day 3 - 6.) clean my apt I so far only accomplished this today. I didn't do anything else but I made it to day 3. tomorrow, err today, I need to do more and get good sleep. im adding 3 more things. 8.) make all the furniture 9.) Hang up the paintings and shelves 10.) finish the smart door knob.
Great that you have a list of goals written for yourself, at the same time, it's a bit of a list and may lead to feeling stress and overwhelm. Are you working on them on at a time, like one goal per week or month or concurrently? It's suggested to set yourself up for success, not failure and feeling shame at the end for no reason. The feeling of having to juggle all at the same time will lead to stress and overwhelm, which will likely lead to PMO. It's a form of self sabotage. You already know how this feels. However, when you set yourself up for success by accomplishing each of your goal within a realistic time (ex. complete the 1 goal by the end of this month), it won't be stressful.
day 1 - 2:30am friday 10/20/23 I watched a little porn and the thoughts infiltrated my mind, I knew i could stop but I also knew I wanted to see it through. If I didnt do it, then the thoughts would repeat in my mind and this sense of boredom will come out and divert me into watching porn. So, I pmo'd. I pretty much did not like this at all. But, I fucking did it to help myself from having to deal with the intrusive porn thoughts, thats the worst. I need to stop completely including peeking.
I'm not really strieving for greatness right now. I'm just trying to get along with work etc. and get through this stressful times. I notice myself being too much in my head and catastrophizing.
day 1 - 10/22/23 4amish boy have i been having a lot of fun talking to girls out with my friends. My boldness is increasing and its going really well. If you read my earlier journal entries I write extensively about how the only thing i got working for me is my looks. I easily attract girls like really hot girls but i never had a girlfriend due to orthodox religousness. So, even tho the 10's want my attention i feel like a 1. These girls go through extreme lengths just for my attention yet, I just could not muster up the courage to talk to anyone. However, finally, I am climbing out of that shy trap and I am talking to girls. interaction 1. Me and 2 friends go to a rooftop bar. I see this hot chick taking selfies and photos. I see she's with a guy. Im like fuck. But, then i notice the guy is away and its 50/50 if they are together so I took a chance. She was sitting down on an egg sofa taking selfies and ig stories. Most guys wouldn't approach and that would scare the shit out of me in the past. This time I went for it. I said, "hey whats your name?". lol. then we got to talking and i asked where she's from blah blah. Its all looks that she even talked to me. She told me she lives in miami and is leaving nyc tomorrow. I told her ill be in miami for art basel and we should link up. I asked for her number and she said no lets do instagram. I said my ig is not active. Then to my surprise she goes "oh ok then let me give you my number". and we talk and smile, laugh blah blah and then i left. As I was leaving her friends come to talk to her and one guy goes "oh so now you talk english all of a sudden huh". its like a tease. So, i think that meant she pretended not to speak english with other guys but she was fluent with me. Interaction 2, i go to a familiar bar i used to frequent and this ugly fat girl was there and I asked her "where are you from". and we bantered a little bit but she blew me off. Her friend who was hotter was like "what happened to her" and she just said "no no". I always do well with attractive girls I get rejected often with ugly ones. Why? Its cuz ugly girls compensate for their ugliness with extreme masculine guys. They hate pretty boy handsome types like me. She was practice anyways. Interaction 3 - I left ugly girl and then outside there was a photobooth and this girl was taking photos. My friend goes no thats a waste of time. I said nah let me try. I got her number the interaction was amazing and I was really my fun self with her. I got her number and we set up a date but i felt like she was just in it for a free meal cuz she leaves to LA in 2 days. So, I never texted her. AWESOME night! I loved it. Had so much fun. But, I didn't pull. I came from kinda horny a different kind of horny, its more of a natural non pmo kind. I PMO'd due to the horniness. This is the horniness I seek. I am just realizing this. However, I do need to pull and have sex with girls I bring home. On another note, a new girl who used to show interest to me at work is not going very heavily interested. Women when they like a guy ALOT they lose themselves and its like they focus their entire body and attention at him....in a way they get more submissive. Or, maybe thats why they do cuz their entire body and mind is directed at her crush. So, this chick really likes me and is being very brazve about it. I like her too, i never noticed her body. It's literally perfect. She's cute in the face too. I want to use my weekend bar approaching skills on her and get her number. The chances of a flake here are significantly less.
one other things. Im going to vegas and a few other places this weekend. I really need to step it up and pull. Instead of making light convo I need to do deeper ones, dance and pull.
day 1 - 10/24/23 2:35am tuesday. wow, i regret pmo'ing. What I saw was not even worth it. I need a girlfriend for my sexual fix instead of drooling over girls with the same body in bikinis.
Yeah I've been there. Sometime we just have to lower our expectation on life and just chill! This helps a lot. Spend the time reading a book and meditate helps! Overthinking just keeps us held back! My therapist told me to "schedule my anxiety", to have a set window where I can worry about stuff. But also to make sure to talk to someone about it. I think that's pretty good It's never worth it man!! I mean I love P but it's never worth it!! There's no comparison to the benefits you get when you're not watching, and it's just amazing what sex becomes when you remove P from your life!! I'm just curious but this journal belongs to who exactly??
Thanks for the advise man! I find it hard to schedule the worries, they just subconsciously creep into my mind however I've never gave it a serious try. It's like a habbit at this point. I just meditated today, I did it unguided and that may have been even better than the guided ones. Also I make sure to get some sunlight in, it's a pretty important for me autmn onwards. It's my journal and started Dec 2, 2013.
Yeah I get that! Also writing the thoughts down could help. Therapy is also really good, at least it was for me. Yeah I like to mix up my meditations, sometimes guided sometimes unguided. For how long do you usually meditate? Noted
I usually don't meditate longer than 10-15min, you? I also do yoga, progressive muscle relaxation and sleep hypnosis in the evenings at the moment. I just need anything I can get because I'm just soo stressed all the time. It's hard for me to find time for therapy as a father of a 2 year old. I currently read some psychologic self-help books as well. Today I didn't feel anxious at all at work, that's pretty great.
LMAO. I thought I was writing in my journal. I guess we are the same age and the title of our journal sounds very similar. All this time I thought you were writing on my journal. My bad dude. I hope I didn't mess anything up. Ill write in my own now. Hahahaha!
Yeah about the same! Sometimes longer if it's guided but usually around 10-15 min. Yeah I also have toddler, and they take a lot of time. Are you together the the kids mother? I'm just thinking if you cooperate you could maybe make 1 session every 2 weeks, but get it if that's hard too. Great that you read books anyway. that helps tremendously as well!! Hope that the anxiousness continues to stay away, keep it up man!
Thanks for your wishes! I did have a therapy some years ago but it helped only a bit. He basically said I'm already doing the things that should help me and he doesn't know what to recommend me on top of that. That's OK if I notice symptoms of depression (especially in winter) I take additional steps to improve. Also I think there are plenty of people having to deal with some mental health issues. Concerning anxiety I try to expose myself to decrease it, I'm fully aware that avoidance only makes it worse. Therefore I hate it when I avoided something. Especially work makes me go out of my comfort zone quite frequently. There's also great therapy content on youtube e.g. 'therapy in a nutshell'.
Sounds weird for a therapist not to try to go deeper than that. Perhaps try someone else? But also sounds like you know pretty well what you need so that's good! Yeah anxiety is one of those things that you just need to embrace, that's all you can do, and talk with someone. I'll check out "therapy in a nutshell"! Keep it up man, your streak is impressive!!
