28 years old, time to get rid of this shit!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by dualwield, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    It's been a quite relaxing weekend. I slept in on Saturday morning, slept almost 12 hours. It felt good to restore my energy levels. On Saturday my parents visited my little brother so we all met at a restaurant and went to a pub after. It was really nice to spend some time with family. My little brother's gf recently cheated on him with his best friend, so they broke up recently. I feel with my brother. If you can't trust your gf since 4 years you would think you could trust your best friend but apparently not. This kind of stuff makes you cynical.. We will see if my brother wants that guy around anymore, they are for sure not best friends anymore.

    I'm a bit tired of girls myself. I have a hard time apprehending how slutty and psycho some girls are. Allow me to explain. Baby girl had sent me some nude pics from time to time, I thought this was just for fun that she wanted to send that to me, until yesterday when I found her second Instagram full of nude pics and sexy photos ("sex is art" was the headline). I was a bit grossed out. I could never post nude photos of me like that for everyone to see online.

    Even worse was today when jug girl wanted to come over, she sent me a pic stating that she had no underwear under her dress in public and asked if she could come over for a quickie. I thought why not.. Well everything was good, we had great sex together as usual. But an hour after she left she sends me a link to a survey on snapchat, she asked me to fill in some questions if I wanted to. The weird thing was that this was a personal survey about her personality, way of communication, sex questions (rate foreplay, sex, oral sex, duration, cuddling, moaning, after sex talk). It was crazy detailed! It also asked questions like "why did you end the subscription on me?" and "what can I do better?" etc. I asked her what the purpose of the survey was and whether she sent it to all her fuckbuddies. She answered that she wanted to collect data/was eager to see the responses and that she only sent the survey to 10% of her fuckbuddies so she now had a millions answers.

    This survey was so weird, I felt grossed out and told her about that the survey asked questions like she was providing a service that I had bought and could rate. It felt like she was selling sex and God knows how many of her lays she sent that too.
    In short, she is way too weird, manipulative and slutty for me so I deleted her on snapchat. The bad thing is that I have had unprotected sex with her the past times so I better get tested but of course there were no avaible times as the doctor's.

    Maybe I am drawn to these crazy chicks. The thing is that both baby girl and jug girl have been fun to hang around, they are open and you easily have exciting conversations with them which is refreshing. And both are very hot. So on the crazy/hot scale they are still acceptable but no gf material for sure.

    Baby girl have moved, I ended it with jug girl and the third fwb will move in a week, I met her on Saturday night and she is nice but is also a bit introverted and not as fun.

    I think it will do me good to take a break from girls, I feel like I need some time for myself now.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2019
  2. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Another week closer to my vacation! The week has been alright. I invited people to After Work on Friday and a few joined. Very few but still nice that some people are outgoing at work (most of them have families and do not join AW). Also two of my friends joined later so we had a really good night when my colleagues had left. We drank a lot of beer and talked.

    On Saturday I was invited to baby girl's new apartment in another city. I know I said I did not want to meet girls for a while but I thought it would be fun to visit her and see her city since I did not know much about the place. She met me at the train station and we walked home to her apartment for a couple or beer, then we hit the town and she showed me some beautiful places by the water, I took some nice photos. It was great weather and we went to a restaurant, I paid for our meals, very tasty steak, it was fantastic! After that we went to a bar and drank more beer and just had a good, fun talk. I learned that the threesome we have had before was also her first so it was a special thing. Overall she is fun to hang out with, very open, not politically correct so we have the same type of humor etc. Later we went home to her and drank some more and had sex. I wanted to use a cucumber on her and her vagina swallowed that huge thing without problem or warm up haha. She then fell asleep easily even though her windows were open and it was a very busy street outside with partying people. I cannot understand how some people can fall sleep that easily. I could not sleep even after I shut the windows. I often have insomnia, especially when sleeping with someone else. I so envy people that fall asleep easily.

