23 years old, time to get rid of this shit!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by dualwield, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I have not been very active here lately, but I'm just updating because I had a PMO binge for the last 3 days. I have vacation and finally some free time but sadly I PMO'd and I need to stop it. I had a good streak of about 2,5 months no PMO. I have to implement the no touching rule now for sure and imagine a stop sign whenever P thoughts enter my mind, cause they have the past days. I have been good with cutegirl and been able to have good sex so I have to abstain now so I can get fixed forever. Today I am very hungover from last nights party so time to go outside, breathe some fresh air and clear my mind now!
     
  2. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Feeling the flatline. Have been low and easily irritated the last few days and have had no feeling in my pecker, completely dead. I was close to feeling cured before that pmo binge so I am going for it 110% now to last the rest of the year. A few weeks ago I could have good sex and was hard when with cutegirl, she even commented how hard I was. Want to feel that positive energy come back.
     
  3. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I am resisting the urge, Instagram with girls in bikinis is something dangerous, it leads my thoughts back to p. Still going strong however since almost 2 months now. On another note, today I broke up with cutegirl. We have been in an exclusive relationship, not official, for around a year. I have known her for 2.5 years. We are very good friends and she is sexy but we just are not in love. She was a bit sad and I am too, I don't want to loose her as a friend but time will tell if we can stay friends in the future. I have also been feeling low for the past month, I have barely worked out and I just don't feel like my old self. It's like I have a mild depression, probably because I am tired of my job and have studying to do in the evenings so I barely have any free time.
     
  4. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Another month has passed by. I am feeling a bit better now, this week I have met up with two old friends for lunch and I have also met my family and old friends over the weekend so it felt great to socialize. I think I need to try and be more social now, the past month I have been very lonely and that did not really help my wellbeing. My mind is clearer, I have started going to the gym again and I can focus on studying in a good way. I have not had sex now for over a month and I am feeling more inclined to go on a date soon. Nearly starting to feel desperate for release and that is not the best state to be in when trying to attract girls, they can sense that desperation
    immediately.
     
  5. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I have had stomach flue the entire weekend. It has been really bad, did not sleep for an entire night and has not been able to eat and barely drink. Feeling really weak. Hope that it will pass soon. Short update, 3 days ago I met with a girl from Tinder, we had a chill night at my place and it felt really good to get some release, I don't feel desperate anymore. I have to try and study now. I am quite sad that I missed a family gathering this weekend too, would have ben so fun to meet them all... Am not feeling in the mood to go to work tomorrow, let's see how I feel in the morning.
     
  6. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    111 days no PMO today! would like to say that I am starting to feel better and more motivated. However my feeling at this very moment is not the best. NoFap is really a challenge when you are single and don't score dates more often than maybe once every third week or so. Has not had release since around 3 weeks ago and tonight I met up with an asian girl at my place. She was quite shy and told me she lost her v-card a few years ago (at age 22). We watched a movie and everything went well until the action was about to start. She was too tight and was not really up for warming up properly, instead she did not have the courage to go all the way. It was not the first time she did not have sex because of her being to tight. She was very friendly, kind of dorky, but did not finish the h-job so now I am stuck here after taking a pill with a raging boner. Now is the time to really test my willpower I guess. Let's keep trucking!
     
  7. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I had a wet dream tonight. Have not had release for 2,5 weeks. Actually I have not had morning wood the past 2 weeks and I am feeling that I go in and out of shorter flatlines. I have not had success on Tinder for the past weeks and have no planned date so I will keep on focusing on myself and maybe go out clubbing in order to become a more social person next week. The good thing is that I am working out 4 days a week so I am starting to slowly build up my body again (I was skinny this summer). I have more energy over and can focus on studies in a better way and I feel like I am on a journey of self improvement right now. But I would like to score dates more than once every third week so maybe I need to change tactics and try out the club more soon. Good luck to everyone else on this journey!
     
  8. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Gym is progressing. Job search is stalling a bit, got some interviews but is too tough competition for the jobs I want so I have to expand my tactics. My existing job is too easy for me, it's boring and my best colleagues are leaving the department. I am working on improving myself by the day, I have now gone around 5 months no PMO. Some days I feel hornier, some days I feel nothing. Still not recovered though, yesterday I met up with a girl I saw a few weeks ago, I went home to her place after a couple of beers with friends. Tried just a tiny bit of Kamagra but that was not enough to have intercourse, would not work to put on the condom. So, I still cannot rely on my pecker at the moment, which is kind of frustrating but something I am used too. I excused myself and said that I needed to take an aspirin for "headache" and that I was kind of drunk. I took the rest of the 25 mg Kamagra and it worked out fine after that. A big downside though is that my face and especially lips get all red and I look weird, which is a reason why I don't want to be in the light a few hours after taking a Kamagra.
     
