23| Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by K-Dot, Jun 28, 2016.

  1. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 173

    I woke up at 5 AM last night and my MW was so hard that I could smash bricks with it (As the title goes). I think it also lasted long. I hope It will e the same when I go for sex
     
  2. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 174

    Solid MW and another wet dream at 4 AM
     
  3. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    175

    Last night I had a sex dream, about fucking a MILF women, it was so damn realistic, I was about 80% hard in that dream. I feel my libido a coming back a lil bit. I can't tell is it a real thing or just a chaser effect from 2 wet dreams I had this week.
     
  4. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 180

    Another wet dream this morning. Yesterday I had interview on TV, I was so anxious, I even stumbled a couple of times. Later I went on a date with my girl, tried to act cool, but I didn't feel like talking (I felt bad about my interview) so we had a couple of awkward silence moments. I often overthink my actions, trying to find right thing to say and I feel like a robot due to it
     
  5. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 181

    Yesterday I decided to do PIED test. I got 100% hard just by touch alone, and when it got to that point my dick was so sensitive I could feel that I'll cum just by touching it with my finger. Maybe my dick will work for sex, but I'll explode in 30 seconds. I felt like I'm back in the flatline this morning, but When I went outside I felt turned on a lil bit when I saw all those women
     
  6. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 182

    I woke up at 8:45 AM and my morning wood was close to 100% hard. It lasted until 9:20 and I got out of bed at 9:25 to take a pee. I feel progress coming slowly
     
  7. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 187

    I've passed 6 months without PMO and MO. I feel like my flatline is fading away and I get some boners when I'm with my girl, I wake up with an erection, I sometimes get boner when I'm thinking about sex also. But these days I feel bad because of my social anxety and feeling like I'm not intelligent enough. Everytime someone's making a joke about me, I can't think of clever response (always ovethinking and having brain fog). I also sometimes find hard to relax when I'm with my girl and cant think of things to say. I always feel like I'm bad speaker and don't know to tell story in interesting way. So much insecurities
     
  8. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 189

    Feeling excited for next few days. Going to rock concert and my girlfriend is coming to my place for new year's eve. We'll make food, drink and have a fun. We'll go for sex too, I dont give a fuck if I fail
     
  9. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 193

    Feeling horrible today. Yesterday my girl came, we tried sex few times. First she started giving me a blow job and i came in 10 seconds. Later I fingered her she was touching my penis, I got erection, but when i put condom and tried to penetrate her, my erection faded. I opened up to her and she was glad I am honest and said that she's by my side and later we cuddled, she was so sweet and lovely. We tried sex 2 more times, but I lost my erection when I put condom both times. Later she jerked me down there and started giving me BJ once again and I came in 20-30 seconds once again. I felt embarrased, even If she knew I didnt fap in 6 months.
    I spent great day with her, I took her home few hours ago, but now I am depressed.

    I also MO-ed now to test my erection and I've noticed that my semen is ORANGE?! I fapped once again and it was kinda orange once again with one little red dot in it. I am terrified now. I know friend of mine kicked me in my pelvic floor accidentaly few weeks ago and i hope that's from it.
     
  10. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 194

    I hate and want to fucking kill myself
     
  11. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 195

    Back into the deep flatline. Feeling like I don't have a dick, but it doesn't matter, I can't penetrate a women anyway. I feel like a total wimp, who bust a nut in 10 seconds when she gives me blow job, but can't keep it up to penetrate her. She knows my secret now, I told her I was porn/fap free for 6 months and that it'll take some more time and that I'm not fucked up about it. But if she knew how much it bothers me, she wouldn't belive how weak her man is mentally. It's hard not to act like you're hating yourself, when in reality you want to blow your brain's off. I even can't belive I'm the person who's complaining here all the time, but I rarely do it in real life, nobody knows about my problem except one friend from different country and my girlfriend (I opened up to her 2 days ago). Thoughts of losing a women of my dreams have put me in a huge scarcity state. I think she's the reason I want to recover, I didn't give a fuck about my dick not working before she came into my life

    I live for the day when I'll be normal again, I even don't know how it is to have a vaginal sex and feel it (I didn't have it much anyway). The last time was in 2013. when i was 17 and now I'm 23. Fuck
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2019
  12. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 196

    Flatlining as hell. Opened to friend of mine about my PIED and sexual problems. I was so depressed last 2 days that I didnt contacted my girl, she called me yesterday and was mad cuz I forgot to call her. Anxiety is hard
     
  13. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 197

    Still flatlining.
    Anxiety is hard, not so much about my dick not working, but about fucking up my relationship. I shouldn't be obssesed with this all the time, but I can't help it.
    My new song with a video is coming out in a few weeks. I need to start working on a new songs and I need to start studying finally, I forgot about my university at all.
     
  14. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 197

    Still flatlining.
    Anxiety is hard, not so much about my dick not working, but about fucking up my relationship. I shouldn't be obssesed with this all the time, but I can't help it.
    My new song with a video is coming out in a few weeks. I need to start working on a new songs and I need to start studying finally, I forgot about my university at all.
     
  15. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 197

    Still flatlining.
    Anxiety is hard, not so much about my dick not working, but about fucking up my relationship. I shouldn't be obssesed with this all the time, but I can't help it.
    My new song with a video is coming out in a few weeks. I need to start working on a new songs and I need to start studying finally, I forgot about my university at all.
     
  16. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

  17. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 199

    Went out with my girl yesterday, we hanged for about 6 hours. Today I'm a little bit horny, but I don't feel urges to PMO. Any advices on how to cure PE when I finally get and stay hard enough to penetrate into vagina? Blowjob makes me cum in 10-15 seconds right now.
     
  18. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 200

    It seems like I made 200+ days without PMO for the second time in my life. The first one lasted from June 2016. - January 2017.
    After that I've had couple of 30+, 60+ days streaks, one 120 days streak and many binge relapses between each. I didn't manage to get successful vaginal sex, only BJs and HJs. Curretly I'm 200 days porn free, still have PIED problems, but i feel my libido is getting better. I also have huge PE problem and anxiety issues over my relationship due to sexual dysfunctions and writer's block .

    I'll continue to reboot and rewire, with hope of seeing that cliche light at the end of muthafucking tunnel (word tunnel makes me panic, cuz it reminds me of vaginal tunnel and vagina is something that i can not penetrate into, because my dick is limp, and my dick being limp spikes my anxiety and makes me feel like a pussy- word pussy- something i can not enter because I'm impotent like a grandpa who shit himself in the pants - fuck my "wired to pixels on a screen" brain)
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
  19. K-Dot

    K-Dot We gon' be alright!

    Day 201

    Horny a lil bit. Produced few beats. Got some money for few of them. I was good until half an hour ago, when few dark thoughts about me being impotent popped up in my mind, which triggered anxiety attack.
     
  20. UK Don

    UK Don New Member

    Read your posts mate, big up for posting on here for so long. I’m new here and just posted a thread so I’m having a look around others for motivation. Congrats on going no PMO for over 200 days twice! My personal best is only about a 30 day streak which I’ve ony achieved once, but we all start somewhere right. Keep your head up bro, and remember whenever you relapse it doesn’t fully ruin your precious work - my point being don’t beat yourself up, as it’s all still progress.
     
    K-Dot likes this.

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