    So I was up the entire night trying to fall asleep. After a while I gave up and decided to book an early morning train on Sunday to my city. I felt like a zombie today but it was nice sunny weather so instead of sleeping in my room I rested outside getting some sunlight. I also went grocery shopping. Quite proud that I resisted going to bed the first thing because that would have fucked up my sleep for work anyway. Now I have been up for about 40 hours straight so I will try to sleep and see how I feel at work tomorrow.
     
  3. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Was a bit horny today after a week of no sex. Have had like no success at Tinder for soon a month too. Baby girl talked about some kinky sex toys she wanted to try next time and I checked them up online and one thing lead to another, before I know it I have clicked on a porn site. I watched a few videos for a short moment, like not more than 5 min, and then closed it down. It was a huge rush of dopamine, of course I got rock hard and my heart rate increased a lot, something I have not felt in like over a year. Not good.
    Then my brain told me I had not checked all sex toys yet so I fall in the same trap again and lands on a porn site for another couple of minutes. Then I decided to just close it down again and stop thinking about that. My hand was on autopilot and all of a sudden I have O'd (just to touch).

    First time I MO in 404 days! So proud of having abstained so long. Mostly because I have had some success with girls. A new goal is to break this record. I feel better when not MO'ing and it keeps me from P.

    EDIT: 10 min after. Chaser-effect. I MO'd again to just touch. Feeling the brainfog coming back already. Time to sleep now for real.

    EDIT 2. MOd to just touch a third time. Then I slept pretty good, at least 8 hours.

    This week has been tough. I did not sleep at all yesterday, no reason I often have insomnia nowadays, I do not know why. I decided to work out anyway like I usually do so that was good. Job has been okey but not more than that, I feel like I am always longing for the weekend. Hopefully I can sleep in tomorrow, we will see what happens.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2019
  4. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Tonight I went to a poolparty with a friend so that was really nice. We partied all day and I'm the evening we went clubbing. It was fun! We were 3 guys and very drunk and had a blast. We approached a lot of girls and just talked. It was nice. Nothing spectacular happened but it was nice to just do something. When I got home I was super drunk and also quite horny so I watched some p, Pmo 3 times... Not good. Like I could not resist because I was too drunk.. Goodnight..

    EDIT. I slept like 3 hours, woke up, drank some water and then I PMOd like 6 or 7 times. It was not pretty. In total like 3 hours...

    Now I am feeling low and ashamed. This was not what I needed. I am still a bit drunk. New short term goal. No touching for a week, no internet browsing for any sexual or related stuff that could trigger my brain to want P. Have to stop it before things escalate..

    Will prob try and sleep some more now.

    EDIT 2. Could not sleep more. It is a sunny day and my apartment is heating up. I also PMO'd 3 times more so in total 10 times now, that is crazy bad. Will go outside now and clear my thoughts, still very hungover.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
  5. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    The day was ok. I was tired at work.
    I went to bed 9.30 pm already and wanted to sleep. The only problem was that someone in my building was playing ridiculously loud music for 3 hours straight, must have been a party. I was browsing the web, tried sleeping, gave up, felt irritated because I'm gonna be tired yet another day at work.

    Then I just PMOd once. I tried to resist but since I could not sleep I escaped reality for a moment. Not good. New chance for a better day tomorrow..

    Edit. Woke up 4 am and PMOd a second time..

    Edit 2. PMOd a third time.

    Edit 3. 5 am. Still cannot sleep, PMOd a fourth time. This is not good. Stuck in the old addiction pattern. Will reward myself if I stay away until the rest of the week as a start.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2019
  6. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    So I managed to abstain for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and started to feel pretty good about myself again. On Friday I had a date with a Russian girl, my friends went to a student bar so I was a bit sad for missing that but there will be more times! My date and I went to a bar and talked and later she crashed at my place. I used 50 mg Kamagra this time since I have PMO'd so much lately and luckily it worked. The date was quite fun. I could not sleep more than 1 hour though since I always sleep little or not at all when sleeping with strangers. I was pretty tired this morning and got triggered of a thing at the internet and then I was ultimately led into porn, I PMO'd once. Then MO'd once after. Now I have slept some more and eaten lunch.
    Thinking of going outside for a walk or maybe try a short jog (have not jogged for over a year).

