33, Live life to the fullest

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by BackOnTrack, Dec 1, 2013.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You're doiing great. Early withdrawal symptoms can be so overwhelming.
    Hang in there.
  2. Bounce

    Bounce New Member

    Hm, it's curious how similar your story is to mine... You seem do be doing well, keep it up!

    Since I've been doing this for some time, let me tell you: Although it's likely that you will always have some kind of attraction for shemale porn left (it sure as hell would feel like a dopamine roundhouse kick to the brain to watch some shemale porn or even do some real stuff), but if you don't feed your habit, you will just "forget" about it; meaning that the random thoughts and urges will eventually stop.
  3. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    @40New30 thanks for the support, dude.

    It's really interesting how you find out that there are so many people with similar problems.
    Yeah I feel like that too. But still I think when my regular libido comes back it still will be mostly wired for ts.
    So until it's mostly rewired for girls I'll still be struggling.

    Day 34:
    My mood is better again, confidence slightly better too.
    Can't wait for the weekend for my best friends to arrive to go out and party. (most of them went to other cities to study and we all reunite during xmas)
    Had short sex dream of a female friend of mine. I came instantly in that dream ;D. So I might be a bit scared of PE after my reboot, but whatever I know it will be fine after some time.
    My NE and morning wood seem to be back aswell & 100%.
  4. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Beware of partying too hard, it's a huge PMO trigger.
  5. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Yeah it's true, I used to PMO everytime I got home after partying.
    Now I have to go straight to bed and not even start the computer!

    Day 35:
    I had 3 sexual related dreams last night each of them caused me to wakeup really horny and hard.
    Strange thing because during the day I get none.
    It also was 1st person view and not 'porn-voyeur mode' which is a good thing.
  6. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    DAY 38:
    It's hangover day. Yesterday was kinda strange when I got drunk at a bar with lots of my old school friends, I didn't enjoy it too much. Alcohol made my mood turn quite bad at times like being agressive and stuff. We went to a club too but I didn't hit on any girls, the club was really not my type, but the reason I didn't hit on any girls are
    1. I feel like I probably can't have sex anyways yet
    2. my mood wasn't good
    3. rejection would've killed my mood completely

    On the other hand this is really what I need, hanging out with people I know doesn't seem to satisfy me, I need interaction with new people (especially girls).
    I really feel like I got no controle of my dick and that bugs me out.
    Today I feel the urge to watch porn, but in a different way. I just want the depression to stop. I feel as bad as when I PMO'd atm.
    But I know PMO is not a solution, I also think PMO might not be the main reason I'm depressed, it's that I'm not content with myself and beeing lonely and bored.
  7. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    DAY 45:

    Got some great news: I had sex last night and I had 0 problems getting and maintaining an errection.
    I came after like 1min though lol, but I expected that, since I almost came sometime when I had had some fantasies about real sex, just from thinking!
    I made her come manually though, so it's fine I guess.
    Everything about sex, the foreplay, kissing etc. was really enjoyable.
    I'm having no chaser-effect and I think it didn't set me back, but I really can't tell yet, because my libido is so different compared to what I had the last 10 years with all these urges and stuff.
  8. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    DAY 51:
    It's getting harder and harder to stay real serious about nofap since I already have some progress and I think I'm getting used to all the benefits from it.
    Like being a bit more social is normal now. It's weird though that like in 2-4 week I had much more confidence and I believed that everything is going to be alright.
    NoFap doesn't bring me 'Super-Powers' I still don't approch women I don't know, which really pisses me off when I get home from a club.

    So I get these TS fantasies from the times from when I visited some, not about porn and I really start wanting to go see an escort,
    but I don't think that it's a good idea, so I keep myself from browsing those sites.
    I'm doing more online-dating now, I haven't found a passable girl yet but it's only been a week and I get a lot of responses.
  9. sidney1990

    sidney1990 Guest

    youre doing well, don't ruin it by relapsing or even having an encounter with one...if youre trying to unwire from shemales then why bother teasing/tempting yourself it never matches the reality of porn, underdog acknowledged this himself

    sure he enjoyed it, but it didn't match the fantasy...youre on the right track keep going
  10. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    thanks for the support dude.
    I really feel that the fantasizing of ts is setting my drive towards women back, therefore I will stop it now.
    I've been doing this for f**kin 53 days I should cherish that.
    My urges towards porn are really managable since some time it's mostly my head, comparable to smoking.
  11. Spangler

    Spangler Member

    Don't get complacent. Your progress so far is awesome, but from what I read it only gets better and better throughout the first year if you stick with it, and I doubt you want to go back to your old life now, right?

