33 YO Returning Here

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by gavney, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    Hope everyone has been doing ok recently.

    So, I'm about 6 days no PMO. Overally, I've been doing better last few weeks, but with a couple of relapses.
    Getting back out of lockdown, playing football twice a week has helped to curb my cravings somewhat.

    Relationship with Fiancee has been better also, largely as she not so down about lack of pregnancy as we've been making progress in buying a house.
    She broke down in tears yesterday when our first mortgage application was rejected though! I couldn't believe her reaction, but I guess it's such an emotional thing for her. For me, it's not that big a deal, I'd be happy enough to stay where we are for another few years.

    Anyway, we applied for too much on the application, more than we need. Have reapplied and I reckon we will be successful this time.

    With everything back to normal, business going fairly well, it just re-confirms for me that having a family is very high on my list of priorities at this point in life.
    So far, no luck on that front, but it doesn't feel like the be all and end all any more.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  2. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    Just back from a 3 day vacation with fiancee, and boy was it needed!
    It was good from many perspectives. We had been getting on each others nerves alot the last few weeks. The whole fertility thing is just on her mind constantly, this was a much needed distraction from that.
    I didn't know how much I needed this, until I got 3 really good nights sleep, without waking once in the middle of the night (which I've been doing pretty much every night for the few weeks previous).
    My sister is working for my company now so she can take over when I'm away, which is a much needed relief, as (thankfully) we're very busy at present.

    We've gone sale agreed on our apartment, and on the house we're buying, so that's also a great relief. However, as I suspected, it was only a temporary distraction for herself. Once, everything was agreed, and we got mortgage approved, she started obsessing about babies again...
    I think that our vacation just showed us both that you can be happy without children. We're obviously going to keep trying though, but it maybe doesn't make having kids seem like the be all and end all.

    I haven't PMO'd in 7 days, and probably needless to say there wasn't the slightest temptation on vacation (which says alot about why I PMO!)
     
  3. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    Relapsed last night after approx 10 days no MO, but with a bit of Peeking during those days.

    I had been going along quite well. Relapse was largely due to being unable to sleep last night. Went out to the couch, as too warm in bed, still no luck, PMO'd to try get me to sleep. It probably did help a bit in fairness.
    Thing is, I'd had sex with fiancee earlier in the day, so don't see why it was "needed".
    She's been "encouraging"(strongly!) me to go to bed earlier in general last couple of weeks, which has been good I think, as I'm not waking up in the middle of the night as much. We've both been less stressed in general, which probably helps also.

    I feel bad about relapse last night, as she's just about to start her ovulation for this month, so it doesn't help to have already MO'd.

    I'm spending too much time on my phone lately. YouTube is my main poison, and it can often lead to me peeking at P. But in itself, I think youtube isn't good when I'm just clicking through endless videos.
    It can be useful at times, if it's a programming video for example, or something quite interesting/ educational, or if it's music, as I don't get sucked into this Youtube vortex.
    However, when it turns into watching endless "Karma" videos or Jordan Peterson "destroying" someone, it becomes addictive, and not at all useful/ enjoyable.

    So, I'm going to delete Youtube app for a week or so, and do my best to limit screen time in general.
     

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