20 years old. Ongoing Life Transformation

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by toxicviper23, Jun 20, 2014.

  1. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    114 days is awesome man. Congrats.
     
  2. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Thanks man I appreciate it!


    Can't rest though... Got the rest of my life to go ;)
     
  3. Kidicarus7

    Kidicarus7 Guest

    Your a strong motivator for me so you best stay strong ok buddy. :)
     
  4. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    I will if you will ;)
     
  5. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    My brain is getting VERY VERY sensitive to any kind of stimulation. Especially PMO trigger images. Last night I could not stop fantasizing about particular scene's and fetishes of mine. Fantasy was MUCH more stimulating than during my PMO days.

    This is a good thing, because it shows me that I've made a lot of progress and my brain is becoming more sensitive. But it also means that I have to double my efforts and cut out not just porn and masturbation, but ALL STIMULATION.


    I woke up today and had slight anxiety from my fantasy last night. So even fantasy does effect me which is scary.



    On the positive side though.. as the day went on, I started feeling very very confident. Right now I feel very good. This might have to do with cutting out chocolate the past few days. So I will continue with that.


    I've had great confidence today, interesting since the morning was so shitty.
     
  6. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 118


    I've been feeling really really shitty the last few days. Anxiety came back full force, confidence is down, presence is very weak, and I just generally feel bad.


    I don't know what it is.. It may have something to do with my vivid fantasy I had in my imagination last week. On the other hand I also quit eating all chocolate as well. Prior to that, I ate quite a bit of chocolate. I had at least 1 Hershey bar a day, and drank Nesquik like it was heroin.


    I've had vivid fantasy before, but it never seemed to effect me like this. So I'm thinking it's probably mostly my brain in withdrawal from chocolate and sugar.


    It's interesting because I was having dinner with my uncle and cousin a few nights ago at this Sushi place, and I drank a Coke. After that coke, I felt just SO SO good. My motivation was back, I felt happy, sense of well-being. Felt like my future was extremely bright etc..


    That just reassures me that it's all chemical. I sometimes worry that it may be a hormonal issue, but now it's obvious. Just 1 glass of Coke and I felt on top of the world. DOPAMINE! It's all chemicals in my brain!


    Just gotta keep this up, no matter how long it takes :)
     
  7. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Well-Known Member

    Stabilisation is key now! stabilising our bases, keep neutral. Like you have said, we've come too far in this reboot to look back.

    Keep up the good work lad!
     
  8. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 119

    Wet dream this morning. It didn't effect me much though.


    Just the last hour or two I've been hit with strong depression. I don't know where it came from. Possibly the result of getting rid of sugar and chocolate combined with PMO withdrawal.


    This is a very very rough time in my life. I've been blessed with the ability to think rationally. There are people who feel like this and don't understand the feelings, and kill themselves. It's all brain chemicals. Gotta keep reminding myself.

    Avoiding all stimulation is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary.


    I WILL get out of this mess, and I'll have the fucking world.
     
  9. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 120


    I've felt good today. Crazy how depressed I was last night and now I feel just fine so I'm thankful for that.


    I really feel like taking sugar and chocolate out of my diet has helped. I think it effects me since my receptors are already partially fucked from years of PMO.


    I'm going to quit sugar and chocolate until I reboot fully. Then I'll try it and see if it effects me. It doesn't effect normal people so hopefully this is just because of my brain condition at the moment.


    I'm feeling good about my progress overall, but I can NEVER be content. This is a constant battle, gotta always be watching and analyzing your emotions.


    Before it was just no porn or masturbation.. Now it's NO STIMULATION WHATSOEVER! I need my fucking life back, no time for screwing around half-ass rebooting.
     
  10. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    I think it does effect "normal" people but you can´t feel other people´s emotions so that´s why you probably think it has so big of an effect on you. :)

    Or maybe you´re CREATING a NEW LIFE. ;D
     
  11. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest


    Haha dude your so right! Thanks for reminding me, I literally haven't had a life for the past 6 years.. I can only go up from here :)
     
  12. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 121

    I woke up this morning with ZERO vitality. I went to take a piss and afterwards I looked in the mirror, and my face just looked so dull. It just completely lacked lifeforce, vitality and energy.

