21, depressed, scared, and determined to get over this

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by NeverGoingBack, Apr 10, 2012.

  1. NeverGoingBack

    NeverGoingBack New Member

    Hi all,

    I'm a 21 year university student. I've had an addiction to masturbation since I was 13 and to porn shortly after that, so roughly 8 years. I found this site through yourbrainonporn.com, which I found on the No More Mr. Nice Guy forums.

    So for the majority of my teenage and adult life, I've avoided interaction with women and social interaction in general. If I could get all the pleasure I want in the comfort of my own room with my computer, then why try to meet real women and live life. Everything else has seemed boring and insignificant for the past 8 years or so; I just do things because I know I'm supposed to do them, e.g. school, gym, work, going out, talking to people, not because I genuinely want to.

    However, I am on day 7 of no porn and no masturbation although I have viewed a few short porn clips but managed to close them and get away fairly quickly.

    But why am I doing this? I'm tired of having no control over my life. By giving in to my urges to look at porn and masturbate, I send a lot of dopamine to my brain during these activities which strengthens those neural pathways to my automatic brain. Also, I believe that this also strengthens the pathways for the automatic behaviors that really hurt my life: people pleasing, approval seeking, very negative self-talk, etc... (basically any flight/freeze behaviors). My hyperactive fight/flight is really taking a toll on my life, and I believe that porn/masturbation is fuelling this.

    So hopefully getting over this addiction will help me to knock two birds out with one stone, and from reading other rebooting accounts it does. And also I forgot to add that I would like to have a genuinely relationship with my beautiful girlfriend and get turned on by her instead of 2-d images on my computer.

    I'm grateful for finding this site and wish everyone the best in regaining control of their life.
     
  2. bosseau

    bosseau Guest

    Good luck mate - cut the porn out completely though as it's essential for the rewiring and can also put temptation in front of you. See how it goes but commit to absolutely no PMO and you will see differences.
     
  3. tymbles

    tymbles Guest

    Making the decision to change alone with give you some positive momentum... once you have a few weeks under your belt you'll really start to feel proud of yourself, you'll realise that you CAN change and make a better life for yourself. The rest is just time! Best of luck, man!
     
  4. NeverGoingBack

    NeverGoingBack New Member

    Day 10

    Day 10:

    This is the furthest I've gotten in a year and a half. I still get urges to look at porn but I can manage them a lot more easily now. I already feel stronger to take control of myself when urges do get triggered. And since I haven't seen a naked woman for 10 days now, I was watching a movie and there was a scene of some naked women and it just felt completely different looking at them than in the past during my porn addiction when it really wouldn't phase me. It was a totally different sensation...much better.

    Going strong!
     
  5. Trev

    Trev New Member

    Hi NeverGoingBack, thank you for sharing with everyone.

    That's great! keep going!

    I totally second that. Cutting out PMO and keeping this journal have been the two keys for me.

    You will slowly regain control of your life little by little, and also your social interaction with others, including women will improve.

    Keep going strong!
     
  6. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Welcome and congratulations on your progress so far.

    You're observations on the effects of PMO are very perceptive and, in my view, entirely correct.

    You are making an extremely important positive change that, due to your relatively young age, will compound and pay dividends for the rest of your life.

    Stay strong!
     

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