28 years old, time to get rid of this shit!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by dualwield, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Have stayed at my girl's place for two nights. Have only studied and relaxed, I didn't even leave the apartment yesterday. She was a bit sad last night and I had to comfort her a lot; she is not happy with her work and is looking for a new job. I am there for her and she is there for me. The past month has been better than ever between me and my girl, I never thought I would love her this much but my feelings have really emerged now.

    The only thing that is bugging me is the sex but I could actually have sex with her twice the past nights after a lot of foreplay. I O'ed instantly the first night and this morning I could go doggy for a few minutes. I am still very sensitive.

    Well, after one hour I could achieve an erection again which is good news. It's up and down all the time. I usually only get a weak erection but today I achieved a decent erection (maybe 85%).

    Have done reverse kegels for 2 days and I will continue with this since I am sure that my pelvic floor is tensed because of bad masturbation habits.
     
  2. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Not much change since previous updates. The situation is that I can have sex maybe once every third day or so. :) After O I feel no interest in sex.
    Erection quality is 60-80% so not very good in that area, some days it is just enough for sex, other days not. I have O'ed with gf several times the past 2 weeks. I will try to go for karezza again and limit O.

    Will have to try and do reverse kegels again, have not done them for over a week. I am working out 5 days a week and taking cold showers after gym.

    My gf got a new job today as a flight attendant so she will be traveling a lot this summer, I guess it will be challenging not to meet as often as we are used to.
     
  3. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I have had a week without my gf, she took a trip to her parents.
    During this week I have partied with classmates, studied, exercised, met an old classmate for coffe etc.

    She came home last night and it felt so good to see her again, I have missed her. Had a warm feeling instantly when we kissed and it felt very good. Could have sex yesterday, she could even ride me for 15 min which was good. We both O'ed simultaneosly. I was trying not to, but it was hard. Well, this morning I could not have sex so I really have to try and stop O, although it is difficult sometimes. :)
     
  4. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Noo! MO'd this morning. So stupid of me, I was tired and my hand was on "autopilot" or something like that, I O'ed really quick. Shit, have to implement the "no touching-policy" again.

    Didn't try to go for sex yesterday since my gf had stomach pains.

    Working out hard atm, played badminton and went to the gym yesterday, so that's good.
     
  5. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Have had a lot to do in school. I did not get the grades I was hoping for in the past courses and have had a tough time motivating myself for schoolwork for some time.

    Anyhow, I am improving slowly. Some days it works and some days not. I can actually O pretty often now and I do not fall back into "deep flatline". I can have sex around every second day now. Have tried abstained from O for like a week but I do not get more sexual when I abstain at this point.

    My gf and I have had some really serious discussions (close to-breaking up) a few days ago. I was tired of the fact that she does not care for her body, she barely exercises and eats a lot of junkfood, so she has gained weight. Exercising is very important for me and I wanted to share my interest with her. She was angry with me and thought that I only was saying that because she is getting fat. I am trying to support her and I love her, I just want her to work out now and then. I don't want to control her and she says herself that she wants to work out and lose weight.
    I won't mention that again because that discussion was not fun. "Love me for the person I am" and all that. Well, there is no point in arguing but I won't date someone who is way too big for me, that's the truth.

    We worked it out and could spend and amazing weekend at a hotel for Valentine's Day. Had access to spa, three-course dinner, breakfast so we had a good time. We even drank champagne in the bedroom and had really good sex!

    I am glad that we have stopped arguing and I am getting better, so the future is bright! :)
     
  6. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Just wanted to share some thoughts. I have started feeling jealousy. My girl is meeting an old friend for coffe right now, it's a guy that she knows very well and I suspect that they have dated for a while before she met me.
    We haven't really talked about previous relationships. I just know about one of her ex's and that relationship was a long time ago. She has not asked me about previous relationships, however she has been curious about stuff like "who is the oldest and youngest one you have had sex with?" she has also asked about some girls that are our mutual friends from earlier.

    Thing is, I have so limited sexual experience that I don't want to know how many she has been with. I would only feel worse when I know the number. PIED has cost me so many chances at sexual experiences and relationships that I feel sick when the subject "sex" is brought up. I have missed so much that I don't want to mention my number of sexpartners since it is a very small number for my age.