    Then it got even worse.. I took a shower this morning. I always feel so shitty after hot showers. I think the extra dopamine released from the warm water, overstimulates my already fucked dopamine receptors.


    It made me a fucking zombie all day. So from now on, only showers in the evenings.



    I'll continue without chocolate and sugar. I'm actually starting to crave sweets. I saw a chocolate muffin at breakfast today and my first impulse was to grab it, but I remembered I gotta heal my brain first.



    Seriously.. the fact that I'm actually CRAVING chocolate and sweets says something in itself that my brain is really looking for a dopamine fix.


    I'm at almost 4 months now, and I've still got a lot of progress to make. This is going to be a long, hard journey ahead, but I'm in it to beat this motherfucker ;)
     
  13. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Wow, reading your posts is really helping me get back on track. I never thought of chocolate as harmful to recovery, but now I can see how that makes sense... this idea that all these maladies are chemically based is a real motivation booster.

    And I feel you on the hot showers depressing the mood. It's the main reason I try to start off with warm water, and gradually move to lukewarm, or if I'm feeling might brave that day, to cool and cold water. I get soooo much oxygen as my lungs expand, I automatically stand up with great posture which gives me lots of confidence, and it jumpstarts thermogenesis in my body. It's exhilarating.
     
  14. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest


    I know man! I gotta start cold showers again. I remember my first cold shower, it was fantastic. Felt so good afterwards.

    I'm glad my point of view is helping you. I like to understand how my brain works and that helps me realize why I feel so good and why I feel so bad at different times. All chemicals.
     
  15. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 123

    4 MONTHS WITHOUT PORN OR MASTURBATION!


    I'm feeling good about my progress so far. I'm almost at my record. Not sure exactly how many days but I know I'm close.


    I'm nearing uncharted territory so I'm very excited about that. But I've gotta be EXTREMELY EXTREMELY careful and always be aware of urges. I need to constantly think of my mission so that I never forget.

    All my relapses in the past have been because I got comfortable and forgot about avoiding PMO and masturbation. Then the urges come and you're screwed. Always be on alert!


    I've wasted YEARS of my life PMOing. From 14-20 my life has been shitty. No confidence, social anxiety, fatigue, nervousness, irritability, social awkwardness, lacking vitality.. I was surviving, but not living. I haven't truly been ALIVE since I was 13 or so.

    I've never had a girlfriend or sex at all. I've been living a meager existence. Time to take the world for myself.


    I'm ready to get this thing over with and actually be happy. It's coming up on 2 years since I started the reboot process.


    It's time to sail into the sunset, uncharted territory!
     
  16. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    Gongrats buddy! You start to become a really big deal here! Nope... You ARE a big deal here.

    This is a big one. Last time I felt that I was truly alive was probably two years ago, when I was 18. Being alive vs. surviving...
    I can say the difference in two different way.

    1. When you´re ALIVE, life is worth it. When surviving, you don´t feel "it´s worth it", it just is what it is.
    2. Surviving= Usually going to sleep is the best thing of the day/sleeping world seems more awesome than real life
    Alive = You don´t want to go to sleep because real life IS SO AWESOME AND WONDERFUL.

    You WILL feel alive man.

    Now the big question:

    How is your life different now than it was in 14th of July?
     
  17. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Good question man, you made me think... I've definitely made progress. I'm more confident, less social anxiety, feeling more optimistic about my future.

    Actually my motivation has definitely increased. I'm making changes in regards to my career and actually doing something with myself. I'll expand more on that later, but life in general is looking up :)
     
  18. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    That was what I was looking for. 8) Good for you mate.
     
  19. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Day 124

    Something is happening in my brain. I was dreaming very very vividly and hard last night. I must have had 4 or 5 dream sequences that all strung together. To end it, my last dream before I woke up was a sexual dream and I woke up mid ejaculate which was less than comfortable..


    I seem to be having wet dreams more frequently these days, so I take this as a good sign that my brain/body is adjusting.



    Now that I've got over 4 months, I feel like I'm starting over again. I need to be extra extra alert for urges.


    I'm treating every day like it's day 1.
     
  20. jamescraig

    jamescraig Member

    Good to hear man, I'm glad you're seeing a light at the the end of the rainbow, I feel like I've been on a flatline for two months, but I'm glad to see that things do change eventually.
     

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