17 year old needing help

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Scott Morrison, Oct 15, 2017.

  1. Scott Morrison

    Scott Morrison New Member

    I am 17 and I have a very unique porn addiction. If you're willing to read all I have to say I would absolutely love your input on what I should do.

    When I began watching porn I was about 11 or 12. I don't remember exactly. Ever since then it has been a part of my daily life. Everyday I masturbated to it at least once. Now, it has gotten out of control. When I started realizing i had a problem I was about 15 when my family and I moved to a place with no internet for 9 months. I constantly fed off my neighbors wifi to watch porn. Then when we finally got it, I got deeper into the addiction. Now I haven't exactly had a normal teenage life. Sadly i missed out on most if not everything that normal teens experience in their life. When I was 13 my family took me out of school because my grandmother was sick from throat cancer. Their plan was to homeschool me and put me back in public school a couple of months or a year after she healed. She died, and I guess the loss of her rocked my entire family because I haven't had an education since then except from what I learn online. I'm a shutin. I have been since she passed. I play my games, go in the kitchen when I need food. Watch and talk to my mother and father, even go outside occasionally, but mostly only when I HAVE to. I'm obese and short and feel completely useless to myself and those around me. I'm antisocial and I really really do not like interacting with people unless I have to. When I do it's nice because i think I'm very good with conversation. I just don't want to approach people, and I assume because of all these problems is why I've gone deeper into porn for the past 2 years. 2 years ago literally right after my 16th birthday normal porn got less and less interesting, and I know when that starts to happen you search for harder things to quench that lust but at the time I didn't know that. For some reason I wasn't drawn to harder things, I was drawn to things I simply was not attracted to. Things that I seriously didn't enjoy at all. It's like how people say “I'll never end up doing this or that" and then turn out years later doing those things they hated. The kind of porn I began watching was hypnosis type porn. Humiliation things. Stuff that made you get off on the shame you felt for doing them. Specifically Sissy hypnosis.

    For those who don't know what that is, it is hypnosis porn that is intended to effeminate your subconscious mind. Flashing images, subliminal messages, whispering you cannot hear but your subconscious can. It is meant to turn a “Normal" male porn watcher (if there is such a thing) into a mindset of a transexual. Its intentions are some of the darkest and most perverted things I've seen. I began watching it out of curiosity and it escalated into not just making me question my sexuality but into changing my mind on a subconscious level. I can no longer enjoy normal porn or porn with girls even though I am not attracted to males in any way. At this point idk if rebooting will be enough to fix the damage ive done to my mind. I cant stand to look in the mirror anymore and i simply have no idea what I can do to reverse the effects porn has had on me
     
  2. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    What can you do? You can heal. Remove the pornographic supernormal stimulation from your life, and recovery can start to happen.

    You think you're lost because of the extreme nature of the material you've consumed? I doubt it. You've got millions of years of evolution to point you in the right direction. Your brain is only 19, not even fully-formed. And hypno-sissy doesn't really work. It's a game of pretend.

    It sounds like you have sexualised your lack of self-esteem, and specifically your anxieties about male identity. Beyond quitting the weird porn habits, you have to work on building yourself up. I recommend this book http://www.jack-donovan.com/axis/the-way-of-men/ and working on the 4 areas covered by the 'tactical virtues' (strength, courage, mastery, honor).
     
  3. Optimum Fortitude

    Optimum Fortitude New Member

    Hi Scott. You have to stay away form pornography and start a reboot. After a few days you will already start seeing results. After a few weeks the videos you were watching will seem like a distant past. But as NewTerritories pointed out, it's not just about staying away from porn, it's working on building yourself up, filling the void by something meaningful.
     
  4. ZeeBawn

    ZeeBawn Active Member

    Hey Scott, I don't have much advise for you but thought I'd share my story and maybe offer a bit of hope that no matter how desperate the situation, you can redeem your life.

    I'll try to be short.

    I have just turned 36 years old. On 10 Jan 2018, I will four years clean from alcohol and drugs. In the same amount of time, I haven't had sex with anyone except my life-partner, who I've been with since 2014.