    Fact is that I am so in love with my girlfriend that I start to see guys she meets up with as rivals. I don't want to be this jealous. Another thing that bothers me is that I want to have sex with more people in my life, right now I hate parties where people just have to know ones "sex-number". I always lie because... it's not their business anyway. And I am a good liar, I have practiced this because I have had PIED like forever.

    I am so glad that the tide is turning and that I am starting to work like a man should. Just have the feeling that I have missed out on my youth to some extent.
     
  7. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. You managed to abstain from this shit for so long, your ED got better and you have a girlfriend so you made very good progress in my opinion. I can understand that you feel like you missed out on sexual experiences in the past but you can't change that, so you should accept this and don't think about missed opportunities. Instead focus on your relationship and work on your self-esteem to stop being jealous.

    If you really want to loose those feelings/cravings that you want to fuck other girls and the feeling that you are too inexperienced you would have to break up with your girlfriend and go out to pick up girls for the next few years, but I don't think that this is an option for you. So instead forgive yourself for your past mistakes and move on.
     
  8. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Thank you for the insightful reply Arrow!

    You are absolutely right. Ones "number" is not important when I come to think about it. I am feeling that I enjoy life so much right now and that is because I am getting rid of PIED and have a wonderful girlfriend. PIED has consumed my thoughts for several years and kept me in a mental state where I was indifferent about almost everything.

    I will try to let go of my jealousy now, my girlfriend loves me very much so I shouldn't have to worry. I love her very much too.
     
  9. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    Maybe it helps you to know that the average number of female sex partners for a man is 7 according to a survey from 2007 in the US. And most of the guys are exaggerating when they speak about their sex lifes, so the real number could even be lower.

    Another thing I want to point out is that you can have plenty of sex in one relationship, while a guy who has fucked 20 women has done this just once or twice maybe and has long streaks without any sex.

    So don't worry to much about this. ;)
     
  10. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Oh I did not know that! Cool :)

    That is so true, thanks for the encouragement! :)
     
  11. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I am gaining some muscle at the gym right now. Feels good. My girl have started working out a lot too so we go to the gym together which is nice. I have stopped taking cold showers but will try that again, I am still not fully healed so I guess it might help my D2-receptors.

    I have felt no interest in sex for a few days and it feels like the "flatline-days" again. No sensation can trigger a good erection. Once this morning I could have sex for a few seconds but I lost the erection quick..

    My hopes for this year is too become fully healed and gain a normal libido. I don't feel that right now. I hope that my future is brighter, it seems that way. I am improving slowly so I hope that my troubled days are soon over for good.
     
  12. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Me and my girl have been fighting a lot the past weeks. One night she was jealous because she thought that I was checking her friend out at the club. Yesterday she was disappointed and sad because she felt as if I didn't love her. This is a direct result of the flatline I am feeling (for over a week now). I feel asexual and making out with her does not arouse me the slighest bit which is terrifying. I go in and out of flatline very frequently although I have abstained for so long...

    I try to explain how I feel but she has never experienced this asexual feeling and that is why I want to show her yourbrainonporn etc. Last time she didn't want to read about this. However, I feel that it is important if she wants to understand how I feel from time to time.

    I think that I have tried every strategy there is. No O. Ocassional O's. No M. Occasional M's.
    Now I feel that I will try to go no O for a long time again, since O'ing has not helped me so much.

    Oh, and cold showers day 2.
     
  13. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    Man that sounds hard but don't let this flatline drag you down.

    I can understand that your gf is upset that you lost your libido again. But when she is jealous because of her friend that sounds a bit overdramatic in my opinion, especially when you are in flatline and feel totally asexual.

    Even if she doesn't want to read the information at YBOP, she should still read a little bit about porn addiction and flatline to understand how you feel at the moment. You should really show it to her.

    And I am not sure if your abstinence from masturbation and orgasm is the right approach for you. You quit porn for so long now and you have reduced masturbation and orgasm to a minimum for long periods of time but you still havent recovered yet. Maybe you should try a different approach and try to masturbate and have sex with your gf as often as possible for the next two weeks or so. Even if you feel a bit worse at the beginning it should get better with time. For me masturbation works great my errection quality is much better (yesterday and this morning I had very hard morning wood) and my libido is back to normal, I start to feel like a teenager again. ^^ I am not completely recovered yet but morning wood and my libido are pretty consistent since the last two or three weeks, this was the time when I increased my masturbation frequency again.

