20 years old. Ongoing Life Transformation

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by toxicviper23, Jun 20, 2014.

  1. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Thanks dude!

    It's not a question of if, but when the flatline will lift. We gotta be prepared for the worst and just keep pushing through the reboot anyway.
  2. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 125

    There's a change happening in the way I perceive myself. I know inside me, there resides a perfect being. I know the REAL ME is confident, charming, muscular, driven, charismatic and ambitious. But the current me is all I've ever know.

    It was weird today, I was doing laundry and just spacing out, when the thought hit me. It was like I changed into the perfect me for a split second. Literally for like 1-5 seconds, my ego was different. I felt like I was the perfect being.

    Instead of feeling anxious, lacking confidence, depressed etc.. I felt another being take over for a fleeting moment. I felt the REAL ME come out.

    I love these moments! It shows me what I have to look forward to when I'm recovered. It was just such a beautiful feeling. Like meeting my true self for the first time ;)
  3. anewbeginning1

    anewbeginning1 Starting anew!

    Haha thats awesome brother!!! keep up the great work :)
  4. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 126

    A few days ago, My mom informed me that my legal Marijuana Growing Operation I had planned was illegal under some bullshit local ordinance they passed.

    Ever since recreational marijuana was legalized where I live, I have been planning this massive commercial growing operation that can make me a shitload of money. I have the perfect location and connections to make this work out.

    So my mom told me that she thought it was illegal under the local law.. So I had been depressed the last few days thinking all my planning wasn't going to happen... So just a few minutes ago, she called and informed me that that was wrong, and that my Grow Operation will be perfectly legal!

    So I'm feeling fantastic right now! My capitalistic lust for wealth and power is back full force! I'm sick and tired of school... Wasting my time with these stupid assignments so I can be a "Systems Analyst" or an accountant or some such shit. Making 60K a year or some such peasantry. (No offense to System's Analyst's or Accountants) :)

    You guys probably think I'm insane calling 60K "peasantry" but I can't be satisfied by salary pay. I'm American, for those of you who couldn't already tell. Not one of these modern, weak-ass, politically correct Americans. I'm the oldschool bloodthirsty, capitalistic rage type. I see things I want in life, and I'll do what I need to do to get them.

    I've worked 2 jobs so far.. 1. Stocked shelves at a grocery store during the night. 2. Worked for a Private Security company inside Data Center of an unnamed search giant.. (Don't know if I'm supposed to say what company) Both jobs were shit.

    I can't live like that.. I want to work for myself :)

    This song plays on a loop in my mind all day..

  5. DeathToInadequacy

    DeathToInadequacy Nothing in life worth having comes easy....

    "There's a change happening in the way I perceive myself. I know inside me, there resides a perfect being. I know the REAL ME is confident, charming, muscular, driven, charismatic and ambitious."

    That resonates with me, I used to be slightly obese, but I lost a lot of weight, Ive gained muscle, etc, I look better than I feel I do, or feel I did. I feel different, we need to cultivate our inner selves, one day that can be our dominant personality.
  6. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    That's right dude! Change on the outside starts on the inside. And that's the truth! I think the biggest mistake people make is thinking that "Oh this is just how I am" They think they are destined to be a certain way. Ugly, fat, skinny, shy, whatever....

    I say life is about creating yourself :)
  7. Kidicarus7

    Kidicarus7 Guest

    Keep going bro. Your showing us everyday that change is really possible. I like that!
  8. daguilara

    daguilara Age: 20 - I will definitely beat this addiction!!

    Dude I wish my family was this open minded and supportive at my life projects like yours.

    You are blessed with a family like that, that they hear you and dont close their mind to their relatives dreams and believing s .
  9. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Thanks man I appreciate that!

    Turns out it's not going to go over well though.. They initially liked the idea, and supported me for being smart and taking advantage of opportunities. They think marijuana is bad to smoke though and don't ever want me doing it.

    Problem is my parents are local elected government officials. They told me a few days ago that they changed their mind and don't want me to grow on their land..

    Because the area we live is very conservative and they think if word got out that my family was growing marijuana on a commercial scale, and making WAY more money than everyone else, people would get jealous or think my parents were bad people and thus not vote for them the next election..

