Good day, I have just signed up to this website following a very prolonged cycle of trying to intellectualise, deny, normalise, and wrestle this problem through logic and a misplaced faith in my own intelligence to overcome it. Everyone's circumstances are different, and should anyone be reading this I will briefly disclose that I first became active with pornography at around 16-17, but in these days of pre-streaming, pre-highspeed internet (plus having a shared computer in the family home), it did not become a routine thing until around the age of 21-22 when I moved in with friends and had my own room, my own laptop, and infinite time to myself. My use grew to be daily, and because porn was becoming mainstream at this time, it was openly discussed and joked about among my housemates which made it seem like acceptable behaviour, and a few years passed where porn use was a twice, three times a day routine with only fleeting awareness of how it was replacing my hobbies, ambitions and willingness to do much else. If I wasn't bashing to it, I was probably searching for it. I became aware of the concept of porn addiction quite suddenly and for quite a narcissistic reason. I noticed around the age of 27 my hair was starting to recede, and while I was frantically googling the causes and effects for losing my precious golden locks, I read the theory that ejaculation releases the testosterone/DHT into the bloodstream affecting the hair follicles (its actual contribution to hairloss is debated and not the topic at hand here). But for my 27 year old self, that was it: For the sake of my hair - no more PMO. No more porn. This was the moment I realised to what extent porn had entered my life and what a compulsive problem it had become. I have spoken to friends about this who dismiss addiction as BS, but the moment I tried to stop was the moment I realised I could not; it was a routine, and it was all I could do in my moments alone when I could be doing something productive like I used to - whatever that even used to be. And then I entered the cycle of PMO/shame/quit/relapse/repeat that has dictated my life since. I was living every day with the desire to do something I did not like doing. I have been existing rather than living, because until now I have attempted to treat pornography by half measures. I have lived in a series of relapses and self denials such as 'If I don't PMO, then it doesn't count. If I don't ejaculate it doesn't count.', and so my porn activity has grown perhaps more excessive, and more voyeuristic, because I do not bring the activity to its natural conclusion; usually 'edging' which makes porn use more time consuming than just concluding the act itself! I have managed to stop for several months at a time, and feel great, but always fall back to the same pattern stated here. I am a reasonably intelligent person. I have listened to podcasts, Ted talks, read the experiences of others. I have used daily-counter apps and website-blockers. But I am also aware that there are no external solutions to a deeply internal problem. I know that my triggers are boredom, lonlieness, and anxiety. I know that I'm just looking at pixels on a screen that is no surrogate for true intimacy, and yet I'm still here writing on this forum for the first time because I know that the compulsion can so often override my ability to think logically about, or objectify the situation. Today is the first day I have not observed porn in several weeks. I have just been for a 5k run, and I would really like to start my journey towards living, rather than existing. Despite the relapses, I think they have contributed to my resolve to recover, and I think there's plenty in life to look forward to if I can just nudge myself past this cycle of half-measures, trust myself to be alone with myself, and progress. If you happen to be reading this, thanks for your time.