    It's been about 2 months since I last PMO'd, which is progress for me. I am happy to report that the urge to act out with porn is leaving me gradually, through a lot of hard work and help from many sources.

    I first watched hard core porn when I was about 10/11 years old. It was still in the days of VHS. When I was about 13, we got a dial up connection, so downloading a single image would take a long time, it didn't stop me from downloading lots and lots of images and saving them on lots and lots of floppy disks (you probably wont know what those you - you can google them).

    In High School, around 13 me and a friend started going to the video store and hiring porn tapes under the pretense of selling them at school. I had a stash of my own, plus some magazines as well in my wardrobe.

    Upon the suggestion from a friend, I started looking at the classifieds section and started looking for escorts, mostly females, but increasingly shemales, and as the internet got better, gradually over the years, I found more shemale porn.

    I had low self-esteem. I lost my virginity to a prostitute (female), and I had sex with a shemale hooker for the first time when I was about 16, after saving up pocket money.

    When I got my first car, around 18yo, I started to get drunk and visited shemale hookers on a regular basis. I started to smoke weed and do drugs, and I was regularly looking at shemale porn and visting shemale hookers, and females as well.

    I considered myself straight, was attracted to women in real life, don't ever remember being sexually attracted to males. To cut a story short, I became heavily addicted to drugs such as cocaine, weed, cat, LSD, ecstasy and of course alcohol. I've slept with dozens, probably over 100 shemale prostitutes, sometimes three in one night, I've had orgies with shemales. I've contracted glandular fever and hepatitis B from the lifestyle, numerous HIV scares, too many too count, I became desensitised to worrying about HIV, all I know is that the past two years are the first ones where I haven't seen the need to have an HIV test.

    How I made it this far. I spoke about it, I got a sponsor in AA, NA and SAA (sex addicts annonymous). I did step work and did a major overhaul of my emotional, mental and spiritual life, all on paper and with a pen. I wrote and wrote until I started to see where I had gone wrong in my thinking. I got to a point where I felt ready to begin a lifelong journey of recovery, recovery of my sanity, my spirit, my dignity, my courage and my love. I've been blessed, through the help of so many who, like me, have suffered greatly through the depression, suicide and insanity of addiction, including friends who have struggled with eating disorders.

    I cannot make any suggestions, as I don't have details about your situation, but I assure you that if you work hard enough on recovery, you can make progress towards what you are destined for.

    Good luck man, we are in this together..
     
    40New30 and NewTerritories like this.
  5. Vojtech Sram

    Vojtech Sram New Member

    Thanks for sharing guys!
     
  6. kira

    kira Member

    To the OP,

    Your addiction my not be as unique as you think. A lot of people struggle with what you are going through. I exactly haven't gotten into sissy hypnosis but my poison is almost similar to yours (femdom,sissy).
    I have wasted my teenage life too. Can't look myself in the mirror and never really thought I would escalate to such extreme pmo habits when I first started watching porn.

    The good news is that you are young and have your entire life ahead of you. Our addiction is just a consequence of not able to handle our emotional states and deal with low self-esteem. We need to start building habits in our lives which will increase our self-esteem over time and change what we identify ourselves with.

    Read around the forum a bit and you will understand that porn is just a symptom of our inability to handle life.

    Porn has not created any permanent damage to your mind. You will be amazed how the brain changes through neuroplasticity if you put in the efforts. But that doesn't mean that pmo doesn't have adverse effects if you continue to indulge. I was 18 when I had joined this forum and now I am 22 and have only gotten worse in the last four years. Have escalated into things which are extremely degrading and humiliating. Have wasted the best years of my life and career and health have taken a major hit. How I wish I had taken this reboot more seriously when I was young.
    So you have a choice now, either change your life now or regret like me when you turn 22.

    Anyways what I have learnt from my experience is that we need a strong reason to change our lives otherwise we will forever walk in circles.

    GodSpeed brother! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk or you can even ask here.
     
    ZeeBawn likes this.
  7. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    There's a thread in my profile with a method to get rid of femdom addiction.
     

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