Hey guys i'm Tig. This journal might be helpful for any young guys who watched lots of porn before they ever touched a woman. If this journal can benefit or pick up your spirits then i'll considered it well worth being written as i know how painful this matter can be. So my basic story. I started masterbating at 15 and started masterbating to internet porn videos at around 17-18. I'm now 21. I first attempted sex in March 2011. I was turned on by the girl i was with and was fully erect when i was fingering her and i wasn't concerned with myself and just relaxed and focused on how much she was enjoying it, but when i wanted to put my dick in her vagina i couldn't keep it up. This happened again in April 2011, again in July 2011 and again in February 2012. Four different girls and one attempt with each. In December 2011 i hadn't yet discovered yourbrainonporn.com, but i realised that sometimes, when i was seriously wanting to do some task, i would get side tracked very easily and end up searching for and watching porn for as many as 120mins and often over 30-45mins. I was annoyed at this and thats why i first tried to give up porn. That lasted for about 2weeks. In February 2012 I had my second attempt of giving up porn and this was because i discovered yourbrainonporn.com and was inspired to stop to try and cure my erection problems from my four attempts at sex. This was just no porn, but still MO. I got to about 5-6weeks. I relapsed in late March/early April. Now i'm going for no PMO. Stay tuned folks Tig
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Welcome Tig. At least you got an erection when you were fingering her. Mine didn't even react when a lap-dancer was dry-humping the shit out of me, with my face buried in her tits Good luck man.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Good decision, Tig. Getting free of PMO at 21 will give you decades of healthy sex, and a more satisfying life overall.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Still going with the no PMO. I had a fucking awesome meeting with a girl last night. We were grinding on the dance floor and getting very close. I'm in this odd rationalised mood at the moment where i made a conscious decision not to kiss her, even though we were getting very close to one another. Anyway we didn't hook up or fuck, but i was horny as hell. Got home and could've succumbed (I was also pretty stoned) but i held strong. This morning, still a bit stoned, but had a massive half an hour morning glory. I wanted to get on the computer and watch some films and relax and post in here but i'm a little afraid because porn is now only one address bar away. 8) I'm cool. I'm gunna make it through.. Tig
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Oh man, I'm really feeling some cravings now, this fucking sucks shit man! Hahahahaha. Well you gotta laugh about it. I dont really feel it in my body, but i do feel it in my mind "I want relief, i want relief, i want relief". Just gotta deal with the urges
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Hey tig, just remind your mind what's the current situation and what will be after the addiction to PMO fades away. When urges come by you should do something active to keep your mind of PMO. What are your hobbies?
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Hey Tig, glad to hear your giving up PMO at 21 too. In the beginning it will be especially hard, so you will need to watch yourself around the computer and around any triggers. Once you start flatlining you can coast for a while but the urges will be back so don't let them sneak up on you! And yeah, don't give up. If it gets hard, or seems hopeless, juts remember it is your PMO brain telling you that. It does get better. SO MUCH BETTER
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Thanks Da Vinci, "SO MUCH BETTER" looking forward to it mate This might help guys out if you need a model to base your progress on and provide you with some motivation. See your streak of no PMO in this way: Step 1: Reaching half a week, half way towards a week Step 2: Reaching a week, half way towards a fortnight Step 3: Reaching a fortnight, half way towards a month Step 4: Reaching a month, half way towards 2 months Step 5: Reaching 2 months, half way towards 4 months Step 6: Reaching 4 months I've only done one week, but already i've reached one third of the steps. This motivates me
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time I like your list because I can tell what "fortnight" means from the context. I always forget what a fortnight is. Today I have finished a fortnight, coincidentally enough.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Sunday night and Monday night I had some memories/fantasies. On Sunday I thought about a cute small Spanish girl we had round our house for a house party a little while back, she was a friend of my housemate. We were flirty and touchy and i was tickling her. So I was remembering that and then fantasising about what it would have been like if i had gone further. I was lying in bed and literally got up and imagined picking her up and carrying her into my bedroom and making out with her and rubbing her pussy. Strangeeeeee On Monday, I just thought about two girls that i'd hooked up with previously. No imagining a different turn of events but just replaying those memories in my mind. I got a bit of a dopamine rush/high. I just got caught up in the thoughts and wasn't very present. I had massive 100% full hard erections but i didn't have big urges to MO. I got that same dry mouth/thick saliva feeling that I always got when I used to PMO or MO. Additionally, these sexual thoughts have just sort of happened. I never tended to think about them before I stopped PMO. Now they just tend to happen naturally. So, I don't believe this is a problem.... <<< I want to change that belief by looking for resources that confirm that fantasy is a big part of the problem, then hopefully that will give me a big impetus to stop this remembering/fantasising as soon as i catch myself doing it. So has anyone got any links, perhaps to YBOP or other sources that can give me some confirmation? Cheers, Tig