  9. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Had a wet dream last night. That's what happens when I don't get release as often as I would want. Not a big deal right now, I have not been very horny the past weeks anyway, seems like I have hit another flatline. It comes in periods right now, 2 weeks quite horny, 2 weeks total flatline. A good thing is that I am more dedicated than ever to go no PMO and I feel like this is the time I will go all the way. It is now or never. My mood the past days have been very "meh". My best friend told me that he will be a dad soon and two other friends of mine have become dads just a few days ago. My initial thoughts was "oh shit, that's a wrap. Now I won't get to hang out with my friend as much". But, I want what is best for my friend and of course I am happy for him too and I was a good friend and congratulated him and everything, just that my inner thoughts was kind of surprised. For my part I have to get some new friends because honestly most of my current friends are in stable relationships and almost all are establishing their own families right now so they don't have time to meet up. This means that my social circle is quite limited right now. I will try to take some action and meet up with new people. The latest status about girls is that I met a very nice girl on a date for some drinks. We later went home to my place but she told me that she was on her period and did not want to go all the way. I don't know if she was telling me the truth because I think some girls lie about that in order to get the guy to wait for sex. I got the feeling that she is the "relationship-type" but I have been quite clear that I am not looking for something serious right now. She also texted me the next day and I feel like she is a bit interested in me. We had seriously good connection on the date, especially due to the fact that she was so happy, friendly and outgoing.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2018
  10. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Have had a nice Christmas with family and friends. Went to my hometown for a few days. I had a lot of fun when meeting up for a pre-party with old friends from school. We also went to the local club, I met two of my exes there. My first ex wanted to talk to me and say that she was very sorry for the way she broke up with me, we had not been in a relationship for a long time (she cheated on me, we did not even have sex during the month we were together). My second ex was nice and talkative, I also met her at home a brief moment the next day because she is a close friend to the family. I still get a weird feeling when looking at her. She is very open and needs a lot of validation in the form of Instagram pics, she was seeking a lot of compliments from me while we were in a relationship. I will have to learn to be around her again since she is part of my family's social circle. When meeting her I just have a weird feeling in my stomach, it's like there are so many feelings between us under the surface. I recall that we had a lot of fights in the later stage of our relationship, I was grossed out by the guys she had been with and the way she had been with them. On the other hand, I want to be very nice to her since she is a very friendly and caring person at heart. Maybe this weird feeling about exes will never go away, I will just have to deal with it.

    For my own self development, I have started listening to Eckhart Tolle in order to try to control my feelings (I have started to feel happiness and sadness in a much stronger way after quitting PMO, before I was just a zombie) and be more present in the moment. I think this is something I struggle a lot with, I am very analytical and plans ahead, meaning that I often have trouble enjoying the present and instead worries about the future.
    I have been in a flatline for a long time now, almost a month and no signs of it going away... The flatline makes me a bit depressed but I will keep on trucking. The gym gives me some feelgood-endorphines and I work out 4 days a week in order to feel better. My plan is to change my workout schedule a bit again, I have seen some progress since I started focusing more on upper body. However I am 11 kilos lighter than when I was in my best shape a few years back (worked out 6 times a week back then) so I will eat more and do my best at the gym.

    Having bad luck with the ladies right now, a date got postponed today, and I did not get release on my last date a week back. Right now I am scoring dates once every second or third week so I am hoping for some better results the next year. I will try not to evaluate myself to much because if I identify myself with how successful I am with women then I will never be fully happy.
     
  11. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    New Year's Day, the day when half the world's population is tired and hungover. I am too. We had a quite fun night yesterday, really not the typical party. We were just three people, enjoying some dinner and then went into the city to see the fireworks. We drank some and smoked cigarr. My friend was sick so he left after midnight so the other guy and me went out for a couple of beers. I texted a girl that I had seen before once and we went out with her grabbing some more beers. Then we went home to her place and talked. She and I slept in the bed and my other friend slept on the couch. It was a gamble to go home to her, I did not know if she would like to be with us both but I asked her when my friend was in the bathroom and she only wanted to be with me. Resulting in that we had some sex while my friend was sleeping on the couch. I had a semi only so could not bother with a condom this time and did not use a pill. I did not go all the way to O so might have my 3rd wet dream soon. Have not had release in a long time now. Still flatlining I feel, does not have that urge for release and quite low sensation in my soldier.
    So the New Year is here and I will make the best of it. Let's go 2019! Does not want to work tomorrow but there is only three work days this week so that's alright.
     
