22 year old fighting pmo prev-Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    I feel I can never do anything in my life. My energy will always be low. My bones are already weak. Whenever I try to concentrate I cannot and stomach give me feelings as though I need to go for a bowel. I cannot eat what I like.
     
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Relapsed day 0

    I relapsed again. I feel ok now. That feeling of hopelessness is gone. May be my mind is faking it. And again that feeling shall come back after some hours. I really need to become well and despite of telling myself that I am harming myself with Pmo I did it. Should I talk about this pmo stuff to my parents?
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2020
  3. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Had I felt the same what I am feeling now I could have aborted falling for the pmo.
     
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Day 2 relapsed

    Don't have proper sleep. While taking a nap also had nightmares of relapsing. I am tired and fed up of myself
     
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Feel like shit .People at my institute are busy with their projects .I am failing to get my priorities right. My brain has become so depended on pmo that despite of not deriving any pleasure from it anymore I am still doing it.
     
  6. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Hey, just read your last couple of pages. You seem really stuck in cycle of relapsing and negativity. Is there anything I can do to help?
     
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    So nice of you to ask mate. I always loose confidence on myself. For example despite of relapsing I was feeling good some 30 mins back. But now I feel I can't achieve anything. I always have stomach issues ehatever o eat tend to give me this sensation of going for a bowel movement. I sleep 7 hrs with the help of meds but very poor and hence feel drained through out the day. I feel I will never recover from this. I was somehow overcoming the pmo thing for 250 days streak when I made sure I went for 40 mins brisk walk everyday. If I run my heart pounds like anything. During days if I try falling asleep my heart races like anything as if it's telling me there's something wrong. I feel I will be stuck in this all throughout my life. I had an ok job which I had to leave due all this issues. Now I feel I can never do a job because these symptoms will never let me do the job.
     
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Yeah, things like these can make a big difference. What really helps me is knowing that I move in the right direction. I do my daily things that I find important and that really gives me faith in the process. I'm not sure if I have an ultimate goal, but doing all these little things does make my life a lot better and makes me a happier person.
     
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  9. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    I just want that assurance for myself that I will do something decent in my life which I had previously before I got addicted to this shit. Also I have one major concern. A sound sleep after which I wake up energetic like I did some 3-4 yrs back and had all the energy to do things. And that I should not have problems with my spouse in future during intimacy . My confidence infront of women is also down. With little physical effort I feel drained. This should go else things would remain more or less the same.
     
  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I think you can still do decent things. They might be harder now, but there are always steps you can take that lead to a better life. A good sleep is important indeed. It affects a lot of things in your life. Reasons why you can't sleep can be complicated and hard to solve. What are the things you are currently doing to help you deal with that?
     
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  11. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Hey Mickeymouse. I know how you feel regarding the sleep issues. It's something I deal with for more than 5 years now. If you need some hope read The Brain That Changes Itself by Normann Doidge. It's full of recovery stories of people who had worse problems. Our brains and bodies are capable of dealing with a lot of stuff.
     
    Mickeymouse likes this.
  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Thanks mate for the help. I really needed this kind of support from fellow rebooters.
     
  13. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Thanks for understanding. I take clonazepam 0.5 mg just to fall asleep. I have quit coffee , tea and sugar since over a year and half now. If I try to sleep during day my heart races like anything failing me to fall asleep.
     
  14. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Well, that's something at least:) I wish I could help you with that, but it's hard to say what the exact problem is and I'm no doctor either. What helps me with sleeping is not too much technology in the evening and having a steady flow before I go to sleep. The last half hour before I close myself is pretty much the same every night, so my body knows that sleeping comes next. I always do a short sleep meditation and a bit of reading. Then again, I never had any serious sleep issues...
     
  15. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Day 2

    Woke up tired and don't feel like doing anything. I feel horrible till how long will I continue to be like this. I need to take a job and start supporting my family . I am the eldest in the family.
     
  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    How can I improve my problem of the bowel issues after I have meal? I have bad farts too.

    This issue got aggregated in my mind so much that I was afraid to even take the food in my office lunch.
     
  17. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I remember when I was in my 20's I sometimes had pretty bad farts too and that's something none of us wants. What has changed is probably my diet. In my 20's I did eat crap too often, these days I eat a lot more healthy. I also eat less and drink more (water). What also might have changed is how I eat: I heard eating slower reduces gas too. That's all I can offer:) Have you been to a doctor?
     
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    I consult psychiatrist. She gave me meds which I take. Although I never talked about this to her. I just told her about the issues I had interacting with people at office because I was so drained. I feel so consumed even if I sit and start working on autocad design HVAC even for not more than 2 hrs. Poor concentration
     
  19. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Day 3

    Just woke up from poor sleep. Feeling horrible. In the subconscious state I rubbed my pennis on to the pillow I believe and hence some pre ejaculatory fluid could seen on my underwear. I feel like doing nothing. The only way I can atleast make my self ok for the day is by doing some thing and bring my heart to pump and I might feel a bit better. But why everytime am I required to do so. Everybody wakes up charged up.
     
  20. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Active Member

    Day 5

    Just woke up. I don't feel fresh. Is it only called fresh what I am facing?
    Slight pain in joints and pelvis. Yesterday played badminton for some 45 mins to 1 hr.
     

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