20 years old. Ongoing Life Transformation

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by toxicviper23, Jun 20, 2014.

  1. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    I'm going to college at Washington State University here in about 60 days.

    I need to go into this with confidence, drive and optimism. That's why it's so important I stay clean for these next 60 days.



    I've been rebooting since December of 2012, this is my first journal.


    This is very important to me so that's why I decided to start one just so I could keep my progress more steady.
     
  2. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 1. I've been rebooting since December of 2012 as i mentioned above..

    I've come a long long way since then. Had a 4 month PMO FREE stretch from January till April. I was extremely confident and was beginning for the first time in my life to be able to dominate social situations.. That's right, DOMINATE. Unfortunately...


    May and June have been bad. I've been having mini relapses every 6 or 7 days or so and the social anxiety as been coming back.



    So for my first day today....

    Peeked at porn galleries for 5 minutes last night.. Woke up today feeling a little anxious and some mild depression. Typical relapse symptoms for me.

    Luckily it's not as bad as full blown relapses. It should pass in a day or 2.


    Feeling VERY VERY motivated on the positive side :)
     
  3. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Defeat the peeking habit and you will succeed quitting porn.
     
  4. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Well-Known Member

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    @toxicviper23

    Here's a deal for you (think of it this way):

    You are going to college in 60 days. It will be your first time attending college, your first impressions the girls will immediately notice. First impressions is what mainly people go off, especially girls.

    Now if you keep relapsing, or even slightly edging, think of it as equivalent to losing the opportunity to be that dominant, alpha male that you could've once been if you hadn't relapsed.

    Every time, you relapse now, you lose the potential opportunity bit by bit to fuck the hottest girls of Washington State University.

    This should keep you motivated :)
     
  5. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    @Gameover. That's probably the simplest, yet best advice I've gotten from anyone in awhile. Thanks man.



    @Auzzie_mikey That's SOO true man. Won't be getting anything if I keep relapsing. That's GREAT motivation :)
     
  6. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 3

    Not doing too bad today. Mood has improved since day 1. That's probably just recovering since last relapse.



    I feel like I've been in purgatory for a year and a half now. My energy has been very low for the last 7 or so years. I'm 20 years old, I should feel ENERGETIC and ALIVE!


    I'm pretty positive that it's the effect of my porn use though. Shouldn't take this long but if I'm constantly relapsing then I'm sure it has an effect.

    I'm looking forward to being 6 or 8 months PMO free. I'm sure the energy will come roaring back.

    After I went 4 months PMO free, I was confident, dominating social situations and there was literally more color in life. I was actually seeing more colors than before.

    Chemicals really are powerful.


    Anyways, nothing much new to report.
     
  7. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 6

    Doing pretty good today. Yesterday I got together with some friends for drinks at my buddy's house. It's clear that I'm making progress.

    I wasn't as outgoing as I can be but I'll tell you guys what I've discovered about myself though...

    I've got this subtle charisma that's been developing lately. Even though I'm not being loud and abnoxious, I find people are naturally gravitating toward me.


    I had 2 guys fighting to be on my team when we were making teams for beer pong.

    Dude I never met kept coming up and talking to me, trying to be my friend and stuff.

    Kept getting looks from girls yesterday.


    So I'm fairly pleased with my progress.


    Nothing much going on today though.. I woke up feeling pretty good. Slight bit of social anxiety though. Only like 3 percent of PMO social anxiety but still a little bit.

    I think it's from the heavy drinking last night. The alcohol may have gave me dopamine spikes last night.

    Overall I'm doing well though :)
     
  8. hsf.lpd

    hsf.lpd Light Pure Strong Confident Love Alive Disciplined

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Awesome opportunity!

    Advice on how I stopped PMO is in my description below. Please check it out
    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=19732.0 ,
    it's what helped me to succeed! 450 + days FREE!!

    Cheers!
     
  9. Ten Year Addict

    Ten Year Addict New Member

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Glad you're doing well man. Keep fighting. I wasted my college years in PMO. If you can defeat that habit before the fall term begins you're gonna really thank yourself in the long run.
     
  10. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Thanks guys, I appreciate the words of wisdom!


    The whole college experience is a great motivator. I'd much rather be out enjoying myself with other people instead of inside my dorm room PMOing and scared of people.
     
  11. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 9


    Been dreaming a LOT lately. Very vivid dreams and I find them therapeutic actually. I find that when I wake up after being transported to a mystical land in my dreams, I feel happier and feel like it's good for my soul or something.


    Morning wood has been consistent. I take this as a very positive sign. Real sexuality waking back up.



    As I type this from work, I feel a lot more confident today than the past few days. I'm much sharper socially today.


    Lets see where this trend goes!
     
  12. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 10


    Had a fantastic night last night. My charm and charisma are growing stronger and stronger.

    Arrived late for a party last night and when I got there, I had 5-7 people simultaneously greeting me joyously. It's like the stereotypical moment a nerdy guys dream of in their fantasies.


