23 years old, time to get rid of this shit!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by dualwield, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Hey man! If I take a kamagra (generic viagra) I take max 50 mg (half a pill) in the evening and I don't have to take another in the morning. The effect is not as good in the morning but it works ok. If it's over 12 hours after I took the pill I might have to take another to keep going. But I never take two pills a day nowadays, I don't like the strong blushing I always get and a blocked nose doesn't help either.
     
  2. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Ok thanks! Yes, I experienced the same thing. But then I thought it might all be in my head because online I found that it only takes like 5 hours to be out of your system. like here : https://www.dred.com/uk/how-long-viagra-lasts.html

    But if you experience the same thing it might not be a coincidence. Although it's definitely partly in my head because 10 hours after taking the pill (the next morning) my erection quality was actually better than the night before. Probably because I felt much more comfortable with the girl.
     
  3. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Ok, yea then it might be a psychological factor for you. It's very important to feel comfortable I think, if I feel a little bit nervous around a girl, then I can't perform without pills.
     
  4. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    The last days have been good. I have spent the past 4 days with Cutegirl and also said goodbye to Gymgirl and Huntergirl for good now. I like Cutegirl, her personality is just awesome. I don't feel in love and I don't feel like she is a potential future partner. She is just easygoing and fun to hang out with.
    I know that she is only dating me so I might have to break things off with her if she mentions that she wants a committed relationship. I have noticed some signs or hints from her that she might want more. One thing is that she wants to meet me the whole summer and she wonders why I am hesitant to meet her parents. However, the last time we talked about our relationship neither of us said that we were in love so I'm not gonna make a move. If she wants to bring it up, then fine.

    Maybe I am wasting time here, maybe it's not good to meet her too often. But I just want to have fun and she is a very nice and fun person to be around. I might have to meet some other girls soon, so I don't get too attached. This is how my last relationship started, a girl showed that she really was a nice person but she was not someone I was super attracted to in the first place.
     
  5. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Had a good weekend with Cutegirl. I'm glad to say that I don't use Kamagra when I'm with her now. It works out alright anyway. Some times (rarely) I get like 90% hard but mostly around 70%-80%.
    She mentioned it today. The talk. She asked me where "we are going with this". She wanted a commited relationship soon, she said that she was not 100% in love but she had some feelings for me and wanted to know that I was not meeting other girls. She also wanted me to meet her parents soon. I said that I like her very much but that I don't feel in love right now and that I don't want to initate a serious relationship without those feelings. However, I told her that I am only meeting her, which is quite obvious since we meet up several days per week. I know that we can't keep fooling around for ever but I don't want to give her the idea that I am in love. She asked me if there was a possibility that I might fall in love later and I said "who knows, that might happen".

    I don't really know where to go with this right now. She is super nice and has the best personality of all girls I have ever met, I love to be around her. On the other hand, I don't feel in love and the sex is just alright, not super. Maybe I have to give her up soon, but then another questions comes up. If she is not good enough for me, then who is? I don't really know.
     
  6. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    On the one hand you will loose her ofcourse, a friends with benefits relationship has an expiration date. And don't think she will be available to you afterwards she probably start going into auto-rejection to protect her own feelings once she thinks this isn't going anywhere.

    On the other hand, don't have the mindset you won't be able to find a girl just as awesome if not more, that's just stupid. There are plenty of other great girls out there, you have yet to meet. ( and reading your journal, you do pretty ok with girls so your choice won't be that limited)

    But to me it seems like you have to decide if you want to give the relationship with her a chance or not. And that will just be it.

    Just my opinion ofcourse
     
  7. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Thanks for the response! Yea I think you´re right. I though about it yesterday when Cutegirl was at my place. I did not feel any excitement when kissing her, I see her like a fun friend more than a potential partner. Guess I will have to stop this soon, it won't progress any further. Yes, there are more girls out there.

    Sidenote: Tried anal for the first time in my life yesterday. Was great.
     
  8. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Most things are pretty good in my life at the moment. I am working out 5 or 6 days a week. Have met Cutegirl a lot lately as usual. We are still competing in NoFap and we have been holding up for soon 5 months now. I think that is fantastic and I am so impressed that she is still in the game too. I never use pills when I am with Cutegirl right now and it works ok. Work is fine and I am hoping for a renewed contract in the next few weeks.

    But, I almost had a relapse today, I googled a picture and saw a picture of a topless girl and all of a sudden (almost automatically) I clicked on that pic. It escalated and after a moment I was on a pornsite. I just peeked for a brief moment and closed it down. I don't count it as a relapse since I closed it down quick and did not touch myself. Have to stay strong to avoid those kind of triggers. As we all know, the web is full of them.
     
  9. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I ended it with Cutegirl two days ago. I said to her that I think she is a wonderful girl and that we have so much fun together but that I did not feel like I am in love or anything like that. She understood and said that she felt the same way, that she liked me but did not have very strong feelings. We talked about that a FWB-relationship can't go on forever and that it is probably best if we stop seeing each other. She told me that it felt a bit meaningless to keep seeing me if we didn't have a future together (we have met several days every week for a while). I got the feeling that she was a bit disappointed but not much more. We agreed that we could talk to each other if we came up with a better solution than to stop seeing each other altogether. I have been a bit down since, I actually cried some after the call. She and I had connected on so many levels but we couldn't really fall in love. I suspect that it is because we have too similar personalities so there is not enough "tension".

    Today I sent a text to her explaining that I had thought about things and that I would like to have her as a friend if that is possible. There has never been harsh feelings between us so I felt like I had to take the chance to have her in my life somehow. Especially since we have so much fun together. She replied in a polite manner but said that she wanted to think about it.