    I now have 2 weeks vacation so that is awesome. I have been so tired at work the past weeks so I have earned some rest since I worked the entire summer. I will rest up, do not have major plans but I will try and be quite productive, learn some more info about PowerPoint and Excel, as well as apply for some jobs. I will now do my best not to fall into PMO'ing again, I don't want my vacation to drain me of my energy and wasting it on P, that would mean I have wasted my energy which I could have spent on much, much better things.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2019
  7. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I went running today for the first time in over a year. Felt pretty good to get the heart pumping and get some fresh air.

    Later in the evening I had a chance to get a girl over, she wanted to come over and just chill. But I ultimately turned her down since I got turned off, she said that she was on tinder to get guys to pay for her dinners and maybe have a place to crash closer to her work. I think she was not that good looking either, maybe a 6 maximum out of 10.
    She also asked whether I had some food for her when she would come over, I think she just stepped over the line and it is disrespectful just using guys like that. I will not tolerate to be used but maybe other guys happily buys her dinners etc.

    I watched a very good movie and then before I went to sleep I actually PMO'd once. I was not horny but there was a trigger again.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
  8. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I managed 4 days no PMO. Tonight I had a tinder date coming over, she was 39 years old so much older than me. She was a nice blonde, open and funny girl. She also looked quite cute and her body was ok, normal looking.

    We drank a couple of beer and talked. It was fun. We made out and she gave me a very good BJ, one of the best I ever had. She did not want to go all the way though so nothing more happened. Even though I O'd once she left me quite horny since I had popped a Kamagra pill. Quite sad that I did not feel anything as usual with her before the Kamagra kicked in. It must be because of the P habit, like it takes too much to get me aroused. Also when I get aroused my boner is too weak without pills.

    I PMO'd six times later in the night. Feel miserable. Can really feel the rush of dopamine and eventually also a lot of escalation to more extreme P. I feel drained of my energy and lust for life right now. My brain is constantly sending me triggering thoughts. I should probably go for a walk or go to the gym to think of something else.

    I have to make my short term goal more clear and stop the relapses now.
    *No PMO in the coming week. If I succeed I will buy me a really good restuarant meal of whatever I want.

    If I see a trigger I will immediately go away from the laptop and drink some water or use some cold water to cool down. Time to get serious again.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2019
  9. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I got through the rest of the day. Went for a walk and later in the night went over to a tinder date's place. She was from South Korea and had a quite annoying personality but we had some sex anyway and I went home after that. She said it was the best sex she ever had but she had only been with 4 guys prior, still fun to hear though.

    Will sleep in tomorrow.
     
  10. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I talked to my younger brother today and went over to see him. We went for a walk so that was good. I never just reach out to my brothers like that and they rarely reach out to me so I think it was nice to meet him and good of me to reach out to him like that.

    Got very depressed today on my way home from my brother, my lips have not gotten better even though I have tried everything in my power. They are all dry and flakey, white all the time and looks really bad. I see people looking at me in the city, it sucks so bad since the doctor's could not help me. I just realized I hate my life so bad because of this problem, it's like I avoid social interactions and meeting people because of looking so bad.

    In order to escape reality I MO'd once just to sensation. I have had no motivation for gym lately either so I will have to figure out a new gym schedule so it will be fun again. Right now I am more dreading going into public situations because of my looks, my lips have been worse than ever the past year.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2019
  11. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Ok so I PMO'd eight times now. It's only because of feeling low. I clearly have some issues that is affecting my life quality, like my chronic inflamed and chapped lips, hair loss, hyperhidrosis, PED to name a few.

    In order to get through the rest of my vacation I think I have to stay more active and plan my day so as not to get bored.

