Greetings ;D Like many others, I reached this site from YBOP. All I can say is Thank You Gary and the admins here for creating these websites! They are truly wonderful and necessary for the healing from porn. I'm a late-40s husband who has looked at porn off and on most of my life. Except for a few spells without. Then when the internet came in it just got worse. Although for me it never became daily, and I continued regular good sex with my wife of over 20 years. I would try to stop but never able to go more than 2-3 weeks, and never felt any different, because I didn't realize the negative impact porn was having on my brain and body. Then last year I really got into soft-core, like girls kissing girls. I felt this was not as bad as XXX so I watched it even more, and was able to PMO with it. Then some days I would binge on the softcore for hours, then switch to XXX and just go bonkers. That's when the troubles began, because I was watching this so much that I finally started to have some slight ED and Delayed Ejac with my wife and got really worried. I didn't want her to think there's something wrong with her or me and so I try to slough it off, telling her I'm tired or too hot or something. We have had regular sex 2-3 times per week all throughout our marriage so if this changes, she will know something's wrong. Well, on 3/12/12 after several hours alone at home with the softcore videos, then a major binge on XXX ending in MO, I was finally fed up with all the shit porn was doing to my life. I would be tired, achy, grumpy, for 2-3 days after a binge like that, and soft with my woman. The ED and DE were getting worse and I finally searched for some clue to beat this demon. That's when I found YBOP. Wow. I felt like someone blasted a superhighway through the mountains that divided my sex urges from my rational brain. Instantly, I knew I now had the knowledge I needed to sustain my will to fight against porn. I really feel like a metamorphosis took place in my brain and everything has changed. I'm giddy with excitement over this power and want to find out more. And so I ended up here, reading, reading, reading everything I can, and excited, joyous, over my new found knowledge that will help me so much. Thank you everyone who is making this possible. As for my progress: Day 0 - Monday, 3/12/12 After several hours of binging on P ending in MO, I finally search out YBOP. I find it easy to now look at myself as having the ability to stop porn dead in its tracks, but a small worry is always there that porn will just lay back until its time is right then surge ahead and win again someday... My wife and I had our usual 2 encounters over the previous weekend. The second one ended in failure on my part. This is highly unusual, and so the following day (day 0 Monday), of PMO really brings me to my knees. Now I know PMO is ruining my sex with my wife, and my life. However, since the weekend was unfulfilling, that night she approached me again for sex, and after a few failed attempts I tell her, we tried too much yesterday, I need a rest. Now I'm really flat out lying to her to cover my tracks, and this disgusts me even more, furthering my resolve. I steel myself for the coming withdrawal... Days 1-4 - Tuesday-Friday Nothing too hairy to say, I did have some blue balls that week (unusual for me), and VERY strong "dead dick" feelings of like my cock is an airless baloon with all shriveled units. Zero libido, zero urge to watch porn or even look at girls. Very moody. Sometimes feeling unusually happy, other times very grouchy. Funny, I also start getting morning wood after a couple days, which is also unusual for me. The lady leaves me alone, thank God, we usually hit it once during the week but we both work so sometimes we skip and it's not noticed. Day 5 - Saturday 3/17 I wake up very apprehensive, as Saturday morning is almost guaranteed sex for us. Worried about ED, DE, thinking maybe my new "project" will make things even worse. But no worry, we do it and it goes pretty good, not great but not a struggle. So I'm happy, she got her bone and I didn't fail. On with the progress... Then, a few hours later we're getting ready to leave for the day and she lies on the bed and I just walk over and start kissing her and stroking her jeans, and suddently we're going at it again, even better than earlier. So I think, "WOW this is really working!" She even comments, wow, twice in four hours! So we're both very happy. I go throughout the day joyous over our sex and my zero urge to PMO. Day 6 - Sunday 3/18 We give each other the day off (without saying so)... it just seems normal to skip it. Still having dead dick and zero libido when not playing with her... PMO urges still zero. Day 7 - Monday 3/19 One week woo hoo! I'm on top of the world, PMO-wise. YBOP and this site have given me super-human control over PMO. Wow!! is all I can say. although I still feel the enemy is spending this time coming up with even more devious attack strategies. Oh well when he comes I will KICK HIS ASS!! The really great thing about this day is that after work my lady comes into the bedroom and lies down fully clothed. This is a normal cue that she wants sex. And I thought "man we just did it twice Saturday... not sure I can perform again" and the normal anxiety that porn caused the last few months rears its head. But I jump into it with her and ... omg... best sex in a long time, for me anyway. I can feel things I haven't felt in a long time. It seems like my cock has become a huge club with a bowling ball on the tip. I don't want this to be a lusting story but let me just say, things went REALLY GREAT and we were both really happy for that. Me especially. Day 8 till now Libido still zero when not around my lady, trying to stroke and hug her more to get more into the benefits of abstaining that everyone talks about. Dead dick too. Morning wood has fallen off, but I don't care as long as I can stay off porn and perform for my girl. I do feel more confident and more alert, the brain fog of last week is mostly gone. And also last week I was able to accomplish much more at work with less procrastinating. Looking forward to more benefits but also worried about relapse, failure, strong strong urges later on, etc. I have never felt so powerful over porn, but I also have experienced overwhelming urges in the past that I could not fight off. So even though I feel stronger I'm really concerned about the long term. That's why I wanted to write this journal, to try and help me stay on track. I love my wife dearly and want to stay away from porn forever, for her and for me. I will be watching for other signs of change and report here. I envy you single guys who can take this new power and use it to f**k everything in sight. I don't get around strange women very much but when I do I'll be watching them for clues. Hopefully I don't fall to THAT temptation!! ;D Thanks to you for reading, I hope someone out there can be encouraged by my story. I will not be able to participate as much as I should in the forum, my schedule doesn't give me a lot of free time except when I wasted hours some days watching stupid porn. That's one reason I have to quit, I wasted too much time and got behind in my work and other parts of my life that I'm now going to pursue instead of watching porn or being online. I will post updates in here as much as I can though.