22 year old fighting pmo prev-Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

I got the job. But I am waiting for them to provide me with a computer to start working. How about you Varun?

 

Okay bro nice, I am fine too. Doing my work from. Home right now. The headaches, sleep and all haven't gone completely, but they have reduced and I am in much better position.
Meditation, exercise keep doing these two with your job and things will become better

 

Guys I do not know what day it is. But I relapsed today. I lost the trust of Allah again. He was making things better. But still I did it. Pandemic had brought some good self control on me. But I messed up.

 

Allah blessed me with a job when everyone was getting fired. He gave me sleep without meds. Alhamdulillah got some sleep yesterday. Although I woke up tired but still I slept and felt a little good. I broke that trust between me and Allah. Inshallah this time I am going to bring that trust between me and him again. Please pray for my repentance.

I could have controlled. I should learn how to manage those crticial moments when you want to do it. I was controlling myself avoiding those thoughts by deep breathing and concentrating on a particular thing when ever those excited thoughts came in my mind.

Inshallah Allah will better my position.

 

Hi mickey, how is your job going and how is your health?
Also you took medicines for sleep , did they help?
And did you also take anti depressant as well??

 

I relapsed yesterday, and today as well. I feel everything going wrong at home needs to be corrected and I need to pay attention to that. And feel very tensed at those moments for example my brother is watching too much of YouTube and there nothing much we can do to avoid him do that since we are in a lockdown. And he might see something wrong on that as well because YouTube feed will pop anything infront of you. My sister 's hypochondria needs to be solved but I am helpless in that regard. Anyhow I am deviating from the topic. I need to build self control the month of Ramadan had brought good changes in me when I was controlling my eyes whenever i saw the opposite gender that self control is lost now. Time to build that again. I am sure I will do it.

Also the fear of death of covid has brought some great thoughts in the mind. Death could be so near to me and my family. And I cannot brake the trust of Allah again for he had protected us from the covid.

Inshallah. Remember that I need to have patience and let things gradually calm down when I would feel the urge to do the act again. Also since I joined the work my religious engagement socially in terms of watching some positive content on YouTube has gone down. I need be constant in engaging myself with good religious content on YouTube every now and then.

Thanks for the concern guys bye.

May Allah guide us to right paths and keep us in his protection.

 

Relapsed again. I could have controlled. The next two days are going to be difficult the urges shall get stronger. But I will ensure I will not to do it. Allah please forgive me. For you have a lot of blessings and please help me with another blessing of being strong and overcome this bad habit.

 

Relapsed again today. Really going backwards in terms of good feeling and good habits and spirituality. Any how will be pulling up socks and no to unnecessary thoughts of opposite gender. And also in case if I get I will just let it subside and do not get very tensed about. Will remember that Allah had helped us during covid and I have to refrain from this bad .

 

Are there things you can find things you enjoy? Sometimes, even if those things that you used to enjoy, and you know it won't feel like you will enjoy them at that point since you feel really bad, it would be still helpful to kinda give it a shot, you never know, you might go back into that happy mood once you try it.

 

Relapsed again just 2 days in. I really need to bring myself to control. Last time Ramazan I was fasting and I had self control. Now it's the 10 days before Eid al adha which are quite important and I should consider that if I cannot fast during these 10 days atleast I shall refrain from this. When I commit this sin again I feel like the blessings of Allah has gone away. But this happens just after I am done with the act. I really really need to think about this feeling when I would have that though of doing it. Inshallah this time .

 

Relapsed again. It was weekend and I was awake and temptation took me. I now somebody who had died of covid despite of knowing this I still took the risk of calling the wrath of Allah SWT and did it again. Despite of the fact that other are fasting in these 10 days I am doing this non sense. I need to feel a little guilty else I will continue doing it. I need to remember that if I do it again my concentration is surely going to reduce and that is not what I want. Journey begins tommorow again and let's fix it till Eid I am not going to do it at any cost. I would let the temptation come and subside on its own.

 

Relapsed again this morning. I have broken the trust of Allah again. I did because I did not had imp tasks like job for today. I would not have chosen to do it if I had to work today. Allah is giving me so much and yet I am doing the sin again. Inshallah 2 days no more sinning.

 

I hope this will help a little. You don't have to watch all of it.

 

Relapsed again. It was all because it was holiday and I caught hold of a temptation and gave in. Feeling sorry for myself. I am not feeling bad about it which is not good as it could be that Allah is taking away my Imaan and steadfastness. I am letting myself down I front of God. Oh Allah please give me strength to overcome the temptation and help me achieve steadfastness like Ibrahim A.S Had when he thought not a second time and was ready for that ultimate sacrifice.

 

Relapsed again.

I don't know how shall I manager my job tommorow. I would be so tired tommorow.

 

I had just finished my work today and a thought came to my mind. And eventually relapsed. Tommorow is Eid and I was almost there but I fell for the sin again. Had tommorow been work I would not have done it. Feel so regret. God could do anything with me he could take away his bounties and leave me alone. I will have to come back to my journey of living sober.

 

I relapsed again. I somehow evaded the temptation the first time by engaging in other work but eventually I relapsed. Everytime I do it my energy levels are down. And my physical health take a toll. I need to pay heed to this atleast and remind myself about the same.

 

Relapsed again I did the thing again. Killing the thought at its origin is important. I tried to remind myself the physical tiredness it brings but still I could not kill it. Will try afresh again. Inshallah this time it's going to be one week for sure.

 

I saw a footage of Beirut tragedy and it brought kinking needles in me. Alhamdulillah it did not happened with us. I need to tell myself that Allah did not choose to kill me that way. I am grateful to Allah SWT . Inshallah not doing the sin today.

 

It was weekend and I slipped again. I had no intentions of doing it until last moment of completing my work but I did it again I had plenty of time to prevent that but I still did it. A pathetic weekend yet again. I have been wanting to have a good weekend to go and visit out on Saturday but I could not because I was doing this sin. Shall be trying to run away from any temptation tomorrow.