    Plan for tomorrow:
    1. Try some new exercises at the gym (leg day). No pressure to perform, the goal is to get there. I have had some anxiety lately before going to the gym and that is only because I have had such a tough schedule and I have hit a plateau so I don't progress but the weights are feeling damn heavy so it is almost painful. Will try a new focus now and change it up in order to shock the body a bit and make it fun again,
    2. Possibly go grocery shopping
    3. Job searching
    4. Try and learn some excel.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2019
  12. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Woke up and PMO'd twice more. My brain keeps fighting to watch P and I have trouble to fight the urges. Even though I am so tired and actually wanked with a semi the past times, like I am on a binge and my body is already adapting to the stimuli.

    I will now plan my day and keep to the schedule.
    Time is now almost 13.00 (I slept for long).
    13.00-14.00 Plan a new gym schedule
    14.00-15.30 Grocery shopping
    15.30-16.00 Lunch
    16.00-18.00 Do some excel training
    18.00-18.30 Rest
    18.30-19.30 Dinner
    19.30- rest of day, free time.

    I think I will skip gym today and instead plan my new schedule and go there tomorrow when it is a new week.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2019
  13. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Ok so I am starting to feel okey again.

    Edit. Woke up in the middle of the night and MOd three times and PMOd once...

    Have finally found a new gym schedule, it's based on training the same muscle group twice per week in a 5 day split=PHAT. I hope I can see some gains on that. The past 2 years I have either trained 3 or 4 days a week and not eaten as much as I need to in order to put on muscle. So now I am also thinking of eating more each day. Today I got a compliment at the gym about being strong in flat bench dumbell press so that was nice.

    I will probably set up some new short term goals for my training to get more motivated.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2019
  14. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I found a pair of sunglasses under my bed that belonged to jug girl. She lost them here during the summer. She invited me to hand them over. I went over to her place and we had a lot of fun actually, good talk and just teasing. Then we also had sex, it was nice. However, I lost my boner twice during sex, this did not usually happen with jug girl before so I see this as a direct consequence of my PMO'ing the past weeks.

    I have now just accepted that she is very open with sex, she is an easy girl. But she also has a fun personality which I like a lot. We will see if we will meet some more or not. Yesterday I had my booked time for STD-testing. I will know in a couple of weeks whether I am clean or not, I hope so.

    The day has been good, I have been chilling mostly, searched for some jobs, went to the grocery store and met jug girl in the evening. Tomorrow I will work out again so that feels good.

    Now I will just keep on trucking and not give into P, I now have the feeling again when I cannot perform with girls even though I used 25 mg Kamagra, so my body needs to abstain. It is not a good feeling as you all know, not being able to perform sexually with a gorgeous girl. Jug girl could easily pass for a porn star, she is that hot. But nothing turns my pecker on at the moment it feels like.
     
  15. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    It's been a good week at work, feeling like I have more energy and a bit more optimistic than before, even though I am so tired every morning. I have abstained and not had any thoughts about P, it is probably good that I keep activating myself with work and going to the gym. It is fun to work out again since I have a new schedule and I am working out 5 days a week now instead of 4, can already feel my body responding to the new exercises and I am working out each muscle group twice a week instead of once a week.

    The flatline is making me not think about girls in a sexual way, also feel numb and asexual to be honest. I know this is what happens after PMOing a lot so that was expected, it's just that it has been a long while since I was in a severe flatline like this.

    Jug girl actually invited me to go with her to a stand-up night at a bar in the city, so we went there tonight (Thursday). It was a chill athmopshere and we had a lot of fun, some good comedians that made us laugh a lot! We were sitting close to the stage and I got pulled up by a comedian, he complemented me on my muscles and said I looked like "a viking" and he followed with some jokes about "HBO's Vikings". Haha was really fun. We drank some beer and just had a nice night. Then we went home to jug girl and I popped 25 mg Kamagra, we had succesful sex. It was good but I still do not feel that much, also lost it once and cannot orgasm right now. To be honest, after a while when I lost it, she asked if I came and I said "yes". It was the first time I lied about having an orgasm, I guess that does not happen often for guys. I am sure it is because of the flatline because the past times I have not felt as much as usual and cannot perform as I used too. Jug girl also said that she never had so good sex before, I also made her squirt for the first time last time we met. I don't want to pat my own back too much but it is nice having some good things in my life while I have many other things not going my way.

