24 Y/O, PMO for 10 years.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by ed_nightmare, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    You're on 30 days according to your counter man. Try experimenting this weekend and just see what happens.
     
  2. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Aye, but I felt the dopamine rush and usually after that my libido vanishes for a while. Certainly removes morning wood (the last few days before I had killer erections but today, nothing).

    Will see anyway.
     
  3. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Re: 24 Y/O, PMO for 10 years (Successful Sex 14/02/15)

    Had successful sex last night and came during sex for the first time in my life (albeit without a condom)! That was followed by a blowjob this morning where I came again. Still rock hard for ages after that and still somewhat horny.

    Not sure whether it's the horny goat weed, rewiring (same girl who gave me the succesful bj last year) or the month of abstinence but eitherway this is a defining moment.

    I did have PE annoyingly, as I only lasted maybe 5-6 minutes? Are kegals and reverse kegals the way forward to fix this issue?
     
  4. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    I think I have what is known as a chaser. I haven't been able to get hard this quickly without porn in a long time. Really need a regular partner right now because this is killer.
     
  5. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    MO'd again. This is fucking horrible. It's like my libido has been switched back on and is making up for lost time. I want it to go away again, until I meet someone I can rewire with, not come and go and get to the stage where I just undo all my progress.

    I mean, fuck. I thought I'd be able to keep busy with so much stuff going on that I'd not find any time to fuck up but apparently old habits can't die.
     
  6. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Feeling like I will never meet someone; that I'm far too unattractive and have to little going for me. It's been nearly 2 years since my last relationship and I don't think outside of the occasional ONS, I'll ever get anyone else.
     
  7. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Masturbated again today for the first time in 19 days. I've really felt a difference in libido after taking Horny Goat Weed. I'm still really stressed from working 60+ hours a week...I should feel bad about it and I probably will do tomorrow. I just don't have anyone to rewire with (other girl has found someone else to fuck). Once or twice a month without porn shouldn't leave me lacking if someone does come along right? Libido seems fully revved after two weeks abstaining now.
     
  8. Hi,

    I knoow exactly how u feel man. Just hang in there. How long have u been porn free now? U should also try kicking the M and O for at least 120 days.

    I would love if u could Have a read of my thread and let me know ur thoughts on my situation, I found reboot helps alot for alot of my symptoms and then when i PMO they all return.

    Thanks
     
  9. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Haven't jacked it to porn in well over a year (late 2013). Not addicted to porn anymore. I've done reboots without MO (one 81 days, one 161 days) and it's helped enormously. Just need to rewire now and sort out PE, and not undo progress at the same time.

    Will go have a look at your thread.
     
  10. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    MO'd. Peeked a bit beforehand which triggered the feeling, although I'd been masturbating to touch the last week or so (not really to the point of edging, just trying to keep it up to not equate masturbation with orgasm).

    Debating whether to reset the counter or not. I'm not going to get a girlfriend or regular FWB any time soon, so I'm pretty much stuck when it comes to rewiring or making any further progress.
     
  11. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    MO'd to touch. Mostly hard after 36 hours, but started losing it a bit...I've read up about people after a reboot that have been masturbating to fix their PE, so I'm trying to get used to my own body and train it to not PE, but it's more difficult than I thought. After not edging for months and months on end, everything is really sensitive. Unsure how to progress.
     
  12. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Bit of positive reflection today. Examining how far I've come.

    • Going from not being able to cum during sex to being able to.
    • Increased ability to maintain erections during sex
    • A successful initial reboot
      • Drastically reduced masturbation habit; from 2-3 times a day to 1 a week

    I don't feel that a long period of abstinence from masturbation is going to be the way forward for me now regarding erection quality. I may do the odd 30 day mini reboot here and there however, just to 'recharge'.

    I need to train my dick up; via kegals, reverse kegels, and gentle, slow pressure. I need to kick the PE, because that is my new problem. Without a woman to rewire with, I have to find a way of doing it myself, and I can't see a way without some level of masturbation.
     
  13. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    So I tried and failed to have sex a couple days ago.

    Met up with an ex, booked a hotel room. A combination of being stressed in general, worrying about other things, and worrying about performance and not being too comfortable with her were the main problems.

    I managed to get up after masturbating myself up, but I got about a minute or two into fucking her and came. My PE has got WORSE. I kept losing the erection before that.

    I don't understand. I had amazing, successful sex in February (albeit with PE, just a little slower), and I can't now.

