32 years old, recently divorced

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Toby, May 16, 2023.

  1. Toby

    Toby Member

    Was with a girl I'm dating the other day, couldn't come. We tried a few times, eventually I got soft every time I was going to put on the condom. She was very chill though and I didn't pressure myself to much, it was till nice. But also annoying as f**k to go back to this place after an almost 100 day long streak. Anyways, I'll get back!
  2. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Could it be just 'performance anxiety'?
    It is pretty common to be nervous the first times with a new girl, especially when you like her and want to impress.
  3. Toby

    Toby Member

    I think it's because I fell for porn a few days before, I can tell that it's effected my erections, it's not as stable as they are otherwise. I wouldn't say I'm in a complete flatline but still... Of course me noticing a change in my erections will make me a bit nervous and that could also have en effect

    Usually when sleeping someone new I come early instead of getting soft, like my D doesn't give me a heads up and just comes all of a sudden I curious if that normal a normal thing?
  4. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    Hey man, it's not just about days clean, but about snapping as wrists with a rubberband to make sure we keep on top of things.

    I believe you're in one of the, if not the best position to conquer this addiction. I actually believe you already have done so in your mindset. You're always in balance and harmony, and that's the best way to cultivate smooth sailing :cool::cool:

    You've been excellent for me personally, and part of the reason I've gotten to this place of sobriety after years of lazy quitting is I really enjoyed reading your posts here and elsewhere. I guess for me in a quite narcissistic way, I liked your posts most because they reminded me of being around 19-23, and the youthful enthusiasm I had for nofap. And that I feel I'm slowly getting back to (lol getting older must have changed my metabolism a little) :eek:.

    I know by late December you'll already be nearing 90 again, and will have to start cancelling dates to have some free time for yourself. ;)

    You're the man Toby! :cool::p
  5. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Pretty common for me as well when excited/nervous to come early.
    Sometimes a bit difficult to get started and then can not last very long.
    Deep slow breathing helps a little bit, also thinking about things unrelated to sex and changing positions more often.

    When I have a relapse I avoid sex on the next day(s), because I worry I might not be able to get aroused as I'm completely desentisized.
    Before relapsing I would think about that stuff, 'come on you see that girl in the next couple of days and want to perform, so better not relapse'.
    Sometimes that helped, but you cannot always know when you will have sex.. :D
  6. Toby

    Toby Member

    Wow man thanks for en encouragement! I feel really humbled to play that part in your life man!! This time I'll surpass 100 days, but most likely it won't be easy but I learn more for each time I fall. First time I passed 60 days, second time 90 days, now I'll reach much further!!

    Yeah those are good advice! Also I think it's ok to just say "slow down", they'll know what's up! :D

    Yeah yo need to find your ways of thinking to prevent falling. I keep the benefits of not PMO in mind, the energy I have in life, and how much I want to keep that up, I want that more that PMO!
    BackOnTrack likes this.
  7. Toby

    Toby Member

    Day 10:

    Still feeling that the D is weak. Good thing is it's my week with my daughter so I can just focus the evenings on meditating and relaxing. Can I hope that this minor flatline will be over within the next week? Last flatline was 2 months but then I had sooooo much stress in life.
    I'm so exited so get back on track, and I'm exited for life!!
  8. Toby

    Toby Member

    Day 15:

    Still bodily flatlined, not mentally. Took a sneek peek at a P site today, I got aroused and it felt amazing!! I sneek peeked 1-2 more times after that and this is not a good pattern. Trying to stay away now but I just miss the feeling of feeling aroused, it's the best feeling in the world.

    Will stay away now, hoping the arousal gets back soon without any pixels
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2023
  9. Toby

    Toby Member

    Day 15:

    Talked to a friend about feeling the pull to watch P, it helped, the pull is still there but it took the edge off. Never let your guard down!!

    Have a date tonight with a girl who lived quite close, wish I had the energy I have when I'm out of a flatline but will make the best of it!!
  10. Toby

    Toby Member

    Day 16:

    Was on a date yesterday. A really sweet girl, she followed me home afterwards. We had some tea in the couch and started making out. It was really nice and I was really aroused, but she told me she didn't want sex so I respected that. It got really late so I offered her to stay the night which she did. We both slept half bad and started kissing again and this time she wanted sex. When it was time to put on the condom it happened again though, I got soft. I'm not making a big deal out of it and what is nice is that I don't feel embarrassed about it anymore. I continued to give her a good time though before we went back to sleep.

    I can really feel that my erections are not as "stable" as they usually are, and I know this most likely will not be an issue once I'm out of this flatline. But I do get hesitant if I should really be with someone as long as I'm in the flatline, every time I'll get soft from putting on the condom is just "reinforced memory" (not sure of the proper english term here but I think you get what I mean) and I'm afraid it could spill over to when I'm not in a flatline anymore.

