21 Days Greater

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Apeman, Sep 2, 2020.

  1. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Years ago, I was active on this site. I found here a community of men seeking, like I was, to heal what had been damaged by years of heavy porn use: our sex lives and our self esteem. Perhaps more.

    I found ample support here, and my life began to improve. Though I never hit the famed 90 Days Clean, it didn't seem to matter in the long run. The fight made me stronger. The more I came to respect my efforts, the more I respected myself; the more I respected myself, the more confident I became. Soon, I began to date again. By late 2014, I had met a lovely girl, and decided I no longer needed this site. I sailed off into the sunset, to be happy evermore...

    [​IMG]

    Five years later...

    Victory defeated me, lads. I became complacent, and porn wormed its way back into my life, sapping my confidence, my self-respect, and my sex life in ways all-too-familiar to us all. The time has come take up the Fight of Nofap again, and to reap the rewards. I stand before you to take on this Challenge:

    The Challenge
    I will abstain from porn and masturbation for the next 3 weeks, until September 21.

    Why 3 weeks? Why September 21?
    Because though I've spent some time in the Nofap trenches, it's been awhile, so I will start with a relatively modest goal. Modest, yes, but not easy.
    Also, Sept. 21 will mark my first wedding anniversary. Yes, I married the girl I landed with my original Nofap powers. Through this challenge, I hope to rededicate myself more fully to her. Porn came to distract me from her, but the fact is that I have a beautiful girl who loves me utterly, and she deserves the best of me.

    I won't be posting here every day. Rather, I expect I'll come here when I need the support of those who know this struggle best.

    So here's to the next 21 days clean! To brotherhood! And to recovery!
     
    Ccman123, -Luke-, Shady and 3 others like this.
  2. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Feeling some craving tonight, so I'm going to list out the positives I have observed in my more successful streaks.
    • Increased confidence
    • Smoothness/savoir faire
    • Positive self-image
    • Occasional euphoria, a hyper-appreciated for the beauty of otherwise mundane things
    • Improved focus
    • Enhanced drive and determination
    • Attention from women
    • Savage tolerance for pain and discomfort
    • A self-perpetuating cycle of self-improvement
    • Women IRL become more attractive
    • Sensitivity to sexual cues heightened
    • Deeper voice
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2020
    Shady and catchingup like this.
  3. Universal

    Universal Active Member Staff Member

    From the Apeman to the self-realized Arbiterman,

    Following.
     
  4. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    I think setting modest goals helps, because they can be used as a springboard towards other goals. I am not trying to quit MO yet, but when I do, I think I might use a similar strategy.

    Good luck on your journey, friend!
     
  5. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    @Apeman imagine if there was a pill that would give you those benefits. We would be stuffing our mouths and shoving it up our arse with excitement just to get those amazing effects. But all we have to do is eat, shit, and sleep. And not fap. And we get those benefits! Simplistic, but this is what happens.
     
    wareagle likes this.
  6. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @Apeman Totally agree with all these positives.

    Good luck with your goal.
     
  7. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Hey Apeman. You won't remember me, because I wasn't that active back in 2013/2014. But I always listened to the YBR radio show you did with fugu and Jeff. I always liked your sense of humor.

    Wish you all the best!
     
    runningforfreedom likes this.
  8. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    @-Luke- It means a lot somebody listened and got something out of that show. Thanks for telling me :) Also, you have great taste in comedy.

    @Shady Good luck on your goal, man!

    @catchingup So true, but things can get tricky when it comes to using the computer!

    @runningforfreedom The hope is that 21 days is short enough that it feels within reach, but long enough that the Powers start to accrue...

    @Universal Thanks for bringing me back, man.
     
    Universal and catchingup like this.
  9. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    @Apeman I have faith in you in brother, you can do it!
     
    Apeman and catchingup like this.
  10. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Back in like 2012-2014, there was a user here named Parasite. He fought, he struggled, he picked himself up a thousand times, and finally he went 90 days. He was the genuine article, and he left a farewell post where he went over the keys to long term success in this strange battle. Here it is. It is a list of 3 points, and I've been thinking about them today.

    1. IDENTIFY VULNERABLE TIMES AND REPROGRAM
    Porn doesn't strike us randomly. It doesn't jump out of the bushes. It's part of our routine. When we relapse, it is our responsibility to examine when, where, and why we relapsed. That time, that place, and those factors are our vulnerability. Knowing this, we can plan accordingly.

    For example, I am vulnerable first thing in the morning... and late, late, at night right before bed. Ideally, I would just not be around my computer at those times. For today, I'll content myself to make note of the fact that I'm vulnerable in those times.
    [​IMG]

    Sidenote: I love the adventure of nofap. It feels really good to be back on this train. Because it starts affecting your life immediately, and it's always been noticeable and all-positive for me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2020
    catchingup likes this.
  11. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Day 5: The Other Treat
    I stayed up late tonight and, as anticipated, found myself craving a, uh, night cap before bed. For a minute I thought I might really be in trouble; I felt I had to have some kind of reward.

    Then I ate some ice cream and felt instantly relieved. I know with certainty that I am once again safe tonight. Tomorrow, Day 6 will dawn.

