22 y/o...PMO for way too long

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Letscrackthis, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Well, don't have much to say, back at day 1.... Trying out this journal thing. I definitely need some accountability. Great to know there are others out there invested in the same goal as I. I'm grateful for all these resources. Have to finish this physics homework....have a great day/night everyone.
     
  2. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Well, back after a few days break. Consistency is key, I need to use all my resources for this fight. Relapsed again earlier today...it's become such a sad routine where I'm too ashamed to feel ashamed...'I've done it before, what will prevent me from doing it again?' It's all so predictable. Unintentional trigger --> relapse --> shame/search for relapse prevention strategies. Negative thoughts doubting my recovery reinforce my addiction.

    I know we all come to 'epiphanies' after relapses, where we say 'oh, now I've got the secret to success! I'll never relapse again after this!' But I truly hope what I stumbled upon post-relapse today can at least be of help moving forward. I was referred to thishttp://brentdarnell.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain_Fall2011.pdf article, 'You are not your brain'. As the article alludes to, the only way to change unhealthy impulsive habits like porn addiction is to weaken its reward pathway...and this is done only by repeatedly doing (or not doing) the same things over and over that prevent that habit. Because when the trigger comes, porn addicts do have a choice...excuse me....their brain has a choice. And it's been wired to choose the 'masturbate and get a satisfying dopamine release' option. That is why I need to consistently, one trigger at a time, do the preventative strategies when triggers come...so that one day, when a trigger comes, my brain will use the pathway I've been using the most...the one that shuts triggers out of my life. Till that day, I need to keep denying myself indulgement and denying my triggers any time of day.
     
  3. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Wow, legit. That list sounds like a great idea. Thanks for the response man. The beating yourself up leading to relapse is definitely true. I'll remain positive throughout, even after relapses. Any future relapses won't be for granted though...with each I will make progress towards a newly rewired brain. Triggers beware, my List definitely starts today!
     
  4. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Time to be a man! To take control of the beast that is my sexual desire. To transmute it into my goals and aspirations...I want to become the best me that I can.

    I've found a lot of great advice lately (after several relapses). NoFapAcademy, Sacred Sexuality, and sexual transmutation. In the end, emotions and willpower are untrustworthy. My conscious effort is only half the story. And sometimes I need to stop looking for 'reasons' that I shouldn't PMO. I should just know that I shouldn't do it. I'll make use of a panic behavior when I'm exposed to a trigger. I'll walk outside whichever building I'm in. I'll do pushups, jumping jacks...anything. I'll make my brain associate PMO with the worst kind of discomfort it knows. It'll be hard. My brain will try to pull me back. But I strive to get to that point where it realizes I'm abstaining from PMO...and past that point, to where my sexual desire can become my best friend. I'll embrace my urges in all their discomfort...I'll likewise embrace ALL discomforting things head on instead of running away from them and having even worse discomfort manifest through PMO. I'll see each trigger as an OPPORTUNITY to destroy piece by piece my well-trodden PMO path, and transfer each block to a new path of productivity, self-agency, and self-control. Time to "be a man"!

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64
     
  5. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Well, there it is. Just couldn't make it to day 7...-_-. I've barely gotten any sleep in the past three days with all these papers and finals and so I was extremely tired and vulnerable to PMO. Sigh.
     
  6. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    It's been a while. Don't even know where to start, but I guess I'll just write as my thoughts come to me. Saw a great video by Mark Queppet of NoFap about releasing sexual urges. He talks about mentally imagining yourself releasing (orgasming). Urges are basically mental tension, us trying to hold back from something our brain wants (Porn, Orgasm). We can imagine ourselves and mimick how we feel while we orgasm and doing this can actually satisfy the brain's want to orgasm, getting rid of the urge.

    I saw another video on enhancing sexual transmutation. By meditating (becoming totally aware of our breathing) we increase our self-awareness, specifically our awareness of emotional knots/mental tension. Just becoming aware of these emotional knots is enough to entangle them and allow for our energy to naturally flow. In the back of my mind, I always saw this idea of sexual transmutation as sketchy because people usually made chakra and spiritual references, but after really thinking about it in my own way, I see its merit. One way to think about it: if we're constantly releasing our creative energy by orgasming from porn, we leave no energy left for us to transmute (through meditation and increased self-awareness) that energy up to our mind. AKA we have no creative potential to apply towards our lives.
     
