32 years old, recently divorced

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Toby, May 16, 2023.

  1. Toby

    Toby New Member

    so figured I'm gonna starta journal here to get and give support. I got a divorce in the beginning of the year, it had nothing to do with porn or anything like that, there just wasn't any attraction anymore. We're still good friends though. Anyway, something I noticed at the end of our marriage was that it got more difficult for me to orgasm during sex. Since we got divorced I've had sex with three other women and I've had a really hard time coming. With one I didn't come at all, two I slept with several times and only came once each. The last one I came with once after she grinded me pretty hard, but penetration was impossible.
    Every time it felt so embarrassing. Then I discovered yourbrainonporn.com, and some other videos on youtube with some neuroscientists explaining what porn does to you brain. I realised I have to cut porn and masturbation out of my life until I "heal".

    I've never been so motivated though to quit porn, sleeping with beautiful women and not be able to come was a real eye opener for me!

    I've watched porn since early teenage years, if not since twelve. I've been addicted to it since, in various levels of course. Last year it's been more intense though, and the pandemic before that was also not good for me. Last autumn I was really stressed so my porn addiction got worse as well, since porn has always been my stress relief.

    I'm now on day 15 without porn and without masturbation. I've had a complete flatline since a while now and I REALLY miss feeling that arousal. I think I could sense a hint of it today but I try not to make anything of it, don't want to get my hopes up. I really miss watching porn, but I think I can never return to it, why would I? Maybe in the future I can masturbate occasionally but porn is way to risky! I really really really miss it though, but tbh, what a lousy thing to do, to watch porn, right!?

    I know some of you have been in this FAR longer than I have and that's really inspiring (and sometimes a bit freighting tbh) to read all of your stories.
    Newwaynewlife likes this.
  2. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    Hey Toby

    Welcome to the forum! Although I've never had PIED or delayed ejaculation, I'd imagine from the scores of others, that it is frustrating. I think you crave the orgasm high not the porn itself and the dopamine that comes from flicking from one vid to another, again in pursuit of the O.

    My taste in P was pretty vanilla, my danger was the compulsion, but if someone like me can go 3 months clean, despite m'ing an ungodly amount of times at my peak addiction, you certainly can get clean. I've seen people addicted to extreme p, and they've conquered this addiction. The first week will be the hardest, so fight it with a lot of activity, deplete your body's energy, organise your time, develop good sleep and try to balance caffeine intake

    I feel the 'miss' might be the relationship we developed with it, a lot of us usually have our go-to actresses, it's a distorted relationship for sure. Having a harem never satiates, in the same way a buffet teases our appetites and once satiated we need to wait to go again.

    I'd recommend commenting and reading journals, commenting I've always seen like an affirmation and it takes us out of our own heads. Reading, particularly the most has helped me, to prepare better.

    A few journals I'd recommend, from guys who beat this:



    Best of luck to you!
  3. Toby

    Toby New Member

    Thank you!!
    As you my taste in porn has always been vanilla. I thought, tbh, the first week was quite easy due to flatline, now I'm in week three and it's getting harder. Arousal is seemingly on the way back and the urge to satisfy myself is getting more intense. But like you say it's the O I crave badly. I really want sex but as a single I have to work for it, which is completely natural and as it should be, just have to get out more, and I have quite a lot to do now with selling a house. I really miss P but feel I could "settle" for M, but I'm resisting it as well as I can atm. Feels good to start feeling some arousal again though.

    Texted with a girl yesterday, not close at all to sexting, but just talking and some flirting, could definitely feel the arousal and even some erection. I think all in all I'm getting better.
  4. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    As you keep going it will seem ironic to you that you ever preferred pixels to the human experience you have, it provokes a nostalgia for the time used. You'll start missing things, and making sure you never miss a thing again.

    I think the last paragraph is a massive victory, that's part of the rewiring too, being able to feel without the crazy stimulation of p. Well done man! I'm very happy for you, there's plenty more that awaits you.

    Keep having fun
  5. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I've had that too DE (Delayed ejaculation), it was due to desentization from porn, after reboot 90 days that is completely fixed.
    Besides that when sleeping with someone new, I've sometimes had performance anxiety at the beginning. It helped for me starting slow first (cunnilingus) and also don't start with missionary but from behind, it is a WAY easier when not someone is looking at you expectingly while you start. Also if you never used a condom with your wife and now do. When I was watching porn it was almost impossible for me to come with a condom. Now also that is no problem.
  6. Toby

    Toby New Member

    Nice to hear, thank you for your replies it really gives my much hope!!

    My d is actually really sensitive now I don't know what to do haha! Libido is back for sure! I actually m'ed the other day, not with the death grip, but with extremely gentle touch, and that was enough to O. Not sure if it was good or bad, but what's done is done. I'll keep going this way, try to stay away all together from P but not sure what to do with M when I can go through an entire day with that level of sensitivity down there, it's really hard not to (and not sure if I should, but limited amount for sure, open for input here). Looking forward when I find someone anyway to start exploring sex with again, but I have WAY to much on my plate at the moment to start going on dates (selling a house, moving and so on)
  7. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    From what I read, you're doing well. Obviously p is the superstimulus any of us should be quitting. As long as you are quitting p, I think M will fade away. I'd only advise try to space out the M's, 2 days apart then 3 and 1 week, and so forth. Of course, I'd figure that by pacing yourself, there's absolutely zero temptation for p. Thats the biggest victory, the one over M will come in time (pun unintended).
  8. Toby

    Toby New Member

    Good to hear! I wouldn't say I have zero temptation for P, the idea of watching P is still very attractive (and memories from some videos pop up sometimes that makes the temptation come), but I feel the motivation to not look is so big that I have no problem with avoiding it so far. M is harder though, but as you sat the victory will come in time (you can get lots of puns here haha)

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