    The clock is now past 1 AM and I will have to get up in six hours, so I might be tired at work tomorrow. Thank God it is Friday!
     
  16. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    It's been a good weekend. I met up with an old friend and his gf, they have a baby since two months so I cuddled a bit with the baby as well.

    In the evening I went clubbing with a few friends. We drank a lot of beer and danced a lot. It was very fun! I also contacted some guys from a pick up forum and we will probably meet up to go out sometime and talk to girls.

    I have been feeling quite lonely the past time, I know I don't have any close friends anymore who contacts me so I more often than not just stay at home during weekends which is quite boring. My social circle consists more of random girls (fwb's) but they come and go over the years so I don't really have that best friend I can talk to on a daily basis. Some of my isolation has been by choice since my inflamed lips have been so bad that I did not want to be in public too much. I am also quite bad at contacting friends myself. But the past weeks have been a change in that, I have consciously been more optimistic and more of a "yes man" and welcoming invites etc. I also arranged for a group of friends to go abroad during new years and a few people wanted to go, so I am really looking forward to that. I have texted with another old friend who lives in a neighboring country so I will visit him too during November.

    I became inspired to get more social and becoming the best version of myself recently. There was a guy at work who came up in the gym and said hi to me, introduced himself and said I looked strong. He was apparently head of the gym at work and he is a super optimistic and social guy, everybody loves him and he knows a lot of people. I just thought to myself that I want to have the same positive energy around me. He is around 50 years old and very fit, works out 6 days a week, have a very respectable position at work and is overall a very ambitious person.

    My main goals as of now is to:
    *Work out 5 days a week
    *Abstain from P and M, only O with girls.
    *Be more of a yes man, spread positive energy
    *Actively welcome new people into my life, seek out wingmen to go out with and talk to girls (clubbing once every second week at minimum, preferably with less alcohol than usual)
    *Apply for some more jobs

    What more happened during the weekend, well today (Sunday morning) jug girl invited me over for waffles brunch at her apartment. That was really nice of her. Both of us were quite tired and I was very hungover as well. We cuddled and we were not that horny, she even told me she thought we did not have to have sex this time and cuddling is fine. Since she was naked under her dress I instinctively massaged her a bit after a while. As a result, she became horny so I fingered her to O. I felt nothing in my dick when she started to massage it, still flatlining bad, it would not get erect. After a while she wanted to give me a bj, I got semi erect from that and was about to lose it when I told her she could be more rough. She jerked me quicker and sucked so I O'd all of a sudden, still semi erect. I did not feel much and I felt just drained of energy after. There was no way I would have been able to have sex with her so good that she was not in the mood for that. I did not use a pill this time so that was also why I did not get hard.

    I am not sure what I feel about hanging out with jug girl, I am confident she bangs other guys but still I have quite fun with her. I asked her what she had been doing during the weekend and I heard in her voice that she made up some stuff about taking it easy yesterday, she was not the best liar. I suspect she was with another guy and that might have been why she did not feel the need to have sex, she probably had much sex with the other guy.. She has been super horny every other time I have met her and it was not like she was on her period.

    Oh well, we will see how things progress. don't really care about her that much anymore so whatever happens happens.
     
  17. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Monday. I have been active. Worked, went to the gym during lunch, went to the barber shop after work. Russian fwb came over, we hung out and had really good sex (used a pill). Did my laundry late in the evening. Now time for bed.
     
  18. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Friday. Been a hectic week. Feels good to have weekend and I also have 2 weeks vacation again which is great! I will start looking for an apartment to buy since I will have to leave my apartment in like 5 months.

    Tonight I went out with a guy from a pick up forum. He was much younger than me (21) but had high ambition of going out once a week and pushing forward. I noticed from the start that he was very good at approaching. In the beginning he opened a few guys just to get talkative (small chunking). They were nice so it was the perfect warmup. Later he talked to girls and I joined in. I also successfully opened 2 groups of 3 girls and he could come in. We hung out with one of the groups and after a while 2 other guys came in (they smelled blood in the water, attraction, since we had warmed the girls up). Later we pulled the girls back in so we took over again.

