22 year old me

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Subho, Sep 22, 2021.

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  1. Subho

    Subho New Member

    Hi Guys, I'm 22 years old, I have been watching porn since Last 15 years, in initial years i didn't watch it frequently, but gradually the more I became older I started watching porn more, and I'm masturbating for around 10 years, I was exposed to this filth at a very young age, I didn't think it's a big deal but now for past 4-5 years I have been realising the bad affects of it, I was a really good student I got always above 9 pointers in school, but the addiction became so severe that I started ignoring my studies and I got 6.8 in my boards exam, everyone around me was shocked to see my downfall, I was shocked too, I got into a tier 3 engineering college, where my classmate who was behind me in all the exams got into IIT,( he used to copy my answers in exam).
    now the affaects of pmo on my body,
    my hair started thinning when I was 16, still it's thinning, my eyes are blurry, i feel tired all the time mentally and physically, last few years my addiction became so severe that I had to watch forced porns, gay porns and incest porns to get my penis erect, I'm ashamed to say but I fantasized about my sisters , aunts and even my mom few times, I know I'm a disgusting human being but I just wanna let go all the darkness which was inside me for a long time, I have tried so many times to get away from this addiction but I couldn't, I don't remember things properly nowadays, I can't study not single moment passes in my mind without thinking of porn related stuff, whenever I see a woman i Start to imagine bad stuff about her, I had few relationships , I lose interest in the girl after 2 or 3 months whenever I'm in a relationship, that's why I don't talk to girls any more, I have become socially awkward, I was a public speaker but now I can't do that, I feel like my life is over, I can't take this anymore, I just want to get back to being the normal me , I'm trying over and over, I can't do no fap more than 3 days, my highest streak is around 3 days, and I have relapsed after 3 days numerous times, I don't know what to do, so this is the last time I'm doing it , for me this is do or die situation cause I can't take this guilt anymore, I'm depressed,
    so from now onwards I am not gonna watch porn,nor am I gonna fap.
    wish me luck Fellas
     
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Hey Subho, welcome to the forum.

    I'm sorry to see that you experienced such a downward spiral in your life. But you're 22. You have plenty of time to turn your life around. First of all, shame and guilt doesn't help. You may feel like you're a pervert, but many porn addicts experienced what you experienced. It's called desensitization. You're not watching and fantasizing about weird stuff because that's who you are. That's not who you are. Your brain just needs more extreme material in order to get aroused. This process is reversible but it will take some time.

    Do you use any filters/blockers? If you can't go past a certain amount of days that's a good first step. Read this for more information.

    Then you need something to do that has nothing to do with porn. You may be motivated right now, saying that you'll never relapse again. But that's not how it works - at least for 99.x%. Give yourself a little project you can work on, give yourself something to move towards.

    Wish you all the best!
     
  3. Subho

    Subho New Member

    Thanx for the advice luke, I appreciate that.
     
  4. Krebs

    Krebs Active Member

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