26 yr old and inexperienced- Need some encouragement

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by hope2overcome, May 8, 2016.

  1. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    I know I shouldn't be feeling this way but I can't help it. My lack of experience is my biggest insecurity. My friends and family are getting married. I just feel like 26 is very old. I turn 27 in 5 months. I feel like I am finally waking up from the reasons that pushed me from gaining experience. Can you guys offer some words of encouragement? Some advice for me?
     
  2. aditdragon

    aditdragon Member

    I came from Indonesia 34 years ago, my only encouragement for you is that .............play MWO
     
  3. mik

    mik Guest

    Go spend some more time with escorts ;)
    I've had 4 so far and i'm feeling pretty experienced ;D
     
  4. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Escorts are a easy way out. It doesn't require mustering up the courage, and hence practicing confidence, to go talk to a girl. It's a pay exchange between a customer and a service provider. I would be a fool to cozy up to a hired gun. I just can't pay someone to talk to me without seeming like a desperate person, it defeats the purpose of gaining experience the natural way. Plus, after you pop, they leave. That just feels terrible.
     
  5. mik

    mik Guest

    You don't really pay them to talk to you. Some are nice enough to offer that, many just throw their rear end up in the air and try to get you out the door as soon as possible.

    To each their own, I experienced a confidence boost just the same as I would with a "real" women.
    I'm not paying for a relationship though. I'm paying for funny business, ease of access, and the benefit of the women leaving when I'm done ;D

    Jk, I might enjoy a longer term relationship. I'm still shooting for one, but i'm not one to put up with annoying clingy people either, so we'll see how that goes :p
     
  6. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    mik, I know your younger than I am. You can get your goals met if you take action. That is the one thing I didn't do. Be well.
     
  7. mik

    mik Guest

    Ah come on, don't be like that. Marriage isn't the be all end all, and you've got plenty of time.
    Yeah I'm only 23, but I have no illusions about finding the perfect girl over the next 5 years and settling down happily ever after. That just doesn't happen for many people. If I'm 35-40 years old before I get married and have kids then so be it. It'll take as long as it takes to find a good open minded woman, they are few and far between in the modern feminized world, but they are out there.

    Check out Stefan Molyneux's YouTube channel, if you are having doubts about finding a good woman you may find some peace of mind there. He acknowledges that the modern world offers women a lot of privilege over men, but if he's found a good woman then surely we can as well :)
     
  8. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    When I was 21-22, I was with a girl. At some point, before having sex, I jokingly said I was a virgin. She said I was about to have the best night of my life in that case.

    Later on, I was with another girl. She was 27 or 28 and really, really into sex. She told me that before being with me, she had been with a guy with severe ED (and no, she didn't leave him for sex-related reasons). But he was nice to her, she liked/loved him, so his lack of skills/ability was fine with her. Loleekins would have told you the same or something similar.

    Your lack of experience is fine. Some girls might even like you for it: you're not a "hunter", you're someone with insecurities and that's fine if you can find a way to embrace them.
     
  9. kira

    kira Member

    Well said
     
  10. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    I am not so worried about the sex part as I know no two recently acquainted people can have amazing sex right off the bat without getting to know each other longer. For most people. I am worried about mentioning my past. That I had 0 girlfriends at age 26, lol. While most likely the girl will probably have several.
     
  11. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I see what you mean. First, at equal age, women tend to be more mature, so that's important to know that. She'll be more aware that we all have emotional luggage - and this is yours.

    If you explain your story well (no need to lie in any way), it can go along those lines: "I had (Insert) issues. This had led me to having no girlfriend so far, I feel insecure about it. X months/years ago, I found the root cause of why I was feeling so wrong: (Insert: porn + underlying issues). I have left porn (or am about to, still struggling), changed my lifestyle like this and that to deal with everything I just told you about."

    I can't guarantee it, of course, but if she's fond of you and a little bit mature, she'll understand that: you have emotional luggage you're actively dealing with; you take responsibility for your own future; and you care for her enough to face it all when you are telling her. In other words, she'll see that you're a man, not a boy anymore; and that your emotions towards her are real. ;)
     
  12. mik

    mik Guest

    This made me chuckle. It's kind of like saying black people are more prone to theft, or young people tend to be disrespectful, or fat people eat to much cake.

    That is of course what makes statements like "women tend to be mature" a generalization/a stereo type.
    We can suspect that fat people like cake, but the sh1t tends to hit the fan if we are asked to actually prove it.

    Before we could even prove it we would need a clear definition of what maturity is. I would hazard a guess that your definition of maturity is related to being aware and connected with your own emotions and those of others. Different folks would likely have an entirely different ideal of maturity.

    Good advice on the whole though, I would fully agree that h20 should settle for nothing less than an emotionally connected woman. If you want a deep connection so much that you feel you need to let someone in on the bad things from your past then go for it.
    Just remember that you don't need to go over every terrible detail/confession anxiety.
    The goal isn't to make yourself feel better at the expense of your partner, you want to let them know that you had a problem, how you overcame it and why you are a better person for the experience.
     
