Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by GreenSwampMan, Feb 25, 2019.
Day 7 - First week complete!
Well, after struggling to maintain a streak that is longer than 4 days I am now happy to say that I have finally managed to achieve a 7 day streak. However, I have noticed that despite the fact that it was relatively easy for me to stay away from porn or masturbating I found myself having involuntary fantasies about sex. Hopefully, that'll pass. As for erectile health I have not noticed any improvement (e.g. limp penis, no libido) which is not at all surprising to me since a single week of me rebooting is nothing compared to 9 years of compulsive masturbation. As a matter of fact, I think that if I consider the sheer severity of my addiction I'm expecting that my recovery can take up to 2 or 3 years. Anyway, I've also decided that I've hit rock bottom and there is no way for me but the way forward so I'm going to keep a positive attitude. At least I'm happy that I figured out that I have this problem while I'm only 19 because even if I will need an extensive period of recovery I'll still have a plenty of time left to enjoy my youth.
Flatline. Dreamed about porn scenes in my sleep last night.
Firstly, you're doing a wonderful thing by committing to a porn-free life.
May I ask, what healthy coping mechanisms have you been practicing to help you get this far? For example, are you meditating in order to help you deal with urges?
Well, I am not meditating but there are some things that help me deal with urges:
1) Being busy. I'm a student and I spend most of the time studying at the university or at home doing homework/preparing for exams. At this point I'm simply too exhausted to think about PMO.
2) I want to be healed as soon as possible and if I turn out to be one of the more severe cases I'm potentially looking at 2-3 years of recovery. In that case it's better to start rebooting as soon as possible because I do not want to end up wasting my entire youth because of this addiction. So I suppose it's a combination of fear and desperation.
3) I think I have a good motivation for doing this. I want to have a loving partner and a family in the future and I will not be able to fulfill this dream if I will be suffering from PIED.
4) I hate porn for what it has done to me. So I guess that helps.
5) As for coping mechanisms I really enjoy reading success stories. Reading about how others were able to get rid of this addiction and cure their PIED makes me feel that there is hope for me.
6) I also installed a porn blocker on my laptop and my phone. Just in case.
Day 14 - Second week complete!
I have managed to stay away from PMO for two weeks which is a new record for me. However, I'm still in the flatline.
Flatline. Had another dream about watching porn last night. Seems like my mind is playing tricks on me.
Flatline. Feeling strangely calm after being depressed for a few days. I guess mood swings during a reboot are indeed a thing.
How is it going? Out of flatline already?
Nope. Unfortunately, that did not happen as I relapsed on the 4th of April. For the following month and a half, I have been continuously relapsing. My relapses got progressively worse from once a week to every other day. However, I’m ready to start over again because I felt a noticeable improvement after 18 days and now know that abstaining from porn and masturbation works. I also believe that if I did not stop posting here I would have more motivation not to relapse
In other news, I have decided to pay a visit to a urologist to rule out the possibility of my erectile issues having a physical cause. He told me to get a medical analysis (e.g. blood, testosterone, etc.) and then come back later. So I did that. When I returned with the results I was told that my testosterone was not lower than normal but that I actually had excessive amounts of it. Other than that, everything else was pretty much perfect (which is ironic because I am not physically fit at all and an irredeemable couch potato). I also told him everything about my addiction to porn and masturbation and how I suspect that might have affected me. The urologist rejected the idea of PIED almost immediately and told me that he is “100 % sure” that it is all in my head and that I won’t get better if I’ll keep thinking about my erection all the time. So, there’s that.
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