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Oh man, I just woke up. Had big morning glory, big blue balls, and a big urge to both masterbate and orgasm.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time I can't wait to harness this deep deep sex drive within me and channel it...(it almost seems too obvious)...into sex. Be able to have that control. Imagine going out and having this amazing interaction with a chick. You make out, you're grinding, you're looking at each other in that way, you have amazing chemistry, but somehow, SOMEHOW, she doesn't end up back at yours. What do you do? Masterbate? Nah bro. Keep your seed, keep your drive, go out again tomorrow and try again. Don't settle for a date with just your brain, only settle for being with a real woman.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Nothing scares me more than looking back over this journal in 6 months and saying to myself, the most i managed to go without PMO was 21 days or 34 days or 53 days. If I can put my erect penis inside a woman in the next 6 months I would consider that an achievement. If i could do it several times, and keep it hard for the full duration of sex, and cum, and make her cum with it as well, that would be an amazing achievement <<< But if i don't manage to do that thats ok too. I just know I will have made great steps forward and done everything I could have done if I go without PMO for that whole 6 months. 6 months is just an arbitrary benchmark by the way, who knows how much time i'll need to see changes.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Last night i had some small successes on the no fantasising front that I can build on. Sexual thoughts naturally came to me about 2-3 times as I was trying to fall asleep and I was naturally inclined to let my mind wander and become fully engrossed in these thoughts. My brain wanted to imagine what it would've been like if I had taken that girl home from the bar. It was looking for an alternative fix of dopamine and, even if I hadn't MO'd, it would've enjoyed the fantasy. But I was very aware of my thoughts and stopped myself quickly when I watched myself engaging and becoming excited by a fantasy. I'm training my brain so that my dopamine must come from the real thing. Real women, real sex. I'm exercising conscious control so that I can't get the dopamine anywhere else.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Just installed K9 Web filter. I'd get a little ego kick out of being able to quit PMO without it's help, but stopping PMO is more important than that little ego boost. I don't think i'll need it, but those that prepare for a storm are more likely to survive it.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time On Thursday night I had a girl round mine and I took some viagra in anticipation We didn't end up having sex :-\ I did have an erection for quite a while although that may have just been because i was spooning a woman. Anyway, it didn't make me want to MO or PMO.
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time I feel a nagging need to be very humble. It's so easy for me to say to myself "I'm awesome, i've gone 5-6weeks without porn back in February-March/April and it was easy, so this reboot is gunna be easy" ... But .... They're just words. This is uncharted territory for me in terms of not MO'ing btw. Although I feel confident and speak with confidence, those are just feelings and words. I haven't rebooted yet. Fact. I haven't got over my ED problems yet. Fact. I really really really want to make this a successful reboot. But i just feel like its gunna be easy. I don't see many future challenges so I feel vulnerable and unprepared for them. I don't feel i've had humbling experiences so I don't feel humble. Wait a minute, maybe I have had humbling experiences, maybe those two attempted abstainances in December and February-March/April are my humbling experiences. I sure had some confidence when I started them, I sure was cocky. It's fair to say i'm less cocky now. Definately less cocky this time round <<< hence >>> more humble. But I want to be more humble, I want to doubt and question myself even more and not take this for granted. How can one do such a thing? How can one seek out humbling experiences? One idea i've just had is I could spend time thinking about the all the times i've committed to things only to fall short or quit: Like the times I started exercise and weightlifting schemes when I was younger; like the time I started salsa dancing back in Perth; like the time I started going to Couchsurfing social events in Melbourne; like the time I started going to French Speaking social events in Melbourne; like the lack of commitment to the bands that I was in in Perth; like the times I started stand-up comedy and was looking up improv acting in Melbourne; like the times I decided to floss my teeth every day; like the times I decided to make time to listen to a new album every week; like the times I decided to learn how to cook a new dish every week; like the time I decided to get experience tutoring English to foreigners in Melbourne; like the time I decided to improve my tutoring skills through new research and practice back in Perth; like the countless times when i've genuninely and naively felt like I had figured out how to live a fulfilling life and how to socialise with people, only to be led down a new path and to new discoveries ... Hmm, That felt a bit cathartic and humbling writing that out. But I still want to ask all you guys on here for your opinions: How can one seek out humbleness? How can one become more humble?
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time Humble sounds like slavery to me if to be honest.. Why one seeks to be humble? What's wrong with the current situation? What you seek by becoming more humble?
Re: 21yo - 4 Attempts At Sex with ED each time What do I seek by becoming more humble? That's a very good question Laurynas. Haha, I guess it does sound a bit like slavery to begin with. Humbleness helps me. For instance: In May 2011 I did finally manage to successfully start an exercise program which, although there's been modifications along the way, I am still continuing today. I think that has been helped immensely by my humbleness. When I would start exercising in the past I would get very excited for a few weeks but afterwards when my enthusiasm died down i would stop exercising. I've learnt from that and been humbled by it. When I started back in May 2011, I knew that although the first few sessions would be easy to do because I was enthusiastic, after maybe 1 or 2 or 3 weeks, I would eventually have to Force myself to get out of the house and exercise, because I didn't want to do it anymore. Same with PMO. Right now i'm still feeling good about quitting. I get a sense of achievement from the fact that i've stopped, in the same way as I initially felt good about stopping being so damned lazy and starting exercise. But what about at Day 70 or Day 80, am i gunna have that same sense of achievement from simply not touching my dick? I'll probably think "what the fuck Tig, you were giving yourself pats on the back for not touching your dick? What a weird thing to be proud about" Maybe relapsing won't seem like a big deal. And what then? We're enthused by our progress in quitting PMO because PMO is a problem but when we lose that sense of PMO being a problem we wont feel as enthused by our progress. I want to be humble about this and have this realisation fully ingrained into my mind Right Now as a safeguard against demons that may lie in my future