    The best moment for me was when we started talking to another group of girls and the first group became jealous and dragged us to the dance floor. We were hot commodity for a while. My wing was better than me, he was more physical, and kind of edgy, a bit of a douche sometimes. This is some things I have to work on, being more physical and more edgy. Especially use the hand of God technique to pull girls in and being decisive about it, no hesitation.

    He said I was good at opening groups and engaging them, I had some good techniques. My next step will be to be more physical, work on my inner game. He could sense that my self esteem was not really there all the time, like I felt I did not deserve to get physical with the girl.
    His tip to me was to understand that "I was the shit, no one better than me" and that if I had a low period in the club, try to get out of it as soon as possible by talking to people. Also to understand that these moments can be very depressing but is just dependent on state and nothing else. So if I work my state up again and keep my flow going I will have a very fun night. We had some good state for a while and everything was super fun! I also had some low moments when I did not feel like approaching so I danced for myself for a while as he was with a girl.

    All in all a good night, we approached quite a lot and that was a win for me since I have some approach anxiety so that was my goal for the evening. He got 3 snapchats (numbers are outdated nowadays) and 2 makeouts I think it was. I did not get any stuff like that, but some IoIs and some dancing. We went out for like 2,5 hours only, ended 1.30 am, but it felt enough to not get exhausted.

    One last thing, baby girl is in town and asked if I wanted to see her. I said would be fun but that I was out with a friend partying so depends on how late. She called me during the evening, I missed her call since I did not hear the my phone ring on the dance floor. I called her up an hour later and she was normal at the start and said she wanted to meet up. Clock was 12 am. I said I had just come to the club so it was a bit early for me to leave. She became a bit angry and just said, have a nice night, and hung up. She hung up right as I was in the middle of a sentence. Very rude of her. I think she prob just called someone else since she had texted she was super horny earlier during the evening. She is not worth much if she does not respect me enough to let me talk. I did not contact her more, I have nothing to apologize for and I think she was seeking some kind of weakness/reaction from me. She can be really bitchy sometimes.

    Seriously getting tired of bitchy behaviour. Thinking of just stop meeting a girl as soon as she shows this kind of bitchy behaviour without apologizing for it. I will for sure not contact baby girl myself and be very sceptical if she wants to meet up again.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2019
  19. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Saturday morning. Woke up a bit tired but not feeling that hungover which was really nice. My brain tricked me into looking for some nude pics which lead to escalation to P. I watched it for like 10 min then closed it down. I will reset my P meter since I watched some P although I never O'd. Have to be strict and honest.

    I actually felt some horniness 2 days ago which must have been a sign that my body is readjusting from the binges I had a couple of weeks back.
     
  20. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Later on Saturday I went to the gym and after that took a trip to my brother's place where my mum was babysitting my nephew. It was nice to meet them over dinner and also to play with my nephew a bit. After that I went home in the evening. Asked whether baby girl wanted to meet and she left her friends to come and meet me for a quickie (she was here 2 hours max). Then she went to meet her best friend. She said she had been super busy with meeting old friends now when she is in town for a couple of days. I just tried asking her since for meetup since she really wanted to meet me yesterday when I was at the club. So it was nice to meet her for a while, at least there were no hard feelings.

    Jug girl texted me right after baby girl left, she wanted to come over to cuddle. We just cuddled, no sex and she stayed the night. Then in the morning we had sex. We will meet again tonight since I have tickets to go see "The Joker", really looking forward to that movie and she was also very excited.
    Other than that I will go to the gym today and go grocery shopping.

    EDIT. Was too tired to go grocery shopping today. Watched some TV series and read some forums. Had some triggers about a thread about a fleshligt and how good it was, googled it and read about the different prototypes more and all of a sudden I am on a porn site. Watched some P for 10 min, closed down. MO'd to touch after. Not good, this is just because I am tired and did not activate myself enough today. Now I will have to hurry to the gym before dinner and cinema with jug girl.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2019

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