24 Y/O, PMO for 10 years.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by ed_nightmare, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Most definitely.

    This morning I dreamed that I tried to access my laptop (in the club I frequent for some reason) and kept procrastinating (I have a problem with procrastination) and eventually tried to access an old porn site. The woman who runs it appeared from nowhere and sternly told me off. After some attempt to circumvent it I gave up and stopped.

    Metaphor for real life perhaps. A sign I'll eventually cease trying?

    On a related craving-esque subject, today is the beginning of World Vegan Month. I've been a vegetarian for over a year, and have made the jump. Going veggie was easy in comparison to giving up porn, but vegan-ism is definitely going to be more difficult. I'm amazed how much of my food I've had to give up. I think there's going to be some craving down the line but it's another positive life change for me. It feels like both will complement each other; doing well with one change will hopefully boost my confidence in the other.

    We'll see anyway. Feeling positive about that though :).
  2. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Day 31

    I'm running on my MO counter as opposed to my PMO. One month since my last orgasm. Where am I now?

    • I am likely in a flat-line.
    • My mind is foggy most days.
    • I have no urge to search for porn.
    • Regained sensitivity to some degree.
    • Morning wood 3 times (80-90%) a week average
    • I still notice women sexually, but to a lesser degree.

    Further thoughts:

    • The flat-line has made this easy, and I do still hope it lasts the year. Be nice to hit 90 with no hiccups.
    • The brain fog may also be to do with my other issues. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, social phobia, However, these are caused by outside factors in my general life, I doubt the flat-line itself is related.
    • The increased sensitivity may be caused by time, but I believe the Man 1 Man Oil has worked wonders. I worry now more about PE than DE.

    Had another surreal dream where I was edging to some porn, and accidentally O'd. I started crying, thinking I'd ruined my progress and that I was a complete failure. Woke up shortly after and made sure I hadn't. Happily went back to sleep with clean boxers, and morning wood intact.

    If I can stop dreaming about porn use that would be a great step forward.
  3. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Congratulations on a month without MO! The fact that your urges to search for porn have subsided indicates your entire mind is falling in line. You're dedicated! Keep it up!
  4. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Cheers sir! Here's to another month!

    UGGEKA New Member

    I could have just as easily written this. Might I suggest you try meditating? I'm nearing my 2nd or 3rd month of meditating 40 minutes each day and It's really starting to calm my mind. I'm more easily able to live in the present instead of in my head.

    Also if you do try it, remember that distractions are super normal during meditation. Don't give up because you aren't able to focus on your breath. It's about the action of actively letting your barrage of thoughts to slip away. When I first started maybe 1% of the time was quality mindfulness of the brain. I might be up to 5% per meditation now if I'm generous. But it doesn't change the benefits that I've experienced.

    Also remember that one meditation session isn't going to do much for you. It's cumulative. After a month you'll being doing better. After a year you'll be doing even better. After 20 years you'll be an oracle (at least that's what I hear ;))
  6. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Hey, yeah, I have considered meditation but have been unsure where to start. I had a brief go a few years ago, but I didn't give it much chance. Yoga was something else I was considering too.
  7. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Here's a video that breaks down meditation quite well:

    And here's a site with a bunch of free Yoga videos (BE ADVISED! YOGA IS ACTUALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT. THAT'S WHY YOGA GIRLS ARE SO FIT)
  8. JediMindTricks

    JediMindTricks 23 y/o with a mission!

    Hey man,

    just read through your whole journal and gotta say I can see clear improvements in the posts. I'm also in a flatline like you right now. It's nice in the way that it makes it easy to not relapse, but I also hate it because I don't feel as alive anymore. hopefully it doesn't last too long though.

    I'm a little curious about the oil you're talking about. I think I'm gonna get some normal Vitamin E cream/oil and try it out. One of my problems is that I feel like I have no sensitivity down there at all, so I really wanna find a temporary fix for this, until it comes back naturally. Do you apply it once a day, like before sleep? How do you do it?

    Cheers mate, keep it nofap
  9. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Cheers Apeman. Yeah, yoga looks hard, but the rewards seem worth it. And hey, extra flexibility in the bedroom when the time comes too, eh? :p.

    Jedi: I know what you mean. To me it feels akin to a half death (until my other emotional issues flare up, anyway). I'm fine with that for now, since I have no plans for a relationship until 2014, but it can be disconcerting at times, even disheartening. Each day is a day closer to the other side though right?

    I would say definitely give the oil a go and see how it goes. If it doesn't work, perhaps consider Man 1Man Oil. If you do consider M1MO though, proceed with caution as you may potentially swing from no sensation to extreme sensation (this has happened to me.) Also, unlike the Vitamin E oil, M1MO healed the cracks on the tip, removed redness, and made it feel more smooth. I applied both once a day.

    The reviews for M1M0 on the Amazon site seem to indicate this is common, but Vitamin E oil is cheaper and may work for you, so starting there could be the best choice :).
  10. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    So this morning I woke up to find I've cum during the night. I'm not sure whether this counts as a wet dream (I've never had one before that I'm aware of), or a relapse, as the dream I had last night involved an old fetish.