    So I'm kinda fucked now..
  10. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 133

    I'm stabilizing. Haven't had any real anxiety at all the last few days, so that's good. I've been doing well at avoiding porn and masturbation. No real bad urges recently, but I gotta be watching out for them.

    I've had a few brief fantasy moments but I've promptly quit them.

    All I can do now is wait.. Since I'm quitting school, I will be working out more frequently so that should help me a good deal.
  11. daguilara

    daguilara Age: 20 - I will definitely beat this addiction!!

    That sucks knowing the fact that you can use marijuana for everything like creating paper that doesnt turn yellow with time (the plant grows in 4 months while a tree in 4 years so you do the math on environmental impact), fuel, heal deceases and even build houses. That means a lot of money you can make out of it.

    I believe that plant has the power to change the world, but this world and this system sucks...
  12. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    It's true!

    It's a genius plant. People in the paper, timber, chemical industries etc.. are lobbying to keep it illegal. It would put them out of business.
  13. regular_indian

    regular_indian New Member

    help me out
    is it okay if i rub my penis just to check if i can have it erect (no fantasies just plain sensations) for about 2-3 mins
    no masturbation, just making sure everything is all right ??
    or should i stop it alltogether ??

    reply bro , i need to know
    also duried pied do all have a shrunken flaccid penis
    i do notice that my penis has shrunk and it has given me a nightmare
    please tell me /// :-[
  14. regular_indian

    regular_indian New Member

  15. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    I don't have PIED or ED of any kind so I wouldn't be able to tell really. But I don't think you should be touching yourself in any way. In my opinion, you need to just leave your dick alone.

    This is your new life. No masturbating and porn. That's for weak men. Your a real man! You only get sexual arousal from real girls in real life.

    There's no use in checking to see if you can get hard on your own. It only matters with a girl.
  16. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 136

    Nothing too exciting been happening lately. So I saw no reason to post.

    I've been feeling pretty good the last few days. I was at a party two days ago with some friends. Everything went pretty well. I wasn't very outgoing or social but I had a strong presence. This kid who always gave me shit in highschool was there.

    He had nothing to say to me at the party. It's like I have enough presence that he wasn't going to try anything. So that's good.

    I think my flatline is starting to lift. I'm slowly getting my morning wood back. Every morning it's getting bigger and harder. So I'm very very excited to see what happens in the next month or two.

    I can't wait till I get my libido back.
  17. regular_indian

    regular_indian New Member

    i amnt masturbating either just to check if my dick is responding to me or not
    nothing sexual just plain verification
  18. regular_indian

    regular_indian New Member

    well iguess u r correct
    today i had moring wood as well as sponaneous erection
    i guess leaving my dick to slowly recover would be awesome
    earlier i did no pmo for 10-12 days
    things looked bright and then i quickly relapsed
    i still had successful make out sessions with my gf but it wasnt fun , then i saw my penis began to shrink while in flaccid condition with all those veins visible
    i guess i was terrified , i thought it will continue shrinking but then i again read abt it here (FLATLINE) but i am easily aroused , erections are happening to me ( not as used to earlier) but i can get them with my gf easily
    byt i want to quit porn masturbation for good
    its my 5th day and i feel i am doing okay
  19. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 139

    I'm still moving along, one day at a time. The last day or so the urges have started coming back. Obviously this is the most risky time, but on the other hand, that means my brain is healing well.

    Anytime you experience urges, it means you've been effectively starving your brain of it's chemical fix. So when you have urges, you have to remember it's a good sign, and that all you have to do is resist them. That mentality really helped me.

    I've got 3 weeks left of school. I'm failing all of my classes. I can't take it anymore. It's all bullshit anyways. I have bigger and better plans.

    So I'm moving back home, working on my project, and finishing my reboot in peace.
  20. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 140

    Almost fucked up last night... I did fuck up but not as badly as I could have thank god!

    I started looking for escorts online. I'd always been curious about how it goes down/rates etc.. So I started browsing through profiles and they started sexually arousing me.

    I exited but I was still stimulated. Gave me a bit of social anxiety today. I'm thankful I was able to close the page when I did. In the past even something small has made me start binging. This was dangerously close to a relapse.

    This was good though. A strong wake-up call to really get my shit together. The stimulation has set me back a little I would imagine, but I've still made massive progress.

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