    I'm thinking it's because I'm not quite comfortable with her. The people I've been able to get successful, 100% erections with, I've either had strong feelings for, or I've slept with (non sexually) and/or cuddled at least a few times before reaching that stage.

    I think this is telling me that ONS with new people are basically not going to be a thing for me. I have to find someone to connect with relationship wise. Given how unattractive I am, this makes me feel very frustrated.
     
  14. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Day 523

    I relapsed.

    There has been a risk since that sexual encounter 11 days ago of STI's, due to a few symptoms. I had a lump appear 4 days ago, and mild symptoms that could have indicated herpes.

    Last night, before my appointment this morning, I had basically resigned myself to having it, and thus never having a love life or sex life. Therefore, I felt, what was the point in avoiding porn? I'd been thinking about it recently, fuck it, if I'm never going to have sex again then porn is fine. Porn would be the only pleasure I'd ever get, being infectious and unloveable. So I binged for 30-40 minutes.

    It didn't feel good afterwards, and it doesn't feel good now. I had the tests this morning, and whilst I have to wait a week for most results, the lumps are apparently not herpes, according to the doctor. I know the girl is careful for most else, but herpes isn't included in standard screening, and everything else is curable (except HIV, and she showed me a negative test from the middle of May for that).

    I still have a few days in the window period where symptoms are likely to appear, but if not, chances are I'm fine apparently. Shouldn't worry about it. My anxiety has dropped down a little but, but even thinking about sex, or disease, or my own genitals is making me panic.

    Any sex drive I may have building up since my last MO 35 days ago has gone...I don't know by how much one binge has set me back, but the anxiety I'll undoubtedly have during sex (if I have it again) will probably kill any chance of it being successful.

    Back to square one, from almost 2 years ago, it feels. 500 days of not PMO'ing...counter will be reset. I hope reboot number 2 is better and I don't have symptoms appear because that will be the end of things.
     
  15. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    I have been kinda into someone but that's fallen through as she's not interested.

    I realise I am nearly 26 and the total times I have had sex in my life is half that number. Sex with coming? 3 times. Sex with coming and actually not suffering ED after? Once.

    I am pathetic, and the longer it goes on, the further away the chances of me getting a long term partner is. Who is going to go out with a 26 year old with no sexual prowess or history? When I cum after 2 minutes, they will laugh, or pretend to be sympathetic and dump me.

    I don't know why I'm on this journey if the payoff is nil. Without MO, I am becoming sexually frustrated because I can't rewire. And chances are I won't ever be able to.

    Fuck my life, I wish I was fucking dead.
     
  16. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Another 3 month streak of no MO, just broken. I was getting a little bit frustrated, and it seems to me that I should not still have no libido after all this time. I have spent months over this journey in a flat line, and it hasn't abated.

    I'm going back to masturbating every now and again. No porn, but the 'use it or lose it' thing appears to be a real thing, if you don't have a re-wiring partner. I have had successful sex, and my testosterone is normal (I have had tests recently for other things which showed me this) so the fact I have spent most of my time rebooting since Sept 2013 in an a-sexual state is unacceptable.
     
  17. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    You really need to do whatever it takes to start meeting girls at least every few months at a minimum.
     
  18. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    I would love to, but my current circumstances don't permit a regular person to rewire with. I live with my parents because I don't earn a great wage, I can't drive, and my free time outside of a full time job is mostly spent studying for university. The nearest possible time I can really feasibly think about a relationship is June 2016. So I'm 9 months away from actually being anywhere near likely to be in a regular sexual relationship.
     
  19. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Current update: i have a new morning and evening routine.

    I do a few different pelvic stretches, followed by a kegel exercise app (normal, and reverse). I then get up, wash & massage the penis; (touch without fantasy) for a few minutes, before getting on with my day. I repeat this last thing in the evening. I'm hoping 12 weeks will see results (roughly Christmas time).

    Also I noticed after a week abroad on holiday, with less online stimulation of any kind, I had far stronger erections and morning wood. This vanished when I got back and had 2 weeks of stress at work. Therefore, I think stress is killing my erections now mostly, and dampening any libido. I'm not sure how to counter that though, as work and internet use (as I need it for uni) is unavoidable.
     
  20. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Wet dream, bad night sleep. Feel like shit, can't keep an erection. Have gone a few weeks without any masturbation again. I can't make anymore progress with abstinence but i can't make any progress with women because i know whoever i meet will have to know about all of this and they wont stay with me. I cant see any solution.
     

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