  12. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I must say that I have been feeling so fatigued and bitter the past days, really low on energy. Finally the weekend is here because it feels like I need to sleep in tomorrow. One theory why I am feeling so tired might be because I started a gluten-free diet. It is an attempt for me to see whether I can better my health a bit since I have had a really poor diet before and I have problems with my lips, they are all inflamed and has been so for a very long time, not the prettiest look. I have lost a couple of kilos this week after starting on the diet so I have now started eating some gainer-supplement in order to keep my weight or increase it. Ideally I want to gain weight right now and put on more muscle so I'm gonna eat a lot more the coming days to see if that does it.

    I am actually feeling a lot more, the flatline is still here but it's like I get this moodswings like I have not had before. Maybe my body is waking up from the zombie-slumber state it has been in for a long time. To be honest, I am not feeling like my good old self, I feel almost depressed right now and my inflamed lips make me look like a clown so I don't want to interact with people. Let's see how I feel tomorrow. Maybe I will go out interacting some in the evening. Also very tired of girls right now, I have not met a new girl for like a month now and when I eventually text with girls and they show interest they ultimately flake and don't keep their promise for the date they scheduled, not even the rescheduled date. Girls are so fucking bad at planning and keeping their word, it's ridiculous. What does not help is that I am sexually frustrated, I try not to let anything of that show but girls are masters at picking up on that in various ways too. I know it from experience, when you are in the zone with girls and feel that you have almost abundant options, then you can get even more girls. When you are in a negative spiral and have no girl, then it is very difficult to even get one girl hooked.

    One last thing, I have started to read a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert A Glover, it has an interesting start to it and I feel like I have been a nice guy all my life which has not served me any good so I will see if I can draw some valuable conclusions from the book. One thing is that I have to stop putting other peoples needs before my own needs all the time and respect my boundaries more.
    Hoping for this long lasting flatline will end soon, the only good thing about it is that I am not having constant urges for release. Having wet dreams from time to time. Good night everyone.
     
  13. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Short update. Had another wet dream. A lot of people are leaving my department or planning on leaving, it is not the best mood at work and no one seems really happy to be there unfortunately. I am also searching for new jobs. A good think is that I actually got a compliment from a colleague at the gym today about me looking strong so it looks like I have muscle even though if I weigh much less than I used to when I was in good shape.
     
  14. UK Don

    UK Don New Member

    Just read through some of your recent posts mate, you’ve been on some huge streaks and seem pretty good at no pmo, so big up!
     
  15. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Thanks man! Yea I have been here for a long time, started this thread when I was 23, now I'm 27 and I have had some very long streaks. Right now I feel like it is now or never for me, I'm gonna leave porn behind for good and I don't have strong cravings after it like I used to have. Still feel like I am in a flatline, have not had morning wood for like 1,5 months now I guess.

    Short update: Yesterday I met up for a second date with that girl I met 3 weeks ago. We had a movie night at my place and she ordered some take-away food. It was a nice night, she is very friendly and a funny girl too! We ended up in the sack and I took 25 mg Kamagra because I can't use a condom without it since I have ED problems. It worked out and we had a very good time. She was beautiful. Really needed some release. The downside is that my lips looks so red and more inflamed even the day after. My eyes also get kind of red. So today I have been looking like shit at work, you can tell when people are looking at you and hints that I have something weird on my lips and stuff. Anyway, I have to do what is right for me and I feel like rewiring when I can is good for me. Soon the weekend is here and it will feel good to relax a bit and apply for new jobs. I also have an event planned with family so that will be fun!
     
    UK Don likes this.
  16. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Went out clubbing with a new guy I talked to via a forum. He was very good at opening girls and I think he would make an awesome wingman. My goal for the night was to approach some girls and deal with approach anxiety. I did a pretty good job. I think I opened about 10 girls and got 3 numbers. Also one makeout. So I am quite happy with myself since I am a beginner in the nightclub game and did not have any expectations. Next time I will try to focus on minimizing time in between sets and being more physical. Also I will not try to drink so much, paid a lot of money on entrance fees and beer and I don't have the budget for that if I will do this every second week or so.
     
  17. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I have been sick the past week, sore throat and a cold. Have been working from home 3/5 days, stayed inside and just tried to relax as much as possible. Have not worked out for over a week and really miss the gym! Yesterday I started feeling better so I went to work today, even brought my gym bag, when at work I immediately started to feel like a new cold hit me, had red eyes, headache and started sniveling a lot more. Felt like I could not work out but I stayed the whole day at work anyway. I really don't have time or energy to be sick again so now I will just rest up this Friday night and sleep my 8 hours before working some more tomorrow (overtime). One reason why I started to feel sick again might have been that I did not sleep so much last night and I have a tendency of getting sick after not having slept much (also my immune system has not recovered fully from the first cold probably). My fwb (spanish latina) texted me yesterday night (Valentines day) and wanteed to come over to my place and chill. It was really late when she got off work so we just went to bed, I gave her a massage and some gentle treatment (no coitus though, did not want to take a pill). She gave me a bj and I managed to stay relatively hard and even blasted in her mouth. After we just slept. Have 208 days no PMO now but still have problems getting excited and fully erect without a pill.