    Walking in like you're the king and everyone is calling for you. I'm not bullshitting you guys here! This NEVER used to happen in my PMO days. The magnetism is VERY VERY powerful :)


    I'm still not as socially dominant as I would like to be. It's off and on but I'm definitely in an upward trend.




    As for today... Woke up hungover as shit. Drank heavily and smoked marijuana at the party last night so there will be some after effects.

    I highly doubt it slowed down my recovery that much though. But today though I'm feeling balanced. Not fantastic like some days but not down in the dumps either so I'm glad for that :)
     
  13. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 15

    Today I'm feeling pretty low. Don' know why really. I did have a MASSIVE nocturnal emission last night though.

    I woke up right afterward and was horrified at the amount. I was very tired and really didn't want to have to deal with that, but I had to...



    That might be a factor though. Other guys on here say they feel real crappy after wet dreams. So I'll guess we'll see how tomorrow goes.


    Nonetheless, I'm still VERY VERY motivated to keep racking up the days. No PMO is WAY easier to manage if you look at it from a day to day basis.

    I'm still having INSANE dreams lately. Very very vivid. So i say it's a good sign!
     
  14. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 17

    Incredible wet dream last night! First wet dream of my life where i was actually having sex with a girl. Again, I woke up pissed because I was covered in genetic material but at the same time, I was sitting there in awe..


    It was a very vivid dream, touching a girl and having actual sex with her. NEVER had that happen before. They are usually just PMO wet dreams. I think this is an extremely positive sign.



    Mood was slightly lower overall today though, as it has been the day after emissions.


    Feels good to be 25 percent done with my 60 day mark. Even after 90 days there is much progress that needs to be achieved, but I feel I'm doing well.
     
  15. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 20


    Not doing fantastic today, but I'm stable.


    I'm thinking that because May and most of June, I had been having quick relapses, that I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms from that.



    The last few days and today I've been having mood swings.

    I will feel like shit and think my entire life is shitty and then there will come a point where I realize that it's not my life that's crappy, I just don't feel very good...



    Just gotta push on through the storm though!



    I'm taking it day by day.

    Whenever I Feel crappy I just have to remember that it's my neurochemicals.



    I know something is going on in my brain though because I'm still dreaming almost every single night.

    Had nocturnal emissions every other day for the last 4 days. Which is odd because that never happens. Usually like a 7-10 day thing.

    So there's something going on I know that.



    Nothing new to report though..

    Just pushing through :)
     
  16. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 2


    Relapsed a few days ago. Not to porn but I MO'd. Still even though it was just MO, the hangover from that was horrible.


    I've rebounded very quickly though. I was too depressed to make journals about it the last few days, so I've finally got back to writing.



    This time going to make it a lot longer than last time. I'm going for 6 months.
     
  17. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 3


    Nocturnal emission last night. That was kind of weird seeing as I only had 2 days of buildup inside me.


    Last few days my natural libido has been waking back up! I'm very excited! For the first time in 7 years I have this natural physical lust toward girls.


    I have to say it's an amazing feeling.

    I think this is all good news for me. This keeps me more motivated than ever to really just kill off this PMO thing.
     
  18. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 18


    Been having more mood swings the past few days. 2-3 days ago I had a lot of energy, was doing well emotionally.

    Yesterday was a bitch though. Just was lethargic and had low mood. Motivation wasn't there either. Confidence was slightly lower.

    It's just dopamine and other neurotransmitters trying to balance themselves out though so I got nothing to be worried about.


    Should be swinging back the other way here in a few days. I'll be elated for a few days before balancing out into a good zone.



    Attraction to regular looking women has been insane lately though. Women at my work are all of a sudden appealing and I have this actual physical lust to go fuck them. Not just mental attraction like back in high school.


    I feel like i'm doing well overall though. I'll try to keep posting more frequently.
     
  19. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!


    Thanks a lot man, I will have to try that.
     
  20. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: 20 YO. Going to College in 60 days... Gotta make these days count!

    Day 23


    Last few days I've been lacking in magnetism and confidence. I think this is a post-relapse withdrawal. I've had these before. Shouldn't last too long. Even if it does last for a few weeks, it will be no problem. It may be a few weeks of feeling shitty but after it's over with I'll take off like a goddamn rocket.


    I'm leaving for school on August 15th. I had known this was coming for over a year, I just wish I had more of a sense of urgency.

    Ever since my last relapse in July, I've been in a state of urgency. It's been so easy to stay off porn with this mindset. I really really want to go to school feeling on top of my game. I can only imagine where I'd be now if I had been off PMO since April.


    Here's my thing though... I WILL NOT PMO AT COLLEGE. Relapsing has happened at my house, but I'm obsessed with this... NO PMO IN COLLEGE WHATSOEVER!


    I have a feeling that very good things are going to happen in my life in the near future. I'll keep you guys updated. :)
     

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