34 and getting worse. Time for serious recovery attempts

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by sallymon001, Sep 7, 2023.

  1. sallymon001

    sallymon001 New Member

    Hi - I will keep this short because time is short but I wanted to get this started. I have been hopelessly addicted to porn since puberty. I now deal with constant craving and distractions. Riskier online behavior, and a general dulling of other things that give me pleasure - sex being at the forefront. Other dopamine seeking behaviors are tied into my addiction.

    I'd like to stop using porn completely but I know this is a process. I have started tracking my use on a daily basis of porn and other substances (weed and alcohol). I will also track time-spent using. My therapist has agreed to be an accountability buddy and I will be sending daily updates as to my use.

    I am also making a list of alternatives that I will display in my house so when a craving emerges, I can pivot easily.

    I think having a list of reasons why I am doing this would also be helpful.

    - 0 days in.
  2. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    Hello and welcome!!! :) please keep coming back. Invest in yourself and show yourself that you matter!!

    Happy healing ;)
  3. sallymon001

    sallymon001 New Member

    09/11/2023: Had a busy weekend with family visiting so didn't have time to PMO at all. Today was my first day back to a normal schedule and I peeked some videos for a brief time. I didn't commit or long at all but I don't want to look at all. I ran out of my ADHD medication so my dopamine levels are abhorrently low yesterday and today. I am hoping to feel better tomorrow when I get them. I'd like to stay away from porn for the rest of the day. I am keeping busy as much as I can being in such a lethargic, borderline depressed state, but I am feeling OK about staying busy and pushing on. No more peeking today.

    I have a tracker going on for both porn viewing and PMO. That is helpful. I think the desire to look at porn today is amplified by being so lethargic and having my dopamine levels plummeting due to going cold turkey on ADHD meds after a month of taking them every day. It's not an excuse but rather something to know about myself. I seek porn even more when my dopamine is low. It makes me feel like I can accomplish something, stay engaged, boost dopamine, receive a reward, complete a task - helps me to feel anything in this state.

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