    I had a date planned for the night but the girl flaked on me. At first she only said like "I don't feel like going into town tonight". So I said: "So where do you want to meet?". Then she said the truth which was like "I feel like even though I am attracted to you physically I don't feel like we have texted much and I don't feel the chemistry". This is a girl that has cancelled a date before, then I had to cancel because I got sick and now she cancels again. I knew that it was a possibility that she would flake but I am also quite surprised since she has said that "I have the perfect physique and is her type of guy" and she has sent me some semi-nude pics. From my perspective we have had some good conversations in a playful manner, she guessed my height correctly on the first try so we joked around that I had to buy the first round in the bar etc. However, I think she never fully invested, I was driving the conversation 90 % of the time. But that is what happens 90 % of cases on Tinder since the girls have so many options to choose from and they seldom asks many questions.

    So what is the learning here: Even though a girl is attracted to you, if she is not really investing 100% and the date is not happening close enough to that attraction the chances of meeting up is plummeting. I know girls are flakey in nature and cannot be trusted since their feelings change every second minute but the way she has played me is not respectful at all. If I had not texted her before the meetup she would have had me stand at the meetup place wondering where she is, and she would just come up with some lie that she is "too tired to go into town". She has wasted my time and could instead respectfully told me she was not interested anymore two days ago instead of agreeing to reschedule our date and then not bothering to show up.

    Carrying a lot of frustration inside me right now. A lot of factors below contributing to this:
    * Have been sick for a week, not being able to work out (which I love), not being able to release excess energy
    * Applied for a lot of jobs internally, getting only 3 interviews the past half year out of more than 20 applications. Getting worried of where my career is heading.
    * Tired of girls being dishonest and just playing guys. Many girls also have a very bitchy attitude and their only way of flirting is in some cases writing/saying "Hi" and then expecting the guy to carry the entire conversation from there.
    * Still having the same problems with my inflamed lips, not very appealing factor. Have had the problem for 4 years now and no doctor knows how to fix it...
    * Cannot have sex without help of pills.

    I sound like a crybaby right now but at least my actions for the weekend is the following:
    * Trying to get well, rest up, maybe trying light work out tomorrow if I can
    * Work tomorrow (overtime, get some extra cash and do my projects at work)
    * Apply for some jobs on sunday
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2019
  18. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Feeling better now so back in the gym finally. Had a wet dream the night after meeting a girl, which is unusual for me since I had release at the date. Have had some thoughts about P and checked into a site for 2 min before turning off. Have to stay disciplined. This was my first slip up in a very long time so glad I could stop it. Will not act on it.
     
  19. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Have not had any morning wood for a long time again. Maybe hitting a flatline again since I feel like sensitivity and size is down.
    I am back in the gym again so that feels very good. Starting to gain some weight again since I stopped eating gluten-free diet.
    Yesterday I met up with a good friend who I had not met since New Year and we went for a stroll in the nice weather, the sun was shining and really beautiful outside. So that was all good, I also met up with him later during the evening for a few beers, also a Brazilian girl from Tinder tagged along. She was nice but she did not initiate conversation very much so she was kind of shy and I bought two drinks for her since she never offered to pay for her own stuff which hurt my wallet. She was not really worth the time, we did not have a very good chemistry but it was nice to hang out with my friend.
    Yesterday my ex also texted me and said she would be in town for the weekend and wanted to meet up for coffe or a drink. I might meet her for a drink tonight and chat a little, let's see how that goes. Have not talked to her in a long time.
     
  20. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Today I peeked on porn for just a few minutes for the first time since over a month. Managed to close down quite quickly but I am not proud that I did. I recognize a number of factors that contributed to this:
    * Have had bad luck with the ladies recently. No new girls for some time (actually got stood up on a tinderdate too a few days back)
    * Was hungover, also no luck at the club last night
    * Procrastination (thought about studying but did not feel like it)

    However, instead of continuing I texted my only fwb I have now (a British girl, we have met 5 times now) so I went over to her place for some chill.
    My life is okey right now, I am feeling a bit more energetic some days and I feel that gym is progressing. I think I have gained 8 kg the past 3 months.
    Will try to apply for some jobs again (I have not focused on job search the past month). I have also hung out with my old friend almost every weekend now so that is very fun!
     

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