't been linear or quite what I was hoping for. I have been able to have sex at least once every time I am with the new girl, with a condom, but full hundred percenters are few and far between
    2. Sensitivity is up for sure! BJ's have never felt better.
    3. Some days confidence is way up. Lately I've been O'ing from sex, which negates most of that feeling.
    4. Skin has been looking better.

    This has been one of the best things I have done for myself in years. For what it's worth, I don't see an end to this process. I just don't see where M'ing has a place in my life any more. What's the point of going through the dopamine cycle unless it's with a real partner?

    One thing that I've noticed is that other addictions have come up to replace the PMO fix. Sweets, booze, caffeine, even sex. I have my work cut out for me!
  2. mwa

    mwa New Member

    General ED Update

    I thought many of you here would be interested in an ED update since I'm quite a few days in this process. 11th week, day 81 no PM. 60 days PMO free. The last few weeks I have O'd with a new partner.

    My history: 34, daily porn user, death grip, socially awkward, ED issues with new partners, especially those I wanted to keep around. This started when I was 26, right around the time high speed internet started coming around and online videos. At that time the porn sites were much more sketchy, but I stayed with it. I would have ED for the first few weeks and then I'd be fine. Research led me to believe this was performance anxiety.

    I didn't get into more extreme stuff or spend hours on it. Just a few minutes once or twice a day to regular hardcore girl/guy. I guess I did like the group scenes and would skip around different scenes, going right to the entry sections.

    Prior to starting my reboot I thought I would have it easy. I thought I would need just a couple of months and I'd be straight.

    I was wrong. I think I was fooling myself, an addict who denies the severity of his problem.

    So where am I today?

    There has been progress, but no bolt of lightning. I met a new girl around day 60 and had to man up and explain the situation. I didn't mention ED, just that I was wanking it too often and didn't like how I felt. I told her I was fine taking it slow, blah, blah. This is very hard to get out after getting hot and heavy on the couch. Women want what we do. They think it's sweet and all if you want to take it slow, and most will be very understanding, but you better believe that they want some hot sex as much as we do.

    That night we didn't have sex, but we did a few nights later. Now it's been 3 weeks and I have managed to have sex every time we have wanted to with a condom. Erections have been about 60-70% usually. If I actually relax things go pretty well. When I don't, it shrivels. Sometimes I have to stop for a bit and distract myself, then it will spring up later. When I get hard I fluctuate fast and feel rushed to capitalize on it. I'm not experiencing rock-hards that last. Putting on a condom, I lose a bit and I end up having to do about a 50% hard entry. This sucks a little, but works.

    Sensitivity is up. BJ's, the one I have gotten so far, felt better than it has ever felt. I get nervous about getting oral because I'll be embarrassed if I can't stay hard.

    AM Wood: Sometimes. It doesn't really last. I actually have a harder time having sex in the morning!
    Spontaneous Erections: Nope
    Wet Dreams: Nope

    For a guy who isn't an extreme case, after 80 days I still have work to do. I still have my doubts about achieving the things I would like to see; rock hards that last without effort, the ability to have great one-nighters, confidence, spontaneous erections, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. Whatever positive comes from all this, it's worth doing. So far just the ability to use a condom and increased sensitivity has made the few months of sacrifice worth it. It goes by quicker than you think.
  3. nofapjourney

    nofapjourney New Member

    Thanks for your post.

    Your writing style and goals are very clear. For someone who is on day 10 this is inspiring.
  4. Joss is Boss

    Joss is Boss New Member

    Good work MWA! I'm about the same age so it is always reassuring to read of improvements even after years of PMOing. Thanks.
  5. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Thanks for sharing your story! 48 yo on day 19 of reboot here after severe ED (even when PM'ing).
  6. consistent

    consistent New Member

    keep it up ,,,you ve encouraged me,,,me on my way,,,
  7. kd

    kd New Member

    We're around the same age, glad to see others of my generation fixing this:)

    I totally agree with the dopamine cycle statement; hi-jacking the natural dopamine path for self-medication is out. Naturally reinforcing positive behavior is in.

    Which leads me to: be careful about substituting one addiction with another. I don't know your sexual history, but along with porn I was (am) a sex addict. I just thought I was a guy that liked to get laid a lot. But the same way you can hook yourself on the novelty of porn, you can hook yourself on the novelty of new partners or sexual acts.

    Keep it up (with a 3d live human being at least)!

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