    Now, ice cream isn't fantastic for you. You of course shouldn't eat ice cream every day. But tonight, a little ice cream saved my streak.

    I'm reminded of how I've been able to stop drinking this year: I replaced my alcoholic drinks with sparkling sweet flavored waters. I just like the way they taste. They're a treat. Is it as good for me as drinking just water? Of course not, but it's a lot better for me than drinking 13 White Claws every night.

    I guess what I'm saying is I've gotten good results from finding some kind of treat to replace more problematic pleasures.

    For now, I'm grateful for another day clean.
     
    catchingup likes this.
  12. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I have a personal question for you (if it is too intimate, you don't have to answer it of course). I remember you said in one of the last episodes of the YBR show that you watched porn with your girlfriend (I assume she is your current wife) before/during sex. How did that develop? Did you ever realize that it was too big a problem for you or do you still do it every now and then?
     
  13. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    @Apeman ice cream is totally fair game!
    the whole world could be falling apart, but at least you're on day X of nofap XD
     
  14. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    So true. Any intact streak above a couple days is a secret, personal victory in your back pocket. That does a lot for your peace of mind, even in the face of adversity elsewhere.

    @-Luke- Dang, you really were listening closely! In short, bringing porn into the bedroom started as a sex toy, but it wasn't long before it usurped my girlfriend (now wife) almost entirely, and I was back to jerking it alone while she slept in the other room. Now, this is not to say it's impossible for porn to play a part in a healthy relationship. I still think it has a role to play in ours: my wife wants to understand what I want (I'm a little kinky), and we've talked about sharing the porn I watch so she can understand the nuances of my desires. She really just wants to make my dreams come true. I am a very, very lucky man.
    In truth, I'm not totally sure how we're going to square that circle. I do know that I'm going to procrastinate on answering that question definitively until the 21st. Until then, I'll be squeaky clean.
     
  15. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Fun fact: testosterone spikes on the 7th day of not orgasming. So.

    HAPPY PEAK SERUM TESTOSTERONE DAY TO ME

    Definitely felt temptation during my first-thing-in-the-morning news cruise. I'm not sure what to do about that. Because I know that, in the long run, I'm going to get got one of these days. I'll feel the urge to find some porn and jerk off while I'm scrolling the morning news like I always do, and I won't be able to hold out.

    So how do I change the program?

    Can I... not log in and start reading the news first thing in the morning? Somehow, that sounds far-fetched. The habit of waking up and going online is so deeply ingrained. Plus, I'm not a morning person; I don't jump out of bed bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and in full possession of my faculties. I roll out of bed, lumber to the computer, and scroll the news and sip coffee until I'm actually awake like an hour later. And the standard practice until quite recently was to jerk off in that hour.

    So changing the morning routine, as it were, is a big challenge because I'm largely on autopilot for the first hour or two. And I'm such a zombie for the first couple hours of the day because I stayed up late into the night, AKA the other time I routinely jerk off.

    It would seem I could kill two birds with one stone if I got my late nights under control. Earlier nights would avoid the Late Night Habitual Porn Window, and give me the edge to build a morning routine that avoids the Early Morning Habitual Porn Window.

    There's just one problem, Morty. One little hangup:
    I love my late nights. I love them so much. Just me and my good friends roaring into the night playing videogames online. It's my Me Time, my daily dose of full relaxation. I live for this time. If I get rid of that, what's all the effort even for?

    I don't have the answers, guys. Just the questions. But today I'm PMO-free, and I've got a lot to think about. Hope everyone's doing well. Onward and up.

    Ape out.
     
    runningforfreedom likes this.
  16. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi Apeman,

    It is good to see you back. You probably don't remember me but I first joined the forum back in 2014 and recall that you were a prominent member of this community for a number of years. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and wish you all the best for your journey. :)
     
    Apeman and runningforfreedom like this.
  17. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    @Freedom from Servitude Many thanks. I'm humbled. I may have been prominent, but you have been truly dedicated.

    Strong cravings today, which I fought by
    1. Acknowledging the craving and the threat it posed to my Goal (Fig. 1) [​IMG]
    2. Coming here. Reading people's journals, leaving comments, and writing this.
     
  18. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Intense cravings today. A lot of it is environmental: day off, alone in my house, and with outdoor exertion officially a bad idea due to the, ah, times.

    I came here to fight the cravings, but this place--valuable resource it may be--is... too close to porn. That is to say, to participate in this site is to have porn on one's mind.

    So I'm going to step back and search for a different distraction.

    Hope everyone's safe and well.
     
  19. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Jeez, this is the hardest I've thought about porn in a long time. Tonight is a challenge. But I'm posting here to remind myself that this little experiment is only 21 days, meaning I'm more than halfway there. I'm doing this for my wife, but I'm also doing it because I'm curious what happens when I cut out porn for a couple weeks. And anyway, horniness isn't so bad. It's a very, uh, motivating feeling.

    Anyway, if I'm still holding strong by tomorrow morning, I'll count that as a victory indeed. When. When I'm still holding.
     
    Freedom from Servitude and Shady like this.
  20. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Hang in there
     

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