    I've had unprotected sex while in a flatline before, that was no problem at all, but maybe not a good idea either.
  11. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I used to have problems with condoms as well and the reason was that regular ones were too tight for me.
    There are condom manufactureres that offer condoms with plenty of different widths.
    One is for example mysize. (There are probably more companies like that)
    First you print out template to measure your width of your D and then your good to go.
    That has been such a game changer for sex with condoms for me.

    Template: https://mysize.de/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/mysize-pro_guide_en.pdf
    Toby and Fluyo like this.
  12. Toby

    Toby Member

    Thanks for the recommendation!
    I've actually measured myself and gone up a size, which was good. But I've managed with smaller condoms before although it's not as good. The problem for me is that my erections are not "stable", I notice that without being with anyone, if I manage to get erect it goes soft as soon as it's not "stimulated". When I'm not flatlined it stays erect even when not touched. It's like the bloodflow to the D is minimal, and while I'm not in a flatline it's the opposite. I can literally see on the D if it's in a flatline when it's not erect, because when I'm not in a flatline it's constantly thicker then otherwise haha!

    I think this will solve itself once I'm out, I'm not worried but it's still annoying.

    Really appreciate the advise though, will go back to it if the problem is still there once I'm back out of "shrivel station" :)
  13. Toby

    Toby Member

    Day 18:

    Yesterday I actually had a spontaneous erection that didn't go away as soon as it came. Seems like an isolated event but still, I take it as a good sign I might be on the way out of here. I'm going to a conference on Wednesday I my hope is to flirt around a bit, hope my D feels the same o_O
  14. Toby

    Toby Member

    Day 19:

    I MOd this morning. I was completely unnecessary, I wasn't particularly aroused or anything, in fact I've barely had any morning wood at all since this flatline started. But I lay in bed and eventually I got the feels and fiddled with the D and I just went with it.
    I've never MOd during a flatline before so it'll be interesting to see if it have any effect at all, MO has never been my problem, PMO is my problem!! I best case, this will end my flatline, in worst case it will prolong it.

    Need to get my head in the game now I've been to sloppy! Time to cut out social media even more, relax and meditate more.
  15. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I think you're just too sucessful with the girls that makes the recovery more difficult.. :D
    At least you don't seem to have to deal with any weird fetishes.

    I didn't care too much about sex when I was still watching porn 1-5 times a day, I was too desentisized.
    I had DE at could last for hours, sometimes didn't finish.
    Climax was mostly only possible by fantasizing during sex.
    So sex for rather for my ego than for the enjoyment of it.
    After 90 days of no PMO and I only had 1-2 times sex in the middle where I would only last very shortly.
    After that just talking to a girl gave me a rush, sex was amazing and I needed to learn to last longer again.
    So opposit than before quitting porn.

    Sometimes have some troubles starting when with someone new but that's just performance anxiety and extended foreplay fixes that for me.
    Toby likes this.
  16. Toby

    Toby Member

    haha actually I think you have a point, I get stressed that I might not be out of my flatline until the next time I'll be with someone. Not sure if that's what you ment though?
    I don't have any fetishes tbh, I'm very vanilla when it comes to sex.

    yeah I 100% recognise myself in everything you wrote there. And I really miss feeling that rush for the smallest of things. Sex is sooooooooooo amazing when you don't watch porn anymore, the thrill and the hunt is amazing. I used to hate foreplay when I watched porn, but foreplay is amazing now. Just enjoying someone who is equally enjoying you is the most thrilling feeling in the world!
  17. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I was stressing out about flatline in my first reboot and my d felt quite unresponsive but when I needed it which was around 45 days it worked fine.
    However it went off rather quick and unexpected which was completely unusual for me.

    I had great motivation for the reboot because I was at a quite low point with porn, fetish escorts and losing a girl I liked to my DE.
    So being at that low point it made it easier for me to change.
    I was afraid I may never be able to live a normal life with a family and kids back then.
  18. Toby

    Toby Member

    Yeah I hear you! My motivation is also great atm, I know the difference now. I really don't want to be here again it's so dull!! And it's funny because it effects all parts of life, my whole energy is different even in non-sexual situations!

    What happened with the fetish when you quit porn, did the fetish go away?? I've always been curious about that
  19. Toby

    Toby Member

    Day 20

    I've slept badly for two nights, also I'm feeling a bit down, and thirdly I'm feeling a bit sick. I went back in my journal and noticed that around this time I also had trouble sleeping. I don't think they correlate though, very different things going on now from the last flatline. But it fascinates me that the flatline is still ongoing. First flatline was ish 6 weeks, second was 8, I hope this one will be shorter but I'm now up in 3 weeks...

    I'm aiming at start going to the gym again next week if I feel better, I've been away for a few weeks and tbh I think that will speed up recovery.
  20. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    For me the fetish never went fully away but regular sex just becomes pretty amazing again so the fetish isn't really required anymore.
    Also the urges for the fetish become smaller and smaller.
    However if I turn to porn again I will quickly end up with the fetish shit again it just gives the strongest rush.
    Luckily I'm rarely ever confronted with my fetish in 'real life' so that makes it easier too.

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