    Maybe this thread can give you another perspective as well (even if it isn't super scientific, gary wilson also commented on this thread): http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=33023.0

    I hope you get better soon. ;)
     
  14. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Thank you Arrow for replying! It really means a lot to me. :)

    Yea I have felt really asexual the past week. However, I had a short argument with my girl last night where she explained how she felt etc. We discussed the issue with my flatline symptoms and I showed her yourbrainonporn where she read about flatline for a brief period. She said that she understood me a bit better now, luckily she took the time to read the information.

    I was able to have sex with her after that. It was like all the anger and frustration we had inside vanished and just touching each other felt fantastic again. It was quite good actually. My PE is getting better so she usually O's before me now. I O'ed and had a good feeling afterwards. I could have sex again after that too, around 70-80 % EQ.

    This morning my erection was sluggish again, although I do not feel depressed like I did when my dick was shriveled and cold during the past flatline-week. So I guess abstaining from O for 9 days led me back to flatline.
    Now I will try to have sex whenever I can and since I did not feel like shit after O'ing I'm gonna try and O frequently the next week and evaluate the result.

    I still can not M by myself since I barely can get semi-erect from that. I need a girl to get aroused so I am not healed yet.

    I read the thread you posted and it was a very interesting read. Cool that Gary took his time to contribute too.
    With time I have to be cured too, as long I continue abstaining from porn. I have made significant progress, although it has taken around 2 years.
     
  15. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    Great to hear bro!

    It is good that you showed her the information about flatline.

    Just try to rewire a bit more with your girl and don't go on long Noorgasm streaks for a while. I think that this will definitely help you. And I don't think Oing is bad, if Oing was bad the human race would have died a long time ago. ;)

    Nice that you read the thread I posted, just continue with your way and you will be fine again.
     
  16. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Yea I feel pretty good right now. :)

    I O'ed yesterday again. Did not feel worse after doing that. I even had slight morning wood this morning which had been gone for a couple of weeks.
    One interesting phenomenon that I still experience is that my erection goes away quickly if I can't penetrate the first 10 seconds. After that I get kinda stressed and the erection goes away. I try to relax but this is a common behaviour for me, because of past failures, which I have to unlearn. This happened yesterday again but we waited and talked for a few minutes and the erection came back after I relaxed a bit.

    Going strong at the gym. Taking vitamins to boost my overall health and I am now at day 4 of cold showers.
     
  17. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Was at a couples dinner at my best friend's apartment yesterday. We played games, drank some beer and had a lot of fun. Me and my girl started arguing about nothing as usual after the party. It was a "near break-up situation". She was very annoying so I could not take it, told her to go to hell and went home to my place alone after the party.

    She was very sad after that and called me several times, ultimately we talked a lot and she came to my place despite my resisting attitude. We were a bit drunk ofc. We worked it out as usual and she apologized for her behaviour. We had really good sex after that, the best I have ever had with her. Funny thing; we have better sex when we are drunk, I also have a better erection after a few beer right now... Today we have been hungover in bed, watching tv and a movie. We had sex again today. I still have a good feeling after O's so I will continue with this for now.

    Starting to feel a bit more confident again, hope that my positive trend will go on :)
    Did not go to the gym today but have worked out 5 days this week as I plan too, so no probs.
     
  18. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    Keep this going man. It looks like my advice was good. ^^

    I have also a question you say you went to the gym 5 times this week. What split do you use?
     
  19. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Yea thanks for the advice Arrow! :)

    This is my 5-day workout split:
    Day 1: Legs/Abs
    Day 2: Chest
    Day 3: Back
    Day 4: Rest
    Day 5: Shoulder/Abs
    Day 6: Arms
    Day 7: Rest
     
  20. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    Nice, but for me training five times per week would be too taxing. At the moment I am doing a 2-day split and workout three times per week. My split is divided into workout A (chest, shoulder, triceps) and B (back, biceps, legs) and I am doing pretty good. 8)
     

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