  13. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    It's a generalization (statistically true at least) but not a stereotype, since it's science-backed, rooted in biological phenomena.

    http://mic.com/articles/111226/science-explains-why-women-are-faster-to-mature-than-men#.icywnmnjA

    But yeah, don't settle for a woman you have no connexion with - you would end up hurting more than before. And don't open up too soon. ;)
     
  14. mik

    mik Guest

    This seems like a very good example of "don't believe everything you read". It's also a fair example of groups utilizing information they do not understand, for their own ends.

    If you follow the link to the study itself you will find very little that correlates with the "sensationalized" article.
    We see that men and women exhibit differences in brain development, but the researchers did not conclude that this makes women more "mature" than men.

    I don't doubt for a minute that the brain development of men and women is different, but interconnectivity within modules of the brain is only one aspect of human brain development.
    If we ignore the other aspects, then it is easy to assume that this might indicate some sort of cognitive superiority in women.

    The reality is we are just brushing the surface in beginning to understand what makes men and women cognitively different. I would suggest that men and women generally excel at unique areas due to the cognitive differences, but it is a little far fetched to assume that women are somehow more mature without a clear definition of maturity. Sure one particular aspect of the brain develops faster in women according to the research, but the researchers did not conclude that women are more mature than men as a whole based on age.
     
  15. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    To the OP - it's a long game.

    The winner is the guy who, in his 50s, has a stable long-term relationship. He's not lonely, and he isn't throwing away half his wages on alimony.

    It really, really doesn't matter where you are at 26. No-one said you had to get married at 27. I'd actually recommend against it. Hold off and get more perspective on the world.

    When you meet someone she won't care about your experience, just that you are emotionally there for her. You will learn all you ever need to know in the first couple of times you have sex.

    Here's an observation from my life - in your 20s women aren't interested in you, because they don't really know what they want. They like guys who don't necessarily treat them that well, so long as their friends are jealous. Then they hit 30 and boom, they start thinking about the biological clock and set out to find someone who will treat them good.

    I'm not trying to be a sexist pig - most guys are scared of the prospect of a long-term relationship in their 20s and chase after unsuitable women. What I'm trying to say is that people hit 30 and see things differently.

    It's a marathon not a sprint.
     
  16. mik

    mik Guest

    I'd agree with the above as well. You don't have to qualify your statements with "not trying to be a sexism pig". Women are people too and just as susceptible to their lesser urges as men. We tend to put them up on a pedestal with statements like "women are more mature than men", or "women are more responsible than men" but it's a complete load of crap.

    I can agree that I'm not any better as a young guy though.
    Luckily I have a fair amount of intelligence so I understand that the person that will make a good mom is entirely different than the beautiful babes that I have trouble resisting :p

    Right now I think I want a long term relationship but odds are Im probably not ready for that kind of commitment yet.
     
  17. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    I found women in general are more reserved as to who she has sex with. Just the other day I was sitting at a coffee shop in nyc next to two girls. They were friends who haven't seen each other in a while. Their job requires them to travel a lot. So, they start talking about their luck with guys. No one is more "susceptible to their lesser urges as men" as these girls. They did meet a lot of guys but had sex with no one. It as always a character flaw in the guy they disliked that turned them off.

    I think ugly girls do a lot of casual stuff with random guys and girls living in the middle of nowhere where there is less contact with the opposite gender. In general, based on my experience with meeting girls and talking to them, most want relationships and are not so eager to jump on a guy's prick just cause he's attractive. Pickup artists like to perpetuate the lie that women have "last minute resistance" because of social conditioning and anti-slut shame. The real reason is biology and there wasn't enough connection. And, this is happening with ugly girls. So, imagine the "the beautiful babes", they aren't all that "susceptible to their lesser urges as men".

    So, if you base your argument that women are "susceptible to their lesser urges as men" equally by using ugly girls with low self-esteem, women with history of abuse etc, then your theory is a fact. However, in general, women hold themselves in a high esteem and value. Last thing about the coffee shop girls, the guys they met thought they could get a quick shag cuz most girls are "susceptible to their lesser urges as men", did not turn out that way.

    I also took the redpill and found it to be garbage who validate their theories on ugly girls who would pretty much go with any guy.
    Otherwise, I like to believe women in general aren't all that loose as media portrays them to be so that one day I can marry one that is beautiful.
     
  18. mik

    mik Guest

    To clarify, I don't mean to say women are equally as likely to have casual sex as men. The fact that most of the prostitute population is made up of women is a clear indication that women are just not as driven to have sex nearly as often as men.

    This is indeed biology. If a women hooks up with a random guy she risks 9 months of pregnancy and childcare afterwards. Eggs are valuable sperm is not.

    Of course birth control and female privilege within the law/state counter balances this somewhat.
    Women can have sex with less consequences and men need to worry more about the consequences.
    Still that basic biological factor determines sex drive in men and women.

    I was more referring to the likelihood that a young person, male or female, isn't likely to make the best choices in finding a potential partner for the long term. I certainly can see how I might have a much different idea of the ideal women as I get older, just as women will tend to make better choices as well (such as avoiding the bad boys, or the rich guys that wont stick around).
     
  19. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    This explains a lot. Good looks.
     

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