  7. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    At this early stage of nofap for me, my fight is probably one of avoiding porn and PMO at all costs (I recently learned that even opening links to porn images and even thinking about porn for a couple milliseconds too long causes dopamine to be released in our brains and our PMO addiction cycle to kick into gear). But soon, my fight will be less about abstaining from PMO per se and more about focusing myself on my dreams and positive goals. Less of 'I won'tdo that' and more of 'I will do this'.


    I've been struggling with relapses, but I've definitely improved so far in my journey. It's cliche, but I know 2014 will be a new year, and I will become a new me. I won't become the great me that future has in store overnight. Like Messi said, "I trained 17 years to be an overnight sucess". The key now is to be CONSISTENT no matter how small my steps are. To keep doing, to keep meditating, to keep avoiding porn and PMO day by day.

    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit" - Aristotle
     
  8. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Thank so much for your advice and response. You're right, it's Week 2 of NoFap for me and I feel like a new person. I've been taking cold showers fairly consistently and let me tell you, I feel great after them. Even as just a form of discipline its great. But it's also great in learning how to deal with discomfort, one of the crucial battles we face in our NoFap journey. Going back to school soon so I will make time to go to our gym. I used to love the feeling of consistent exercise, but haven't gotten into it in about two years. Hope your year has been off to a great start too dude.
     
  9. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Thanks, and you too bro. We got this. I was gonna say that you shouldn't let your relapse get to you, but it seems you're not phased by it, which is great. On this journey, we have to have a 'winning' mindset. To ultimately be successful, even if we relapse, we have to think: "I will improve. I'm already a better person for being on this journey." We can't see relapses as setbacks. If anything, they're learning experiences. Our willpower can be overcome by triggers, but if we take on that winning mindset, I believe its unstoppable and even relapses can't phase it.
    I've referenced him often, but I'd highly recommend Mark's (NoFapAcademy) videos on youtube. His channel is Sacred Sexuality and he basically talks about the importance of our sexuality, its huge potential for change in our lives, and how PMO trivializes this energy and prevents us from using it to realize our full potentials. He also gives tips for our NoFap journey.
     
  10. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Day 12 Almost relapsed 30 min ago (As in I was about search this person up...and in my head I knew where that would put me in less than 5 minutes.) Man, what a lifesaver bookmarking /r/nofap was for me. I never took that whole bookmarking thing seriously, but I'm working on little sleep right now and I'm definitely not my normal self. I'm so much more vulnerable and my willpower is slim to none. But having that bookmark right up there in my google chrome bookmarks bar to press saved me this time. I started reading some /r/nofap posts...and what do you know, front and center was a post entitled "Before you break your streak, think about this". See, the thing is, I didn't even need to read the contents of that post. I'd already distracted myself from the silly cheap thrill of a relapse. I remained 'distracted' for like 30 min and then all of a sudden remembered "Hey, this kid was just about to masturbate and lose it all, wasn't he?" So grateful right now. I should definitely get some rest right now and put myself in a better situation for tomorrow. Remember guys: trying to peek? edging? that 'innocent' google search? Don't even think about it. If you're asking why not, it's not you talking...it's your brain.
     
  11. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Day 13 Let's goooo. Pretty excited. Can't believe I'll be at 2 weeks tomorrow and half way through my 30 day goal the next day. Getting into a new environment (college) on Sunday and I will apply all the habits I've been building to the new environment. It might be more difficult seeing as I live in a single, but no worries. I don't care what the circumstances are, I'm not going back...
     
  12. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Day 15 Rough day....I haven't even thought about P for a week and a half and all of a sudden, I start browsing...just because I can. I was in autopilot for a couple hours. Thankfully these past weeks of nofap have given me the morale to not relapse no matter what (although I would have considered even watching P a relapse at my 'peak' last week). Doubting about the processhas subsconsciously crossed my mind. Even so, I now realize that these 'doubting' is not me. It's my brain trying to pull me back.

    It's crazy how dangerous 'curiosity' is. "Curiosity killed the cat", some of the truest words ever. Even worse, I still have these fake 'attachments' to P-stars and fantasies. Anyways, a cold shower in the morning killed my urges and gave me strength, calm, and wellbeing. But I can't keep edging and depending on my morale to keep me on the dangerous borderline. Gotta really get myself together as classes are starting this week.

