day 1 - 10pm 9/22/23 Once i am relapsing after a streak I feel like porn isnt an issue but only because the brain chemistry is clear from the streak. But, habitually relapsing takes me back in to the damage course. It hurts. I feel lazy and I feel like not doing anything.
Yeah, and you're temporarily relieved from the discomfort of having urges. Also, the negative effects of the spikes in brain chemicals have a bit of delay.
When I'm doing long noPMO streaks at some point I just have way more fun talking to girls. Overall better mood and lower anxiety that just helps so much in social interactions. I haven't watched porn since 208 days but do MO from time to time these days, I don't have any flatlines only during nofap.
Flatline is only scary when you worry that you won't function again. It passes and from my experience a girl could wake my D up from flat line any time when it was called to duty.
day 3 - almost getting massive cravings. What has helped me get to day 3 when I am fresh into the relapse cycle after a long streak??? Going out and talking to girls. Thankfully I have overcomed my approach anxiety. And, I can walk up to any girl anywhere. But!!! WTF!. A month ago, I was getting numbers left and right. For the past 2 weeks....nothing at all. The girls I approach seem to just be there for dancing and with friends. None of them are interested in meeting men. Could it be because of "cuffing season" and seasonal depression? It might have fucked up their hormones. I know for a fact its not my looks or attitude. How? I was getting checked out heavily by a lot of women at the bars, im easily the best looking guy there. Heck, I even had a straight guy following me around all night cause he was jealous of all the attention I go he wishes he got. But..The mind boggling thing is when I approach said girl, she doesn't give me anything. For ex: I approached this hot ass fuck girl. She is indian so there is def a cultural thing there. She kept looking at me and fidgeting when she saw me on the 1st flr. Multiple times. When I saw her on the 2nd flr sitting alone on her phone. I approached her. She wouldnt even give me her name. She did smile and was flattered but she didnt say anything. Its little girl attitude. These are the girls who end up arrange married or married off to some ugly guy she met on the apps or at work. Second girl was taken but was rude, I ignored the shit out of her afterwards. WTF is going on tho? For 2 weeks straight I also waited outside to see if anyone hooks up with anyone and nothing at all. Girls are just going in to dance, flirt a little bit here and there and leave. On the other hand. I did notice quite a few girls get super intimidated by my looks. At first I thought they hated me and was scared of me. But, after doing some research its cuz they like me but feel inferior and just intimidated and shy. Heck they just stood there and gawked until the bf of one girl came in and shielded her from me. Such a beta move. And, while I am walking up the dancefloor to get close to the DJ. Even before I am close to the girls she see me swipe their hair and fix their clothes and have this big eyes and try to avoid me. It sucks! It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Its just they are intimidated and according to my research I should smile more and show im very approachable. I guess the same anxiety men have when they see a hot girl women have when they see a hot guy. Ughh!! But, why isn't it benefitting me at the night clubs? It HUGELY benefits me during the day. I guess I should use the energy I get from night game to apply to day game. This week should be good! I need to make moves. I shouldn't wait for the weekends. The weekends should be extra credit.
day 1 - 8pm 9/24 getting blue balled the way I did last night kinda killed me. Also being alone makes me horny to watch porn. I need to find better hobbies. But damn if I dont admit how this buzzed feeling makes me feel good. Kinda sedated. I pmo to the girls face, if its beaitiful enough I can rub one out and thats about it. I dont pmo to anything else. However, my brain is tricked into thinking i am and thus i get lead down a journey of acquired taste but i am not into it.
day 2 - so easily! 2 things happened in the last 2 days that make me jump up and to the moon. 1.) Gym girl who had a gigantic crush on me and I fucking have one on her...kinda. I haven't seen her around at all for the last 3 months or so. I saw her yesterday and I was so fucking happy. I thought she left to join another gym cause I ignored her when she made a GIANT move on me. I felt so sad I dont get to see her anymore...In a dream reality she would be my wife and we would travel the world together. Not only did I see her yesterday but she saw me and was excited...heck she was more excited than me. It appears she has feelings for me...a guy who never even said a word to her. I guess I make her feel a way most guys don't. I doubt she chases after and follows guys around like she does with me. I got a second chance. I need to take it!! If I do and it goes well...this PMO thing would be a thing of the past. 2.) Another girl at my work who I thought left to another office space and who I was sad to not see around is back! OMG! And, she used to pass by my desk like 5 times in a day smiling at me. And, I used to be so shy and intimidated that I wouldn't even acknowledge her. Today, she was walking behind me and I dropped a handfull of napkins in front of her. I quickly bent over to pick them up and I did and I walked to my desk while she was walking behind me. OMG! Some how that did it...She was smiling ear to ear so happy. I make her so happy. And, I think her feelings amplified. Today while at my desk I got up to take a break and I turned around and all the way at the end of the hallway I saw her she saw me smiled loudly and turned around in shyness. I feel the same shyness also. I need next week to be the week I make the move!!! Approaching on the weekends are helping a lot.
day 1 - 3pm 9/29 friday day 1 - 2:11am 10/1 sunday day 1 - 11am 10/2 monday day 1 - 2:02am 10/3 tuesday day 1 - 9:31pm 10/3 tuesday
I realized I'm home alone today and don't feel the immediate desire to watch porn. Progressive is slow but steady.
day 1 - 8:28 pm sunday 10.8.23 i went out last night and had so much fun with friends and talking to girls. I was so horny today. Unfortunately I thought of escorts. That lead to porn which lead to acquired transformed taste but ultimately, I pmo'd to thoughts of fucking this 21 yr old i met last night who gave me her number and wants to set up a date. In a way this is progress.
pretty shitty day, not enough sleep, raining all day and have to prepare in homeoffice for a meeting tomorrow. the positive side is tomorrow is friday already.
Kind of stressed out and stuck in fight or flight mode for weeks now, it's exhausting but I'm doing anything I can do calm myself down. Such as weight lifting, cold showers, biking, reading and meditation & yoga/streching in the evenings. I only watch male yoga instructors because I don't want to be triggered.. After like 3 weeks I'm already more flexible than I've ever been and have a better posture.
try boxing. Something about training for combat sports makes a man so confident and feel like we can take over the world. Plus learning something new can busy the brain.
day 2 - Yay I did it. yesterday I was having some medical issues. So i was dehydrated. I had a fever and instead of drinking water I drank a lot of coffee. the caffein plus lack of water made me dehydrated so what was the symptom? My right tricep muscle kept twitching. Wow! Who would have known that would be the result of not drinking water. Anyways, I got no sleep cuz of it. I also had a massive headache. i took the day off from work. The entire day was a blurr. I have been more in my head and seeking comfort more than anything else. I know what I have to do to be productive and I didnt do any of it. And, thats why I have been on a rut. Staying away from PMO wouldnt help. I am about to schedule an itnerview for a high paying job and im not ready. I prob will cancel and take another interview with another company.
My goals: 1.) Study and finish sql querying by end of this week. 2.) get the ipad pro 3.) talk to a girl other than a nightclub/bar 4.) get healthy 5.) cook 6.) clean my apt 7.). Take time to learn how to have longer conversations. I always eject early and lose on the chemistry. Also be my fun self and joke around a lot and have fun and push the envelope.
