22 year old fighting pmo prev-Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

I agree. But I have not had a refreshing sleep for almost 4 months now. How will have the stamina to pull those weights.

 

I am fed up I am frustrated. The only reason why i am leaving is because I will have to support my family after my father retires. Else I have no joy that I can cherish. Life sucks.

 

My immunity has gone down very badly. I used to catch cold once in a year the frequency has increased to over 3-4 times now. I am constantly thinking have i related everything to pmo. Perhaps I have something else wrong in my body. I have terible hair fall. My palms have started to become weak, lines have started to come over my fingertips, my skin from the palms is tearing. Palms have become very dry. I dont know who I am managing to go to college with so tiredness in the mornings. I am genuinely crying writing this. My life sucks. What is my purpose of existences.

 

I feel like my end is near. My insomnia shall continue untill I die. I will always be tired and fatigued for the rest of my life. I don't know why I am making you read all this. Whatever is coming in my mind i am just writing it here. I have no problems with Nofap. I can resist the cravings. I don't have much of cravings you can call it nil. But I am tired of the other ill effects that it has caused me. I am confused is it all due to pmo or do I have some underlying medical condition.

I m sick of myself

 

How should I confirm what I am feeling is only because I am not giving my body the daily dose of pmo that I used too. It's almsot 4 months since I really started to quit pmo. And my cravings are also under control. But I don't understand why am I not feeling normal. I want to kill myself. I want freedom from all this tensions. I am genuinely crying while typing this. I don't know why Allah is taking so big test with me. It almsot 120 days that I haven't had good sleep. I want to sleep and feel reenergized. I just shouted on my brother for he wanted to interrupt me while I was skipping. I did skipping with a hope that I could get a sleep. But I couldn't do more than 150 skips. I find no reason in living.

 

Maybe you have some chronic desease. You should go to a doctor and also make a blood Test. I have had bad sleep for over a year. Even if I eat good and make a lot of sports. Maybe there is psychological stress or something like this. I try to search the reasons. Believe me bro, there are so much reasons to live. There are thousands of people who live under so bad cicumstances ( desease, poverty, dead of a family member) you are at the beginnung of your lifetime and have so much stuff to discover and enjoy. Please check your general health by a doctor and google your symptoms as well. I think it isn’t all about pmo.

 

It ist totally normal to feel stressed with so much stress. You should try to fix this first.
My grandma for example had a very sleep for over 15 years ( sometimes she can’t sleep for about 4 days) believe me, that is no story or lie. Since 5 years she get some type of non addiction sleep medicine, I can als her for the name of u want.

 

To begin maybe start to drink 2l of fresh water every day too. Visit a doctor as soon as possible. Go for walks outside ( you don’t have to run) just start with walking. Start to meditate ( search at YouTube for tutorials) believe me, trough this you will feel much better and it will be the start for a new live!!!
I trust you bro!

 

When I google I find it to be the symptoms of adrenal fatigue. But the medical doctors don't recognise anything as such. Where you also facing insomnia. Or atleast when you slept you din't wake up feeling refreshed?
I feel like I have turned pls prior to my age. I'm just 21 hair have started to grow on my hands too( the upper part). My fair fall is not under control Evernote if I use minoxidil 2 % . I used to be so happy man in my class 6,7 ,8 when I used to write my final exams and the excitement I had for the holidays. I have never felt excitement for the last 5-6 months. I have been on sleeping pills they are making me sleep but eventually I am not at all feeling refreshed. I also must tell you that from until 6 months back I was facing a new pattern I used to fall asleep after feeling too tired and my body used to wake up on its own at around 2 in the night and again used to fall asleep. The thing actually starred a year ago and was there until 6 months back. But now deep sleep is rare. Sometime I do get dreams but I don't feel rejuvenated. Also I have not had a wet dream in this reboot streak. During one of my last streak I got a wet dream on some day 26. But never after it till I myself broke the count.

 

A few days ago I saw a hawker. Apparently He paddled his cycle for the whole day to sell those small samosas. He is not educated. Yet he is happy selling them and having a good sleep in his small jhuggi ( slum). I used to be energetic and enthusiastic but not now. I feel low. My dad came to me this morning and said you need to wake up offer prayers, be active , exercise. He said he doesn't want to mention other boys of my age but all are doing something. But I was on my bed most of the time. He has no idea I am under such bad insomnia. If not insomnia you can call it restless sleep. I am genuinely sick of myself. My abilities gradually reduced over the period of time. I could sit 1 hr straight with no pain in my neck writing something. Now even 10 mins stretch makes me feel fatigued even my abdomen pains .y musvles used to be very tight but they are loose now.Going to college has become a great deal of a task. Riding motorbike make me tired. My lower back pains. There are some forums which attribute all this illness to overmasturbation during adolescence. I wish somebody should have told that time those temporary pleasures cost a lot. I have made a mess of myself. I want to feel a normal life. I pray to the almighty that he helps me in recovering. Aameen.

 

Day 19


I lost it. I did Pmo. I din't had the urge to do it through out the day. But lost it because I was worried about my flaccid size so Googled flaccid size and some video of a guy masturbating popped up and it directed to aporn site. Despite of watching a porn site I din't develop the urge. But the moment I saw it my mind thought of giving atry for early genres of it. And I lost. I got the orgasm in just a minute when I orgasmed a white not so sticky substance came out and it was very thin. Nothing closed to what I actually thought a sperm should Be. When I masturbated in my early daysthe thing used to be so thick. My pennis is swollen now. Before breaking the count I was at on of my college labs working on a lathe. And just standing and rotating the wheel was causing me back and abdomen pains. I was tired. Coming home I got to see a 4 yr junior and man he is just a boy and I look like an uncle. My mother noticed all the skin which was getting torn from the hands and i again became depressed. All this collectively lead to the failure.

I'm upset. The moment I'll get to know exactly what I am facing it shall become more swift.

 

I am sure you will beat this. Insomnia sucks. Everybody who experienced it knows it. The last year i used to be awake 5-8 times every night. But some days my sleep is ok. Moreover i can handle my every day life (University, Sports, friends) with this. Lets say my energy is at 70-80 Prozent, sometimes worse. Your insomnia maybe has another reason, instead of porn. Moreover i am no friend of this sleeping pills. Always tried natural supporters like tea, valerian, dark rooms, enough water, quite environment. How much and what are u drink on your daily basis? Whats your diet? How long do you go outside? Bro, believe me there are so many factors, which could be the reason for the problem and Porn additionally influenced your brain and dopamine levels, which makes it even worse. But YOU can beat it. You as a human have the power to reach everything. It is all by your mind!

 

don't be overanxious and have to many thoughts about your sperms and all this stuff. It will be ok if you feel good again. Moreover don't overreact about this relapse. My best streak is only 7 days. So you far ahead of me dude. Just continue!

 

For me it looks like your body issues (torn handy, neck pain, insomnia) are caused by some malnutrition, disease and only getting worse by using PMO for a long time. I would go to a professional doctor in this area of medicine.

 

Again, excuse me for my bad english. I am typing this very quick in the subway. Keep Going bro !

 

McGregor are you indian?
Do you face watery sperm, abdominal and back pains?

 

APA where are you I need you the most now.

 

I just saw a video on YouTube. Siraj is a young boy I m sure he will use his time in a better way than what I did. I feel so regretful for myself.

 

No but I have a healthy diet and make a lot of sports.

I am German.

 

Don’t feel regretful, don’t go this easy way. You are just at the start of your life, you can achieve everything!