    I will exercise. I will meditate (try guided meditations and a Kundalini yoga CD). I will eat right and eat timely. I will sleep before 1:00 am and wake up early each day, keeping my sleep consistent. I will keep my room tidy; I'm pretty sure a disorganized room doesn't help me any.
     
  13. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Time for some self-discipline. I'm going to make this much easier on myself. No gimmicks anymore. Ground rules: 1. No viewing any suggestive/pornographic material (for more than 3 seconds) 2. No touching my genitals unless for peeing and hygiene. There's no use in having any grey areas at this point. I've made my decision and I'm determined to keep to it. Nothing, not hell, not high water will stop me. I'm already changing. I'm already changed. Porn, Lust, and Fantasy, you won't destroy my life, not if I have a say. Any old baggage is long gone out of my life...why? Because I say so and because I believe so. I will do what is necessary. That initial voice telling me "Stop right there!", I'm going to listen to you every time. I'm manning up and befriending you. For now at least, it we're at war, brain. Until this PMO-induced wound is healed and we can work together. Until that day, I'll trick you, deny you, flat out reject your wishes if I have to. It's for my best, and I'm what matters if I want the best me, for my family, friends, and future wife.

    "...With men, this is impossible; but with God, all things are possible" -Matthew 19:26
     
  14. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Day 16 Today isn't just day 16. It's the start of my semester. Not a time to slack off, but a time to get ahead, to plan ahead. Some great advice came to me that I'll be using. I've been seeing the future me as some stranger. "Oh, he'll handle it." "He'll find a way to finish that paper in 2 hours. I'll just fap real quick". Nope. From now on, I will see my current self as my future self's best friend. I will "help" my future self in the best ways I can. I'll set him up in a great position for achieving success.

    Urges haven't been screaming out to me in the past few days, but as yesterday taught me, it's all too easy to set yourself up for failure. I will take the necessary steps to move forward and progress. Now for some sleep.
     
  15. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Day 17 Today's been pretty urgeless. Even so, I'm not naive. I'll definitely remain self-aware. Posting probably won't be as frequent in upcoming days as I get adjusted to my courses. Spring 2014 Let's Go!


    -'When you want to become successful, you don't ask what's wrong with something...you ask "what's right with it?"
     
  16. brainslave

    brainslave Guest

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Eric Thomas


    Keep it up man. So you flatline now hun. That's the best part.
     
  17. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Eric Thomas is the man, glad he's reaching other people.

    Day 19 I have to stop letting up. I have to stop cutting corners. I see that I'm also vulnerable right when I wake up, especially if I'm recovering from a lack of sleep. I usually end up mindlessly edging and this needs to stop. I'm going try this new thing out I saw on reddit. For the hour after I wake up, I won't use any internet. This is both for PMO addiction recovery and internet addiction recovery. For sustained change, there has to be a turning point. This is that turning point.
     
  18. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    "Battling fear on the playing field through which fear is born is futile. You can't will yourself away from fear. You can't use your mind to battle fear. You've got to use your body to battle fear. Acting, behavior, breathing...all physical behaviors contribute to the elimination of fear" -Elliot Hulse.

    This. So much this. I need to take action when that urge comes...I need to seriously just get up and take that cold shower. To stand up and meditate. To call my parents or sisters. For me, and probably many others, this fear is the fear that we're "missing out" by not fapping. It's crazy, it's like "If I don't fap right now, I'm gonna die!" I MO'd last night, and all the while I was trying to rationalize my way into getting up and taking a cold shower. It was in the back of my mind. Believe it or not, there's a split second where we have a choice to make. If I don't take action during that split second, I know all too well where I'll end up. "I need to MO to get the pressure off me" That's what I (my brain) thought last night. But even though porn wasn't involved, Moing in no way helped me. Deep down I knew that if I had just went and taken that refreshing cold shower, my urge would only be a memory. I need to take action.

    Brb, taking that cold shower. Making it even colder as 'punishment'.
     
  19. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Amazing cold shower...nothing makes me feel manlier and ready for the day.
     
  20. Naandrew

    Naandrew Guest

    Re: 21 y/o...PMO for way too long

    Had a quick glance at this.

    Keep it up 20 is the best I have done.
     

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