    We will see what happens but I am proud to say that I have at least tried to keep her in my life. If she wants to stop seeing me then that's fine too but I couldn't just end it in a harsh way without a good reason. I didn't like the way my last relationship ended so I thought that Cutegirl and I still have a chance for friendship since we never fell in love. Cutegirl and I have seen each other for over a year and she is one of the people who knows me best.

    Gym is good and I have a renewed contract at work, until March 2018 so that is great.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2017
  10. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    153 days no PMO. ---> 0 days no PMO.

    No good, I should have stayed away. I was feeling a bit depressed and guess what came to my mind? Addiction can resurface quick when your guard is down.. I better get my shit together again.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2017
  11. Keep_Moving_Forward

    Keep_Moving_Forward New Member

    dam bro was literally reading your journal as soon as your timer changed to 0
    during your streak , what day were you able to have successful sex ? 30 days in ? 60 days in? 100?
    thanks man , im sure your next streak will be longer than last time .
     
  12. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Thanks for the support! That's a good question. I have trouble recalling a specific date since I have been on several longer streaks over the years. But on my last streak that ended now I think I could have sex around 2 months in without pills.

    When I first started with no PMO I was a severe case so I couldn't have successful sex for a year or something like that. I was in long periods of flatline, I also had very limited sexual experience. My solution was to try kamagra to be able to have sex, which gave me a confidence boost. The past year has been better than ever and I stopped using pills with Cutegirl since I did not have too, I even got spontaneous erections sometimes. But then again a half hear of nofap is quite long and works it's magic.
     
  13. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Darn. I did it again. Watched GoT, there was nudity and I relapsed once. Now I will go abroad with friends over the weekend so I won't relapse.
     
  14. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Came back from the trip this morning. It has been a very fun vacation with old friends. The flight was delayed so I came back home late in the night so I took a day off work.

    Today I have been relaxing, I still feel a bit exhausted after the weekend which was filled with partying, beer and fast food. Now it's time to be healthy again. I actually PMO'd just now, was a bit horny and messaged an old flame but she couldn't come over. She is coming over tomorrow instead. I guess I need at least 1 fwb to handle sudden urges. It's been only 8 days since my last relapse. Now: off to the gym to avoid more relapses...
     
  15. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    So it happened again. PMO'd. I could only handle 11 days no PMO.

    I have to get serious and find a new motivation to stay off P. Apparently, the fear of ED doesn't really cut it at the moment. First and foremost, I will implement the "no touching-rule" and be very strict about it. Also, if I relapse from now on I will have to give some money to a gypsy beggar. That should be some good motivation for me, since I hate them. They are rude, annoying and have stolen from me. Don't ask me to elaborate on this, it's just the way I feel. This is especially a good motivation for me since I would have to give up my own honor and my own values to do such a thing. I am also a strong believer in that man should work for his income and not sit on his ass all day expecting money.

    So, from now I will try to get back to my old focus and just enjoy being the best version of myself. I have lost that for some time again and it doesn't feel very good. I have felt more distant and not very happy after PMO'ing. I am also turning down real sex with hot girls because I PMO'd so that's not what I want for myself. Both Huntergirl and another girl I met recently has asked me to see them tonight. Sadly, after relapsing I just don't have the mojo or lust to meet any of them... The only good thing lately is that I am still working out 5 or 6 days a week and that I haven't been sick for a few months, which I was like all the time last year.
     
  16. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I can't imagine you want to be a guy who rather masturbates to porn alone than goes out and has sex with women. Think about it. It's a sad image. You know you can do this. If I recall correctly you've went without porn for almost 2 years once. I hope you get back on track soon! :) You won't be happy with the guy you are if you don't.
    PS: I'm still struggling with keeping away from porn/ED myself so I'm not judging ofcourse,
     
  17. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Yes, you are right! I would rather be with real women. That's correct, I had a 2-year streak which I was really proud of at the time. I have now abstained for a week and I think it is going well.

    Hope the best for you too!
     
  18. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Ok so I relapsed. Tired, bored and the usual internet browsing. I have relapsed maybe three times the past week. My motivation has been lower and I have not felt so happy. I have also had very low motivation for gym so I have only been to the gym twice this week.

    Yesterday I was at Huntergirls place, it was quite nice to see her again. Couldn't sleep very well though, her room does not have proper curtains so it's light and the motorway nearby brings a lot of noice. Guess I slept maybe three hours or so.

    My life in general is quite stressful atm. I work full time and study half time. Also want to find time for gym in evenings. Right now I am so tired that I am thinking of not going to the gym.

    New goal: implement "stop sign-thinking" if a P-thought comes to mind. Be strict.
     
  19. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    Ok so I relapsed again. I was out with two colleagues and got really drunk this weekend. We had a blast but I was very hungover the day after. PMO'd several times :( I think I'm gonna stay off this forum for a while, maybe that can help me focus on other things in life.
     
  20. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    I have been doing good for a while but last night I PMO'd. I needed a release and I some things did not go my way yesterday so I was a bit down. Instagram pics lead to escalation, It was not smart. Now I need to stay away. I am putting up a new tracker here to count the days. My last streak was something like 40 days.
    My progress has been good, I am actually still meeting Cutegirl and have not been with other girls for soon like half a year or something and the good thing is that I am able to have good sex with her without help of pills. Sometimes I get up to 90 % EQ but it does not last long. Usually around 70 % EQ. Very important to set up some goals now and keep motivated to abstain from P and M. I feel like O is fine when I meet a girl, it usually only happens like once per week that I meet her. However I don't think I could use a condom or I would lose it. Have to stay strong now! I have also downloaded an excel sheet with this years calendar in order to write whenever I PM, the goal is to have a blank sheet for the rest of the year.
     

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