    Thoughts? Is this the right track or a set back? :/. Worried.
  11. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Stayed round a friends house last night, cuddling. No sex, but managed a nearly full (maybe 90%) erection. Did lose it couple times but it came back after each (maybe 75%).

    Still believe I'm in a flat line however. I think if I wasn't, it might have been better. However, it's something.

    50 days no orgasm tomorrow.
  12. JediMindTricks

    JediMindTricks 23 y/o with a mission!

    In my opinion, a relapse is a conscious reaction. Dreams are not conscious thoughts. If you don't have any way of affecting the results and if you can't stop it, don't fret about it. I see wet dreams as progress, and I congratulate you.

    Nice to hear about your progress. Congrats on reaching day 50 tomorrow. I'm actually also reaching day 50 :) We are officially streak bros. Let's keep it that way. Cheers, mate.
  13. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Cheers dude, congrats on your 50 as well :). 10 more till 2 months straight. I'll make a more detailed update then too.
  14. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    You can't control what your body does when you're sleeping. You're clearing yourself out automatically. This is neither a step forward nor a step back, but a sign of your progress.

    Keep it up!
  15. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Day 60

    • Still in a flat-line, but brief moments of life down there.
    • Morning wood slightly more frequent, and harder
    • Occasionally possible to gain erection by just touch

    Didn't really expect much improvement in 30 days, but still plodding along. Looks like the flat-line will be here till next year, but I'm suffering severe issues in my personal life re: mental health so it's not like I'm going to get with a girl any time soon. I'm pretty much a wreck.
  16. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    Slipped a little bit, watched a few minutes of porn intentionally today. I began to M, but stopped short of O. As my counter was specifically MO, I don't think this warrants a reset, but I'm changing it to just M as I don't think I should even test (without fantasy/purely light touch) until somewhere between days 120-180.
  17. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    May have the opportunity to have sex next week with a local girl I know online. No strings attached etc. I kinda get the same weird rush of dopamine thinking about it that happens with porn, though only a minor response down there.

    I did ideally want to wait until next year, but any opportunity to re-wire, right?
  18. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    I've started having semen leakage as of the last week or so. Rather worried about this. I have searched on here for YBOP for answers, but I'm still unclear as to whether this is a sign or progress, or a step in the wrong direction. Rather worried.
  19. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member


    Just the one but that's all it takes right?

    Lasted 81 days. Really thought I'd make it to 90 days, but urges have increased recently. Wondering if that was a sign I was coming out of flat-line, but I imagine this will set me back by weeks now, if not completely. No chance for sex with that girl now I guess.

    I had a bad Christmas, and I've felt alone and hopeless for weeks now, so a part of me wonders how I lasted this long. I hate myself, I'm an idiot, and I feel like I'll never get past this. I'm always going to slip up and now I've put myself back to square one again obviously.
  20. ed_nightmare

    ed_nightmare Member

    I wrote this list to myself after the relapse, every time I have an urge, I need to re-read this. I've also changed my K9 password to something very long and impossible to guess, and left the password downstairs. If I feel an urge from now on, I will have to step away from the lap-top.

    PMO Consultancy File

    Normal porn does not turn you on in the same way that fetish porn does. You've tested this theory out several times with bad results,
    so DON'T do it.

    Some of the old fetishes still work in the way they did before the 81 day reboot - never question this again. You MUST avoid actively searching them out.

    The refractory period regarding fetish porn is under a day, but this is not the case with non porn related masturbation. TESTING AFTER A RELAPSE WILL JUST CAUSE TROUBLE SO DON'T DO IT.

    Testing and failing without porn/fantasy DOES NOT mean you won't get it up with a woman. Masturbation and sex are two different aspects of sexuality, and you've managed erections with women before despite bad testing results.

    A flatline isn't FOREVER. Embrace it, let it guide you towards your destination. Think of it as a gift; downtime that your body needs, any sabotage is YOUR OWN FAULT not a result of urges.

    Flatlines will get better as sexual prowess with REAL women increases.

    Even if you feel like you'll never get someone, that's no excuse to give in and look at porn because that is what ruined your awesome streak. Look what happened before, an opportunity fell out of nowhere and you weren't ready. Be as ready as possible.

    By giving in, you deny yourself the possibility completely. There's always still a chance if you don't.

    Porn is bad - It degrades women, treats them like objects, and it leads to objectification in your own mind - This is disgusting and needs to be stamped out. What if it was your daughter?

    Treat porn like you do your veganism. You don't slip up and eat meat or dairy, and wouldn't dream of it, so why do you think porn is any different when the effects are even MORE negative than eating those things?

    6 months or a year from now, you could be still fapping, unable to have a meaningful sexual relationship with a woman. Or you could be ready to, or even be, rewiring, having a good sex life.

    Where do you want to be in 2014? Moving forwards, or backwards?

    Each day at a time. Don't sweat the big number, each day without porn is a victory.

    IF you're lucky enough to have sex, NO looking at porn after. Fight the chaser effect. Go downstairs, put music on, leave your door open, make some food, anything that means you can't watch porn.

    Think of the shame afterwards. I feel ashamed, dejected, defeated, and angry at myself for this set back. Is a 5 second orgasm really worth the days of self hatred and enhanced depression you face afterwards? No. You don't want to feel like this again. EVER.

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