Happy new year chaps. Hope it's a good one for us all. My update tonight: I was the only one of our group who didn't pull, but when I left, I was propositioned by a girl I'd met maybe one or twice over the course of 5 years. I almost, (but didn't) go through with it, but during the flirting stage, with the mild hugs, I actually got a reaction down below. It was mild, but it was there. This has happened with a girl in bed, but not with casual contact outside a club. It's a new first. Even though it was a mild 'we need to go to yours and fuck right now' buzz, I still turned her down because after a dodgy HIV scare a few years back, I'm not taking chances with people I don't know that well. However, the girl I mentioned in a previous post might be interested in meeting up Friday for play...possibly more. Obviously gonna be protected whatever happens but I'm feeling a tad more hopeful that things might work out.
Hi guys, got a strange question that might be a first. I was having a dream about a fetish, and in the dream I was getting off to it. I woke up during the dream, and lo and behold, I'd actually cum heavily. I don't think I was actually masturbating in my sleep (but I can't tell for sure), but should I count this as a relapse? If I'd not been dreaming I'd chalk it up as a wet dream but this is something I really can't be sure about. I imagine this is going to stall progress like anything else, so also should I reset the counter or not?
Hey mate, It's still a wet dream, even if you know what happened in the dream. From what I've read on other journals, this happens often that people dream about PMOing and actually O in their sleep. The consensus on this forum seems to be that a wet dream is not a relapse. I would say you should observe how you feel, but if you don't feel any post-relapse hangover or any other weird feelings, just chalk it up as a wet dream and continue about your day. In the end of the day, you can't really consciously affect what you dream about, so it is just unnecessary to fret about it. Some even say that a wet dream is progress, based on the assumption that anything new and any change means that your body/brain is reacting to the recovery, which is good. I forgot to reply a week ago when I read your PMO consultance file, but I absolutely love it. I would even write it down on a piece of paper and keep it under the laptop or something, so that you can take it out and read it when you feel an urge for P. I hope this helped
I'd say take a wet dream as a positive sign. Most guys never even get wet dreams, especially within this forum. I got a few wet dreams a few months into no PMO as I got into a relationship with a girl. She was very innocent so things started slowly, but I was orgasming way to much for me at the time and I think I hit a flatline, seemingly right at the end of our relationship. I know this because if I was getting a BJ, I wouldn't be that hard, until right before I had an orgasm. It wasn't good. I know it is tough to say no to sex or a BJ, and I fell victim to this, but you should really avoid everything as it will slow your recovery, or at least don't do it too frequently.
Sorry for the late reply, stuff going on in my personal life and been trying not to focus on the forum too much. Thanks guys . Day 20 I don't know where it's come from, but today my libido is through the roof. Talking to one of my exes and we briefly entertained the idea of shagging. Only getting a mild reaction down there from it, but the buzz and excitement/rush is there, and it definitely didn't used to be. I guess thinking about that is releasing dopamine, so I probably shouldn't, but might that be a sign that my brain is becoming more interested in vanilla encounters/sexual behaviour? I do wonder if I'd be ready soon to try another sexual encounter.
Day 30 This morning I had another 'waking wet-dream', that is to say I remember the dream and woke up during orgasm. Unlike before however, my erection didn't go away for several minutes and after it did, two more (like, rock hard) happened within a half hour time-span. I think that's a sign of progress. I have an open invitation for sex from a girl I know, and the thought of it is exciting, but perhaps I should wait until next month, just in case this orgasm has caused a hangover I haven't noticed yet.
Right, new problem. I went round her house for sex. I was up and rock hard for about 10-15 mins during kissing/stroking/foreplay. However occasionally my mind wandered to old porn thoughts as if to say 'just in caseyou need this to sustain your hard on.' When I tried putting the condom on, I lost it within 2 minutes. I was pretty angry about it but after 20 minutes and more kink talk it came back up. As the condoms didn't fit, I couldn't fuck her but after a while I managed to masturbate over her to orgasm. I was worried about PE but it looks like whilst actually with someone I still have DE. I had to masurbate harder then I did to porn to cum. This bothers me. A lot. So really I'm wondering whether giving up porn has actually given me any results. Not feeling a chaser effect today or a post ejaculation come down but I really thought I'd see real signs of progress .
The fact that you by default thought of porn as a backup for your erections suggests its still deep in your brain and having only been a month clean it may be a few more months clean plus consistent experiences like this with girls to fully stay in the moment. The fact you were hard for 10-15 min just kissing is a great sign. The condom thing could just be all mental and performance anxiety.
Seems likely, yeah. When I went over I was worried due to having a wet dream that morning that I wouldn't be able to perform; I've had erections thinking about vanilla sex now but my wet dreams always involve fetishes (had another one this morning). The last time I got with someone it was only a month in so I think my reliance on this was more nerve based. I googled the condom thing and apparently that's not uncommon. It does say to try masturbating with one on but A) I don't think masturbating is an option and B) I have to buy condoms online as I'm too wide girth wise for even shop bought XL condoms to fit. (Luckily the girl looked at it more positively as me being well endowed rather than annoyed I couldn't do anything. ) I know if I'd fucked her without a condom I would've likely not needed porn thoughts to stay up but you're right, more time is probably needed. I don't know whether something might happen Valentines Day but i'll be taking 2 weeks downtime anyway. Hopefully the wet dreams will subside too..
Yet another new problem. I know wet dreams are normal but ive had 2 this morning. Not only that but I remember the dreams and they are bith fetish related. It's like my subconscious knows I won't look at it voluntarily so it tries to make up for that. I'm not sure what to do. If this keeps happening then it'll definitely stall progress and send me back into a flat line. I can't really control my dream self though. Simply abstaining whilst awake doesn't seem to help. Perhaps I really am permanently doomed.