    Stay strong!
  12. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I'm thinking that the whole online dating site is setting me back with all these endless variety of girls and pics even when it's clothed.
    Also it makes me fantasize way more and things are getting quite out of control, even though I haven't relapsed.
    I really hope this hasn't set me back too much.
    It's like I feel a constant tingling in my dick, it's really hard to ignore and it makes me kinda nervous.
    I'm missing the flatline a bit ha.
    I'll stop the dating site shit and focus on my uni exams which are more important anyways for now.
  13. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Day 54:

    Had a wet dream last night, unfortunately about TS but now it feels like I'm in flatline again, which I'm actually happy about because these last days were just extreme in terms of urges.
    Now I'm relaxed again and can focus on stuff which is important right now.
  14. sidney1990

    sidney1990 Guest

    perfectly normal...everyone has had wet dreams about a particular fetish throughout their reboot

  15. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    yeah I know but since sometime I was having dreams about normal sex, so that could be a step back, but whatever I'll just keep going.
  16. Orbiter888

    Orbiter888 Member

    Sounds like you're recovering to me. Perhaps instead think of it as your subconscious working through all the PMO images & thoughts, slowly rebalancing itself as the fetish pathways are weakening. Like your brain is giving itself a spring-clean. That's how it usually feels to me.

    When I started back in early 2012, believe me throughout that first year, I had some insanely perverted WDs. Over time it's gotten to the point that when I do have them (which is very rare) they're nothing but the most vanilla of vanilla.

    Like Sidney says, it's all just part of the process. No need to stress yourself out about it.
  17. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    cheers for the support.

    Since yesterday I feel a lot better again, no more haunting fantasies, it's very easy not fantasize at all.
    I spent most of the day with two cute chicks at uni and we flirted a lot. I was really attracted to them and they smiled a lot at me too. even later when I was sitting some where else in class one girl kept shouting things over. :)
  18. sidney1990

    sidney1990 Guest

    57 days, is actually brilliant..it really is impressive..DONT relapse..this is a brilliant streak some day I wish do be where you are
  19. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    dude you can do it too. I know especially the first few weeks are tough, but once you're through with that it gets a lot better and when you experience the changes in yourself you get really excited like getting to know the real new you. If you dont already do it: go working out till you can move a muscle it really helps with the urges, I do sports every day. I'm pretty sure until summer I will have a goddamn sixpack ;).
  20. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I decided to make an overview of what my current state is.. what has changed and what not..

    - more in controle, no more extreme urges. No "spontanous" errections like when I see a girl in the street or sth, but I can get hard when I'm with one.
    - no more DE. Actually its the other way around now. The one time I had sex during these 2 months I came very quick (PE). Hope thats not a permanent problem.
    - don't really long for watching porn or masturbation rather want to have real sex
    - rare wetdreams, though I have dreams every night
    - even if I fantasize it doesn't create a huge craving as it used to be

    - Still am a bit depressed but thats mainly because most my friends moved away to study in a different city and I obviously that I don't have a gf.
    So I guess it's normal to be unhappy about that. Also am a bit worried about my studies, even though my position isnt that bad.

    - I'm working out harder than ever, already making good results. Having my best shape ever.
    - stopped smoking.
    - constant morning errections.
    - ocasional meditation.

    - don't seem to decrease, but still I'm attracted to women. So it's fine with me.
    It's manageable but still there.

    - they still seem to have a strong power of attraction for me even stronger than porn. I have only visited 3 about a year ago and still the idea is very tempting for me.
    I've read an article about sex addiction and I could relate to what was said, so I need to keep away from this.

    Attraction to women:
    - looking/talking to a women gives a pleasant feeling, flirting seems a bit easier and therefore they seem more attracted to me too
    - more focused on them

    dealing with bad emotions:
    - this is one point I'm still trying to figure out. Porn used to help me with all kind of bad emotions, for example: when I went to a club and I didnt man up to approch a girl. Or a girl losing
    interest in me. It numbs the good and it numbs bad feelings. I try to accept those bad feelings and find peace with them so that they go away, but thats easier said than done.
    I guess I gotta man-up and design my life the way I want it to be, in order to be happy.

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