DAY 74 Nearly 2 weeks left until I hit the 90 days. One week until I beat my previous highest streak. Libido has returned slightly. I'm supposed to be seeing a girl for sex on Thursday, and another friend of mine has expressed interest in getting a hotel room at some stage and doing some very interesting things. Had my first wet dream in 3 weeks this morning, doesn't seem to be much of a refractory period. No emotional variance at any rate.
Thanks man! Day 90 Here lies the three month mark; the longest I've been without masturbation and porn in over a decade. The counter says 89 days, but it should switch to 90 some when in the next few hours. I had sex with the girl I mentioned in my last post. For 10 minutes I was rock hard just from fooling around. As expected, when I got nervous I lost the erection. I got going again, enough to put a condom on (Magnum XL are the first I've found to fit) and lasted for somewhere between 5-10 mins before going soft again. However, I think this is because of the condom, and possibly the position. I rarely use condoms; most girls I've slept with are on the pill, and like me, get tested regularly. There was no sensation, just a sense of 'well, this is boring for me but let's get it over with'. The blowjob afterwards allowed me to cum though, which was nice, and also a first. If you look at my spreadsheet, it does show orgasms from this year; all but two of those are wet dreams (even the day I had 2 orgasms) and the remaining two are from this girl, so no P involved. So where am I at now, as opposed to ninety days ago? My sensation without a condom has improved a bit. I managed to cum during a blowjob for the first time. I find it a little bit easier to get an initial erection, even if it doesn't last for that long. I still think about porn/old fetishes sometimes, but I think far more about having sex with women I know Anxiety plays a large part in going soft; if I can conquer that, I may have more positive results.
Awesome positive news. Congratulations on going 90 days!! I think anxiety is an issue for a lot of us. It started of with PIED but after lots of times failing I think anxiety has started to take over as an equally large part of the deal. When the actual PIED is removed anxiety remains as the biggest obstacle to overcome ED for a lot of us. I know that I have huge anxiety issues and the sad thing is that there are not a lot of ways to get rid of it except for increasing your confidence little by little with each small success. Good luck man, may the improvements never end
Hey man, Thank you for commenting! Looking at your journal was pretty uplifting since you had multiple wet dreams and were starting to show more and more progress as well. As far as the forum goes, definitely not a bad idea to come and post sparingly on a weekly basis or so. Do you think the Man1Man oil was worth it? Agree with Jedi about anxiety, but will also add that the more we all rewire and come to enjoy getting intimate with women, the less of a role anxiety will actually play. I think the dopamine rush of actually having sex will be more than enough to override any anxiety that comes with it. Meditation may help in the interim. Good luck sorting out your non PIED related matters!
Day 122 Nothing new to report, no recent wet dreams. I have noticed most of my morning wood comes straight after a sexual dream (which isn't always porn or fetish related anymore - maybe 50% of the time. A sign my brain is slowly getting the hint?) Sorry for the late reply tk888, been trying to keep my posting/lurking to a minimum. Glad I have been of some help. I think the Man1Man Oil was definitely worthwhile. It's been sitting in my bathroom cabinet unused for a little bit now, but I did use it for a few weeks straight and noticed a difference the next time I was with a woman. I partially attribute it as the reason why I was able to cum for the first time via blowjob as my sensitivity when in the moment was definitely increased. I may start using it again for week long stints here and there. You're both right, anxiety is definitely a barrier between rebooting and rewiring. I'm thinking perhaps that I won't attempt rewiring until Day 180 (but I doubt I'll find a consistent partner by then anyway), but in the mean time, meditiation might help speed rewiring up when I get to it. Thanks guys
Hey man! Glad to hear that everything is going well! I agree about keeping the posts to a minimum and I'm certainly going to aim for one visit to this website every 3 or 4 days along with less internet use altogether. I may even decide to purchase man1man oil for May, but I'll decide on that later. I think the vitamin e (not sure how much is actually in it) based face cream that I have used over the years for my face and penis over the last year or so has left my penis in pretty good shape though. Hope you're doing well man!
Day 147 On Day 143 I drunkenly went to a friends house (one I've had sex with before) to fool about. I'd had about 5 or 6 pints, so I wasn't really sure if I could do anything. I was partially right, however I did manage to get it up for a blowjob for about 10 minutes ish. Didn't cum. The next morning we tried again, but because of the night before, I felt really nervous. Automatically my mind grasped for ways to keep the erection up. So a couple of porn fantasies did enter my mind. I managed to keep it up for about 15 minutes or so, but only managed to cum when I had a brief fantasy flash in my mind. This morning, I had a wet dream as a result of dreaming about watching an old porn film. Pretty sure it's related to the porn flash I had when fooling about, since I don't get porn related wet dreams that often anymore. Hell, I usually feel asexual 99% of the time. The problem I think I'm having bedroom wise is two fold; firstly anxiety is making it hard for me to feel really aroused. Secondly, though I manage to stay up for a while when I'm being manually stimulated, fantasy is often needed to help me cum. I imagine the only way to fix the anxiety is to have more chances at rewiring or to do it with someone that I can talk to about the issue. As for the fantasy, I imagine re-wiring would make it so I'd associate sex and pleasure more with a girl? Until I get that, surely my brain is going to focus on the pleasure and stimulation it knew before I started no PMO, which is porn images? I was thinking about waiting until Day 180 and then introducing an occasional (maybe monthly) fantasy/porn free masturbation, in order to train my brain into realising it can be done? Though my subconscious appears to grasp for porn images when asleep, after nearly 5 months of no porn, I'm fairly confident that I wouldn't relapse to it (I never had a chaser after the encounters with this girl for instance). Thoughts?
